Human Price Tag
by TheLittleSubmissive
Summary: Set after SK (Dimitri was never taken/turned). Rose encounters a dangerous situation while going shopping for Lissa's birthday. After being abducted and sent away from the academy, her life takes a turn for the worst. Content warning: Sexual abuse. Mild BDSM and domestic discipline (consensual) in later chapters.
1. Taken

**I do not own Vampire Academy or its characters.**

**Re-post with some changes:**

For the first time in six months, I was finally able to get out and go shopping. It was the weekend, of course, so there were no classes. Lissa's birthday was coming up soon, and I wanted to get her something. She was coming with me today along with Mia as well, but she was going to leave earlier while I stayed behind to keep looking. I seriously needed to get a new wardrobe for myself too despite the fact that we wore uniforms at this academy. I still needed new clothes for weekends and parties. I wasn't going to get around wearing hoodies all the time.

"Alright, be careful. Don't talk to strangers and try not to get yourself into trouble. _Please_." That would be Dimitri—my mentor and lover. I just turned 18 not too long ago, but we still had to keep our relationship a secret. It wasn't so much a problem with age as it used to be, but as long as he was still my mentor, a relationship between us was forbidden.

Dimitri was walking me to the academy's Cadillac Escalades. Usually, he would have gone with us if we left the academy for something like this, but he had other guardian duties today and wasn't able to leave.

"Those guardians are following us around the whole time. We'll be perfectly safe," I reassured him, trying to shove my wallet into my purse.

"And what time are you supposed to be back by?" he asked.

"Um…I don't know, 5:00 pm maybe?" I guessed as I got into the car.

"Okay. Be careful," Dimitri said.

"I will," I told him. We briefly made eye contact before he stepped away from the car and shut my door. Had we been alone, I probably would've kissed him. However, there were people around, which meant he had to act professionally.

The ride to the mall was about an hour long. The academy was so isolated and far away from the rest of the world where humans lived, and although few people in society knew about us, we were still supposed to be kept away.

The driver pulled into the mall's parking lot and parked far away from the rest of the cars. The other group of guardians that came with us parked beside us before stepping out of the vehicle.

"Which store first, girls?" Lissa asked us as we stepped out.

"Forever 21 is right there, so we might as well start there," Mia suggested.

I scoffed. "Forever 21? I don't know about you, but I'd rather go for a designer."

"I'd also rather like to save some money," Mia said, scowling at me.

I shrugged. "Suit yourself."

We hurried into the building as the sun was starting to irritate Lissa and Mia's skin. This was another reason why we were so limited to going out. Stores were only open during the day, but the moroi had a nocturnal schedule since the sun irritated them. They didn't burn, but it made it harder for them to function properly. Seeing that I was only half moroi, the sun didn't bother me the same way.

To my reluctance, we walked into Forever 21. I wasn't as crazy about cheap teenage trends as I used to be. I browsed around the store, but nothing really sparked my interest. On the other hand, Lissa already bought 3 shirts and a pair of shorts while Mia was still trying on clothes. The six guardians who had come with us were wandering around, looking bored out of their minds.

My phone rang, and the caller ID revealed Dimitri. I picked it up right away. "Hello?"

"Hey, how's everything going?" he asked.

"I mean, it could be better. I've been in Forever 21 for almost an hour," I complained.

I could hear Dimitri chuckling on the other end. "That's too bad. Why don't you buy yourself something?"

"I don't really want anything from here," I muttered, scrolling through the clothing out of boredom. I looked back at the cashiers and realized that Mia was done paying for her stuff. "Actually, I think they got what they wanted. I'll call you back later, okay?"

"Okay. Have fun," he said. We hung up after that.

Shifting my attention back to the girls, I said, "_Finally._ I thought my hair was going to turn grey by the time you two finished."

Lissa rolled her eyes. "Oh, shut up. It wasn't that bad."

I glared at her.

"Fine. We'll check out Nordstrom, how about that?" she suggested. A grin tugged at my lips, and my mood was starting to lighten up a little.

Unfortunately, our time in the luxurious store didn't last as long as I'd wished for. So much for actually being able to afford anything—all I really had on me was a couple hundred dollars and a handful of wishful thinking. If I became Lissa's guardian in the future, I could easily afford this stuff. Hell, I could buy myself a brand-new Mercedes if I wanted to. The thought of Dimitri and I having such nice things together excited me, but I could almost imagine him chastising me for spending my money so irrationally when I could barely afford it.

Sadly, I didn't end up buying anything. If I bought anything from this store, I'd surely be out of money, and I didn't want to use what I had in my savings.

I kept an eye on Lissa and noticed the jewelry that seemed to spark her interest. I knew she needed to go back soon, but I was willing to stay behind and browse for a little while longer.

"Sorry to kill the mood, but I'm afraid we have to take you back now," said one of the guardians. He was part of the group that had followed us here.

Lissa and Mia both sighed in reluctance, stepping away from whatever they were looking at.

"I'm going to stay back for a little bit longer," I told them. Since Lissa and Mia were both moroi—Lissa being the last of her royal line—they weren't allowed to stay out for a long period of time. Seeing that I was a dhampir and would be her guardian one day, I was allowed to stay back for at least another hour.

"Are you sure? You should go back with us," Lissa said. I really did want to go back with them, but I still wanted to find a gift.

"I won't be long," I promised. She had four guardians with her, so I knew she would be safe on the way back. I didn't want to tell her I was staying back to look for a gift. I knew she would protest.

I hugged both her and Mia before they left the building. The four guardians were surrounding them from all corners, and the other two that had driven us here stayed with me. They didn't give much away on their faces, but I knew they were bored and tried to speed things up. I was, after all, going to be in their position one day.

I ended up buying Lissa a diamond bracelet. I couldn't afford real diamonds, of course, but it was part of the jewelry she was looking at earlier. I wasn't sure if she was even going to like it, but she loved shiny jewelry and it was the most I could do without spending everything I had in my wallet.

* * *

It was almost 7:00 PM, and I was getting tired. Classes didn't start until 8:00 PM, but with our shopping trip, we had cut down on our sleep time today. I was definitely going to end up sleeping in class. On our ride back to the academy, we stopped by another place. We were in a rural town now but not too far away from the academy. The sun was setting now, meaning I had a little bit more time left.

We parked behind the building as the streets were filled. Most of the people who parked on the streets around here were just locals.

The store was a bridal shop, and the dresses inside were beautiful. Unlike what we'd seen in the mall, the store was small and cramped, and only had one employee working. I was a little surprised to see that it was a guy at the counter. For a bridal shop, I would have expected a woman.

"Hi there," he greeted as we walked in. We greeted him back but didn't say anything after that. He was only a little taller than me and had short black hair that looked like it was balding slightly at the top. I'd say he was somewhere in his forties, and the slight wrinkles in his face were blocked off by his glasses.

I wandered off to the back, looking through what looked more like prom dresses for teens. It reminded me of when Lissa and I bought a dress for the equinox dance—that was almost a year ago.

"Do you need help?"

I turned my attention towards the same man who greeted us. He was at the back now, watching me go through the dresses.

"I'm fine, thanks," I said. I was hoping he would leave, but instead, he stayed there, observing me as I sorted through the hangers. A while back, I had worked in customer service with Lissa when we ran away from the academy, but I still found it annoying when sales associates wouldn't go away.

"Is there anything you're looking for in particular?" he asked me, stepping closer.

"No," I answered curtly. I didn't want to sound rude, but I kind of just wanted him to fuck off. He stepped closer again until I was almost backed up into the corner.

"With a figure like yours, I think you'd look nice in a dress," he said, a smirk starting to tug at the side of his mouth. I shot him a look, starting to feel a little uneasy. I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, but it wasn't my intent to stay there. I was thinking of getting Lissa a dress before, but now I just wanted to leave.

"Excuse me," I said, pushing past him. I approached the two guardians at the front of the store.

"There's nothing here. I think we should head back now."

"Yes, we should. It's getting dark," Guardian Sanders said.

I took another glance at the same guy who was working in the store. He was on the phone now, speaking a language I couldn't understand. He kept staring at us as he spoke, his eyes going dark for a second before I turned away. We walked out of the store and headed towards the car.

The other guardian who was with us—I think his last name was Miller or something—pulled out his phone.

"Miller," he said. I couldn't hear who was talking on the other end, but it caused Guardian Miller to look at me as he spoke. "Yeah. Yeah, she's here. We're about to head back...okay. We'll be there soon."

"Who was that?" I asked him.

"Your mentor," he answered. I almost saw him grin. "He was asking about you."

"Oh." I tried to hide my own smile as I pulled out my phone. I didn't even notice Dimitri had called me earlier. I dialed his number, and the phone rang twice before he picked up.

"Rose?" he said. "Is everything okay? You didn't go back with your friends."

"Everything's fine, Comrade. I stayed back to get Lissa a birthday gift. We're about to head back."

"Alright, just be careful. Strigoi could be lurking around at this hour—"

Just then, I heard a noise coming from one of the bushes behind the parking lot. Despite my sleep deprivation, my mind was suddenly on high alert. Guardian Sanders and Guardian Miller seemed to notice it, too.

"Rose?" Dimitri asked.

"Sorry," I said, blinking rapidly. "I thought I heard something."

Another sound of movement came from the bushes again. This time, I could almost hear the sound of a faint voice. I knew it wasn't a strigoi, because I couldn't sense them at all.

"Get back in the car," Guardian Miller said. I ignored him, still staring at the bushes.

"Dimitri...I think there's someone..."

"Rose, you need to leave now. Waiting outside in the dark isn't safe." I heard movement on the other end of the phone, as if he was rushing to do something.

Guardian Miller faced me again, yelling this time. "Did you hear what I said? Get back in the—"

My phone was yanked out of my hand as someone grabbed me harshly from behind. I still heard Dimitri calling my name worriedly on the other end of the phone as I kicked whoever had grabbed me. With all the guardian training I had with Dimitri, I was able to fight and defend myself pretty well. I slammed the person into the brick wall, taking them by surprise for a second. The attacker was nearly knocked over again by Guardian Sanders, but at the last second, he fell to the ground, crying out in pain. My heart dropped when I saw the tranquilizer dart in his back.

"Rose, get in the car!" Guardian Miller shouted again. We both barely made it into the car when we were also shot with the same dart that Guardian Sanders had gotten shot with. I tried to pull it out, but found myself losing stability already. Within seconds, my muscles slacked off, and my vision blurred.

And then, suddenly, everything went black.

* * *

My eyelids struggled to open after hearing a loud bang, followed by an explosive cry. What happened? Where was I? How did I get here?

Several questions ran through my mind. I tried moving my hands, but they wouldn't budge. Groaning, I looked down and realized they were handcuffed to some sort of hospital bed. What the hell?

Memories from last night started rushing back into my mind. Shopping...talking with Dimitri on the phone, being grabbed from behind and—the tranquilizers! Whoever attacked me last night had drugged the living daylights out of me. My muscles were still slack and weak, and my mind was still a little buzzed. My vision wasn't quite clear either; everything just kind of faded in and out.

I tugged on the handcuffs, but it was no use. Despite trying to stay calm about my situation, I couldn't help but panic. I didn't know where I was, who took me, or what they would do to me. Would they kill me? Would they torture me? It sure looked like it. From my difficult observations, the room was small, and had glass cabinets full of different drugs and medications. It looked like a crappy doctor's office.

"Get the girl," said a woman's voice. "Take this too in case she freaks out."

Someone was coming. I had a really horrible feeling about this. Something bad was going to happen—I could feel it. I sensed the person walking through the open doorway and lifted my head up to see who it was. It was a man who wore a muscle tank, revealing large biceps that were probably bigger than my head. He had dark brown hair which matched his eyebrows and eye color, and he seemed very intimidating. Even if I wasn't handcuffed to this bed, I wouldn't be able to take this man in a fight for long. He wasn't bigger than Dimitri, but he was probably more than twice my size.

"Where am I?" I asked. The man stepped closer, ignoring my question. I didn't stop there. I wanted answers. "Hey, get away from me! I'm not going anywhere!"

"Quiet," the man said firmly. He set my arms free, but held them down to prevent me from escaping. Without thinking, I punched him in his face. He yelped, immediately clutching his right eye. I ran out of the room, adrenaline running through my veins. I didn't want to die.

The drugs from the tranquilizers must have caused me to lose my ability to run faster as I stumbled over and over again across the hallway. It was no surprise that I was slammed into the ground by a very heavy body. "Let go of me!" I screamed, trying to set myself free.

"Calm her down, Damian," said a woman.

I was still struggling, but whoever was holding me down was very strong. I felt the tip of a syringe poke my back, and my muscles went slack again. I remained awake this time, but was too weak to do anything. I couldn't protect myself.

"Just relax," the woman said again. I felt my body being picked up by the same man who was holding me down. There was nothing I could do to escape now.

"Where am I?" I asked the man as he carried me. "Why did you take me?"

"You'll find out. Enough with the questions and be _quiet_." This man was not joking around. This time I gave in, deciding that keeping my mouth shut was the best option if I wanted to live. A few seconds later, Damian—I think that was his name—took me into a small white room with plain white walls. Well, more like old, scraped up walls that were in need of a new paint job. There was a closet with no clothing in it, and a worn out white wooden table. The only light was coming from a small window. It was so dirty, however, that I couldn't see much of the outside.

He set me down on the bed in the corner of the room. I crawled up into a ball at the far end, putting as much distance between me and him as possible. He didn't seem to care.

"Alright, go ahead and ask whatever questions you want," he said, sitting down on the bed.

"I want to be let go," I said.

"That's not going to happen," he said.

"What the hell do you want from me?" I asked, clenching my teeth.

The young adult looked at me. "Did they ever teach you about trafficking in school?"

I jerked my head up as soon as the words left his mouth. They wanted to sell my body. Tears welled in my eyes at the thought. "You...you can't be serious."

"Listen," he said, moving closer. "The rules in this place are very straight-forward. Just follow them if you want to keep yourself out of trouble. You _will_ have to go through some rough, possibly painful sessions in the process for the next few weeks, and if at any time you cause trouble or try to escape, you won't like the consequences."

I slammed my hands on the mattress, glaring at him with angry eyes. My speech was a little slurred, making me sound a lot less vile than I wanted. "I am _not_ afraid of you. If you hadn't drugged me, you would have been on the ground with an open skull!"

Damian looked at me, completely unbothered by my comment. "You're a feisty one, aren't you?"

I didn't reply. I still couldn't believe this was actually happening. For the first time ever, I wanted nothing more than to go back to the academy and go to school like every other normal kid right now. I should have felt sad about the whole situation, but instead, I felt angry.

"Come downstairs. I'll show you everything," he said. As much as I really, really didn't want to, I simply obeyed. At least I wouldn't be killed if I showed some obedience. I could have had a chance at defeating him if I tried hard enough, but there were several others working here, meaning I was outnumbered.

"Also, if you're thinking about it—don't waste your time trying to escape."

"And if I do?" I challenged. Damian grabbed my chin in between his fingers, his eyes locking onto mine.

"Don't test me, sweetheart. I know what goes on in this business. I've seen enough torture around here, and I'm sure you don't want to be the next candidate."

I swallowed, not daring to speak another word. The drugs affected my ability to coordinate my body movement, meaning there was no way I could fight him—at least not in this moment. He kept a firm grip on my arm while leading me around the old—although very big—house. Most of it was empty, but there were a few worn out couches and beds. There were a few other girls in the house, leaning by the dirty windows and smoking their lives away. Most of them didn't care to look at me, while others stared me down. Some of the girls even showed sympathy. There were probably between five and ten other girls in there, some younger than others.

The place smelled strongly of drugs—something I would never get used to. Every time we visited a different room, I scanned specific places where I could possibly escape. So far, I hadn't really found anything.

There was only one eating area where they had a fridge full of leftover food and water. There were a few fruits, but most of them were ready to expire and some of them even had mold growing on the top layer.

"That's all we get to eat?" I asked quietly.

"It's either that, or you starve," Damian confirmed.

"I'm not sure which one's worse," I muttered. Damian yanked me back from the fridge and continued walking. He took me down to the basement, and it was probably the dirtiest place in the whole house. In the middle of the room laid a table and an old worn out couch. Other than that, only three doors remained. Damian took me to the door on the left side of the room first. He pulled out his huge set of keys and unlocked the door. An old bathtub that was in need of a wash sat in the middle of the room. On one wall there was a collage of what looked like torture devices hanging off of large metal hooks. Chains hung off the ceilings and draped down the walls. Behind the bathtub, there was a large metal cage.

It didn't take me long to realize what this room was for. I was utterly horrified.

"You torture them?" I asked. I could not live like this.

"I don't," he said, his brows coming together. If I didn't know better, I would have said he looked reluctant. "The other guards punish them for disobedience. If you don't disobey, you will never have to visit this room and things will be easier. Trust me." Damian quickly pulled me back out of the room. I didn't know what to say, but maybe I was better off not saying anything at all. The last thing I wanted was to end up in that room and come out bleeding from my insides.

Damian pulled out his set of keys again. As he locked the door, I looked curiously over at the door on the far side of the room, one he had not shown me yet.

"What about that one?" I asked, cocking my head towards the mysterious door. Damian turned his head for a moment, then looked back at me.

"That's none of your business," he said, avoiding eye contact. "Don't ever go in there, you hear me?"

Not that I could, anyways. Damian had all the keys.

"Go," he ordered, pointing at the stairs behind me. I rolled my eyes but did as he asked, feeling his eyes on me the whole time. We went all the way up to the second floor where he forced me back into the same room that we were in before. Before I could say anything, he pushed me inside and slammed the door, leaving me alone in the shitty room.

I eyed the bed dubiously, only now noticing how disgusting it really was. The whole room was disgusting, but right now, the floor seemed like a better option.

I lied there, still trying to process everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. One moment, I was shopping for Lissa's birthday gift, and the next moment, I was kidnapped and forced into a prostitution ring. I still didn't know where I was. I could still be in the same state, but I could also be in a different country. I had no idea.

I thought about what Lissa said to me before she left: _You should go back with us._

I really should have just gone back with her and Mia. I regretted my decision to stay out. If I had gone back with her, this whole thing could have been avoided. I was supposed to plan Lissa's birthday party with Christian. If only I had gone with her. Never in a million years would I have expected something like this to happen.

As tears started to blur my vision, I slipped into Lissa's head to see what was going on. Through the bond, I could still feel her anxiety. She was so, so worried about me.

She was sitting in our dorm with our entire friend group—Christian, Eddie, Mia, and Adrian. Christian was holding her, and although it offered some comfort, she was still thinking about me.

"What if she never comes back?" she cried. "What if she's dead? What if—"

"She's not," Adrian chimed in. His usual cocky demeanor wasn't showing at all. He looked like he hadn't slept all night.

"How are you so sure?" Lissa asked. "You don't even know where she was taken!"

"Because she's Rose," Adrian answered. "She's strong. She'll keep fighting no matter what comes her way."

"She better," Lissa said, and for a moment, it almost felt like she was trying to talk to me.

"Dimitri and Stan went out earlier to the location where she was taken. Her guardians were completely knocked out, but they weren't taken for whatever reason. Everything she had on her was gone—her phone, her bag, her ID. Whoever took her away must have taken her belongings too. Her phone is off, so we can't track her either."

Oh, God. They had all of my information. They had everything.

Although Lissa didn't say the words out loud, her thoughts were loud in clear our heads.

_Stay strong, Rose. Whatever happens, please promise me you'll be okay._

My lips tugged into a sad smile. "Always," I said out loud. "And I'm sure as hell not dying here."


	2. Trafficking

**AN: Hey guys! Thanks for all the feedback, it really helps and I appreciate it a lot. Just a disclaimer that there _is_ sexual abuse in this chapter (though I tried not to go into too much detail with it). Please refrain from reading if it's too triggering.**

So far, my captors had given me a few days to clear my mind. I was still contemplating how the hell I was going to get out of here. I so far discovered it was almost impossible—the guards had to enter a code to get out, but I had no idea what it was. If I tried to break out of the house, alarms would go off and my captors would eventually find me. On top of that, even if I did manage to get out of the house, the whole area was enclosed with high fences. Only guards who carried keys could open the doors.

Security cameras were held up both inside and outside of the house to keep track of what I was doing. They had also given me a tracking device, but it was injected deeply into my forearm so that I couldn't possibly take it out without bleeding out.

The only clothes I could wear in the house were undergarments. Other than that, I was soon to be given prostitution outfits that I had to wear when stripping or having sex. The thought of going through that still horrified me, and my first session was tomorrow. Now, here I was, questioning my own sanity. If I obeyed the rules and showed I could be trustworthy, I had a lower chance of being killed or tortured. But…there was also the other option—attempting to run away and save myself from a lifetime of prostitution.

One thing that really surprised me was that the girls in the house weren't even human. Most of them were moroi, and the only dhampirs were me and another Asian girl I hadn't met yet. Blood bags were given to feed the moroi girls as there were no human prostitutes. It was so unexpected and I still struggled to wrap my head around it. Dhampirs and moroi were working together to form their own ring of blood whores. From what some of the girls here told me, they were usually taken to a blood whore den and then forced to have sex while being fed on. It was such a dirty and forbidden concept, but this was beyond that. Most of these girls had been kidnapped and forced against their will.

A few days ago, the drugs they had given me blocked a lot of my senses. I wasn't able to tell what they were at the time, but now that I was functioning properly, I'd discovered that most of the guards here were dhampirs. The only human guard I knew was Damian.

A rattling doorknob startled me, and I was on high alert again, snapping out of my troubled thoughts. Claudia, another one of the moroi prostitutes in the house, dropped a pile of clothing in the middle of the room.

"Here's your outfit for tomorrow," she said, taking out her cigarette between her fingers. "If you need any drugs, I've got some in my room. Oh, and just to warn you…the first encounter is always the worst."

* * *

My whole body was boiling with anxiety. Another girl was in the back of the van with me, ready to go through a similar session as me. She had black hair and blue eyes and strongly reminded me of a younger version of Tasha Ozera. She was a moroi named Olivia, and she had been their prostitute for a year now. She tried to give me some kind of reassurance that I would be okay, but it didn't wipe away any of the anxiety.

They had dressed us up in skimpy outfits, and I couldn't help but feel a little self-conscious. I had never worn something so revealing and so sexualized in my life. Our hair was tied up in a high ponytail, and our makeup was clearly over-done.

"I understand why you're nervous," Olivia said. "Believe me, I was too when I started out. Over time, you start to get used to things."

"Get used to things?" I repeated, trying to hide my outrage. "This isn't something you can just 'get used to.'"

"I did," she said glumly. "When they feed...it won't feel so painful." Olivia must have been through a lot to have just gotten used to this. She acted like this was all just normal for her—which, in a way, I supposed it was.

"I don't understand," I told her. "Moroi feeding on other moroi. I can't believe that's a thing."

The look on Olivia's face told me that there was more to it, but she seemed a little surprised that I didn't know what it was.

"They didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" I asked. In that moment, the van came to an abrupt stop, cutting off whatever Olivia was going to say. The driver parked the vehicle and got out of the car. The back doors opened, and we were greeted by another dhampir. He was most likely one of the other security guards from the house.

"Get out of the car," he said. We obeyed without question, but my behavior was far more reluctant than Olivia's. The guard grabbed me roughly and injected something into my arm before I could even react. Whatever was in that needle made my muscles weak, but kept me awake. My mind was slightly buzzed, and my body was now struggling to move properly. That meant enduring the entire session but not being able to do anything.

The man walked us to the small one-storey building. We were in a quiet city—or, rather a town—and the building we had gone to was old and sketched out. He opened the door, and we were greeted by another man. He was a moroi, and he was old—probably in his late sixties, and had a bit of a problem maintaining his weight. He wore nothing but a blue robe around him, and he smelled like he was in definite need of a shower.

"Vincent," the guard greeted. "I brought the girls you asked for. They're all yours."

"Perfect," Vincent said. His eyes skimmed my body. "I'll take the newbie. Mikael can take Olivia."

Just like that, Olivia and I were separated. The worst part of this whole thing was that the drugs made it harder for me to see what was going on in Lissa's head, meaning I had to watch whatever they wanted to do with me.

The hallway was dark but had pink and green pot lights everywhere. The place was also infested with smoke in the air, along with a mix of both moroi and dhampir prostitutes wandering all over the place. I passed by a few rooms and saw people having sex, while others injected themselves with what I assumed were drugs. We came to a hallway with only one room at the end. That was probably my room for tonight.

Vincent threw me into the dark room. I tripped and fell onto the ground, unable to pull myself up due to the side effects of being drugged. I managed to look up and found myself below Vincent and another moroi man around his age. There was a woman too—a dhampir, surprisingly—in her forties.

Oh no. I was definitely in hell.

The woman had dark hair, multiple piercings on her nose and eyebrows, and tattoos all over her arms and chest. She wore latex all over her body which clung to her skin. The thick black eyeshadow around her eyes made her look even scarier than she really was.

"Hook her up to the chair," Vincent commanded. There was nothing I could do as they picked me up and laid me to onto the chair. They bound and gagged me there, and my breathing became laboured when I realized how revolting the situation really was. Never in my 18 years of living did I ever feel so disgusted. Was it really going to be like this for however long I was here?

My hair was pulled back, followed by the feeling of two moroi men sinking their fangs into my neck. My scream was muffled by the tape, and there was nothing I could do as they drained me of my blood. Usually, the bite of a moroi was...well, euphoric. This time, I was revolted. The bites _did _give me some sort of high, but everything about it was still so wrong and twisted.

I shut my eyes, feeling like I was going to be sick. I refused to pay attention to who did what. As they fed on me, I wiggled around, trying to get away from their probing hands. Unfortunately, it was no use—the ropes holding me down were too tight, and even cut off some of my circulation. The more I moved, the tighter they got.

As much as I wanted to, I didn't pass out at all. My eyes were closed, but I could feel everything. I could feel every touch, every grab. They were talking to me, but I no longer paid attention. I didn't want to know what they were saying, either. Everything about this was wrong.

I wished it was all just a bad dream. I wanted to go back to the academy and be with my friends. I wanted to wake up in Dimitri's arms again. I wanted him to hold me, to tell me that none of this was real and that I was going to be okay. But that wasn't the case—this was indeed real, and I had no choice but to endure it.

"Open your eyes," the woman ordered. I kept my eyes shut, not wanting to give in to her. I didn't want to see anything. When I didn't comply, she slapped me across the face, causing a burning pain to ignite off of my right cheek. I opened my eyes after she ordered me a second time, tears starting to invade my vision.

I looked down and nearly vomited at the sight. I was glad I didn't watch the whole thing, because this was the most vile and humiliating thing that I'd ever seen happen to me.

"We're done for tonight," the woman said. "You two should leave. I'll take care of the girl."

The men left the room, leaving me alone with her. My legs were freed, and so were my hands. I moved my wrists around, trying to get my circulation back. My limbs almost felt numb. Lastly, the tape on my mouth was ripped off, and I covered my stinging lips with my hand.

The same woman was retrieving a bucket full of water along with a towel, but kept her eyes on me. I watched as she grabbed the small red cloth and squeezed the water out of it, before using it roughly on my body to clean me. The cloth was freezing, making me squirm uncomfortably on the chair.

The cleansing wasn't enough. The germs were still there. I would need to take a very long shower by the time I got back to the house.

The door opened, and the same guard who brought me here walked in. "How was she?" he asked.

"They loved her," the woman said. "Just make sure she cleans her neck."

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. I only then realized how much blood had dripped down from the bite wounds. It was all over my chest.

"Perfect. Get over here," the guard said. I would've shot him a vulgar comment, but right now with my inadequate state, I knew it wasn't the right time. My head was spinning, my body was still drugged, and I had just lost a significant amount of blood. So, I decided to do as I was told and stood up from the leather chair. The guard grabbed my upper arm and half-dragged me to the end of the hallway. I passed by two or three girls on the way, and I could tell they were high on something.

I was brought outside to the van where the guard pushed me inside. He shut the door on me, leaving me in the enclosed area. It was hot inside the small space which drove me crazy, because being in that club already made me sweat all over the place.

It had been five minutes, and still no one came. What were they doing to Olivia?

I started roaming my hands around the metallic walls of the van, looking around for anything I could find. Sadly, there was nothing, and I leaned back against the wall of the van as I waited.

The lights inside turned on, and I was blinded right away. Once my eyes adjusted to the lights, I was able to see again. The doors opened, revealing Olivia in a very disoriented state. Just like me, she also had bite marks on her neck. She crawled in and sat next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder. I didn't really expect her to do that, but I didn't complain. She was probably exhausted.

"You good?" she asked me once we settled down.

"What do you think?" I snapped. I didn't mean to sound so rude, but I couldn't help it. I was still disgusted and pissed off at the whole situation.

Olivia didn't react at all. "Get used to it, Rose. You'll be doing this a lot more often than you think."

* * *

I passed out at some point on the way back to the house, but was woken up when the van came to a stop. Somewhere along the way, Olivia had put my head in her lap and was stroking my messy hair. Even under such horrible circumstances, the gesture comforted me a little bit.

The back doors opened, breaking both of us apart. The guard reached out for Olivia.

"Come on," he said. Olivia stepped out, but I refused to move. When he figured I wasn't willing to cooperate, he sighed heavily, then moved towards me.

_"No!"_ I screamed.

The guard laughed at me. "You don't get to decide the rules here, little girl. Now get over here before I knock you out myself. Or, you can get out of the car, and you will be unharmed. Your choice."

I rolled my eyes, but he was giving me no choice. I could knock him out and run…but people watching me from the security cameras would be able to see me, and I had no idea how I was going to escape from those high fences.

Seeing that I didn't have many options, I sighed and stepped out of the van. The guard smirked.

"Good. Walk in front of me," he ordered, shutting the back doors of the van. Although I couldn't see him, I knew he was watching my half-naked body.

We reached the door, and the guard buzzed into the house. A few seconds passed until the door opened. I was greeted by Damian who locked his eyes with mine for a few seconds before averting his gaze to Olivia.

"You two look like a mess," he said.

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious," Olivia shot back. Damian's lips pressed into a hard line as he let her go up to her room. I watched her stumble as she repeatedly lost her balance on the stairs.

"Thanks. Your job is done," Damian said, eyeing the guard. I stared at him as he left us alone.

Damian hit my arm, but not enough to cause any pain. "Come on, get moving."

I gritted my teeth together and resisted the urge to punch him as we went up to the second floor.

"I need to shower," I said.

"How long will you be?" Damian asked, leaning against the wall.

"A while. Why don't you just go to bed? It's not like I can escape this place anyways."

"Because I don't trust you. Now hurry up. I'm giving you no more than ten minutes."

I didn't thank him. I didn't care if he gave me three hours—I would never thank him. He was part of whatever group that was running this place. However, I only had ten minutes, and I didn't plan on wasting it. I quickly took off my slutty outfit and found some makeup removers in the drawer. I removed everything that was on my face in desperation, irritating my sensitive skin in the process.

Stepping into the dirty shower, I turned on the water and tried to set it to a warm temperature. What pissed me off was that the only water available was cold.

_What did you expect? This isn't a five-star hotel._

I wanted to get out of this shower before I froze into an ice cube. The only good thing about it was that it woke me up a little and helped me break out of my drowsy state.

I scrubbed my entire torso with my hand, trying to use as much soap as possible to get rid of the lingering bacteria. I carefully cleaned the bloody wounds on my neck before finally shutting off the water.

"One minute and you're out," Damian reminded me. I didn't bother drying myself in there and instead wrapped one of the nearby towels—a clean one, surprisingly—around my torso.

For God's sake, how the hell was I going to brush my teeth? I didn't want a load of cavities by the time I got out of this place—well, _if_ I did. I still had to figure that out.

Just then, the door opened, and Damian crossed his arms.

"Relax, you asshole, I'm done," I growled. I expected him to threaten me, maybe slap me too, but instead, he rolled his eyes.

"Just go to your room," he said impatiently. His mood swings were really starting to piss me off.

"Will we at least get to brush our teeth?" I asked once we got to my door.

"We'll give you a toothbrush tomorrow. Now go to bed."

I sighed, shooting him one of my death glares as I stepped inside my room. I was surprised to find another girl in there, sitting on the mattress in the corner. I had seen her around the house, but I had never actually spoken to her until now. She was of Asian ethnicity and had tan skin. She was the only other female dhampir in the house and had a large bruise on the side of her face.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "I needed to sleep somewhere, and you weren't here, so—"

"Oh, no, it's fine. I just didn't expect anyone else in here," I said. I carefully sat down beside her, holding my towel at the top of my breasts.

"I'm Kira, by the way."

"Rose," I said, still examining her eye. "What happened to you?"

"I got angry, and started struggling. Let's just say it didn't exactly work out the way I wanted," she answered. I could tell right away that she wasn't in a good mood and decided to leave her alone. She was already pretty beaten up, and it looked like she had been crying earlier. I wasn't going to push her with any more questions. She probably didn't want to talk about it.

I wanted to see what was going on back at the academy. It was like an escape now. I laid down beside Kira's body and concentrated for a few seconds until I was finally emerged in Lissa's head. To my surprise, she was in the guardian's common room. I was pretty sure students weren't even allowed in there, but she was discussing something with Dimitri.

Oh god, Dimitri. My heart yearned for him. He was still beautiful as always, but the dark circles under his eyes indicated that he hadn't been sleeping well. He sat with Alberta, and they were going through some sort of paper work. There were photos too, but I couldn't see them clearly. Off to the side was a laptop with what looked like a video that had been already played.

Adrian sat beside Lissa which surprised me even more. I would have expected him of all people to be kicked out of there as soon as he stepped inside.

"This doesn't make sense," Lissa said. "This is video footage. How can you tell those guys aren't human?"

_Wait, what?_

I scanned the screen a little harder, and to my horror, they were watching _me. _It was a video of me fighting the first person that attacked me the night I was taken. The video also showed me getting shot with the tranquilizer darts along with my guardians. There were two masked men dressed in black, picking up my unconscious body and throwing me into a black sedan. This video was probably shot on a security camera from a nearby store.

"Look at how they're built. Even their reflexes. The way the first one was fighting Rose. They're much faster than a human," Dimitri said as replayed the video. I started feeling a little nauseous as I watched myself get thrown into the trunk of the sedan.

"If these aren't humans...they must have targeted her for a reason," Alberta pointed out.

"You think they kidnapped her because she's a dhampir?" Lissa asked. I felt her worry through the bond and realized that she too had been losing sleep. "What about her guardians? They didn't take them."

"Not to sound sexist or anything, but I think it could also have to do with the fact that she's a girl."

All eyes turned on Adrian, including Lissa's. She wasn't thrilled about his comment, but it sparked a curiosity in her, and she wasn't ignorant to it being a possibility.

"I hate to say this, but I think you might be right," Dimitri said, running a hand through his hair. "I just know her. She's very tough. If those cowards didn't shoot her, she would have taken down both of them, even by herself. If only that damn car had a license plate, we could've..."

Lissa stared at him, and even though she didn't say anything, she had so much empathy for him. He loved me as much as she did, and she knew that. In a way, she cared about him. Seeing him so distraught made her even more upset than she already was.

"Vasilisa, have you been able to reach her at all?" Dimitri asked. For a second, it felt like he was staring at me, but I had to remind myself that it was Lissa.

"I'm still trying," she said. "It's a one-way bond. I can't get into her head, but...sometimes, if I try hard enough, I can almost feel her, but I'm never really sure. I don't always understand what I'm feeling."

Dimitri nodded. "I understand if it's a lot, but if you ever see or feel anything, tell us. Anything will help."

"I'm going to keep trying," Lissa said, and she meant it. The idea seemed almost impossible, and I wasn't sure how she was going to force a one-way bond to open up, but a part of me hoped she could.

"I can try to contact her tonight," Adrian said. Dimitri shot his head up. I expected him to give him a bad stare, but instead, he looked hopeful.

"Alcohol affects magic, you know," Lissa told him.

"I've been sober all night," Adrian defended. Dimitri rolled his eyes but didn't make any further comments.

"If you do see her, let us know how she is. Try to get whatever information you can. The location, what's been going on, her abductors, anything. Anything helps," Dimitri said. His next words surprised me more than anything. "Comfort her if you will. She's stubborn with that, but she'll need it, and you're the only person who can see her right now."

"I never thought I'd hear that come out of your mouth," Adrian said. He narrowed his eyes as he studied him. "You really love her."

A heavy silence fell on the small group. Alberta knew about our relationship but had decided to keep it a secret. She knew it was wrong, but after I turned 18, it wasn't nearly as much of an issue.

"Yes," Dimitri confessed. "Yes, I do. I'm going to keep looking for her."

My chest tightened, and I felt the tears start to rise. I wanted to wrap my arms around him so, so badly. It would be nice if Lissa could give him a hug, but that would probably be awkward for her.

I left Lissa's head after that. I was so drained of energy that I no longer had the capacity to stay awake, so I finally closed my eyes, dozing off into an unbalanced sleep.

* * *

**AN: Okay, so I know the whole moroi/dhampir thing sounds weird right now but it'll make sense later on, I promise! I made a lot of changes recently but I'm still open for feedback.**


	3. Bloodwhore

The air was unwelcomingly bone-chilling and made my skin freeze. Heavy droplets of water fell from the sky like an ice-cold shower, piercing my poorly circulated skin. The ground was wet and muddy, causing dirt to squish itself in between my toes. Thunder erupted while rough wind blew my hair in different directions. I stood alone in the middle of a swarming cornfield with nobody in sight.

"Little dhampir," said an oddly familiar voice. I spun around to see who it was, but no one was there. Was I going crazy? I turned back around and gasped when I nearly bumped into someone's figure.

"Adrian?" And then I figured it couldn't possibly be real. "Am I dreaming?"

The green-eyed boy nodded, pressing his lips together in a firm line.

"Couldn't you have chosen a better place? Maybe a beach?" I asked.

"This is your dream. Your mind is all over the place," he answered. I frowned, wrapping my arms around my cold body. Adrian was studying me intently, and I figured he must have been reading my aura.

"Look, I don't have much time. I need you to tell me where you are. Everyone at the academy is worried sick and they've been sending out handfuls of guardians to look for you. They know I have the ability to see you in your dreams."

"Adrian, I... I wish I could. I wish I knew where we were, but I don't. All I know is that we're in a house. A white house in the middle of the woods, and I don't know where it is, but the house is completely surrounded with high fences. Whenever they take us out, they keep us in a van, and there's no way to see where we're going. I don't even know if I'm in the same state anymore."

"Take you out? What are you talking about?"

I looked down. Telling him wasn't going to be easy, but giving them as much information as possible could help them.

"I'm being trafficked," I confessed. "I know it's almost unheard of, but moroi and dhampirs are working together, taking us to blood whore dens and clubs, forcing us to feed them while they..." I couldn't continue. Disgust filled me at the mere thought of it. Saying it out loud was even worse.

It was so unlike Adrian to be so serious and worried. I was so used to his flirtatious smirks and snarky comments, but none of that was there now.

"I'm so sorry," Adrian whispered. "I've heard stories about this kind of thing happening in our world, but it's so rare, I thought it was just some sick rumour."

"It's not," I said, holding back the tears that tried to come out. I didn't want to cry in front of him.

"Be strong, Rose. No matter what happens, promise me—all of us—that you'll hold on."

I smiled. "Of course I will. It's what I was meant to do."

"Good. I'll let the guardians know what you told me so far. Anything helps."

I stood there for a few more seconds, just staring at his figure. The cold air was getting to me, and I couldn't help myself. I threw my arms around him, surprising us both. There were no romantic feelings here—just pure comfort. I wished I could hug everyone else I loved too, but right now, he was the closest thing I had to home. I needed to hug him, to know that he was really there. I knew it was all just a dream, and that I would wake up in the house again, but in this moment, I was here. I wasn't afraid when he squeezed me in his arms. Adrian was a close friend of mine now, and I had developed a lot of trust with him over the last few months.

"We're doing everything we can. Look, I'm running out of time, but before I go, I just wanted to tell you that Dimitri is worried sick about you. He's doing the best he can to find you. I mean, we all are—but he's barely slept since you went missing."

"I know," I told him. "I miss him so much. In case you're wondering, I was in Lissa's head last night. I saw all of you."

"You did?" Adrian asked, pulling back.

I nodded. "Being in her head and seeing everyone comforts me. I do it before I sleep. It's like an escape."

"I'll make sure to be extra nice to her," he said, finally giving me one of his infamous smirks.

Things started to fade out in the background, and I realized that our time was coming to an end.

"_Adrian_," I said desperately, holding onto his arms. Before he could disappear, I hugged him one last time. I didn't want to go back. I wanted to stay here.

"I know," he said. "I'll see you again soon, okay? Hang in there, little dhampir."

Adrian disappeared. Just like that, the dream ended, sending me back into the horrors of my present reality.

* * *

"This is horrible," I said, spitting out the horrendous food we were given. The only food that we were allowed to eat were the leftovers, which were kept in the fridge for weeks. Some of it had already expired, and the fruits were starting to grow a layer of mold.

"We might as well starve ourselves. They'd probably get a bigger kick out of that than anything else," Kira muttered, throwing the old strawberry back into the fridge. My stomach hurt, and my starvation was starting to drive me crazy.

"I'm going upstairs," I announced. Kira decided to stay downstairs and smoke, so I went up to my room. My next session was in just a few hours. After my last few clients, I was really dreading it this time. What if I got pregnant? Did they even use condoms? _Probably not, _I thought. Fucking hell, I want to die.

I mentally slapped myself. _Don't say that. You're stronger than that._

No doubt there would be more than one person. They were probably going to take us to the middle of nowhere again where no one could find me. These men were cruel, but they were smart. If I was going to get tied down like last time, I was at a loss.

A knock on my door told me my outfit was here. I opened my door, and Claudia shoved the skanky clothing in my chest.

Claudia looked like absolute shit. Her strawberry blonde hair was all over the place. Her mascara was smudged all over her pale cheeks, and her big blue eyes had dark circles underneath—a result of sleep deprivation and stress. Her neck and arms were bruised just about everywhere, but she didn't seem to care. It was almost as if this was normal for her. She was only my age, maybe even younger. What saddened me was that this poor girl was probably once just a teenager who may or may not have had problems in the past, yet somehow, she ended up here. A broken, drug-induced prostitute.

"You have half an hour to get ready. Damian's waiting," she said, then left without batting an eye.

* * *

I pretty much rushed my hair and makeup, but my clients were going to fuck it up anyways. My outfit consisted of very high pink heels, a black push-up bra with a matching thong, a short pink skirt, and a tight cropped pink blouse that opened right at the peek of my breasts. My hair was to be done in two low pigtails with pink ribbons securing them into place.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I'd never felt so dirty in my life. I would have never considered wearing something like this in front of strangers. Even in this bathroom alone, I already felt uncomfortable.

Damian was waiting for me, and it was best not to keep it that way. So, I stepped out of the bathroom and headed down. Damian was by the front door, his arms crossed. He saw me coming down and took a quick glance at my body, then quickly looked away.

"Ready?" he asked, still avoiding eye contact.

"No," I muttered miserably. Damian scoffed and grabbed my upper arm.

"Let's go," he said, turning cold again. What the hell was up him?

He led us outside to the van and stopped at the front. "You're sitting at the front today," Damian informed me. This meant I could see where we were going…perfect.

"Turn around," Damian ordered. I obeyed, not really knowing what to expect. Damian grabbed my wrists and brought them together behind me, securing them with handcuffs.

"Is that really necessary?" I asked bitterly.

"I don't trust you," Damian said, half-dragging me to the passenger side. _How ironic,_ I thought.

"You really want to start talking to me about trust?"

Damian ignored me and started up the car. I couldn't wait to get out of these damn heels—wearing them was already a pain in the ass, but walking in them was even worse. Damn these guys and their stupid choice in outfits.

Once we were on the road, I could now see where we were. Well, not the exact location of course, but I could now see our surroundings. The forest was huge and stretched for miles. The road coming out from the house wasn't even paved which made it harder to see the entrance at night.

Without warning, Damian placed his hand on my head and shoved me down onto his thighs below the dashboard.

"Hey!" I whined, trying to get back up. Damian pushed me back down, this time with a little more force.

"Make one more move and I'll snap your neck," he warned, holding tightly onto my pigtail. I would've given him a smartass comment, but decided not to. If I wasn't restrained, I probably would have pulled some crazy stunt to escape, but right now, I didn't really have any options.

"Are you nervous?" Damian asked after a while. I didn't answer him, and he sighed heavily. He tightened his hand in my pigtail, tugging on the hair every now and then.

"I asked you a question," he growled.

"I don't have to answer you."

"Whatever. We'll be there in five minutes," he announced. I shut my eyes and groaned, wanting nothing more than to jump out of this car.

Damian had come to a stop, and my heart was pounding so fast I thought it would burst out of my chest. Damian released my head and let me sit up. My vision was blurry for a moment as I had gotten up too fast.

The location was very unfamiliar, and I had the impression that it wasn't really taken care of. It was a sketchy, gang-infested area.

I felt my arm being dragged out of the car along with my restless body. We went through the back doors of a small building, and at this point, I was actually shaking.

"Relax," Damian said. "They just want satisfaction. At least pretend you know what you're doing."

"I have no idea what I'm doing." I hated admitting crap like this. It was so unlike me. I had always been that brave girl that never took shit from anyone. The one who always fought back. This time, I seemed to be at a complete loss. There was no where I could go, nothing I could do. It was night time, and we were once again sent to a small building in the middle of nowhere.

Damian's eyebrows squished together as he pursed his lips. For a second, he almost looked sympathetic. The door opened, and a middle-aged Asian man stood in the doorway. He had tattoos all over his neck and wore black clothing. I was a little shocked to discover he was a dhampir. What the hell could he possibly get out of me?

"Damian. Finally," he said, his voice sounding rough and cold.

"Eric. I brought you a new one," Damian said, pushing me inside after setting my wrists free. As soon as I walked in, a wave of nausea hit me hard. Something was terribly wrong, and it wasn't just the fact that it was a blood whore den. This was the same feeling I got when strigoi were around.

Oh, hell no. No way. They couldn't possibly be here. The thought of moroi and dhampirs working together to gather blood whores was already bad enough, but strigoi? Surely, they would just kill their victims. Or worse..._oh, god._

Eric grabbed my wrist and started pulling me away. The feeling of a strigoi's presence was still invading my head, and I started to resist.

"Don't you dare," I growled, yanking my hand away. Whatever anxiety I had before was replaced by the persistent urge to get out of there. I backed up and ran for the door, but was immediately taken to the ground by Damian.

"Stop fighting! It'll only make things harder for you!" he yelled.

My breathing became distorted. "Like hell I will! You people are sick!"

"Just fucking give her something," Eric muttered impatiently, holding my waist down with his hand. I didn't even realize he had backup with him, because I was held down by at least two other dhampirs in no time.

Damian sighed before pulling something out of his pocket which I recognized to be a syringe. I thrashed around, but he was quick and inserted the needle into my arm. The side effects kicked in within less than a minute, and I might as well have been dead meat. Before I even had time to process anything, I was taken away into a different room. My vision started to blur as I struggled to walk. My arms and legs felt heavy, and I was soon unable to hold up any of my weight.

When I thought the night couldn't possibly get any worse, I was roughly thrown onto a bed. I blinked repeatedly as I tried to grasp my surroundings, and to my horror, I found myself looking into the eyes of three strigoi men. Their skin was as pale as I'd remembered. Their protruding fangs told me they were ready to feed, and a disturbing chill went down my spine as I stared into their red-ringed eyes.

"Don't take too much," I heard Eric say. "They still need her for testing."

_Testing? _What the hell was he talking about?

"Yeah? And when will that happen?" one of the strigoi men asked gruffly.

"Give them time. They're working on it," Eric replied. I heard the door close, and I was now left alone with them.

"Testing?" I said, trying to sit up. "I don't...I don't understand..."

I was pushed back down by one of them, and he locked his red eyes with mine, speaking robotically. "Just be quiet and relax. You will not fight. Everything will be fine."

His words repeated in my head, and I suddenly wanted nothing more than to comply. It seemed so reasonable. I just had to relax. Everything would be fine. I would not fight.

_He's compelling you, idiot. _

It wasn't hard to detect. The feeling was strong. I knew he was compelling me, but resisting the compulsion of a strigoi was much harder than a moroi. I wanted to resist, but I couldn't.

Just like my last session with the moroi, they took turns to feed on me. I can't even begin to explain the feeling of being bitten by a strigoi. Their fangs were bigger and sharper, and their bites hurt much more, but the pain was only temporary. The pain I felt was followed by a powerful feeling of euphoria, and as much as I hated to admit it to myself, it actually helped alleviate my anxiety.

But even the bites didn't take away the disgust I felt from simply being there. I was nothing but a blood whore to them. I wanted to kill every single one of them, but I couldn't. Not when I was under compulsion, drugged, and drained of blood.

I remained slightly conscious throughout the whole thing, but I was so out of it that I didn't even pay attention to what really happened. I wasn't even sure how long it lasted. It could have been hours. Everything felt so slow.

I definitely passed out after my session, because the next thing I knew, I was back in the van beside Damian. My body was still weak, but the drugs were starting to wear off. I winced as I moved my head, reaching up to touch the bloody wounds on my neck. I definitely lost a lot more blood than last time. What I didn't understand was why those strigoi didn't just drain me until I was dead, or how they were working with other vampires.

I remembered there was something Eric had said...something about testing. I still had no idea what that meant.

I blinked a couple times as I glanced around at my surroundings. We were driving through a forest, and the road was pitch black. It was such a remote area with no light poles. I looked at Damian who focused on the road and didn't seem to notice my waking.

Something else I noticed was the pain in my pelvic area. It was a horrible sensation that I desperately wished would go away, but it wouldn't. Whatever they did to me in the den must have been horrible, but I couldn't even remember everything that happened. Passing out didn't really help either.

I was even more surprised to find that my hands were free. Damian hadn't handcuffed me on the way back. He probably assumed I would be knocked out for the entire car ride. With free hands...I could escape. Now was my chance. It had to be. The compulsion from earlier had worn off, and the urge to fight back was starting up again.

At this point, I was desperate to escape. I knew my next actions were dangerous, but I did it anyways. My arms reached out, startling Damian as I turned the steering wheel. The van went out of control for a second as it fish-tailed, and the next thing I knew, we crashed into a tree, landing in a nearby ditch.

The impact was hard, and I blacked out for a few minutes after my head slammed into the dashboard. After regaining consciousness, I checked on Damian who was leaning unconsciously over the wheel. His head was bleeding, and I figured he was going to be out for a while.

I carefully opened my door to get out, only to fall over on the dirty ground. I definitely had a concussion. Running away was going to be hard, but I wasn't going to let it stop me. The crash hurt me all over the place, but I had learned to deal with pain over the years. I pulled my horrible heels off, deciding it better to just go barefoot. My body movements were still sloppy from the blood loss, but I kept running regardless of how much of a mess I was.

Several thoughts ran through my head as I ran down the dark road. I didn't know where I was. I didn't know where to go. I had no phone, no way of contacting anyone for help. I had no weapons to defend myself. There could be strigoi in these woods for all I knew.

_Come on, Rose, think. Remember what Dimitri taught you._

I had no other options here. Thinking back on Dimitri's first piece of advice, I just ran as far away as possible. I looked behind me a few times to check, but Damian was nowhere to be seen. Assuming he was still unconscious, I kept going.

There was a strange pain inside my head, causing me to slow down in my tracks. I cried out, pressing my hands against my head. The feeling was so unfamiliar and even caused my vision to blur. It wasn't the same feeling I got when I saw ghosts, and it wasn't the concussion. This was different.

"...I almost have her...I can feel..."

_Lissa?_ I repeated her name out loud, and I heard her voice in my head again. I knew she was talking, but I couldn't make out exactly what she was saying. It almost sounded like a radio without signal. It was strange, because her messages were always clear in my head.

And then it hit me—Lissa was trying to get inside my head. She was struggling, but it was actually starting to work. I could feel her in there. The pain started to subside, and I got a hold of myself again.

"Can you hear me?" I said out loud. No response. I wanted to merge into her head myself, but now was not the time. I had to keep going.

About an hour had passed, and I was still on the same road. I had absolutely no idea where I was going, and it didn't look like the trees were going to clear up anytime soon. My head was pounding, and this time it was coming from the impact of the crash. I didn't think this through at all. I should have just knocked Damian out and taken the van. I hadn't been eating for an entire week, and most of my blood had been drained.

I found myself tripping all over the place. I almost felt like the world was tipping over before falling again. This time, I didn't get up. I just laid there, looking up at the stars, wondering how the hell all of this even happened. It was only a week, and my mental health was already starting to deteriorate. I was going to push through, of course, but there was only so much I could handle at once, and I wasn't given a chance to cope with anything.

Well, there was one thing—my own personal way of escaping for a little bit. Staring up at the little dots of light in the sky, I slipped into Lissa's head as a last resort.

She was back in the guardian's common room again. I was beginning to think she hung around in there on purpose just to investigate my disappearance—well, at least without carrying the burden of students gossiping. In this room, she could see Dimitri and have peace.

She was bundled up on the couch and had a cozy blanket draped over her legs. She was leaning against Christian's chest who had his arms wrapped around her body. If it weren't for my current situation, I probably would have left. In this moment, however, his arms actually felt soothing.

Dimitri sat opposite them on the other couch. Like the day before, he had a laptop open and a ton of papers. He was leaning his head into his hand as he read something, and he was clearly stressed out.

The door opened, and everyone turned to find Adrian walking in. He definitely smoked before, because I could literally smell tobacco on him through Lissa's nose.

"What took you so long?" Lissa asked him in irritation.

"I needed my daily outlet," Adrian replied. Lissa wasn't surprised at all.

"Did you see Rose?" Dimitri asked, moving so that Adrian could sit beside him—another site I didn't think I would ever see between the two men.

"Actually, I did," Adrian said. His response caught Lissa's attention in no time, and she sat up.

"What? Is she okay?"

"Yes, Lissa, she's doing great. Fantastic, actually. She's dancing around with ponies and rainbows and—"

"Adrian!" Lissa threw one of her shoes at him, but Dimitri caught it just before it could hit his face. Damn his fast reflexes.

"I don't know, okay? She's just pushing through. How would you feel if you were stuck in a sex ring?"

Well. I knew he would tell them at some point, but I didn't expect it to come out so abruptly.

_"What?!"_ This time, it was all three of them who shouted in sync.

"Do I have to repeat myself? She's being trafficked by both moroi and dhampirs—used for...feeding and—"

"Okay!" Lissa exclaimed, horrified by the very thought.

"What else is there? Did she say anything else?" Dimitri asked.

"They've been sending her to blood whore dens, but she has no idea where she is. She said she's in a fenced house in the middle of a forest, but that's it. No location."

"Damn it." Dimitri slammed his palm against his face in frustration. "We have to find her. There's probably other girls with her."

"I can only imagine what she's going through right now," Christian said. Lissa grabbed his hand.

"I'm still trying to contact her. I almost did today, but it's so hard," she said. "I wish this bond was a two-way streak."

_You and me both, Liss._

"She was in your head last night, you know," Adrian stated. "She saw all of us. For all you know, she could be in your head right now."

I had to laugh at that. If only he knew.

"I hope she is," Lissa admitted. Adrian's face started to drop as he spoke again.

"Her dream...it was strange. She was in the middle of a storm. I know she's strong, but her mind is all over the place."

Dimitri muttered something in Russian before pulling his phone out. He left the couch and dialed a number before pressing the phone to his ear. I couldn't really make out what he was saying except for the last few words of the conversation.

"—yeah. I think you should...yes, that's fine. We're doing our best...okay. Let me know." Dimitri hung up, returning to his seat.

"Who was that?" Lissa asked out of curiosity.

Dimitri took a deep breath as he set his phone down on the table. "Roza's mother."

* * *

**I know it's a bit slow at the moment, but it will progress! **

**Important: I want to keep posting, but I'm also hesitant to post the next chapter as I'm afraid people will hate it. There's a bit of a complicated biological change in Rose (sort of, it doesn't really change anything about her personality). It's the one thing I don't want to change about the story as it was an idea I had for a very long time. Let me know what you guys think, and if you still want me to post the next chapter/continue with the story.**


	4. Terrifying Discovery

I didn't have time to stick around in Lissa's head. I was sucked so deeply in that I didn't even realize being pulled up off the ground. I returned to my own head and found myself in the arms of...Damian.

How the hell did he even find me? His head was still bleeding. Like me, he definitely had a concussion. I didn't even understand how he was holding me.

Without warning, my fist connected with his bloody face. He yelped and immediately dropped me as he clutched his cheek. I cried out in pain as the right side of my body hit the ground with a force so harsh that I was sure it would turn into an ugly bruise. With all my energy, I started crawling away in desperation, but it was no use. There was another car coming down the road—the first one I'd seen all night—and stopped in front of us.

"Help!" I called. My voice was literally breaking. I was never one to beg and usually handled things like this by myself, but right now, I had no other choice. "Please help me!"

I expected the person in the car to get out and help me in my disoriented state, but instead, they started talking to Damian. Yelling, actually. I couldn't see them as the car lights were blinding my eyes, but their conversation told me they weren't there to help. They weren't just any passerby, either.

"What the hell happened?!" It was a man's voice, and it infuriated me. He was one of the guards from the damn house. He exchanged a few words with Damian, but their conversation was cut short when they picked me up and threw me in the car. It was the same black sedan they used when I was kidnapped.

"You know, if it weren't for the trackers, I wouldn't have been able to find you. She would have escaped, and it would've all been on you," the guard said.

"I was unconscious. What did you expect?" Damian asked. The guard shut his mouth.

The ride on the way back was quiet, but there was a very unsettling tension in the small space we were in. Who knows what they had waiting for me? Were they going to torture me? Kill me even? I hoped not. If I was going to die, I would rather die on my own terms.

Once we arrived, the driver parked inside the garage. Both men got out of the car and roughly pulled me out. Damian kept a tight hold on my arm as he dragged me into the house.

"Tie her up," the other guard said.

"She won't fight anymore," Damian said. He waved a hand at my body. "Look at her, Seth. She's dead meat."

"I said _tie her up_!" Seth yelled, pulling out a handgun from his pocket. Damian cringed for a second, but complied and forced me down against a wooden chair. We were in the dining room, and there were no girls around. They were either out for clients or in bed.

Seth retrieved a set of ropes from the nearby cabinets on the walls and threw them in Damian's chest. He tied my hands together behind my back, and it took everything in me not to resist. Seth had a gun, and I really wasn't up for getting shot right now. Not to mention his horrible temper.

"What the hell happened out there?" Seth demanded.

"I crashed, okay? I fucked up!" Damian shouted.

"How? Did _she_ do something?" Seth cocked his head in my direction with his teeth clenched. Damian gave me a look, and I braced myself for whatever torture I was about to get.

"It wasn't her," Damian said. "It was a stupid animal on the road. It came out of nowhere. I freaked out."

"An animal, huh?" Seth muttered. He laughed hysterically, dangerously waving his gun around. For a moment, I actually thought he was insane.

"Yet, your sorry ass still let her get away. Do I have to remind you what your job is? If it weren't for our boss's stupid guinea pig experiment, we would have killed her by now. You're supposed to keep this bitch in line! One more mistake, and the deal is off. You hear me?"

Damian looked like he was about to explode. Something about his attitude towards Seth indicated some level of resentment and hatred, but regardless, he obeyed whatever he was ordered.

"I'll deal with her," Damian confirmed, never taking his eyes off of me. With one more angry stare off between the two, Seth finally left the room. Damian looked at me again, and I had the audacity to scowl at him.

"Is this the part where you torture me?" I asked, refusing to give any signs of defeat. "Why did you even cover for me anyways? Why not tell them the truth? I was the reason we crashed, after all."

"You're crossing a very dangerous line. Do you even have any idea how much trouble you've caused for me?"

"Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?" I snapped. Damian didn't say anything, but I knew I was getting to him. "How much longer before your boss is done using you as a puppet?"

Damian finally broke. He slapped me across the face, and an unpleasant sting settled in my cheek. I was shocked, of course, but I wasn't going to let it faze me. It wouldn't be the first time being slapped on the cheek.

Damian turned around, grasping his head in his hands. "I don't want to hurt you, Rose."

I scoffed. "Well, you're doing a great job. If you're going to torture me, just get it over with."

"Shut up," Damian said. He paced for a few more minutes, muttering something incomprehensible under his breath before leaving the room. I sat there, starting to wonder if my actions were stupid or not. I had tried so hard to escape and failed. Now, I was back here again, secretly dreading whatever torture I had coming.

Damian returned after about ten minutes with a few things in his hand. I tensed and shut my eyes as he walked over, expected him to slap me again. Instead, I felt a soaked towel being pressed against my neck. Damian didn't seem to have anything that looked like a weapon—just towels, a first aid kit, and a bucket of water.

The water was warm and surprisingly soothed my open wounds. Damian was gentle as he cleansed the bite marks and wiped away the blood that had dripped down my torso. He did the same thing to the other side, and I looked up to find him staring at me.

"What are you doing?" I asked softly.

"Cleaning your wounds. What does it look like I'm doing?"

I rolled my eyes. "That's not what I meant. Why are you suddenly being gentle?"

Damian paused as he held the wet towel against the other bite wound. "Because you're hurt and you've been through enough tonight."

"Don't act like you care," I said bitterly. "You're the one who got me into this whole mess."

"You think I have a choice?" he questioned, releasing the towel from my neck. "I wouldn't wish something like this on anyone."

"Excuse me?" This man was so confusing. "Then why the hell are you a part of it?"

"It's complicated," he answered. "You wouldn't understand. If I leave..." he drifted off, shaking his head. He cleaned up my forehead too which I didn't even realize had been bleeding before.

"So much blood," he said, squeezing the towel in the bucket of water which was now tinted a light shade of red. Looking back up at me, he said, "what was your full name again? Rosemarie?"

I didn't answer him, but he already seemed to know the answer.

"I think it's time we give you a new name," he said casually, opening the first aid kit. "How about Bloody Mary?"

I glared at him. He couldn't actually be serious. "That sounds ridiculous. It's not even original."

"It suits you, but fine," Damian said as he opened a tube of medical cream. "Marie-B, then. I'm assuming you usually go by the first part of your name, so this can at least protect your identity."

"Are you serious? That's just as stupid as the first one!"

"It's either that, or the first option." He was applying the cream onto my wounds now.

I groaned. "Neither of them."

"Second one it is then," he decided, ignoring my comment. For the next five minutes, he bandaged both sides of my neck and placed a smaller bandage on the side of my forehead. Luckily, my wrists were freed.

"Go to bed," Damian said. "And make sure to shower first."

"Wow, thanks for reminding me," I said sarcastically, heading upstairs. I took a long, hot shower that night, allowing myself some peace and quiet after the events. My head was still pounding, and the side of my body—which was now starting to develop a bruise—was in pain. Well, just about everything was in pain.

Kira was back in my room again, sitting upright on the bed. I came to the conclusion that she was going to be staying with me from now on. I thought she was sleeping at first, but as soon as I turned the light on, I could see the tears that streamed down her cheeks.

"What happened?" I asked her as I closed the door. Kira shook her head and wiped her tears with her hands.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't mean to be all emotional."

"Hey, don't apologize. It's okay to cry," I told her. I watched her cautiously as I slipped in bed beside her and pulled the covers over our legs.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"I just..." she choked on her words as another sob came through. I wrapped my arms around her body, and she instantly responded by burying her head in my neck.

"I don't want to be here anymore," she cried. "I just want to go home."

Hearing her say those words made me think about my own life back at the academy. She sounded so broken too, and a certain heaviness started to form in my chest. I swallowed back my tears and instead focussed on trying to comfort the poor girl in my arms.

"I know," I whispered. "I want that, too."

I held her like that, rubbing her arm over and over again until she calmed down. Crying seemed to drain her at the end, because she was already starting to doze off after laying down. I was about to leave the bed and sleep on the floor, but Kira stopped me.

"Rose, wait," she croaked. "Sleep here. Please."

I was a little surprised by her neediness to have me there, but I didn't argue. Something about her behavior told me she must have been raised differently than the average dhampir. I laid down beside her and held her once again, pulling the thin blanket up to our shoulders.

"Goodnight, Kira."

* * *

One week passed. One long, dreadful week. My everyday life now consisted of seeing clients and having sex or giving 'donations' of my blood. It was miserable, but it soon became a routine for me. The only outlet I had now was Lissa's head. I even referred to harming myself a few times, and I hated myself for it. I felt so ashamed.

On a more positive note, Kira and I were becoming good friends. She was raised differently and had no guardian training whatsoever. Her parents wanted her to have a life of her own where she could interact with humans. It explained why she showed her emotions so easily.

After a long night of being put in a room with two strigoi men, I took my time to relax in our bed with her. Kira had also been with clients tonight and was just as exhausted as me. We usually talked about what happened in our sessions, but whatever happened tonight was a total blur as I was drugged out of my mind. The drugs made me feel better at the time, but I'd be lying to myself if I said it wasn't shameful. Coming back to reality felt rather depressing too. The thought of it scared me; the fact that the conditions here were so bad that only drugs could make me feel better.

"Let's talk about something else," Kira suggested. We were facing each other as we laid on the bed, our heads propped up on our hands. "Tell me about the academy."

I sucked in a deep breath. "The academy...that's a broad topic, if you ask me. I've been attending that school since I was four."

"Four?" she asked. "They started training you at that age?"

"Well, no. We didn't start learning about strigoi until we were in first grade, I think. We didn't actually learn combat until high school started."

"I've always wanted to learn how to fight," Kira admitted. "But my parents wanted other things for me. To them, being a guardian is almost like a death wish."

"They're not entirely wrong," I said. Being a guardian was indeed dangerous, but it was such a big part of me. I always felt the need to protect people. Being in a place like this made me feel helpless.

"Teach me how to fight," Kira insisted. "I'm sure you're good. I can barely throw a good punch."

I chuckled. "Not tonight. I'm worn out."

"Please?"

"Tomorrow," I said. "Right now, I need some sleep."

Kira was still giving me a pleading look, but I still didn't give in. I had lost way too much blood tonight to even stand up.

"Fine," she whispered. "Tomorrow morning, then."

"Deal." I held up my pinky finger, and for the first time ever, she actually smiled as she linked her pinky finger with mine. After turning off the bedside lamp, she cuddled up to me once again before falling asleep.

* * *

I expected to wake up to the warmth of Kira's body, but when I stretched my arms out to her side, all I felt were cold sheets. My eyelids fluttered open, staring off into an open space. Kira was gone.

I sat up and rubbed my dry eyes. I tried to shake off my drowsiness from the blood loss of the night and left my room. Downstairs, Kira was still nowhere to be found. None of the other girls had seen her either which raised my suspicions.

The house was also unusually quiet today. Seth had taken a group of girls out with another dhampir guard, which left some of us alone. There were other guards here, but they were guarding the outside perimeter of the house.

We were almost never left alone, but today, I was lucky. I assumed Kira was part of that group, so I took advantage of my free time here and decided to explore the place a little more. I remembered there had been a room that Damian refused to show me. He said the room was forbidden, but he'd also told me that if I was unfortunate enough, I'd be able to see it. I wasn't sure what that meant, but it seemed like bad news. He almost sounded reluctant when he had told me about it and I still wondered why.

I made sure there was no one in the basement, and when I was sure it was clear, I headed for the same room. The door wasn't even locked. I could see light peering through the crack at the bottom which indicated that someone had been in here not too long ago. I opened the door very slowly, bracing myself for what I was about to see.

The room was completely white and the lights were abnormally bright. It took me by surprise for a moment, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. What really got to me was the strong smell of blood that invaded the room. It was almost as if someone was holding up a blood-soaked cloth right in front of my nose. The smell was so strong it made me slightly nauseous.

All I could see were computers and screens displaying x-rays and body scans. In the middle, there was a silver metal table. Wires hung everywhere, and beside it sat a silver tray full of syringes. And then I noticed the blood—a clear-door fridge packed with blood bags. The rest of the blood, however, was soaked into the towels that were thrown into what looked like a laundry bin. The far counter consisted of laboratory equipment including test tubes, microscopes, and a bunch of other things I didn't know the names of.

It was then that I realized it was an experimentation lab for the victims of this house. The only thing I wondered was what the purpose was for these experiments. And why the blood bags? Did they use those to feed the moroi girls?

I looked around the room, scanning the screens. I was no doctor, but I had a little knowledge of the human body after studying the anatomy for a few years. I recognized brain scans and the test results of what they had been searching for. What caught my eye the most was what they were researching.

The results read: _Sensitivity to sunlight, heightened senses, consistent thirst for blood, improved speed mobility, aggression, difficult to control thirst in the first month of transformation._

What the hell?

I looked at the lab reports and the files of research and test results. It was a collection of names, all of which I didn't recognize except one: Kira. I pulled out her file and read what I could about her time here. It had today's date on it, and from what I was reading, it looked like they had successfully used her for the research they were doing. I started to remember what that man Eric had said during my first encounter with the strigoi. Something about testing. At the time, he was referring to _me_.

This explained why Kira wasn't in bed. She wasn't seeing a client. She was being used as a test subject and sent somewhere else. All those blood-soaked towels in the laundry bin...oh no. That couldn't all possibly be her blood.

I heard the door open behind me and froze. _Shit. _What was I going to do now?

"You shouldn't be here," Damian said behind me. To my surprise, he didn't sound angry. His voice was calm and steady. I didn't move from where I was standing and just stayed there, frozen on the spot. I heard him walk up behind me and still refused to move.

"Do you understand what this room is used for?" he asked me. He was right behind me now, speaking very quietly. I didn't answer him at first, and my heart rate increased.

"Are you going to use me too?" I asked after a few seconds, my throat tensing up.

Damian went quiet for a moment. He sighed, almost reluctant. "What do you think?"

I already knew the answer. Of course they were going to use me. "Why do you people do things like this?" I asked. My eyes started tearing up the more I thought about it. Most of those victims were just teenagers.

"Rose—"

"What's the point in all this? Is it for pleasure? Do you enjoy hurting people that much? Is that what you did to Kira? Did you kill her too?" I demanded, becoming more and more enraged by the second.

"You people are monsters!" I shouted, pushing him back. He grabbed my wrists and held me in place as if I weighed nothing.

"None of this was my doing. It's complicated, okay? I'm not in charge of this," he said angrily. He then shoved me away, running his hands through his hair. Sometimes I wondered if he ever felt guilty for being a part of something so cruel. Whatever he was dealing with, whatever pressure he was under, I had no sympathy for him whatsoever. He ruined my life.

"I'm giving you five seconds to leave this room before my boss finds you in here. Go. Get out."

I didn't think twice. With angry tears in my eyes, I headed straight for the door.


	5. The Experiment

I stormed off to my room and slammed the door. There was no way it could be real. I kept asking myself if it was really real or if I had imagined the whole thing. Well, I wished I imagined it. Being a blood whore was bad enough, but this was beyond immoral. The list of symptoms I'd seen on those files resembled those of a strigoi. Were they turning the girls here into a strigoi? No way. There would be no need for experiments or a lab. An actual strigoi could do that easily.

I still wondered where Kira was. Maybe she was a strigoi. Maybe she was dead. I needed to know what happened to her. I needed answers.

I sighed, plopping down on the bed as I stared at the ceiling. I was so confused. I felt helpless. I hated feeling like that. I hated to admit it to myself, but a part of me feared that I would be the next girl in the house to disappear. I didn't want to die here.

I pulled the blanket up to cover my chest and turned over on my side. I was so tired and emotionally drained at this point that I didn't even debate on staying awake. With one big, deep breath, I shut my eyes until the darkness of sleep pulled me under.

* * *

Half way through the day, my sleep was interrupted by the feeling of someone pulling the blanket off of my body. My first instinct was to throw my fist out, but I was blocked instantly. A needle pricked my forearm, injecting the same sedative they always used on me. It was always used to either calm me down or put me to sleep. The drug didn't take long to affect my senses, and I relaxed in an instant. I was still so tired upon waking up that I could barely open my eyes. I felt myself being picked up, but I couldn't make out what happened next. I assumed it was Damian who was carrying me since he seemed to always in charge of me.

"You're sure about this?" I heard someone say. It was one of the guards, but I couldn't remember exactly who. It sounded like Seth, but I was so out of it that it was hard to tell.

The person holding me spoke next. "It's time. We can't keep them waiting any longer." It wasn't Damian. In fact, I didn't recognize his voice at all. This wasn't a good sign.

My body was handed over to someone else—Seth, I assumed—and placed on a cold, hard surface. Wherever they had taken me smelled like blood.

"Strap her down," the other man said. "Might as well take her now." I opened my eyes to take a look at the room. My heart started pounding as I moved my head around. The lights on the ceiling were very, very bright. I recognized the computer screens on the far counters along with medical equipment, a fridge full of blood bags, and a laundry basket of blood-soaked towels.

Oh no. I was in the experimentation lab, and they were strapping me down to the metal table. They were going to use me.

"Wait, stop," I protested, struggling against the leather restraints that were now strapped across my body.

"It won't be long now," Seth said. Beside him was the same man holding me before. He wore a slightly bloody lab coat and almost reminded me of a mad scientist.

"Sebastian, are you sure we have to do this? Not that I care, but she's just going to end up like the rest of them. You've already tested on enough people. None of those girls made it through. How many more people need to die until you finally decide it's not going to work?"

"Nonsense, Seth. You know what the strigoi want. If she makes it, she'll be worth thousands. Hundreds of thousands, maybe more," Sebastian said.

"Just another price tag," Seth muttered under his breath.

"I promised them I would find a cure," Sebastian said. "I've seen it in this girl's eyes."

"We don't even know if she's really—"

"We're trying anyways. End of discussion."

Seth glanced at my useless body one last time before walking away. "Fine. Do whatever you have to do." He stood in the corner and crossed his arms as he watched me. I started hyperventilating as I saw Sebastian pull out another syringe. This one was a lot bigger in size. Even though I had gotten used to them sticking needles in me, this one actually freaked me out a little.

"What are you doing?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"You'll find out," Sebastian answered. "Let's hope you're our holy grail."

"What the hell are you talking about? Wait, please—"

It was no use. Even with all my struggling, I was completely immobilized. The drugs didn't help either. Even if I wasn't strapped down, there was no way I could fight them like this. I had been starving over the past week and had developed severe anemia after the moroi and strigoi kept feeding on me every day. All the training I had gone through over the past few years were still in me, but I wasn't physically strong enough to pull it off anymore.

Sebastian pressed the syringe into my neck, and the pain that followed was excruciating. It wasn't the needle that hurt—it was the fluid inside. Whatever it was, it _hurt_ and had me screaming in no time. At that point, it wasn't the drugs or the exhaustion that knocked me out. There was only so much pain that even I could handle, and eventually, I passed out because of it.

My mind wandered in the darkness. I felt so alone, but my fear was soon replaced when a very familiar voice echoed in my surroundings.

"Little dhampir." Adrian. He was here. I couldn't see him yet, but he was here.

"Adrian," I called. "I can't see you..."

"I'm right here." He was getting closer now, but all I could see was darkness. My movements were limited, and I realized I was in a very cold place. Bubbles floated up from my mouth, and I looked up, seeing a tiny bundle of light shining through my blurry vision.

Water. I was in water. Cold, dark water. Only in dreams could you ever breathe underwater.

My initial instinct was to get out, so I swam up towards the surface. Right when I reached the top, a pair of arms reached down, pulling me out of the water by the armpits. As soon as I was out, I was dragged onto a wet, rocky surface. A burning pain settled in my chest, and I started coughing violently on the rocks.

When I finally calmed down, I looked around, realizing I was in the middle of the ocean. There was a small patch of tiny rocks which were only a few inches above sea level. The cold wind made my skin freeze and caused water to constantly drift over the rocks. The only light I could see was coming from the moon.

"Are you okay?"

I'd almost forgotten. Adrian was still here. He had pulled me out of the water. Unlike me, he wasn't soaked all over the place. He had probably been above the surface this whole time.

I stood up and faced him, wrapping my arms around myself. Adrian was looking me over, but it wasn't in an "I'm-checking-you-out" kind of way. My body looked different, and he noticed that as my wet clothes clung onto my skin.

"Yes, I know, I look like a corpse," I said, rolling my eyes. Adrian didn't comment on my joke. He was too concerned to crack any jokes at all.

"There's something wrong," Adrian said quietly. "What's going on?"

I frowned, remembering what was happening to my real body. Honestly, I didn't understand any of it.

"I'm just going to be another failed experiment," I whispered, staring off into the distance.

"What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean by failed experiment?"

"It's what they do. They're using victims for experiments. They're using me right now as we speak."

"What?" Adrian's rage was starting to rise. "Why? What are they trying to achieve?"

"I don't know, Adrian. I don't understand. They won't tell me anything. Maybe...maybe I'll find out when I wake up." _If I wake up._

"I'm just glad you're still alive," he said. "Listen, we've been investigating with your mom at the academy and she's decided to contact your father."

"Come again?" My father? I didn't know him. I didn't even know his name or his face. If this was the first impression he had of me, it wasn't a very good one.

"He's on his way to the academy. I don't know anything about him, but your mom thinks he can help us find you."

"He must think I'm some disappointment of a daughter. Blood-whoring on the streets—"

"Not by choice," Adrian interrupted. Something was stirring inside me. Whatever it was, it made my head hurt. I shut my eyes, pressing my palms against my forehead.

"Rose? What's wrong?" Adrian asked.

"I don't know. S-something's happening to my body."

The dream was already starting to fade. Without thinking, I threw myself against Adrian's body, desperately trying to keep him there. The water had now risen to our thighs.

"I don't want to go back," I cried. Adrian was fading, and the water was rising quickly. It was almost at our chest now. "Please don't go. Please."

"Rose...your eyes." Adrian's expression had gone from worry to shock. It was as if he was watching someone get torn to shreds in front of him. I started to ask him what was wrong, but the water was nearly at our heads. It had risen so fast and so unexpectedly, and I knew our time had come to an end. Adrian was still staring at me as he faded away. The last thing I felt was my body being sucked under water.

* * *

I had no idea how long I was out for, but waking up was the most crucial part of the whole process. My head hurt. My mouth hurt. My throat burned, and my arms and legs felt abnormally heavy. The light blinded my vision which delayed the process of being able to see anything. To top it off, I felt so, so nauseous. What the hell did they do to me?

"Rise and shine!"

That voice was Sebastian's. His voice sounded so obnoxiously loud. Hearing it stirred a certain unusual feeling of anger in me. I wanted to kill him.

"What did…" I started, unable to finish as my throat was still hurting. "Everything…hurts."

"It won't hurt for long, darling," a woman said. She sounded like the same woman I had heard when I was brought in on my first day. I realized in that moment that she was a moroi. "Subject Marie-B. Results show that the injections have successfully modified her cells."

"Success! Finally!" Sebastian exclaimed. "Be sure to keep an eye on her, Ada. She's a fighter."

I didn't bother listening to their conversation any longer. Everything felt different. Their voices were so fucking loud. The smell of blood was three times as strong as it was when I first came into the room which made my nausea so much worse.

There was another feeling inside, one I could grasp onto but didn't quite understand: thirst. It was almost as if I had been left out in a desert for days without water.

"What did you do to me?" I repeated.

"Just relax, darling," Ada said softly. I knew she was no threat to me, but the urge to hurt her was pulsing in my head. It was a rather uncontrollable and unusual feeling inside, and it terrified me. I had never felt so violent in my life. All I could think about was tearing her throat out.

I started to get up but was stopped by the restraints that still held me down.

"Don't—" she started, trying to calm me down.

"My throat's dry," I told her, pulling against the restraints.

"Okay. Just wait here, and I'll get you something," she said. I resisted the urge to freak out on her and relaxed against the table. She left the room and left me there to wait. The smell of blood now invaded my senses, and soon enough, it became the only thing I could think of. Was I going crazy?

Ada came back with a glass of water and set it down on the tray beside me. The restraint on my torso was removed so that I could sit up. I had trouble at first, and having my legs strapped down didn't really help.

"Here," she said, bringing the glass up to my lips. I gulped the water down within seconds, but the thirst was still there. My throat was still burning.

"I'm still thirsty," I said through clenched teeth.

"Relax, dear. I'll get you another glass." Ada gently pushed me down and left the room again. When I was left alone, I sat back up as I couldn't hold still. My hands were now free, so I released the restraints that held my legs down. My limbs still felt tight and heavy as I moved them around.

As I set my feet on the ground, it almost felt like I was just learning how to walk for the first time. My muscle memory was still there, of course, but my body movements felt off. The smell of blood was still bothering me. I stepped towards the refrigerator and stared at the blood bags through the glass door. I wasn't sure what it was about it that made me want to devour them, but my thirst was getting stronger by the second.

As if being subconsciously compelled, my body got closer and closer until I was facing it directly. I opened the door, staring at the dark red juices in front of me. I grabbed a bag from one of the trays and held it in front of me, analyzing it carefully. The more I held onto it, the more I wanted to drink it. It was so inexplicable. I had never craved blood like this in my life. As a dhampir, we never really consumed blood.

I tore the tube open and held it up at my mouth. My heart beat increased when I realized what I was about to do, but I couldn't help myself. As I sucked on the little tube, the blood tasted sweet and quenched my thirst. I wanted more, so I squeezed the package and chugged it down. Within seconds, the blood alleviated any pain I had before. My throat didn't hurt. My arms and legs weren't so heavy. All the energy that had been drained from my body returned in an instant. I felt amazing. I threw the empty blood bag away and tore open a new one to drink again. I couldn't get enough of it.

The door opened, and I stopped drinking. I dropped the bag on the floor, causing the blood to splatter all over the white tiles. I knew it was Ada behind me, because her breathing sped up as she dropped the glass of water. Somehow, I could hear her heart beat, and it was _racing. _

"I…" she started. I approached her as she backed up against the door. I got close enough to slam the door behind her and prevent her from escaping. The shards of glass on the floor cut my feet, but I hardly noticed.

"Wait," she said, breathing heavily out of fear. "You don't know what you're doing."

"What happened to me?" I asked angrily.

"I had nothing to do with this, I swear—"

"That's not what I asked you," I growled.

"Sebastian injected you with the venom of a strigoi," she blurted out. "That's all I know."

My brows creased together as I realized how horrifying the situation really was. Was I a strigoi? No, that didn't make sense. I wouldn't have felt anything. I would have killed Ada in an instant. Something was still blocking me from hurting her. Nonetheless, I decided to seek the information from her anyways.

"Am I a strigoi?" I asked.

"I-I don't know," she stammered. "I don't know anything. I'm just taking orders."

"Damn it!" I shouted, punching a hole through the wall. Ada flinched, and tears started to roll down her cheeks. She was so scared. I didn't really want to hurt her, but the sound of her heart pulsing was tempting me with every second that went by.

"All I can think about is ripping your throat out," I whispered. "Your boss made a horrible mistake."

"I'm sorry," Ada said. "None of us knew how you would turn out."

"Well, you do now." Before Ada could say anything else, I forced her head back and sank my teeth into her throat. I sucked violently on her neck, taking every last ounce of blood from her body. Her scream was ear-piercing, but it didn't last long as she fell out of consciousness. When there was no blood left to drain, her lifeless body dropped to the ground. Drinking her blood almost made me feel high. It was almost like that euphoric feeling I had when being fed on, but it was different. This time, I was the one to feed on someone else...to _kill _someone else.

_This isn't you, _I thought, looking down at her dead body. Did I... did I really do this?

I really began to wonder what had gotten into me. I would never kill someone like this. I literally just drank 2 blood bags and drained Ada's blood. What the hell was wrong with me?

Looking at the glass door of the refrigerator, I was able to see my appearance in the faint reflection. Blood dripped down the side of my mouth. There were no red rings around my eyes, but the colour of my iris was red. My once tan skin, although not as white as a strigoi's, was now as pale as a moroi's. Sharp fangs popped out of my mouth, the kind of fangs you'd only see on a strigoi. It was such a strange mix. I had never seen anything like it in my life.

_I'm not a strigoi. _

I blinked, wondering if I had just imagined the whole thing—but I hadn't. Whatever they injected, whatever they did to me, I was not a dhampir...or a strigoi. I was a monster.

* * *

**AN: I'm half expecting readers to hate this part of the story, but I hope it's not too bad. Just something I wanted to write about for a very long time. I'll be posting chapter 6 soon!**


	6. Safety

I spent the next few days beating myself up over the guilt of killing Ada. Feeding on her was pure instinct at the time, and I wasn't able to control myself. My intention wasn't to kill or even hurt her, and the guilt now ate away at my guts.

After realizing how dangerous I was, Sebastian decided to keep me in a separate room for days. I was still in the basement, but this room was completely empty. It was simply composed of brown walls, dirty floors, mold, rust, and a crappy light. There was no window and no bed—just pure emptiness. I was forced to sleep on the dirty concrete ground.

Sebastian continued his research by throwing in a very young moroi girl from the house into the room with me. I didn't want her there. If I fed on her, I was afraid I would kill her. I wouldn't be able to stop.

"I'm not feeding on her!" I yelled. The door had a tiny window near the top, but it was blocked by four metal bars, making it impossible to break through. Even if I did break the bars, the window was too small for either of us to fit. My thirst was getting to me, but I didn't want to give in. This girl was innocent and thrown in here like the rest of us.

Sebastian was standing on the other side of the door as he took notes of my behavior. "Marie-B is resistant. Refuses to give into her body's needs," he said.

"Go to hell," I spat.

"The subject shows signs of aggression," he went on. "Eyes change colour when thirsty. Canines retract in preparation of the feeding process."

_"Shut up!"_ I screamed, throwing myself towards the door. The door was very durable and heavy, blocking any way I had of getting to him.

"Senses are heightened. When she's weak enough, we'll have to see if she can withstand the sun. Until then, she is to be kept in confinement."

Sebastian left without looking back. I was now left alone with the poor girl who was thrown in against her will. I didn't want to hurt her, so I kept my distance as much as possible. I refused to even look at her; I was afraid it might trigger my thirst. Having her in there was bad enough already.

I didn't know how long she was actually there for. It felt like an entire hour had passed, but it could have been five minutes.

The girl came closer to me. I could hear her heartbeat. To my surprise, it was slow and steady. She wasn't afraid of me.

"Hello," she said. I was a little shocked by how young she sounded. I hadn't paid attention to what she looked like when they threw her in, but she sounded younger than a first grader.

"Stay away," I told her. "You shouldn't be close to me."

"I'm not afraid," she said.

"If you don't stay away from me, I might accidentally hurt you," I warned her. The girl still didn't move. Her heart beat never accelerated. She simply remained calm.

"Why?" she asked me. I rolled my eyes and banged my head against the wall. Stupid children and their curiosity.

"Because I can't control it," I said. "Once I feed, I can't stop. I don't want to hurt you."

The girl touched my shoulder, causing me to flinch. Her hand was so warm. Too warm. Such a young, innocent child who hadn't even lived yet.

Although I knew I was taking a risk, I turned around to face the little girl. She wasn't dressed up the same way as the rest of us. Instead, she wore a white t-shirt which looked more like a dress on her tiny body. Her dishevelled hair was a dirty blonde, and she had blue eyes. She was probably less than four feet tall. She looked way too young.

"I'm Nevaeh," she said. "You're Marie-B, right?"

Oh, for fuck's sake. That stupid nickname. Damian must have said something. I hadn't seen him since the day he caught me in the blood lab. He wasn't there when Sebastian used me, either. I wondered if he even knew about my transformation.

"Not my real name, but sure. How do you know me?"

"Damian said so."

I groaned. "What else does Damian say?"

"To stay out of trouble."

Now that sparked my curiosity. I squinted my eyes at her. "What?"

Nevaeh held up her tiny index finger against her lips as if telling me to shut up. "Shh. He doesn't know I'm here."

In a way, it made sense that he didn't know. Unlike Sebastian, Damian wasn't nearly as heartless. He spared me when he found me in the blood lab, and I was sure he wouldn't have let them throw a little girl in here. I had no idea how long she was going to be here, but talking seemed to help distract my thirst.

"How old are you, Nevaeh?"

She held up four fingers, and my heart dropped. No four-year-old should have to go through this or even be here at all.

"Are you a strigoi?" she asked me. The question blew me away. How did she even know what that was? Did Damian teach her that too?

"I don't know what I am," I said honestly. "And how do you know what that is?"

"They did this to my mommy."

"Oh...I... I'm so sorry," I told her. I wanted to hug the poor child, but I didn't trust myself. "Hold on. How long have you been here?" I asked.

"I grew up here," she said. "Damian said my mommy had me here."

This was beyond disgusting. Nevaeh was growing up in such horrible conditions to be used as an object when she grew up. I really felt bad for her.

"I know what goes on," she said. "But I'm not a big girl yet so I can't do what they do."

"Hopefully, you'll never have to," I told her. Something about this girl fascinated me—she was only four and somehow able to have a coherent conversation with me. For her age, I was quite shocked. I grabbed her hand, and was surprised by how well I was able to control my hunger. "Be strong, okay?"

Nevaeh looked down, giving the impression that she was sad. She nodded though, looking at me with her big blue eyes.

The door opened just then which caused Nevaeh to step back. Damian and Sebastian walked in. Damian was angrier than I had ever seen before, and he quickly picked up Nevaeh who stayed calm and complied with his actions rather than fight him.

"Impressive," Sebastian said. "For a newbie, you have more self-control than I thought you would."

I glared at him. I got up and headed towards the door, but he stopped me. "Ah-ah," he said, holding up a hand. If it weren't for Nevaeh being in the room with us, I would have throttled him. Maybe ripped his throat out in the process.

"You know I can't let you out," he said. In that moment, Damian set Nevaeh down in the hallway and yelled at her to go back into her room. I heard her run up the stairs, followed by Damian's muttering. Sebastian had stepped out of the room and seemed to be having some kind of dispute with Damian. I usually wouldn't have been able to hear them, but my senses were now heightened.

"Why the fuck would you put her in there?" Damian shouted angrily. "She's four years old! She could've died and your little science project wouldn't have been able to control herself!"

"It's all a matter of testing to see how well she can hold back her thirst," Sebastian responded casually, showing no trace of sympathy or guilt. "I have some things I need to take care of today. Look after her, will you?"

Sebastian left the basement, and I could hear his footsteps as he walked up the stairs. Damian, now in a state of frustration, leaned against the other side of the door and peered at me through the small window.

"What do you want?" I asked bitterly.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"You tell me," I snapped, sitting down against the wall next to the door.

Damian sighed. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. I didn't even know."

"I don't believe you."

"Believe what you want. I let you off the hook last time because I didn't want you to go through what everyone else did."

"What happened to them?" I asked him. "Are they dead?"

Damian paused for a moment. "Undead, to be exact. I don't know where they are now. Only Sebastian would know. I have a lot less power here than you think I do."

"What about Kira?" I felt tears start to form behind my eyes, almost ready to roll down. Kira was so innocent. Well, we all were, but her bubbly behavior on our last night together made me emotional.

"I don't know," Damian admitted. "Whether you believe that or not, I really don't know what happened to her. Stop worrying about it."

"And Nevaeh's mother?" I pushed. Damian's heartbeat increased after I mentioned her, and he suddenly didn't have anything left to say. I thought I could sense some kind of heartache radiating off of him, but I didn't really understand what bothered him so much about it. He left the door, and I stood up, watching him walk away through the bars.

"Damian, wait," I said. He stopped with his back still turned to me. "Why haven't you killed me already? I'm clearly no use anymore. I can't be used as a sex slave without killing someone, so what's the point in keeping me alive?"

I heard Damian swallow, his jaw clenching. "I don't decide those rules. The doctors still want you."

"Why?" I asked, my voice shaking out of anger.

Damian looked back at me. "If it were up to me, I would have put you out of your misery a long time ago."

Damian finally walked away, leaving me in the dim room again. Staring down at the floor, I thought about what he said. His idea of being free from misery wasn't far off from my own. Maybe being dead really was better than being alive in this case. If it weren't for the faint glimmer of hope I had left of escaping, my will to live wouldn't have been in me anymore.

* * *

I was kept in that small room for another week. Over time, it was boredom rather than starvation that got to me. There was literally _nothing _to do in this lifeless room. After waking up today, I slipped away into Lissa's head to see what was going on. It had become very difficult to get into her head since my transformation—or whatever it was. Fortunately, the bond was still there.

Lissa's vision was very blurry. I felt like I was looking through a soaked camera lens and came to the conclusion that she was crying. This could also be another reason why I had been feeling so down lately. Lissa's emotions flowing through the bond made that very clear. I had to keep reminding myself to stay sane even though I was already on the brink of insanity.

She was in our dorm with Christian by her side while Adrian sat on my bed. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes when I saw him holding one of my stuffed animals.

"Do you think they killed her?" Lissa choked. "I felt it last week. It was like...a really bad drop. Like a part of me died or something. And _you _can't even get into her dreams."

Adrian hadn't been contacting me at all. If he was having difficulty, it made sense. It was probably because of my transformation. The last time he had seen me in my dreams, he had mentioned something about my eyes. Had they turned red at the time? I hoped he didn't think I was a full-blown strigoi. If only the stupid bond wasn't one way, I would have told Lissa I was still alive.

"I'm sure she's still alive, Lissa. Maybe it was the darkness playing tricks on your mind. This is Rose we're talking about. She'll survive anything." I knew Christian was doing his best to reassure her, but Lissa's worry for me didn't falter.

"I'll try again, okay?" Adrian muttered, but even he seemed unsure. "The last time I saw her...it was weird. She kept saying something about them experimenting on her. Right before we parted...her eyes turned red."

"That doesn't make any sense," Christian said. "You think they turned her into a strigoi?"

"They couldn't have. Strigoi don't feel things the way we do. They have no fear. When I saw Rose...she sounded so afraid, so desperate."

"That's so unlike her," Lissa remarked. "It must have taken a lot for Rose of all people to act like that. I can't even imagine what they've done to her. It makes me sick."

All I had to do was send a message. That's all I had to do. Just one message. I was so, so desperate. I needed her to hear me. I needed her to know that I was still alive. I concentrated until the only thing I could think about was her. I reached deeply into her mind, engulfing myself into her subconscious. The barrier that separated our bond was strong, but I pushed.

_Come on, keep going. _If I could just—

_Lissa!_

"Rose?" Lissa exclaimed. "Is that you?"

_Yes—yes, it's me! I'm alive!_

"You're alive!" she shouted. I couldn't believe it. I actually got through.

Adrian immediately sat up, focussing his attention on Lissa. Beside her, Christian was now alert as he watched her in awe.

"I can't believe you're alive," she cried, smiling through her tears. "I miss you."

_I miss you too. I miss all of you. _I wanted to say more, but the barrier was already starting to push me away.

"Can you get into her head?" Christian asked.

"I... I don't know," Lissa said. "Let me try."

I removed myself from her head as she tried to get into mine. She definitely couldn't get into my head if I was still in hers, so I laid there and waited for something to happen. Would I even know if she was there? If she said something, I'd be able to hear her, but how was I supposed to know if she was looking at the world through my eyes? Whether she was able to get in there or not, I wanted to at least be able to speak to her telepathically.

After about ten minutes of just lying there, nothing happened, so I slipped back into her head.

"I have to keep trying," she said. "The barrier is strong, but if she can push past it, I should be able to as well. I just need to practice."

"At least we know she's still alive," Christian said. "Her father has been contacting his people all over the place."

_Contacting his people? _What was that supposed to mean? Did he know people involved in this crap too?

"What do you expect? The man's literally a mobster. He's been investigating with the academy's guardians and going out with Belikov to look for her. Both of them are feared by a lot of people. They have to find something."

Dimitri working with my father who I didn't even know? Yikes. I knew Dimitri had a lot of connections, but hearing about my father blew me away. I wondered what he did for a living.

The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs jerked me back into my own body. The door burst open, and Damian was suddenly inside the room. He seemed to be in a serious rush when he threw a pile of clothes on the floor.

"Put this on. Quickly," he ordered.

"What are you—"

"Just put the fucking clothes on."

I was more confused than ever but had no energy to fight and simply obeyed him. He had given me a black sports bra along with black sweatpants which I slipped on with ease. I was a little confused, wondering why he would dress me up in something completely ordinary rather than a skimpy outfit for a client, but I didn't complain.

"Who am I seeing today?" I asked him.

"Nobody," he answered abruptly. "I'm helping you escape."

"What?"

"I don't have time to explain. You have to go now." Damian didn't wait another second. He grabbed my upper arm and took me upstairs where none of the girls were to be found. Where the hell did everyone go? Shipped somewhere else perhaps?

"Where is everyone?" I asked him, looking everywhere only to find open spaces.

"They've been sent out for...business purposes," Damian uttered out. He didn't need to elaborate on what he meant by 'business purposes', because I already knew.

"Put your sweater on," he said, looking behind me. I realized he wasn't talking to me, but to the person behind me. I looked back, once again shocked to find Nevaeh standing there with a tiny pink sweater in her arms. She must have been hiding somewhere before, because I hadn't noticed her before. She was hesitant to listen, but before Damian could go off on her, I stepped forward and held my hand up at him.

"I've got it," I told him. Turning back to Nevaeh, I kneeled in front of her and took her sweater in my hands. All she wore was a white shirt and a pair of black shorts. "Okay. One arm in...and another. Good." Nevaeh was calm and compliant as I helped her into the pink zip-up hoodie.

"Take her with you," Damian said.

"You're not coming?" I asked him. He shook his head. "Damian, you do realize they'll kill you if they find out, right?"

Damian was about to say something, but instead shut his mouth.

"Damian..."

"Just promise me you'll take care of Nevaeh, will you?" Damian pulled a pair of car keys out from his pocket and tossed them at me. "Take these. There should be cash in the car."

I nodded and decided it was best to just hurry rather than question him. Grabbing Nevaeh by the hand, I headed for the front door, but as soon as I opened it, I nearly screamed as I was greeted by an angry Sebastian. There were two dhampir guards behind him, one I recognized to be Seth.

"What do we have here?" Sebastian said tauntingly, stepping into the house. "If you wanted to escape, you should have probably gone through the back."

My first instinct was to just protect Nevaeh who hid behind my legs. "Nevaeh...go upstairs. _Now,"_ I told her, never taking my eyes off of Sebastian. Luckily, she did as I asked and climbed up the stairs.

As soon as she was out of earshot, I grabbed Sebastian's head and slammed it against the door frame. He didn't see it coming at all and toppled over, gripping his head. Seth was already attacking me in an instant, taking me to the ground. The other guard was fighting Damian, but between the two, I knew Damian couldn't win. He wasn't as strong as a dhampir, and I came to the realization that these two guards must have had some immense training at some point in their lives. Seth's fighting technique was almost as good as mine. If I hadn't been starved for so long, I would have knocked him out in seconds.

_His neck. Go for his neck. It's all you need. _

My instincts were going off, and I suddenly had a strong urge to feed on him. I now straddled him with my knees pinning his arms down. I yanked his head back, allowing my fangs to protrude before diving them into his neck. Seth howled out in agony as I fed on him, continuing to struggle against me. I ignored him, realizing that I was now stronger than him, and continued my feast.

Before I knew it, I was shot in the leg with what felt like a tranquilizer dart. _Oh, god, not again. To hell with these stupid drugs._

I should have seen it coming, or at least heard it, but I had been so out of control. I pulled away from Seth's neck and slumped against his body as darkness clouded my head.

* * *

The first thing I felt upon waking up was a burning pain in my wrists. I was not able to move—not my hands, anyway. They had tied my hands to something on the ceiling, but I couldn't see clearly as the room light blinded me.

"She's awake." I recognized that to be Seth's voice. After opening my eyes and taking a look at my surroundings, I felt very exposed. My wrists were hooked up to the ceiling in the same room they were keeping me in, and I was completely naked. This shouldn't have been anything new, but for whatever reason, I felt vulnerable.

"Ah. Just in time." Sebastian's voice had alarms going off in my head. I heard a door opening, and suddenly, a wave of nausea overwhelmed me. The feeling was all too familiar, and I realized a strigoi was definitely in here. "Marcus, Lorenzo. Meet Marie-B, our first successor."

"Isn't she a beauty," one of them said behind me. I couldn't see his face, but I recognized his voice. It was familiar…like I had heard it before. It was difficult to make out who he was and I couldn't remember where his voice had come from.

"Did you bring the money?" Sebastian asked.

"Everything you asked for. She holds everything we've ever wanted."

"Oh, she does. But remember, it takes 24 hours for everything to kick in. Also—your inheritances can only come from the original source, so make sure she stays alive," Sebastian said. Whoever he was talking to walked into my field of vision, and I could now see their faces. Both strigoi circled me, stroking my body as their thirst grew. One of them—the one who I had recognized—had been with me during my first session with the strigoi. That's why his voice sounded so familiar. His red eyes taunted mine before he walked behind me, gripping my hips.

Upstairs, I thought I could hear some kind of movement. There were footsteps—definitely more than one—which seemed to catch everyone's attention.

"What the hell is going on upstairs?" Seth wondered.

"The guards are probably just taking care of Damian. Go check anyways." Sebastian ordered. Seth nodded and left the room, slamming the door on the way out.

That same strigoi got back into business as he whispered against my neck. "This might hurt a little," he said. My heart started racing, and before I had time to process what was about to happen, he grabbed my hair, forcing my head back as he bit into the left side of my neck. The other one that came in with him mirrored his actions, but on the right side of my neck. I started screaming, desperately struggling against my restraints. Knowing that I would have to go through this over and over again made me contemplate whether or not I actually wanted to live. What if no one found me? Would I be stuck like this forever? Would there even be anything left of me if I did? What if—

The sound of a door being kicked down diverted everyone's attention. A woman's voice, loud and authoritative, echoed in the room. A fierce, strong woman who I once looked up to and respected dearly: Alberta Petrov.

"On the ground now!"

Relief flooded through me. I couldn't believe it. If she was here...there must have been an entire team with her. Guardians always travelled together. They had finally arrived, and they were here for _me._

* * *

**I was really unsure about how Rose was supposed to get out of this situation so I ended up bringing the guardians in to save her but I'm still kind of debating whether or not I should change it. Let me know what you think and I can try to change things to make it better! :)**


	7. Support System

As relieved as I was, the embarrassment of them having to see me like this made me want to disappear out of thin air.

I was panting, and my throat was groggy from all the screaming. The strigoi beside me were taken down in a mere split second by at least four guardians—including Dimitri. If I didn't know him, it would have been hard to believe how loving and gentle he could be. When he was angry, he was _scary_.

Dimitri staked one of the strigoi in the heart before focussing his attention on me. He didn't waste any time and released my wrists from the restraints. As soon as I was free, my knees buckled, causing my body to come tumbling down. Dimitri caught me mid way by the armpits and let me fall into his arms. He was careful not to touch me in certain areas, but made sure I could come down safely.

"Dimitri," I breathed, unable to form a coherent sentence.

"Roza." His voice was soft, and the old nickname that I loved so much brought tears to my eyes. I desperately wanted to hug him, but I was naked and had blood dripping everywhere. Dimitri carefully brushed my hair back, checking the bite wounds on my neck.

"Get her some clothes," he ordered to the group. Sebastian and Seth were already gone.

"I... I have clothes," I whispered. The sports bra and sweatpants I had on earlier were on the floor, next to the door. I started to get up, nearly falling in the process. I was so weak.

"I've got it," Alberta said, retrieving the garments. After handing them to me, I put everything on even though my movements were sloppy. I could tell Dimitri wanted to help me, but he was afraid he would somehow traumatize me after what I had been through. Truth be told, I wasn't afraid of him. He would never hurt me, and I trusted him more than anyone. Still, I understood why he was being so careful with me.

After finally getting all my clothes on, I stood up and tried to regain my balance.

"You actually found me," I said in astonishment. "H-how is this even possible?"

"I'll explain everything later, Roza. Right now, we need to get you to the academy."

"Wait," I said. "There's someone else here. I-I have to get her."

"Guardians are searching the house right now. We'll find her. Roza, please, you've lost a lot of blood. Let us help you," Dimitri said. I thought I could almost see tears in his eyes, and I wasn't sure what exactly had caused them. It could have been happiness from finding me, or maybe the fact that he was worried and wanted me to be okay. I'm sure our reunion would have involved a lot more hugs and sentimental words, but Dimitri was in a rush to make sure I was okay first.

I slipped my hand around his bicep for support as he guided me out. I passed by the blood lab, seeing a few guardians start to investigate that room. Were they going to find any information on me?

I had no time to process anything as I was led upstairs. My vision started to darken for a second, catching me off guard as I stumbled. This time, Dimitri picked me up and carried me in his arms.

Now this, I needed. I had missed him...so much. I hadn't even been gone for that long—maybe a month. To me, it felt like a lifetime.

It was dark out, but I could see one of the academy's jets sitting outside the house's fenced perimeter. Dimitri spoke a few words to someone I didn't know, but I was too dozed to even pay attention to what they were saying. He was speaking to a moroi man in his forties, and he looked down at me a few times as they spoke.

"...you should be able to find stuff in there. Take care of her," the man said. It was all I really picked up as my mind slipped in and out of focus. Dimitri continued to hold me as he stepped up onto the stairs that led into the private jet.

"Roza, I'm going to put you down, okay?" Dimitri whispered against my head. I nodded before feeling him carefully set my body down on one of the passenger's seats. I started to regain some energy as my head cleared.

"Where are you going?" I asked as Dimitri started to walk away. Although I wasn't going to say it out loud, I wanted him to stay with me.

"I'll be right back. I'm just getting a blanket and some things to clean you up," he said.

"Oh, o-okay," I stuttered, relaxing against the chair. I still couldn't believe I was actually found. We were in the middle of nowhere. How did they even find me?

"Rose?" Behind me, a warm hand touched my shoulder, and I looked up into the fierce eyes of my mother.

"Mom!" I jumped out of my seat and threw my arms around her neck. I knew I was covered in blood, but I couldn't help myself. For the first time in years, I was actually more than happy to see her. She had been with the team that rescued me. For a moment, I forgot about the problems between us as she held me tightly.

"You have no idea how worried I was," she whispered before pulling back. I thought I could see tears in her eyes, but being the tough guardian she was, she held them back.

"I'm okay now. I promise you, I'm okay."

"Oh, Rose," she laughed, caressing my face. "Listen, we're going to get you to the academy, and the doctors will take good care of you. You'll be well protected, and no one will ever hurt you again—"

"Mom," I interrupted, placing my hand on hers. "I'm fine." _No, you're not. You're damaged goods._

No. Stop thinking like that. You're better than that.

Dimitri returned in that moment with a soft grey blanket, a new pair of clothes, some wet towels, and a first aid kit.

"Guardian Belikov, thank you for taking care of her. I'm going to go speak to Abe." My mother kissed my forehead before leaving us alone together.

Abe...that name sounded familiar, like I had heard it before. I shrugged it off though, assuming it was probably just another guardian on the team.

Dimitri handed me the clothing and set everything else down beside him.

"These are mine," he said. It was a black hoodie and a pair of black sweatpants which looked a bit like the ones I had on now—just a lot cleaner and bigger in size. Both clothing items had a small St. Vladimir's Academy logo in the corner.

"Thank you," I said gratefully.

"But first," he said, holding up a hand, "let me take care of your neck."

"Dimitri, I'm fine—"

"Rose."

I sighed, knowing it was best not to protest. Blood had been dripping from my gaping wounds, and I was sure that Dimitri wasn't going to let me go without cleaning them up.

"Okay," I said, flipping my hair back. Dimitri sat down next to me and used the towel to clean up the area, and for a second, I was briefly reminded of that night when Damian had done the same thing.

I tensed up as he pressed the towel against my skin. He was gentle as he cleaned the bites, but my neck had additional marks and bruises from constantly being bitten over the past few weeks. When he moved down to the blood on my chest, he paused, watching my eyes warily.

"Do you want to do this part?" he asked. I realized there was blood on my breasts too, so I nodded, taking the towel into my hands. I had been intimate with him once, and although I was more comfortable with him than anyone else, I was hesitant to let anyone touch me in certain areas.

As he rubbed some medical cream into my neck, a certain warmth ignited in me. It had nothing to do with intimacy—just comfort. Dimitri's presence naturally made me feel better.

I didn't want the bandages at first as I found them quite annoying on my neck, but I didn't resist. Dimitri was only trying to help me, and I appreciated him for that. After packing things up, I went into the small washroom to change into his clothes. It felt so clean and comfortable compared to what I was wearing before, and I gave myself a moment to bury my face in the opening of his hoodie. His scent lingered on the material, making me feel at ease again. Even his socks were warm on my cold feet.

When I came out, I could see a small smile start to form on Dimitri's face as he took in my appearance.

"What?" I asked, a slight blush starting to creep up on my face.

"Nothing. You just look cute in my clothes," he answered, still trying to suppress a smile. His clothes were much bigger and baggier on my short frame. Even my hands remained buried in the long sleeves.

Dimitri unravelled the grey blanket and gestured for me to sit. After yawning for the fifth time tonight, I relaxed in my seat as Dimitri tucked my body in, bringing the blanket up to my chin.

"We're still checking the house right now, but we'll be going soon. I'll explain everything when we get to the hospital, but right now, you need to rest."

"Dimitri, wait. Will you—" I paused for a moment, debating on whether I should actually ask him to stay with me. I wanted that so much, but I didn't want to seem like some needy little girl. He never judged me for anything, but I had to stay strong on my own, too.

"What is it, Roza? What's wrong?" he asked, kneeling down to my level.

"Never mind," I murmured.

"Are you sure? I'm here for you, Roza." He seemed so sincere, and it took everything in me not to burst into tears. There were so many things I had to think about. I still had no idea how I was going to keep my strigoi mixture a secret. I didn't even know how I was going to get my blood supply or how I was going to manage keeping my thirst under control in a school full of moroi and dhampirs. Keeping it from Lissa and Dimitri would be especially painful.

"I'm sure," I lied. "I think I'm just going to sleep now."

Dimitri didn't seem convinced at all, but he didn't push. I would have to talk to him eventually, but for now, I really did need to rest. There were guardians in the jet too, meaning I was more than safe in here.

"Alright," Dimitri said. He bent down and planted a soft kiss on my forehead before heading off to investigate with the rest of the guardians.

* * *

I was expecting to wake up in the jet, but instead, I woke up on a hard, concrete surface. I was in a place I had never seen before—an old, dark tunnel with a small opening of light at the very end. The smell of blood invaded my nose, and an ear-piercing scream echoed in the tunnels. Where was I? I thought I had been saved...the guardians came to rescue me.

"Help me!" someone cried. It was the voice of a little girl; one I didn't quite recognize right away. It was coming from the other side of the tunnel, so I got up and started walking. The light was visible, but it seemed so far away. I could have been walking for hours. As I got closer, however, the light got bigger, and the screams got louder.

"Please help me!" the little girl screamed. She sounded so scared, and I could hear her heavy sobs. I picked up my pace, determined to help the child as I got closer and closer to the light. As I reached the opening, the brightness took over for a second, causing me to cover my eyes with my arm. As the seconds went by, though, the light started to die down, no longer blinding my vision.

What I saw next horrified me. I was back in the experimentation lab, and there was so much blood everywhere that it looked like there had been a massacre in here. On the metal table was a little girl with dark brown hair and tear-ridden brown eyes. She was strapped down, screaming out in desperation and begging me to help her. I wanted to help her, but my body movements were no longer in my control. Everything I did was so robotic. Every step I took was forced.

My hand grasped onto a silver stake that was laying on the tray next to her. When I took a closer look at her, my heart sank. This was no ordinary little girl. This was the younger version of _me. _That's why her voice was so familiar. Looking at her now—or, rather, myself—I could see the close resemblance between us.

"Please help me!" she screamed again. Tears were springing ceaselessly from the child's eyes, and all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her everything would be okay—but I couldn't. All I could do was helplessly watch my arms hold the stake above her body with the tip pointed directly over her heart.

"What are you doing?!" she cried. "No, please, don't! _Stop!"_

"I'm sorry," I whispered to myself. I couldn't do anything. I was helpless. The little version of me continued to sob and thrash around, struggling against her bindings. Hot tears of my own broke through as I watched her struggle. There was nothing I could do, and it made me so, so sad.

After one long, torturous inner battle, I drove the stake through.

* * *

My body jolted out of my seat as soon as my eyelids fluttered open. I was back...back to reality. I was still on the private jet. It was just a dream. No, a nightmare. A terrible nightmare.

I was trembling all over, but it wasn't because I was cold. I was trembling out of stress and fear.

"Rose, are you okay?"

"What happened to her?"

"Is she alright?"

Within seconds, I was bombarded with questions by the crew of guardians on the jet. Dimitri was among them, and he was now standing by the seat beside me. His worried eyes bore into mine. I realized there were actual tears on my cheeks and quickly wiped them away with my sleeve. I didn't want people—especially guardians—to see me crying.

"Sorry," I murmured. Alberta was leaning over the seat in front of me. She, too, looked worried.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. Just had a bad dream," I answered. "Do you, uh, have any water?"

"Of course. Wait here," Alberta said. I wasn't sure where she went, but I assumed she was grabbing me something to drink. I was getting thirsty, and it wasn't for water. Still, drinking anything would at least distract me a little.

"You okay?" Dimitri asked, sitting down next to me.

"Mhm," I mumbled, seeming totally unsure of myself. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."

"Don't apologize, Roza. You did nothing wrong."

Alberta came in that moment with a bottle of water which I thanked her for. Seeing that Dimitri was there to comfort me, she left us alone to talk privately. I took a sip of the water, and although it helped clear my dry throat, it didn't take away the annoying hunger I had for blood.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dimitri asked. In moments like these, he would have probably held my hand or wrapped an arm around me. I wanted that, but I knew he was hesitant. I didn't want him to think I was afraid.

"I don't know," I finally answered. The dream was so horrible that I wasn't sure if I wanted to think about it at all. I didn't want to sleep, either. Right now, I just wanted Dimitri to hold me. Would he think I was weak if I told him that?

"Can you just...can you just hold me?" I asked, shutting my eyes.

"What? Are you sure? After everything you've been through, I don't want to make you feel—"

"Dimitri, _please_. I'm not afraid of you. I just need you to hold me right now. That's all I want."

Dimitri was always good at hiding his emotions, but right now, I could see everything. Concern was written all over him, and I thought I could see a little bit of sadness in there too as he stared at me.

"Okay," he said. I moved closer to his seat, and he wrapped his arm around me, pressing me into his chest. He planted a soft kiss on my forehead, and I snuggled up against him, feeling the security and warmth he so naturally embraced me with. I had missed this _so_ much. Even having his arm around me, rubbing my side as a way of comfort, made me forget about all my troubles for a while. For the first time in a long time, I felt okay.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed! Reviews are highly appreciated :) **


	8. Back to School

Apparently, I had been in Washington State the whole time. I still had no idea how the guardians found me when I was so far away, but I assumed they would give me information once we arrived at the academy. Our flight was short, and we only had about half an hour left until we landed. I was resting peacefully in Dimitri's arms until a small hand touched mine.

Nevaeh stood there, wrapped up in a thick, soft blanket that covered her whole body. She rubbed her eyes and looked like she had just woken up from a nap. I almost forgot about her, but I was happy that she came with us.

"You brought her with us," I said, looking up at Dimitri.

"I told you we would find her. Obviously, we weren't going to leave her there."

For the first time in a long time, I smiled, reaching out to brush Nevaeh's messy hair.

"Are we there yet?" she asked tiredly.

"Not yet, hon. Go back to sleep," I said, yawning. I was still half human, meaning I still needed to sleep, and I hadn't been sleeping properly for over a month. The effects of being fed on earlier was also affecting me. A strigoi that was low on blood was never a good sign.

Instead of going back to wherever she was sitting, she crawled into the seat by the window. I now had Dimitri on my right side while Nevaeh sat on my left.

"She was so scared when we found her," Dimitri whispered, his voice so low that only I could hear him.

"She hasn't been exposed to the world. It's probably just strange for her to see new people."

Dimitri looked over at the child where she now slept. He didn't say anything, but his slight frown already told me enough. He always had a soft spot for children. The image of a four-year-old growing up in such harsh conditions was emotional torment.

After we landed, I shook Nevaeh out of her sleep. "Hey, sweetie. Wake up."

Slowly, Nevaeh unravelled herself from her blanket and stretched. Everyone was already walking out, but Dimitri waited patiently as Nevaeh slid off of her seat.

As we started walking down the aisle, though, I looked behind me to find Nevaeh still standing there, refusing to move. "Come here, Nevaeh," I said, holding out my hand. She complied, and I made sure I was careful with her.

As I stepped out of the jet, I was immediately greeted by a cold breeze. I didn't know the exact time, but luckily, it was still dark out. I hadn't been exposed to any sunlight so far and prayed to God that it didn't burn me. If it did, I was going to have a lot of problems.

I could literally hear things from hundreds of metres away, and it was scaring the crap out of me. The sound of strigoi caves made me shudder. I still couldn't believe I was part of them now. The danger they posed to our world was too high. Now that a part of me was strigoi, I didn't know what to think. This was why it would be too dangerous to have the academy or the royal court know about what happened to me. Since day one, they were taught and trained to kill strigoi—even if it was someone they loved before. What were they going to think if they found out about me? I was still half human, but that monstrous part of me might be too prominent. I could imagine them locking me up in a cell to rot, or even sending me straight to death. I wasn't happy with myself, but I still had to protect Lissa and the rest of my loved ones. I wanted to train her to fight, to defend herself, to toughen up when faced with a difficult situation so that she could avoid crap like this. I wanted her to be safe from strigoi—including me.

"This is where you live?" Nevaeh asked, looking up at me with her big blue eyes.

"You could say that," I said. "Pretty soon, so will you."

The guards at the front seemed to notice us, because as soon as we stepped into their line of vision, a group of them came running forward. As we stepped forward, they pointed flashlights towards us, making me look away for a second. These were special lights—the same ones they used to weaken strigoi. It hurt my eyes, but I turned and looked towards the ground, exposing myself to the light while not looking directly into it.

"It's them! They're back!" someone yelled. The students outside started staring, and I realized they were staring at me. I could now hear their conversations clearly as they started murmuring comments to each other about me. Within seconds, I was swarmed by students as they asked me questions. Dimitri and Alberta stepped around me, blocking the students and telling them to give me space. Nevaeh began tugging on my hand, grabbing onto my leg. I decided it was best to just pick her up, and she grabbed onto my neck, clinging on tightly. She was now crying and I could literally smell the fear on her. She was completely overwhelmed.

"Shh. Don't be afraid. We're safe now," I whispered to her.

As soon as the front doors opened, we were greeted by even more guardians. At this point, I just wanted some privacy. The last thing I needed were people bothering me with more questions. We needed to be cleaned up. Nevaeh, especially, needed a shower.

"Rose! By Vlad!"

That voice was too recognizable to ignore. Headmistress Kirova came running around the corner, her perfect hair tied back into a sleek ponytail.

"I can't believe it," she said. The sound of her heels reminded me of the days she would chase me down the hallways whenever I was causing trouble. This time, she actually seemed relieved to see me.

"Bring them to the infirmary. Now," Kirova ordered. The guards obeyed her command and led us into the familiar care unit of the academy's hospital. Dr. Olendzki's jaw dropped when we walked in, but she was quick to react as she ushered us in. When they tried to take Nevaeh away, she refused to let go.

I set her down, pulling away to caress her small face. The poor child was so stressed out, and I understood why. Seeing so many people in those uniforms probably freaked her out. Her entire life had revolved around Damian back at the house, and she had never really been exposed to larger populations.

"Don't be afraid," I told her. "They're just going to take care of you. I'll be with you soon, okay?"

Nevaeh nodded, but her tears wouldn't stop. One of the dhampir teachers whom I recognized to be Stan Alto picked her up, and she started sobbing as her hands were ripped away from mine. Two pairs of arms practically dragged me to a private cubicle, and a small sob of my own nearly broke through when Nevaeh called my name—well, my stupid nickname—over and over again as the distance between us grew. I still didn't understand why she was so attached to me, or why I felt the need to protect her. It wasn't like my bond with Lissa. It was different.

What was going to happen now? Was this it? I just had to go on with my life? Was I still a target? There were still others who had connections with Sebastian, and I had no idea what was going to happen. Was I just supposed to live the rest of my life in fear of people finding out my secret?

The strigoi had wanted me...but for what? A cure? I had no information on what they actually wanted me for. Even Damian couldn't tell me why my blood was so damn important. I was once again left with open ends, bothered by the fact that I had no closure.

I took advantage of my time in the cubicle and slipped into Lissa's head. Word about my return was already going around, and she was running through the halls, determination running through her head as she tried to look for me. The entire crew was with her—Christian, Adrian, Eddie, and even Mia.

I was abruptly pulled out of her head when a hand on my shoulder made me jump. I returned to my own space to see Dr. Olendzki in front of me. Dimitri had apparently walked in with her, because he was now in my cubicle, studying me carefully.

"There you are," Dr. Olendzki said. I gave her a hug, and she hugged me back tightly.

"So glad you are alive," she said. "Some of us thought we would never see you again."

"I thought so too, not too long ago," I admitted. Dimitri and I both frowned. It wasn't like me to say or think like that.

"Are you okay with me being here? I just wanted to check on you, but if you want privacy, I can step out," Dimitri offered.

I shook my head. "I'm fine with you here."

Dr. Olendzki looked down at her charts. "Okay, hon. I understand you must have been through a lot, so we won't be inspecting you too much today, but we _will_ need to do a little check up on your health. We'll be taking some blood samples if that's okay with you."

The blood test was extremely risky. I could care less if they wanted to test me for infections and diseases—even though vampires were immune to those kind of things—but there was no way they could do that without finding strigoi blood cells in my system. Soon enough, they would realize my blood was different from my last records. Only problem was, if I refused a blood sample, they'd also suspect I was trying to hide something.

"Needles freak me out," I told her. Honestly, I had gotten so used to needles after having my kidnappers inject crap into my body almost everyday, but it was the best lie I could come up with.

Dimitri spoke, his voice calm but firm. "You should have one done, Rose."

"I…um," I stuttered, shutting my eyes for a moment before looking back at my doctor. "Dr. Olendzki, if you found anything unusual, you'd only tell me, right?"

"Of course," she said. "Whatever we find here is confidential, Rose."

I took a deep breath and lifted my sleeve. I pulled it back in a split second, however, when I noticed the tiny blinking red dot under my skin—it was almost faint, but I could still see it.

The damn tracker. How could I have forgotten? Oh god, Nevaeh had one too. If we didn't get rid of them, they could lead our abductors to the academy and endanger everyone else. Sebastian, Seth and Damian were obviously taken care of, but there were definitely others. A while back, Damian had told me that Sebastian had people from all over the place.

"What is it, Rose? What's wrong?" Dimitri asked.

"There's a tracker in my arm. Nevaeh has one too. I completely forgot. We need to take them out." I started looking through the drawers, completely stunning both of them.

"Do you have a scalpel anywhere?" I asked. Dr. Olendzki's jaw dropped, and she seemed to lose the ability to speak at my outburst.

"Oh, for god's sake. You're not cutting yourself open," Dimitri said. Without warning, I reached into his pocket and grabbed his stake.

"Rose! Are you insane?!" Dimitri exclaimed, yanking his stake out of my hand.

"If we don't get these out, the others will be able to see our location!"

"Then the doctors will take it out. Don't ever do that again," he said sternly. I sighed, realizing how irrational I actually was. Damn my stupid impulses.

* * *

A nurse had come in shortly after that and taken a few samples of my blood. From the outside, nobody could tell that I was different. The only major difference was my skin tone. Since my moroi cells had been modified, my skin had become a lot paler—not as white as a strigoi, but paler than it used to be. Then again, I could have been pale for a number of other reasons—starvation, blood loss, lack of fluids, and being stuck in a dark basement for three weeks.

The nurse also checked my blood pressure and my breathing, and had taken a swab sample from the back of my throat. I expected her to ask me a load of questions about what happened, but to my surprise, she didn't.

"You'll most likely be questioned by Headmistress Kirova," she said, putting her chart at her side. "And just to let you know, Dr. Olendzki only has time to take your tracker out tomorrow. The men who kidnapped you are locked up. They can't get here."

"I know, but—"

"Ms. Hathaway, it's all we can do. We have to make an incision, meaning we'll be freezing the area. It's too much for your body to handle right now."

I rolled my eyes but decided not to push it any farther. My body had been through a lot, and as much as I wanted to get the stupid blinking thing out of me, she was right.

"When can I leave?" I asked her. Dimitri shook his head, but he didn't at all look surprised.

"Technically, you can't leave the infirmary yet. Guardians will escort you to Headmistress Kirova's office when you're ready."

With that, she left the cubicle but kept the curtains open. I slipped my sleeve back down to cover the scars I'd inflicted a few weeks ago. Now, every time I tried to harm myself, the wound would just heal when it would usually take at least a week. The only thing that could stunt my healing process now was a silver stake along with bites and scratches from another vampire.

Dimitri's face changed when he saw the scars, and he stepped forward, taking my arm in his. Slowly, he lifted the sleeve back up and ran his thumb over the marks.

"Dimitri..." I pulled my arm away, covering my arm again. Dimitri didn't say anything else. Instead, he wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly. I closed my eyes, holding back the tears that threatened to fall. I had bottled up so much pain but still refused to let anything out. With Dimitri, I should have let myself cry, but I didn't want him to think I was weak. I didn't want anyone to think that. I was supposed to be strong.

"I'm never letting you go again," Dimitri said as he rubbed my back. I tightened my arms around him, holding onto him as if he were about to disappear. I thought I wouldn't be capable of being close to anyone again after what I went through, but here I was in the arms of the man I loved. With him, there was no fear.

On the other side of the curtains, several students started yelling in the waiting area. There was some kind of commotion going on, breaking Dimitri and me apart. I peaked behind the curtains, glancing around to find guardians trying to hold someone back. Well, more like a whole group of people.

"Where is she? Let me through! I need to see her!"

I froze on the spot. Lissa was here. They all were. Oh god.

"Let them through," I commanded, stepping into the hallway. Despite their efforts, Lissa pushed through their arms as soon as she saw me, and before I knew it, she had her arms wrapped so tightly around my body that it became hard to breathe.

"Lissa, I can't—breathe—"

"Sorry!" Lissa pulled away, cupping my face in her hands. Her next actions were so sudden and all over the place that I barely noticed everyone else joining her. She smacked her lips onto my forehead, creating a loud 'mwah' sound. I really hoped everyone else wasn't going to shower me with kisses. I was okay with Lissa, but the boys? They'd better give me a bro-fist.

Still, seeing her made me happy inside. Her emotions were all over the place, but her joy overpowered everything in this moment.

"I'm so glad you're alive and back!" she squealed, squeezing me again. "When Adrian was having trouble contacting you, we thought that was it. I thought—" she stuttered on her words. She looked like she was about to cry.

"I'm here now," I reassured her. "Believe me, I'm just as shocked as you are."

"Alright, my turn, girly." Adrian walked forward, and Lissa finally stepped away.

"Are you okay with hugs—"

"Oh, shut up," I laughed, hugging him tightly.

"I'm glad you're okay," he said, pulling back. Christian was just as eager to see me, and for the first time, I actually hugged him. Eddie, of course, went in for a bear hug. Even Mia hugged me. Whatever tension we used to have was all gone now.

I didn't even notice Dimitri had been watching us from the side with a small smile planted on his lips. Lissa walked over and threw her arms around him, shocking all of us.

"Thank you for saving my best friend," she said gratefully. Her embrace caught him off guard for a second, but he hugged her back a moment later. Lissa really was grateful that he—and the rest of the team—had rescued me. Seeing the two people I loved most establish those levels of trust and comfort warmed my heart.

"Sorry to interrupt, but Headmistress Kirova would like to see you." Alberta approached us, and Lissa let go of Dimitri.

I swallowed, my chest feeling tight again. "Who else will be there?"

"Just me, Alberta and your mother," Dimitri assured me. "You…know how it works."

I nodded, and Dimitri placed a hand behind my back, guiding me out. I looked over my shoulder where Lissa and the others watched me leave.

"I'll be in our dorm right after," I told her. She was still worried, but she nodded with the reassurance that I would be okay.

"Marie-B!" Nevaeh's high-pitched voice caught just about everyone's attention. Before I could leave, her tiny figure came running in my direction.

"Nevaeh, please, call me Rose," I said, leaning down so that our eyes were levelled. "Look, I have to go see someone right now, but I'll be with soon."

"You said you'd stay with me," she whined. I never thought I'd have a slight weakness for kids, but Nevaeh's pout was adorable.

"I will. I promise you, I will. Just wait for a little bit, okay? Hey, you see that blonde girl over there?" I pointed in Lissa's direction where she was sitting in the waiting area, still observing me with the rest of our friends.

"That's my best friend. Stay with her until I come back, okay?"

Nevaeh sighed, giving me a sad puppy-dog look. "Okay…"

"Good girl," I said, standing up and watching her skip to my friends. I smiled before looking away to be faced by Dimitri and Alberta. My mother strolled along, walking closely behind me.

"Marie-B?" Dimitri asked as we headed to Kirova's office.

"Ugh. Don't even get me started with that one. It's a stupid nickname they gave me."

"You didn't go by your real name?"

"One of my pimps wanted to protect my identity. One night, I was covered in blood, so he came up with this atrocious idea to use the second part of my name and call me 'Bloody Mary'. I thought it was stupid, so he called me Marie-B instead. Not that it's any better."

"I'm assuming the B stands for bloody."

"Mhm," I muttered as we reached the office. It was still the same as it was before—the dark red wooden loft, the filled-to-the-top bookshelves, and the tufted leather couches that sat parallel to each other. Kirova was sitting at her desk and stood up to greet me. The rest of the guards spaced themselves out across her lounge, standing with stoic faces as they guarded the place. Dimitri and Alberta took their seats beside her while my mother sat on her other side.

"We've been working with officers from the royal court to investigate this case for a while. Ms. Hathaway, I understand you have been through a lot and we're all very happy that you've returned. However, we do need to talk about what happened before you're sent to court—which, hopefully, will not be for at least a month. If you feel uncomfortable talking about something, please let us know."

This was the first time being in Kirova's office for anything other than breaking the rules. I had never seen her act so kind and composed—at least not with me.

"You don't have to answer anything you don't feel comfortable answering," Dimitri said.

"I'm sure I'll be fine," I said, sitting on the armchair in front of the desk. I crossed my legs and looked down at my fidgeting fingers, squeezing them together to calm my anxiety down.

Before Kirova could start, someone else walked through the door. It was the same moroi man I had seen earlier. He had been talking to Dimitri before I was taken into the jet, and had also been part of my rescue team. Now that I was alert, I could clearly see his features: tan skin, dark brown hair, and brown eyes.

"Pardon me, headmistress," he said gruffly, pulling out a chair.

"Abe," my mother muttered as he sat beside her. "I didn't know you were invited."

Ah. So, this was the mysterious Abe I had been wondering about.

"I'm crashing the party," he said smugly. He leaned over the desk, intertwining his fingers together. "Please, continue. Pretend I'm not here."

"Mr. Mazur, with all due respect, this is not the right time. Rose should only be with people she is familiar with," Kirova said, shifting around in her seat.

"Oh, I agree—but if it weren't for my help, she wouldn't have been found. I think I deserve to know what happened to my daughter."

Woah, what? Did he just say what I think he did? "I beg your pardon?"

My mother slapped her palm against her face while everyone else went quiet. "Damn it, Abe!"

"I'm sorry, can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" I demanded.

The four adults exchanged looks between each other while Abe grinned.

"Rose," my mother began, "meet Ibrahim Mazur—your father."

* * *

**I'm hesitant with writing so I'm always anxious to post a new chapter. **

**I do appreciate the reviews! I hope you're enjoying things so far. **


	9. Interrogations and Adjustments

"What the fuck?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. My mouth remained open as a result of my total shock and disbelief.

"Nice to meet you, too. Though I would have preferred a more generous approach," Abe said.

"And where have you been all these years?" I asked.

"We'll get into that when everything settles down. Right now, headmistress Kirova's questions are still pending."

"Hey, wait a minute! We've just met after 18 years of you being absent!"

My mother spoke up against my sudden outburst. "Your father is the reason you're even here. Show some gratitude, Rosemarie."

"_Don't_ call me that," I growled, making her flinch. I was so sick of hearing my full name. Expressing myself was nothing new for me, but my temper had gotten worse after being transitioned. Being half strigoi along with the darkness of spirit was a more dominant part of me than I had imagined. I had to remember to keep myself under control.

"Ladies, please, can we get on with the questions?" Abe asked. Looking at him now, I could actually see some of our resemblances. I definitely inherited my dark curly hair from him as well as my previously tanned skin. The eyes were definitely a match too, and his snarky attitude already said enough about my own.

Kirova finally cleared her throat. "Can you tell us about what happened in the house you were taken to?"

"It's not easy to explain," I said, still studying Abe. "I was put in a...prostitution ring...with both moroi and dhampir girls. We had pimps assigned to look after us so that they could sell us to moroi men." I swallowed nervously before uttering out my next words. "Uh...strigoi, too."

Kirova raised an eyebrow. "Strigoi?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied. Dimitri and Alberta glanced at each other.

"And where did they take you, exactly?" she asked.

"Um...clubs. Blood whore dens. I'm not sure of the exact locations. We were usually blindfolded or taken by a van."

"I-I see. And these people you talk about. Can you…tell us a little bit more about them? If you're okay with that."

I took a deep breath as the image of Sebastian crept its way into my head. The thought of him made me angry, but I tried my best to contain it. "They were selling us to other vampires," I confessed. Everyone went quiet for a moment, shifting around in their seats.

"I'm so sorry, Rose," Alberta said, covering her mouth. Dimitri's fists clenched and his lips pursed. I could tell he was feeling angry. He was always angry when it came down to people hurting me.

"Happens," I muttered, clearing my throat. "Next question."

"Are you s—"

"Yes. What happened, happened. Not talking about it won't change that," I said.

"The moroi child our team brought in. Nevaeh, is it?"

"Right, yes. She was born into the business," I answered quickly, pursing my lips together. "Her mother...I think she was killed, but I don't know for sure. She has no other family—at least not that I know of. On the day I met her, she was—" I had to take a second as the tears of anger and frustration were becoming harder to hold back. I replayed the memory of Sebastian throwing her into the room I was locked in to see if I would feed on her. I hated him even more for it. Abusing me was one thing, but to use and abuse a child was a whole other level of evil.

"You don't have to tell us if it's too much," Dimitri said softly. I nodded, giving him one of my sad smiles.

"Did they want anything else with you?" Kirova continued. "Anything that could still potentially put you or others at risk?"

This is what I had been completely avoiding. I bit my lip, averting my gaze. I couldn't tell them anything. Surely, Kirova would have to report it. Whether I was dangerous or not, my type of mix was almost unheard of. The royal court would definitely want to know more about me.

"No," I finally answered.

"It said in your file that you were...used for some kind of experiments, at least according to Lord Ivashkov's observations from the dreams."

I rolled my eyes. I hadn't thought of that at all.

"Obviously, they must have seen some kind of other significance in you," Kirova finished.

I tilted my head, my lips tugging into a smirk. "I guess I'm just that special."

My mother scowled at me. "Rose."

I sighed as I tried to come up with a better lie. My sarcasm wasn't gong to work here. "You all know I'm laced with the side effects of spirit. My mind was getting dark. They believed I was too dangerous and decided it was best to lock me up…drugging me over and over again. Plus, I crashed their van and almost killed my pimp in the process." Technically, I wasn't lying. That really did happen.

"I don't understand...if they thought you were dangerous, why would they even keep you at that point?"

_Because I was their lab rat. _I blinked, trying to push those thoughts away.

"I think we're done here," I said dryly, my voice turning cold. Kirova swallowed, growing more and more uncomfortable. Alberta and Dimitri seemed to sense my sudden change in mood and both gave each other a look. It seemed as though I made all of them uncomfortable, but I decided I wasn't going to hold back on my words.

"Rose, I'm so sorry you had to go through this, especially at your age, and I can only imagine what you're going through. Your answers are helping us a lot. Your former mentor, Guardian Belikov," Kirova said, cocking her head at Dimitri, "will be escorting you for a while—at least until things settle down."

"Whether you want to accept the help or not," Dimitri said, "I'm here for you. We all are."

I knew he wanted to be there for me, and perhaps it was best if I just let him—but I couldn't help but feel like such a baby. My mind was far from okay, but I still wanted to be strong.

"I appreciate that. I just don't want to feel like some fragile little girl that needs babysitting."

Dimitri chuckled. "I know you can take care of yourself, but we've decided it's best to have someone around—at least for the time being. If anything, it should be me."

I smiled. "Well, I don't mind your company."

"Then it's settled. Uh, Rose, just one more thing," Kirova said, holding a hand up as I stood up.

"Hm?"

"I have a feeling you're not going to like this, but we have decided it's probably best for you to stay at this academy for at least another year."

"Excuse me?" I exclaimed.

"Here we go," Dimitri murmured under his breath.

"I'm supposed to be Lissa's guardian!"

"Let her finish," my mother commanded. I glared at her.

"The princess will be staying here as well," Kirova said, holding her hand up. "This academy has a university campus on the east side. It's smaller, but we offer programs for both moroi and dhampirs. Vasilisa has enrolled, and I'm sure the rest of your friends have too. You can even continue your training and have practice trials with her. After all the trauma, we advise that you don't dive into the field yet. This will only benefit you, Ms. Hathaway."

Well. That changed things. If Lissa enrolled, it wasn't so bad that I was staying here. Maybe I wouldn't have the official title of a guardian yet, but I could still protect her while she was here. Had she decided to go somewhere else, I would have been going off the rails.

_"Fine," _I groaned, rolling my eyes again. "I'll stay."

"Lovely." Abe got up from where he was sitting and straightened his coat. I ran up to him, blocking his path before he could leave.

"Wait," I said curtly, placing a hand on his jacket. The texture was both soft and thick, and clearly made of high quality. "We still need to talk."

"And we will," he said, stepping off to the side. He continued to speak as he walked away. "I understand you're eager to get to know me. I must say I'm flattered, but I have some urgent business to take care of at the royal court regarding your case."

"What do you mean 'take care of'?"

"I'm working with the officers, Rose. Just be patient."

"Patient? _Patient?!_"

My mother approached me. "Rose, you need to calm down—"

"No! I was stuck in a sex ring for a month! I have every right to be a part of this!"

This time, Dimitri stepped in, placing a firm hand on my shoulder. "You _will, _okay? I can promise you that. We'll be taking you to the royal court when the time comes, but for now, you need to give yourself some space."

I turned around and looked up to face him. I didn't want to be difficult with him of all people, but the frustration was killing me. I needed answers of my own. I wasn't a prisoner anymore, but I still felt powerless.

"I want to do something. I _need _to do something."

"I know," Dimitri said, grabbing both of my shoulders to steady me. "We're doing everything we can. You'll get your chance, okay?"

Even with all my irrationality, his voice was so soothing and managed to calm me down. Even his hands on my shoulders helped me feel a little more stable.

"Promise?" I asked softly.

Dimitri nodded. "Promise."

* * *

Since coming back, Dr. Olendzki requested for me to see a therapist. Being the stubborn girl that I was, I refused. I wasn't up for talking to a stranger about my problems. Dimitri had chastised me on it, but even he couldn't force me to go.

I had spent the past week getting myself back together. I had my tracker removed, and there was now a small scar on my forearm. I resisted going for my check-up appointment, though, as the incision had healed almost immediately. Nevaeh still had a bandage on her arm as she also had her tracker removed, but unlike me, she couldn't heal fast. She was staying in my dorm recently, and since Lissa and I still shared a room, she usually slept in my bed.

I was supposed to start my classes today, so I gave Nevaeh one of my bigger hoodies which fit her like a dress.

"Look at how cute you are," I said, allowing her to look at herself in the mirror as I carried her. Lissa and I had given her two Dutch braids along the sides of her head. I had to admit it to myself—Nevaeh was beyond beautiful. She was only four years old, and knowing the conditions she was brought up in made my heart ache for her. This was going to stay with her forever, and I feared that she might never recover.

"We should go," I said, grabbing my bag. I was dressed in the same uniform as before, but I didn't wear the sheer tights underneath and instead let my legs go bare. I wasn't sure if I wanted to wear sheer tights for a while. Some girls didn't wear them, and teachers never really said anything about it. I also chose to not wear the white blouse underneath and just put a tank top on.

I carried Nevaeh in my right arm as I locked the door and turned to find Mia waiting for us out in the hallway. "I'll be taking Nevaeh to the elementary campus before I go to class."

"Okay. Just meet us there. We'll save you a seat at the very back," she confirmed. When we reached the end of the hallway, I gave them both a quick hug.

"See ya," I told them. Since this academy was strictly for vampires, the building was divided into different sections based on the level of education. One side was for elementary students, another for high school, and one more for university.

"Do I have to go to school?" Nevaeh whined.

"Of course. Everyone does. I'm 18 and even I have to go to school."

Nevaeh sighed in reluctance. I grinned, remembering how I used to act when I had to go to school as a child. In a way, I still acted like that now.

Dimitri was waiting for me at the exit of the dorms. He wore his usual black pants and black t-shirt, and I almost drooled at the sight. He always looked so fresh.

"Ready?" he asked me.

"Sort of, I guess. I just need to drop off Nevaeh to get her uniform so she can get ready for her first day of kindergarten."

"First day, huh?" he asked, looking at Nevaeh. She nodded, a little blush spreading across her bubbly cheeks. Dimitri chuckled.

"How have things been for you? I haven't really had a chance to see you since you got back," he said.

"They've been…alright. It just feels strange—being back here now as a university student," I admitted.

"Does it at least feel refreshing?" he asked. "Starting off new, I mean."

"Somewhat," I answered. "You know...I missed you while I was gone."

Dimitri looked down at me as we kept walking. "I missed you too. Everyday I did, not knowing where you were or what you were going through."

My brows furrowed together. "What I told Kirova was brief. It's hard to talk about the details. It's not something any of you would want to hear."

"Rose," he started, "you know I'm always open to talk about anything. Sometimes, opening up about it can help. I won't force you, but if you do need to say something, you don't have to be afraid."

We had reached the other side of the building at this point, and I could hear the kids playing outside. We went inside, and Dimitri started leading the way to the main office.

"It's not just that it's hard to talk about it," I said. "Some things are just better left unknown."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"It's complicated," I answered. "The more you know, the more dangerous things will be."

Dimitri was still hooked onto my words, but before he could say anything, the secretary greeted us. "Hi! You're Rose Hathaway, right?" she asked me. She was a middle-aged moroi with short red hair and freckles.

"That's right. This is Nevaeh." When I turned my head and gestured for Nevaeh to introduce herself, she shied away and turned her head towards my hair.

"She's a little shy," I laughed.

"That's quite alright. We'll take good care of her and let her get settled in," the secretary said.

"Thank you." I put Nevaeh down and kneeled down, facing her again.

"I have to go now, okay? The people here are nice. They'll give you a room and everything, and you're going to make so many friends, and—"

"But I want to be with you," she said, frowning.

"Oh, honey, I'll come visit you everyday. Promise." I held out my pinky, and it took her a couple of seconds before she linked her tiny pinky with mine.

"Be good, okay? And if anyone starts bullying you, you let me know and I'll kick their butt," I told her. Dimitri let out a small laugh behind me.

Nevaeh pulled me into a tight hug, and I almost felt sad that I had to let her go after spending the past couple of weeks with her everyday. I kissed her forehead and squeezed her tiny figure one last time before finally letting her go. When I stood up to face Dimitri, he was watching Nevaeh as the secretary took her to another room.

"The attachment between you two. She treats you like a mother," he pointed out, smiling.

I chuckled. "Yeah, she's sweet. I just hope she's taught well when she learns magic tricks or whatever."

"We can watch her if you'd like—during her magic sessions when you visit," Dimitri suggested.

"You don't mind?" I asked him.

"Of course not. She seems to be very important to you."

I smiled. "Yes. That she is."

* * *

"And I thought high school classes were boring," I muttered, pulling my phone out of my bag. Since coming back, I had gotten myself a new phone and had it shipped to me. I had used the old money from having a job back when Lissa and I fled the academy.

Mia had pretty much fallen asleep at this point. Lissa was looking at the professor, but through the bond, I could tell she wasn't paying attention. Whatever information our professor was giving came in one ear and out the other.

I got a few stares on the way in, but some of my old rivals didn't even talk to me. My suspicion was that they were probably told not to by teachers.

I started playing games on my phone out of complete boredom. Almost the entire class had fallen asleep, and I wondered how those guardians stood around the room all day. Dimitri was sitting on a higher level, and occasionally he would look down to where I was sitting.

"Rose, when was the last time you ate?" Lissa lowered her voice, moving closer to my ear.

"I haven't been eating properly for two months. Why?" I asked her.

"You look like Dracula," she whispered. "And I can feel it through the bond."

How ironic. Of course it had to be Dracula.

"I'm fine," I said. Unfortunately, I _was _hungry, but not in the way she was thinking. My body still needed food, but I refused to eat full meals. I didn't crave food the same way I used to. Maybe it was because of being half strigoi or the fact that I was depressed all the time. I did, however, crave blood—more persistently than a moroi, even. They often fed on people at least everyday. Going this long was starting to have an effect on me, but I hadn't had a chance to steal blood bags for the past couple of days.

My throat had become very dry today, and my skin was getting paler—a sign that I really needed to drink soon. When class was over, I was the first one to get out. My cravings for blood had increased a ton. I was glad this was my only class today, because I wasn't sure if I would make it through another lecture with so many students in the room. If I focussed hard enough, I could actually hear people's heartbeats.

"Rose, are you okay?"

I spun around to find Dimitri approaching me. I almost forgot he was guarding the class—well, more like guarding me. He looked so worried, and I felt horrible for having to keep this from him.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said. "I just have a really headache. I'll see you later, okay?" I started to turn around to head off, but he stopped me.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the infirmary? You look sick," he said, touching my forehead. "What the—Rose, your forehead is freezing."

"It's probably just the weather," I said stupidly. While it was definitely getting colder out, our classes were all inside. "Look, I appreciate your concern, but I really have to go. I'll talk to you later."

I wandered off before he could say anything. I knew his eyes were still on me as I speeded through the halls. I desperately needed blood, so I headed to the feeding department as quickly as possible.

To my luck, nobody was in the waiting room. When the receptionist wasn't looking, I snuck down the hallway behind the left side of the counter and sprinted for the door at the end of the hall.

I had been in the back room before, but it reminded me so much of the blood lab—the white tiled floor, bright lights, and fridges full of blood bags. These were usually used if there weren't enough feeders or if someone desperately needed blood—like me.

I only took two bags as I didn't want the staff to notice they were short of blood. I had trained myself to drink blood twice a week rather than everyday. It made me physically weaker, but there was only so much I could steal without getting caught. The staff hadn't noticed any shortage so far as they restocked pretty fast. I highly doubted they would ever suspect me anyways since I was still a dhampir—just a different type. Even so, I still had to be careful.

I left the department after shoving the packages of blood into my school bag. I bumped into Dimitri and Alberta on the way out and covered my mouth before I could scream. I hated that I was so jumpy nowadays. The smallest things made me flinch—bumping into people, being tapped on the shoulder without noticing someone's approach, and even sudden noises. It annoyed the crap out of me.

Both guardians seemed surprised to see me and crossed their arms, making me feel small.

"Ms. Hathaway, what are you doing here?" Alberta asked.

"I was just, uh, using the washroom." I gestured towards the bathrooms down the hall, but they didn't appear to be convinced.

"In the...feeding department?" Dimitri asked, his eyes narrowing. He always knew when something was up. It was so hard to hide from him.

"The other ones were full," I muttered. I needed to get out of here before I could sink my teeth into someone's neck. I shoved myself in between their bodies, deciding not to give it a second thought. All I could think about was draining one of these bags.

As soon as I got to my room, I slammed the door and pulled one of the blood bags out. With shaking hands, I ripped the small tube open and drank. As soon as the sweet liquid trickled down my throat, I slid to the ground and wilted against my mattress as the weight lifted off of my shoulders. The blood wasn't as fresh as when it came straight from the vein, but it was enough to quench my thirst and help me restore my strength.

After I finished, I shoved the empty bag at the bottom of the garbage can. Until I retained more information on my mix, I didn't want Lissa—or anyone else—to find out.

After calming down, I finally left my dorm, remembering I still had to visit Nevaeh. I ran into Kirova on the way, and she was approaching with a speed that indicated some kind of urgency.

"Rose," she said, drinking out of her fancy water bottle through a straw. I knew she had blood in there, but at least I had my thirst under control now. "Dr. Olendzki would like to see you. She said it was important."

"Oh. I'll go see her right now," I said, strolling for the medical clinic. Dr. Olendzki probably had my results now. When I walked in, she was filling out some forms at the front desk.

"Dr. Olendzki?" I said, tapping on her shoulder. She looked up, and when she saw me, her eyes widened.

"Rose. I have your results. Come with me," she said. I nodded as she led us into her private office. It had the appearance of a principal's office in high school—a public high school—with those plain grey walls and an L-shaped office desk. Hundreds of files were stacked in the shelves. She probably kept everyone's medical records here.

"Take a seat," she said. I waited patiently as she pulled out my file and started looking through the papers. She pulled out what I suspected to be the file with my results on it.

"So," she started, "the good news is that we didn't find any infectious diseases. Of course, vampires are immune, but we still needed to make sure if you had any rare medical conditions—which, you don't. Anyways, no signs of any STDs, bacterial infections, viral infections—nothing."

"And the bad news?" I asked her. Dr. Olendzki took her glasses off and sighed heavily, setting the paper down. Although nobody else was in the room with us, she kept her voice to a minimum.

"Rose…we found a number of strigoi blood cells in your system. A significant amount. You even have their venom running in your veins. I've never seen anything like this in my life. Now, knowing you were born half moroi, I can't seem to understand why or how this is possible."

I was about to open my mouth to say something, but closed it when nothing would come out. I knew they would find something, but what was I supposed to say? I couldn't exactly expose myself without putting myself at high risk. I doubted they could help me either.

"Rose, what happened to you while you were gone?" she asked, never taking her eyes off of mine. She was very serious. "Your moroi blood cells have been severely damaged. I've never seen anything like this in all my years of being a doctor at this school. There's something you're not telling me."

"It's not easy to explain. I don't even understand it, to be honest," I told her.

"I read your report. Your kidnappers kept you locked up in a basement while everyone else—" she stopped before she could say anything too triggering as my anxiety started to rise. "I'm sorry. My intentions aren't to make you uncomfortable—but this is serious. I'm just trying to understand. Maybe there's a way I can help—"

"That's the problem," I snapped. "You _can't _help me. There's no cure—not that I know of, anyways. What they did to me is irreversible."

"What did they do? Rose, please. I can't help you if I don't know."

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice hardening. "It's too dangerous." I quickly grabbed the paper and walked out. Dr. Olendzki was calling my name, but I ignored her as I stormed out of the clinic. I couldn't let anyone see this. Kirova would have to report it to the royal court, and the thought of them taking me away horrified me.

* * *

**So...what did you think? Hope you're still enjoying it. Please review if you'd like to :)**


	10. Complications and Explanations

I visited Nevaeh later that night, and she actually seemed to be doing okay. She already made some friends, and her mood had lightened a little bit since arriving at the academy. Although she wanted to badly to stay with me, I wanted her to stay where she was and make as many friends as possible that she could grow up with as long as she attended this school.

As I headed back to my side of the campus, I spotted Dimitri in one of the hallways and decided it was best to clear things up for my strange behavior. As I approached him, he seemed to notice me too.

"Hey," I said. "Sorry about earlier. I was feeling sick, so I figured it was best if I took a quick nap."

Dimitri looked me over, and I realized my skin colour must have warmed up after drinking blood. "Are you feeling better?" he asked.

I nodded. "I haven't forgotten about tonight's training." I only hoped we wouldn't have to go outside as the sun was going to come up soon. It didn't burn me, but it was irritating. Luckily, Dimitri had his mind set on staying indoors.

"I was thinking of just doing some weight training to start," Dimitri said, setting his jacket down on the bench.

"Seriously?"

"What? You want to get back into combat that badly? You haven't trained with me in a while and I don't want to push you. Not after—"

"Would you stop? I'm not some fragile little girl," I snapped. "I told you I was fine."

Dimitri sighed. "You say you're fine, but I know you're not. I can see that no matter how much you try to hide it from other people."

Damn it. With Dimitri, I never got away with anything. He knew me too well, and it was infuriating. "So what? Am I just supposed to sit back and let everyone shower me with pity parties?"

"That's not what I meant."

I rolled my eyes again. He gave me a rather scolding look, but I ignored it, knowing he probably wasn't in for giving me a lecture even with my horrible attitude. I took a minute to pull myself together and tried to swipe whatever bitchiness I was projecting. Honestly, my emotions were all over the place. I felt horrible that I was acting like this with the one person I trusted more than anyone. He had shown me nothing but love and support since bringing me back. I really needed to get my emotions under control.

"Dimitri," I started, closing the distance between us, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to take my stress out on you. There's just a lot going on in my head right now."

"I understand, Roza, but I want you to talk to me about whatever is bothering you."

"It's complicated. I can't talk about it."

"What makes you think that?" he asked me. His voice was softer now. "I'm just trying to understand. Is it too traumatizing?"

"It—it's not that, it's...well, like I said, it's complicated."

Keeping it all inside was killing me, and I wanted so badly to just tell him about what happened to me at the house. At the same time, having him know my secret was too dangerous. I didn't want to put him in a position where he would have to choose between going by principles and saving my life.

Dimitri never took his eyes off of me. It was almost as if his mind was spiraling too. "If you think training is going to help you, I'm willing to do so."

I bit my lip and nodded. At least it would take my mind off of things for a little bit.

"Fine," he said. "Just some light combat. And you still need to warm up your body."

Finally. "Yes, sir."

He looked at me, this time with hint of something else. I looked away, my cheeks turning a bright red. Damn him and his control over me. He didn't even do anything—just one stare had me feeling all sorts of things inside.

_Snap out of it. It's not like you haven't had sex with him._

I felt like kicking myself in the head. I could not be thinking of that right now. Instead, I warmed up by doing sets of jumping jacks, jump squats, and calf raises. When I was finished, I did my usual stretches and was disappointed to find myself struggling. I still had my splits, but I had lost my needle.

"My back flexibility sucks," I complained.

"I think it looks fine," Dimitri said.

I huffed in frustration. "Not to me!"

"After almost two months of not stretching, what you're doing now is pretty impressive. I'll help you with flexibility another time. But right now," he said, holding his hand out for me, "it's time to test your memory."

I smirked. "Don't underestimate me, Comrade."

"We'll see."

* * *

Dimitri had kicked my ass in no time. What surprised me was that even my upgraded strength from being half strigoi was still no match for him. He seemed a little shocked at how strong I had become after almost two months without training, but he still beat me like he always had since he first taught me how to fight.

Before I knew it, I was on the ground with him pinned on top of me. A hint of uncertainty flashed in my head. It wasn't because of Dimitri, but rather the fact that he was pinning me down. I wasn't afraid of him, of course, but the last time I was pinned down like this, I had been bitten and used for sexual pleasure. Images of those sessions kept replaying in my head, and I shut my eyes, desperately trying to throw those thoughts away.

"Roza, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Dimitri asked, noticing my sudden change in body language.

"P-please get off," I told him. He removed himself immediately.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you—"

"It's not you," I reassured him quickly, holding my hand up. "I promise it's not you."

Dimitri was watching me but didn't move closer. I felt the tears start to rise and quickly looked away, slamming my hand against my face. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to get all sentimental."

"Rose, you don't ever have to apologize for that. You can't push your feelings away forever."

"I-I know." I tried to dodge the topic and moved my limbs around, feeling the spots where Dimitri had bruised me after hitting me a hundred times. He also had bruises from my sharp punches and kicks. For both of us, this was completely normal after sparring with each other.

"Thanks for this," I told him. "I think I needed it."

He nodded. "We can do it more often. You're incredibly strong—but your fighting technique still needs some improvement."

"Not sure if I'm supposed to take that as a compliment or an insult," I said. "Maybe one day, I'll be the one to take you down—for good."

Before walking out, Dimitri looked down at me again. "Trust me, Roza, you will."

* * *

Fear overpowered my head that day as I slept. The darkness was strong, and I was yet again sucked into another nightmare. I was back on the table in the experimentation room. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I was completely paralyzed.

_Wake up,_ I told myself. _This isn't real. You have to wake up._

I heard Sebastian's voice beside me, and although I couldn't see his face, I knew it was him. My breathing increased as projections from my mind started to invade the space.

Sebastian was sticking needles into my arm and into my neck. His laugh was cold and evil, and it scared the living daylights out of me. I started to sob on the table, struggling against my restraints. I didn't want to be here.

_WAKE UP!_

Finally, I returned back to the present as I was pulled out of my dream. Someone was holding me down against my bed, and I instinctively started to fight them.

"Rose, stop! It's me!" Lissa's voice was frantic. "It's just me." She exhaled as I stilled, seemingly relieved that I had finally woken up.

"Oh god," I whispered to myself, my voice trembling with fear. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, hey it's okay. You were having a nightmare," she whispered, grabbing my shaking hand.

"He...I saw him, he...he was going to torture me again—"

"Shh. You're safe. No one is going to hurt you. Not anymore." Lissa rubbed her thumb against my hand, trying to comfort me as I hyperventilated. Tears started to come down before I could stop them.

"I-I was back there," I sobbed. "I was back in that room."

"What room?" Lissa asked. Thinking about it made me even more anxious, and I found it harder and harder to speak.

"Come here," Lissa said, crawling in beside me. Within seconds, I was in her arms.

"Deep breaths, Rose. In, and out. In...and out. Good. Keep going. I'm right here," she whispered, rubbing my side to comfort me. All I had to do was breathe. Everything was okay.

_You're not there anymore. You're at the academy. You're with Lissa. You're safe. You're okay._

Eventually, my cries ceased as I relaxed against her. I completely lost track of time as drowsiness started to take over again, and I finally went back to sleep.

* * *

I went to my early morning class the following night and met up with Mia and Lissa. We sat at the back of every class, and I had actually started talking to people again. Rumours had already spread about me throughout the school—nothing new, of course. Word spread around here faster than a forest fire.

So far, I was trying to forget about my horrible nightmare. Since coming back, nightmares were part of my usual sleeping pattern. I hadn't told anyone about it and usually woke up quietly. Last night, in particular, was different. I had woken up in a completely disoriented state. From what Lissa told me, I had been screaming for several minutes before I actually woke up.

"Rose...we should talk about what happened last night," Lissa whispered as the professor spoke.

"What's there to talk about? I overreacted, that's all," I said quietly.

"You didn't overreact. You were having a nightmare."

"It wasn't just a nightmare. It was a memory. Besides, people have nightmares all the time."

"Not every day," Lissa said. "You have them _every_ single day. You may not notice it, but I can feel you in our sleep. You're more terrified than you want to admit to yourself."

I sighed heavily, crossing my arms. "I cuddled up to you for a minute and suddenly you start treating me like a cracked eggshell. Can we just forget it ever happened?"

"I'm just worried about you. And in case you didn't know, there's nothing wrong with letting me comfort you."

"That's the problem," I muttered, turning to look at her. "I'm still going to be your guardian one day. I've always been the one comforting you. I'm supposed to be your shield. I'm supposed to protect you—not the other way around."

There was something else swimming in Lissa's eyes now. Her emotions were clear, and I could feel her worry through the bond. "Even after all this, after everything you've been through...you still put others before you."

She was right—even after being forced into a horrible blood whoring business, I still felt the need to protect others. I never even considered putting myself first.

My eyes travelled to Dimitri who was standing against the wall with other guardians. He had been watching me earlier and tilted his head in the direction of the professor, gesturing for me to pay attention. I gave him a guilty smile, but shut up and rested my gaze on the professor. As boring as his classes were, I needed to start paying attention. I couldn't afford to fall behind again.

I eventually managed to pull my shit together and even take some notes on my laptop. When class was over, I headed to my next one—combat and training. This was going to be fun.

"Be careful, Rose. You've been out for a while so don't use all your strength," Lissa warned.

"The amount of strength I use really depends on who I'm fighting," I said.

"Rose."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. I'll go easy."

"I hope so," Lissa said. I watched her walk to her next class but was left with the reassurance that if anything happened, I'd be able to feel her.

Although Dimitri wasn't my teacher anymore, he still monitored the classes including this one. I realized he was in almost all of my classes, and I figured Kirova had probably assigned him to keep an eye on me. I thought it was totally unnecessary, but I didn't mind having him there. It only motivated me to do better as I always wanted to impress him for whatever reason.

For the majority of the class, we practiced our punches and kicks with dummies. The real heat started when it was time for one-on-one combat. Most of the people in this class were boys, leaving only two girls. Most female dhampirs didn't want to become guardians nowadays. Sometimes, I thought about that too—just having a normal job instead of having to constantly risk my life for another. But it was in me—the need to protect, the need to save Lissa and the people that I loved. Being drugged and locked up in a basement made me feel helpless, and I hated that feeling.

Remembering my strength was much higher now, it was hard to hold back. I didn't want to give anything away though, so a few times, I just let my opponent win—which sucked, because if I really wanted to, I could probably take them down in seconds.

"Nicely done, Hathaway," Stan said approvingly. I had never really seen or heard him talk to me like that. Most of the time we just argued—or he would shoot me a nasty comment and embarrass me in front of students. Since coming back, he'd been treating me better while we occasionally shot each other sarcastic jokes.

"Thanks," I said. When training was done, I met Dimitri outside the locker rooms.

"You did very well today," he said when we started walking.

"Your training pays off," I said, smirking.

"Don't underestimate yourself. Learning the technique is one thing, but to be able to pick up on it and actually apply it is another."

"You sound like my mother," I stated.

"Speaking of her—has she spoken to you recently about your father?" he asked.

"You mean Abe? Not really. I think Adrian mentioned something about him being a mobster or something."

"He is," Dimitri said. "But he has connections everywhere. He's one of the main reasons you were found. He was worried about you, you know."

"Really? I barely know him. I would talk to him, but I never see him."

"He's been going back and forth between the academy and the royal court to do investigations on your case."

"And I'm still not allowed to be a part of it?"

"The royal court is going to question you soon. We're just trying to gather every bit of information we have."

Did that include the experiments? I hoped not. They hadn't mentioned anything about it so far, meaning whatever information Sebastian obtained from me must have been hidden somewhere else.

"How are you feeling, by the way?" Dimitri asked, changing the subject.

"I'm okay," I said, putting on a smile I knew he probably suspected as fake.

"Roza," he said disapprovingly, "don't lie to me."

"I'm not. I'm fine, really."

"You don't seem fine. I've barely seen you eating. You're losing weight."

I sighed, but I knew he was right. I skipped a lot of my meals now. My cravings for food had diminished a little since my transition, but that wasn't the main reason why I wasn't eating. I felt down most of the time which made me lose most of my appetite. On top of that, my nightmares were directed by my memories which only reminded me of my time as a blood whore. I knew it wasn't my fault, but the feelings of self-disgust were still there.

"I'm just not hungry, that's all," I said quickly. "I'm still eating."

Dimitri didn't buy it at all, but he didn't push me any further as he walked me back to my dorm. When we reached my door, he embraced me once again. Even just a small hug from him was enough to make me feel a little better.

"Goodnight, Roza," he whispered. I stepped into my room, unable to prevent the smile on my face. It was immediately wiped away, though, when I found Lissa standing in front of our fridge, holding up the blood bag that I tried to hide. I guess I wasn't so great at hiding things after all.

"Care to explain this?" she asked. I dropped my bag on the floor as my heart rate increased.

"It's not what you—"

"Don't even try that," she interrupted, "because I can feel you."

I should have been smarter about this. Lissa and I shared a fridge—a mini fridge, too. I was stupid for thinking I could actually hide that thing.

I sat down on her bed and decided not to hold back. I told her everything about the experiments as well as my transition, and by the time I was finished, she couldn't believe it.

"I don't understand how this is possible," she said.

"I don't either," I admitted. "Lissa, just...promise me you won't tell anyone. I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Just _please_ promise me you'll keep this a secret."

"Of course I'll keep your secret. I just can't believe you didn't tell me before. Do you not trust me?" she asked, and I could actually hear the hurt in her voice.

"It's not that I don't trust you. I was just afraid you'd think I'm some monster to be feared."

"Oh, god," Lissa said, shaking her head. "That's not who you are, okay? I'll never think that."

I slumped against the wall, stretching my legs out on the mattress. "Okay."

"Does Dimitri know?" Lissa asked.

"No," I said. "Not yet, anyways."

Lissa cursed. "You've been keeping this from him, too?"

"Don't you understand? This isn't something I can just spill out of nowhere! I have become the one thing dhampirs are trained to kill!"

"Dimitri will never hurt you. You know that. We _all _know that. He loves you, Rose."

"I know he loves me. I know he won't hurt me, but if I tell him, I'll be putting him in a horrible position. I don't want him to have to choose between reporting it and saving my sorry ass. He couldn't possibly see me the same way anymore. He can't...be in love with a strigoi."

"_Half_ strigoi," Lissa corrected. "Maybe some parts of you are different, but you're still the same Rose I grew up with since kindergarten. You're still the same selfless girl that wants to put everyone before herself. You _care_ about your loved ones. Strigoi don't do that. This doesn't define who you are."

I thought about what she said, and I started to think that she was right. Being half strigoi didn't actually change much about how I perceived things. If I was angry enough, I could be deadly. If darkness took over...well, I hoped that would never happen again, because I could only imagine all the horrible things that could go wrong.

But even with all the broken parts of me, I still had a warm heart for the people I cared about. I was still madly in love with Dimitri. I still wanted to protect Lissa and my friends. I even warmed up to Nevaeh.

Maybe, just maybe, I wasn't completely lost after all.

* * *

**Please feel free to leave a review! I've been so busy with school lately but I'm still updating as much as possible :)**


	11. Strigoi Attack

**Just a quick warning that there is some violence about half-way though this chapter.**

One week later, I met up with Lissa in the chapel attic. I was rummaging through the old books here to see if I could find anything related to strigoi hybrids.

When Lissa came in, she set her bag down on the floor. "Since when did you hang out here?"

"Since I started reading," I answered.

Lissa gasped. "Rose Hathaway? Reading a book?"

"Shut up," I laughed. "I've been looking for information on my kind. So far, I'm out of luck."

"Maybe you're just not looking hard enough. Did you ever consider asking the priest?"

"Not really. He'd probably get all suspicious on me."

"For asking a simple question?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. I sighed, looking at the tiny mess I had made with the books.

"I don't need anyone else finding out about this," I said as I started to put the books back on the shelves.

"I understand why you're scared, but you should at least talk to people you're close to. Our world just doesn't know enough about them. But I _do_ know you—and since your transition, you haven't hurt any of us."

"Well, I did kill someone. It wasn't on purpose, but my thirst was so...agonizing. I almost killed those guys who kidnapped me." I shuddered, remembering the first day of waking up after the experiment. I had killed that nurse—Ada—after she had fetched me a glass of water. I didn't even mean to kill her, but my thirst had been unbearable at the time, and I couldn't control myself. I almost killed Damian when I crashed the van, and almost killed Seth too before Sebastian had shot me with tranquilizers.

"Oh, come on." Lissa was now by my side and started to help me with the books. "Can you honestly tell me they didn't deserve that?"

They _did_ deserve it. Abducting teenage girls—or anyone for that matter—and then forcing them to become a blood whore was unforgiving. Almost all of them were child sex offenders considering how young some of those girls were. Using me as their guinea pig…yeah, they deserved it.

"Okay, so I served them justice. But I don't know, that doesn't make me a better person. Maybe I'm just as vile as them."

Lissa glared at me. "You're not. Don't compare yourself to them. They're the ones who made you like this."

"What about the nurse I told you about?" I prompted. "When I woke up...I was so hungry, and all I could think about was killing her. She was just trying to help me and I—"

"Rose." Lissa grabbed my shoulders in an attempt to calm me down. "You weren't yourself. You woke up feeling different and confused. You had no idea what was going on, so your body just reacted. You don't have to beat yourself up for that."

I sighed, not really knowing what to think. I knew she was right, but there was no way the royal court or even Kirova could possibly understand that. I even questioned what Dimitri would think.

"What do you think will happen if Dimitri finds out?" I asked. "He's one of the most respected and highly trained guardians in the world. He's killed more strigoi than I can count. Loving me will go against everything he's ever believed in."

"We've talked about this. Dimitri loves you, and he always will. He would never hurt you and you know that."

I frowned as I thought back on one of the first lessons he taught when training me to become a guardian. I remembered him asking me if I could kill someone I used to love. At the time, I didn't know how to answer that.

"Lissa," I began, "One of his first lessons for me was to never hesitate. Even if it was someone I used to know. He'll never look at me the same way."

Lissa looked down as her face dropped. "I don't know," she said. "When you were gone...his whole demeanor changed. His love for you is stronger than you think."

Still holding onto her words, I kept thinking about my situation as we finished up with the books. I still hadn't found anything, but I really didn't want to go through every single book in here. If I did, I would be up here for hours.

Lissa and I stayed in the chapel attic for a little while longer. We got completely carried off in conversations and even spent some time giggling and fooling around. I had missed times like this so much. I didn't really have much fun nowadays, and our time together made me feel ecstatic. It felt so good to laugh again.

On the way back to our dorm, however, my senses were going off. Something was wrong. I couldn't quite wrap my head around it, but something was definitely wrong.

"Are you alright?" Lissa asked me when I stopped walking.

"Something's wrong," I said. "I can feel it. I don't know what it is, but…something's wrong."

"Let's just get to our dorm," she said, her expression unsure. "Maybe we can do something to get your mind off of—"

"Lissa. I'm serious. Something's wrong."

There was something—or more like someone—hidden in the trees. I still couldn't quite grasp what it was, or who it was, but it didn't feel like a very welcoming presence. It almost felt like...death.

"When was the last time our wards were put up?" I asked, still looking at the trees.

"How should I know?" Lissa said. She started tugging on my arm, dragging me to our building. The sound of a tree branch snapping caught my attention, and I stopped walking again.

"Did you hear that?" I asked her.

"I didn't hear anything," she answered. What the hell? Even with her moroi hearing, she should have been able to hear that. Within seconds, a wave of nausea suddenly swooped over me—and it wasn't like I needed to actually throw up.

Oh no. Something was definitely wrong with our wards.

A dark figure was looming around in the forest, and for a second, I thought I was going crazy. I could literally smell them. They were here, and they were looking for something to sink their teeth into.

"Rose—"

In a split second, the same shadow leapt out from the darkness and went for me. It took be by surprise, but I was quick to react. I grabbed the strigoi's shoulders as it tackled me very harshly to the ground.

"Lissa, run!" I screamed. I could still feel her emotions through the bond—she was both terrified and shocked. That hesitant part of her didn't want to leave me alone, but she knew better than to put herself in danger and causing more trouble for both of us.

She took off in the other direction, yelling frantically for help. I didn't bother to watch her and instead focussed on my current situation.

The man on top of me must have had some guardian training in him before he turned strigoi, because he was actually nailing me with his fighting skills. I threw in some hard punches and dodged most of his attacks as he tried to go for my throat. His nails had turned into claws, and he scratched me just about everywhere. His scratches _stung, _and I cried out in pain with every single one of them.

Not too far away from where I was, I noticed several guardians—including Dimitri and Alberta—now running towards me with their stakes out. A few of them were on their walkie-talkies to order back-up and put the academy on lock-down.

My brief distraction nearly costed me a bite to the neck, but before the strigoi's teeth could sink into my skin, I punched him again. This time, I knocked him over and flipped us so that I was on top of him.

I realized I didn't have a stake on me. Damn it. I couldn't kill him without a stake. The guardians were almost there, but if I didn't act fast, he was going to escape from my grasp.

_Nails. Use your nails. _

My nails were now so sharp they might as well have been claws. Without thinking, I dug my nails into the strigoi's chest, wrapping my fingers around his heart. His jaw dropped as he stared blankly into my eyes, and his body stilled.

I froze, realizing what I had just done. My hand, now engulfed in his chest, was surrounded by the warmth of his blood. I was horrified. I had never done something like this nor seen anyone else do such a thing. Maybe strigoi did things like this on their own, but a dhampir? It wasn't even possible.

Looking back down at the man, I realized he was still alive. His heart was still beating—slightly—in my hand. I pulled my hand out, tearing his heart out in the process. And there it was—a glistening, dark red heart in the palm of my hand. I couldn't believe it. What the hell had I just done?

"Rose!" Alberta shouted as everyone approached me. "What the hell happened?"

"That happened," I whispered, looking down at the now dead strigoi on the ground. I still had his heart in my hand. Although he was dead, my earlier feeling wasn't gone. I still sensed that something was there.

Dimitri spoke up this time, but I refused to meet his eyes. "How did you—"

Before Dimitri could finish, another strigoi came out from behind the trees. Only this time, he didn't immediately jump on any of us. He was just there, taunting, a wicked smile spreading on his lips—a hungry smile that made me shiver.

Someone else came out beside him, and I realized he was not alone. More of them kept coming—they had come in a pack.

The guardians around me pulled out their stakes, ready to fight. I didn't have a stake on me, but I knew how to fight, and I wondered if I could repeat what I had just done—pulling someone's heart out. It was sickening, but this was life and death.

One man in particular had their eyes on me and didn't let go. His skin was as white as paper, and he had dark brown hair that hung slightly over his forehead. His red eyes were glowing in the moonlight, and if he hadn't been in on some psychotic plan to kill us, I would have admitted he was beautiful.

After studying me for what felt like forever, he shouted, "Now!"

Finally, they attacked us. Oh god, they were all old. So old and experienced.

I was abruptly knocked over as the chaos started. I was expecting to see the man who had been staring at me, but instead, I saw a woman. I couldn't exactly make out what she looked like as everything was happening too fast. I fought her off for the most part, but she was strong and knew how to properly fight. Just like the first guy, she must have been a dhampir before her transition. I couldn't be more thankful that it was Dimitri who trained me.

There were too many strigoi, and none of the guardians could possibly help me. I was fine so far, but she was starting to seriously injure me. I knew I would heal, but it was really just one injury after another. I had to do something.

As if acting on instinct, I rolled her over onto the ground and pinned her with my body weight. I knew she had the strength to push me off easily, but what I did next shocked her. The familiar feeling of my eyes turning red and my fangs retracting came back as I hissed down at her, staring at her through wide eyes. She had probably never seen something like this in her life. My appearance, of course, was a result of my transformation and extremely abnormal even in the world of vampires.

"Elias!" she screamed. My head shot up to see the same man from before, now charging at me. He knocked me off of her, and before I knew it, he sank his teeth into my neck, causing me to scream out in agony. He took my blood fast, and I felt the life getting sucked out of me with every second that went by. If I didn't stop him, I was going to pass out.

The man—who I assumed was Elias—suddenly stopped feeding on me and stood up, dragging me up with him. He had a confused look on his face as he stared at my eyes. My fangs, which had been peering out of my gums from earlier, were now starting to retract.

"Stop!" he yelled, not taking his eyes off of me. When his people didn't comply, he shouted again. _"I said stop!"_

The sounds of people fighting each other slowly came to halt. The pack that had come in with him looked up and stood—including the girl I had attacked earlier. Their obedience to him was promising. He must have been in a position of high respect.

A few guardians—including Dimitri—had stepped forward in an attempt to kill him and the others, but Elias's voice was loud and threatening. "One more move, and I'll kill her."

My heart was racing. Why the hell hadn't he killed me already? Why did he stop feeding? Why did he tell the others to stop? Although my pulse was racing, I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was afraid.

My eyes glanced around the field, and I now noticed all the strigoi that had been killed in the fight. Only a few of his people were left, but they stepped back, putting distance between themselves and the guardians.

To my surprise, Elias's hand travelled up to my face. His cold hand caressed my cheek, and I stood there, frozen on the spot. His expression had turned from cold and deadly to that of something I didn't think I could ever see on a strigoi. Was it sympathy? Pity? I couldn't tell.

"What happened to you?" he asked me, his voice turning soft. "Are you one of them?"

I felt the effects of compulsion, but it didn't invade my head like it would have before. I was able to resist to their compulsion—something even normal dhampirs and moroi couldn't do.

"She's resistant," the girl behind him said, staring at me in awe. "Elias, she's the one."

"Impossible," Elias said. His lips pressed into a hard line when he realized he couldn't get to me. He watched as the cut on my forehead was starting to heal already, but that the bite mark on my neck wasn't. The part of me that was still human could not heal against their bites—at least not as fast as any other wound.

"Stand down," he commanded. "This is not our fight." His hand left my cheek, and just like that, they were gone.

A small commotion started to unravel where I was, but I could no longer pay any attention to what was happening. I was so overwhelmed. The world started tilting, and I wasn't sure if it was the earth or if I was just falling down. The last thing I remembered was a pair of strong arms catching me before I could hit the ground and Dimitri's voice calling my name.

* * *

I woke up to the sound of people chattering. I recognized the voices instantly, and although I was too groggy to do anything, I decided to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"…how is this possible? She resisted the compulsion of a god damn strigoi. It takes years to master that, and even then, it's almost impossible." That was Alberta—she was ranting about what had happened. Memories of the attack started flooding through my mind.

"She's right. None of this makes sense. Only strigoi are able to resist the compulsion of one another. Resisting that kind of power is unheard of," said Dimitri. Based on the tone of his voice, he seemed to be in a fit of frustration.

"Guardian Belikov," Dr. Olendzki started, "I understand you two are worried about her, but I cannot disclose the little information I have. Only she can. I have to keep her test results confidential."

There was a long pause before Alberta spoke up again. "How do you explain her healed injuries? Dhampirs take at least a few days to a week to heal while her injuries took a few minutes—other than the area where she was bitten...and, well, some of the scratches."

Dr. Olendzki sighed heavily. "I don't understand it either. I have been a doctor here for over twenty years and I have never seen anything like this. I'm doing my best, but there is no research on whatever is going on with her. My suspicion is that something must have happened to her while she was abducted but she won't tell anyone and I can't force her. Until then, there is only so much I can do. I'm sorry." The sound of her angry footsteps leaving the area told me she had just left.

"Dimitri, you have to talk to her," Alberta said.

"I know. I just don't want to force her. Whatever happened out there is very difficult for her to talk about. She won't open up to me about it."

Alberta sighed, her voice dropping a little. "I thought she shared everything with you."

"Maybe the situation is too traumatizing for her to think about. Whatever they did to her—she's different now. She's still herself, but…well, physically, she's stronger. Her injuries heal almost as fast as a strigoi, and she can resist their compulsion. I can't even do that."

"You say that as if she's one of them. She doesn't have red eyes, and she can walk in the sun. If she was really a strigoi, she would have burned to death and probably killed half the school."

"I never said she was. Her kind nature already gives that away—whether she walked in the sun or not. Plus, we would have been able to smell it."

"I don't know what to think," Alberta said. "At least she's alive."

"She's strong. She always survives," Dimitri stated. "But even before they attacked us...she killed that strigoi with her bare hands. No weapons at all."

"Yeah, whatever the hell that was. She pulled his heart out. I don't even know how that's possible."

I opened my eyes and squinted at the lighting above me. I was in one of the hospital beds in the infirmary with an IV in my hand. They had been giving me fluids. Slowly, I sat up and pressed a hand to my neck which was now covered with a medical bandage.

Dimitri and Alberta were at my side in seconds. "Easy there," Dimitri said, moving my hand away from my neck.

"How are you feeling?" Alberta asked me.

"I um…" Damn it. My throat was dry again, almost burning—that wasn't a good sign. "What happened after that whole—that whole thing?"

"You fainted, so we rushed you here," Dimitri informed me. "You lost a lot of blood, Rose."

I started picking at the bandage, but Dimitri pulled my hand away and held it firmly this time. "Don't touch it, do you understand?"

I groaned. "Yes, sir."

Dimitri relaxed, but still held my hand down. "You want to explain to us what happened out there?"

I rolled my eyes, still avoiding the lights. "There's nothing to explain."

"Nothing to explain? You pulled someone's heart out with your own hand. And the man that tried to compel you—telling his people to stand down? Strigoi don't back down like that," he said.

I looked away, not really knowing how to respond. How much longer was I going to be able to avoid this? Dimitri was smart, and I was naive for thinking I could hide things from him. He was going to find out one way or another, and it was only a matter of time before he did.

"Where's Dr. Olendzki?" I asked, ignoring his earlier comments.

Dimitri and Alberta looked at each other, and then back at me.

"She went back into her office. Why?" Alberta asked.

"Damn it. I need to talk to her." I pulled the sheets off of me, yanking the IV out of my arm.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Alberta tried to stop me, but I ducked easily under her arms and rushed out of the cubicle. They called for me, telling me to wait, but I ignored them. After hearing their conversation, this couldn't wait any longer than I had dragged it.

I barged into Dr. Olendzki's office without knocking, causing her to jump out of her chair.

"Dr. Olendzki," I said, shutting the door behind me. "We need to talk."

* * *

**A little intense I know, but I hope it wasn't too bad.**


	12. Secrets and Lies

I told Dr. Olendzki everything about what happened in the basement. Vividly remembering it wasn't pleasant and nearly brought me to tears a few times, but I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. Dr. Olendzki was very smart, and maybe this way, she could figure out how to help me.

After I was done explaining, she intertwined her fingers together on the table. She had taken her glasses off to process everything I'd just told her and remained silent for so long that I thought she was never going to speak.

"Doc?" I was beginning to worry. I really didn't want her to send me off.

"Rose…I am truly sorry," she said. "I didn't think this was even possible. There have been legends about half-strigoi vampires, but it's different—"

I jerked my head up and interrupted her. "Really? Where can I read about that?"

"Rose, it's different. They were _born_ that way. You were _created_. Either way, I've never encountered one, and it was hundreds of years ago. They don't exist anymore."

"You don't know that. Just because they aren't reported doesn't mean they don't exist. Think about it—we live in a world where we're taught from day one that strigoi are meant to be killed. Maybe those hybrids just won't come out because they're afraid of what the royal court will do to them."

Dr. Olendzki went stiff. "Rose—"

"Why do you think I didn't want to talk about it?" I asked her. She sighed as she stared at me, and a look of sympathy crossed her features.

"I'll see what I can do," she said. "But I'm not sure if I can keep this between us."

"No!" I yelled, standing up from where I was sitting. "You can't tell anyone. Doc, _please. _If Kirova knows, she'll have to report it to the royal court. They'll lock me up if they think I'm dangerous. I don't know if I can handle going through that again."

"Alright, alright. I will keep this confidential until I believe you pose as a threat to yourself or others. And for that reason, I must ask—how do you receive blood?"

Letting her know where I really got my blood supply was a little risky, so I decided to lie. "Animal blood."

Dr. Olendzki's face was constricting in a way that told me she didn't believe what I was saying.

"Right," she said, remaining unconvinced. Before I left the room, she put her hand on my arm and said, "just be careful, Rose. Don't lose yourself."

I nodded and walked out to find Dimitri waiting for me outside. I rolled my eyes. He really didn't want to give up on me. No doubt Kirova ordered him to stay with me after the attack. I wasn't going to get much privacy.

He stood there with his arms crossed, making me feel like I was three feet tall. He was so intimidating sometimes.

"What?" I asked when he didn't stop staring.

"I'm worried about you is what," he declared.

"I'm fine," I said. "Barely even got injured."

"I saw you, Rose. I saw how badly you were thrown around when we were trying to fight off the others. And those bruises you had before? All gone. Dhampirs don't heal that fast."

"W-well then you saw wrong," I stammered, avoiding his gaze. Dimitri just kept glaring at me, making me feel small again.

"Can I just go to my dorm?" I asked him. My throat was really starting to burn, and the coldness in my skin told me I needed to feed. My skin was probably ice white—I figured that's why Dimitri kept staring.

"Fine," he said stiffly. We headed to my dorm, and when we got there, I thanked him for staying with me.

"Rose, wait," he said, putting his hand on the knob. "Are you going to be okay?"

I nodded, surprised by how concerned he was. "I'll be fine. I just really need to get some sleep."

"Alright," he said. "Just remember, you have my number."

"Thanks," I said. Before he left, I grabbed his wrist and hugged him so hard I might as well have been squeezing him. Oh my, I really needed this. I didn't even realize just how much I needed him to hug me until now.

Dimitri was quick to respond and engulfed me in his big arms. I didn't want to let myself cry in front of him despite how hard it was not break down right then and there. I wanted to cry in his arms, to let him kiss me and tell me everything was going to be okay. With all the stress and build up of emotions, I wanted that more than anything right now.

I could have stayed in his embrace, but my thirst was starting to get to me. My gaze moved its way to his neck where I could now hear the blood running through his veins. The smell of his blood was intoxicating as well as the sound of his pulse. Soon enough, the thought of feeding on him started to take over. If I didn't step away from him, I was afraid I might accidentally hurt him. My fangs started to retract, and I quickly pulled away. My eyes were probably red now too.

"I'm sorry, I…I really should go now," I said, hiding my face with my hair. "I'll see you tomorrow for training."

"If you're well enough, sure. Goodnight, Rose."

Still keeping my eyes on the ground, I walked in and closed the door behind me. Lissa wasn't in the room which I thought was a little strange. I thought about slipping into her head, but I needed blood first. After rushing to my fridge, I pulled out the other blood bag I was keeping and ripped the tube open. I finally relaxed as my body started going back to normal. When there was no blood left to drink, I threw it out in the trash but remembered to stuff it at the bottom. Although Lissa knew about my secret, I still had to keep these things hidden in case we ever had anyone else over.

I took a warm shower which left me feeling relaxed and ready to sleep. I was too tired to even slip into Lissa's head, so I decided to call her. The phone rang twice before she picked up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Liss, where are you?" I asked.

"Oh! I forgot to tell you. I'm sleeping with Christian tonight!" There was an excited giggle on her end, and I smiled.

"Don't go crazy, Liss. He might accidentally set you on fire."

"Maybe I like a little bit of heat," she said, directing her statement at Christian more than anyone else.

"Gross," I rebuked. "Uh—you guys go…do whatever. I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Lissa."

"Goodnight Rose!"

We hung up, and I crawled into bed after sending a goodnight text to Dimitri.

As usual, I had another nightmare half way through my sleep. This time, I was back in one of the blood-whore dens, being used over and over again for sex and feeding. It may not have been as terrifying as the experimentation room, but it left me feeling disgusted when I woke up.

I still had a few hours left to sleep, but it never came. I was beyond tired, but a part of me was afraid to go to sleep. After an hour of lying there awake, I gave up. I put a pair of grey sweatpants on along with a hoodie of the same colour. Before leaving my dorm, I looked at myself in the mirror and giggled. I looked like a damn rain cloud.

I managed to sneak out of my dorm and headed to the one place where I could relieve some stress—the gym. I didn't do any more than a little bit of weight training at first. I replayed some of the memories in my head with every push and pull of the weight machines, releasing some of my anger each time. At the end, I ran on the treadmill until my body gave out from exhaustion. Somehow, I ended up on the ground, laying down on my side. I had poured just about everything into my workout and was now left feeling drained of energy.

I didn't keep track of time or how long I stayed there for. Eventually, I unknowingly fell asleep and later woke up to the sound of someone shaking my body. Like I had done before with Lissa, I started fighting whoever was above me. The arms terrified me, and I almost felt like I was back in the dens, pinned down by my rapists. Maybe I was dreaming again. Oh god, they were going to use me again—

"Roza!"

Nope. Definitely not a dream. Everything was indeed real, and I was still lying on the gym floor. I opened my eyes to find Dimitri above me. He looked so worried and was in total distress from trying to calm me down.

This was so embarrassing. Waking up like this was bad enough with Lissa, but it was even worse with Dimitri.

Blinking away my tears, I sat up, covering my mouth in disbelief.

"I didn't mean for that to happen," I said. My hands were still shaking, so I grabbed Dimitri's hand and squeezed. It was almost an instinct. I felt like I needed to hold something just to stabilize myself.

Dimitri moved closer, watching me carefully. "Can I...?"

I nodded, and he wrapped an arm around me, hugging me against his body. "Talk to me, Roza."

This was so hard. Keeping it in all the time was agonizing, but saying it out loud was still difficult.

"I couldn't sleep," I confessed. "I came here because I couldn't sleep."

"Why?" he asked. "Were you having a bad dream?"

I couldn't find the right words, so I just nodded. Dimitri tightened his arms around me. "Is it like this every day?"

"No..." That was a lie. It most definitely _was _like this every day. I just didn't want him to worry about me more than he already did.

"Are you lying again?" he asked me, still keeping his voice soft.

"They're not just dreams, Dimitri, they're memories," I said, trying to avoid his question. He noticed it almost immediately, but didn't say anything about it.

"Memories," he repeated. "Do you want to tell me about them? I'm here to listen."

"I'm not ready to talk about it," I said. "Can we just...can we just get into our training? Please? I need to do something. I just want to forget about all this." I wanted to stay in his arms forever, but I couldn't. I could feel myself getting more and more emotional. The last thing I needed was a mental break down in front of him.

Dimitri stood up with me, and I could tell he had a lot more to say. He was just as frustrated as I was with trying to figure out what was going on in my head. I didn't even understand it.

"This conversation isn't over, Rose. I understand you're not ready right now, but I'm worried about you. If you don't trust me with it, then...at least talk to Lissa," he said.

"It's not that I don't trust you. It was never that. I'm just not in the mood to spill everything out. Can we _please _just forget about it?"

Dimitri was about to protest, but decided to drop the subject—for now, at least. "Alright," he said. "We'll warm up together. Six laps around the gym."

I nodded, relieved that we could finally stop talking about my horrible night terrors—well, technically day terrors with our nocturnal schedule as a vampire.

Dimitri ran his laps beside me like he said he would, but I could tell that our conversation was still on his mind. When we were done, I did my usual stretches, including my splits. The fact that I still didn't have my needle anymore was pissing me off. I'd almost forgotten how much work actually went into it and how long it had taken me to achieve it.

Dimitri was no longer doing stretches of his own. As he approached me, I started to move out of my splits, but he gestured for me to stay like that.

"Wait," he said. "Arms up."

I did as he asked. He latched his hands onto my wrists and pulled back, forcing me to arch my back. I moaned in discomfort and almost moved out of my position.

"Don't move," he said firmly. "You're holding this for another 2 minutes. If you move, you'll have to start over."

"Are you insane?" I gasped out.

"I said I'd help you with flexibility. Just relax," he said. At least he wasn't pushing me past my current limit. It hurt, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. I was relieved when he let go and started stretching the other way to even things out.

We began with our combat after that. We were going harder now than we were before. I was able to keep up with him for the first ten minutes, but I started falling out of line afterwards. He took me to the ground over and over again. At this point, I should have been ready for it, but I could feel myself struggling and getting tired.

I let out a little scream of frustration after he took me to the ground again. This time, it actually hurt as I got the wind knocked out of me.

"Fuck!" I shouted.

"Are you okay?" Dimitri asked, kneeling beside me as I sat up.

"I'm fine!" I snapped. Damn these stupid mood swings. Dimitri was completely unfazed by it.

"Do you understand why you're falling behind?" he asked.

"I don't know, you tell me. You're the mentor, aren't you?" I asked, my old attitude coming back.

Dimitri gave me a half-smile. "Rose, your technique isn't the issue. If anything, it _has _improved. Your stamina, however, is questionable."

"That's because I'm fighting _you_," I said. "I was able to fight off those students in class. Even that strigoi the other night."

"What I'm trying to say is that _you," _he said, nudging my arm, "need more sleep. A good sleep, too."

Ugh. Being half strigoi didn't make me invincible after all. Even with the heightened endurance, I still needed a proper sleep. It was almost impossible to ever get that now.

"I'll do my best," I said. "Maybe...I don't know. Maybe I'll go to the clinic."

"Good girl," he whispered under his breath. His voice was so quiet. He probably thought I couldn't hear him, but my enhanced hearing caught onto it. Hearing those two words come out of his mouth had me feeling some type of way inside that I couldn't explain. His voice made it ten times more attractive, and I found myself struggling to keep the heat in my cheeks under control. The things this man did to me.

We both cooled off in the change rooms after that. I had to actually take off my hoodie from all the sweat that had built up which left me in only my sweatpants and a sports bra. When I came out, Dimitri was looking down at a phone—_my_ phone.

"What are you doing?" I asked, reaching for my phone. Dimitri pulled his hand away as he read whatever text messages were sent to me.

"Does Adrian always greet you with 'little dhampir'?" Dimitri asked in amusement.

"What—hey! Dimitri! Give it back!" I squealed, reaching for my phone in just about every direction as he easily pivoted around.

"It seems he wants to see you this morning for breakfast—"

I snatched my phone away before he could finish. Dimitri was trying to stifle his laughter as I rolled my eyes.

"There's nothing going on between us," I said. Adrian had always been a flirt, but he was like that with just about everyone.

"I know that, Roza. Go see him. He's your friend," Dimitri said.

"Okay, Comrade. I'll see you later." I slipped my hoodie back on before giving Dimitri a small air kiss as I walked out of the gym.

* * *

Although I didn't originally plan on spending my morning with Adrian, I accepted his request to grab breakfast with him. So far, our little lunch meetup was going well. We passed a few sarcastic comments between us, and for a little while, it helped me forget about my troubles. As usual, I didn't eat much. My appetite was still laying low. I still craved fruits and juices, but everything else didn't exactly please my taste buds as much. On top of that, my depression still killed most of my appetite. I still managed to hide that from people. Dimitri had pointed out my weight loss a few times, but I usually dodged the topic every time.

I hadn't even noticed Adrian staring at me. Well, more like observing. After a long period of time, I finally decided to ask him what was wrong.

"What?" I asked.

"Your aura," he answered. "It's off."

"And? Hasn't it always been like that?"

"I mean, it's always been a little dark but it's different this time. Pitch black. I've never seen anything like it before."

Ugh. That probably had something to do with being half strigoi.

"I've been through a lot." I squirmed in my seat and averted my eyes. "What do you expect?"

Adrian's eye twitched as he continued to study me. He finally looked away after another little while, sighing heavily. "I'm just concerned, that's all. It's not like you."

I gave him a fake smile. "Lately, that's what everyone seems to think."

"You're just different," he pointed out. "Look, I wish I could understand—"

I abruptly interrupted him. "No, you don't. Be glad that you don't."

He went silent for several minutes before leaning in closer and speaking again. "There's a darkness in you—trust me, I can see it. I get that you have a bond with Lissa, but that isn't the problem. There's something else. You're just hiding it."

"Why would you think I'm hiding something?" I asked, my heart beat increasing. It was a stupid question. Adrian was laced with spirit magic just like Lissa. While he couldn't read my mind, he_ could_ read the soul and sensed darkness very easily.

"Maybe you're afraid," he pushed. "You don't want to reveal the details because you're afraid of what will happen."

I stood up from my chair, trying to end our conversation. He knew too much.

"I've lost my appetite," I said curtly. Not wanting to draw attention, I kept my voice low and walked out, feeling his eyes on me the whole time.

* * *

**Next chapter will be up next week as most of my chapters are updated weekly. I know I'm dragging it a little but I'll try to avoid too much of it. Otherwise, I hope you're enjoying it so far!**


	13. Strigoi Hybrids

**Just wanted to say thank you to those who continue to review my story - I really, really appreciate it and it keeps me motivated even with so little reviews. I'm a new author on the site so it's no surprise, but I thank you for reading and reviewing :) Anyways, here's another chapter!**

* * *

I decided to stay under the radar for a few more days. I was supposed to be taken to the royal court later tonight, but until then, I wanted to avoid talking to too many people.

After tonight's classes were over, I didn't head to my dorm right away. I already had most of my things packed, and I still had about an hour to kill before I had to get on the private jet. I didn't really expect myself to do this, but I ended up heading to the chapel. I wasn't really a firm believer, but I always felt so peaceful in there. There were no religious services going on right now, meaning I had the entire space to myself. After walking inside, I sat down on one of the pews and put my bag down.

I wasn't even sure how it was possible that I could still enter holy ground even when I was half strigoi. It almost felt wrong to be in here. I didn't want to leave, though, as it still felt peaceful for the most part. I sat there for about half an hour as my mind went through all the pages in my life.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see Dimitri's caller ID. Although we usually called each other at least once a day, I hadn't seen him for the past few days. I didn't need him to bring me to classes anymore, but sometimes, I missed his company.

I pressed my phone to my ear as I answered his call. "Hey, Comrade."

"Roza," he replied softly. I could hear him rummaging things around in the background. "I'm sorry I couldn't stay with you for these past few days. Kirova's had me running around doing guardian duties."

"I think I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself," I said with a smile. Dimitri chuckled on the other end.

"Yes, I know. How's your day been, though? Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," I said, my smile starting to drop. I had been stable so far, but I really had to question whether I was actually okay. "I've just been tired."

"Still not sleeping well?" he asked. My sleep mostly consisted of never-ending nightmares, but I didn't really want to tell him that.

"No, my sleep is fine. Just a lot of school work to catch up on," I said. There was a bit of a pause on his end. Even on the phone, he knew when I was lying.

"I don't buy it, you know."

I sighed, propping my head up with my arm as I leaned over the pew in front of me. "You know me too well, Comrade."

"Mhm. You should see Dr. Olendzki. It doesn't hurt to ask for help," he said. "Oh, before I forget, we'll be boarding in about an hour, so just have everything ready, okay?"

"Everything's already packed. Can we meet at the front later?"

"Sure."

Just then, someone walked through the doors of the chapel. I looked behind me to find Father Andrew walking in.

"Dimitri, I have to go. I just wanted to ask the priest some questions. Is that okay?"

"Of course. You don't have to ask," he said.

"Okay. Bye, Comrade."

I heard him let out a light chuckle before he hung up. Father Andrew was now approaching my aisle and gave me a friendly smile.

"Father Andrew. Long time no see," I greeted.

"Good evening, Ms. Hathaway. I didn't expect to see you here," he said, walking over to his altar.

"I haven't been in here for a while. I just came in to have a piece of mind."

"I see. I heard about what happened to you—just a month ago, was it? I'm very sorry, my dear. I hope things are getting better for you."

I swallowed as the familiar tightness started to form in my chest. "Thank you, Father. I've been alright, I guess. Since you're here, I actually wanted to talk to you about something—if you have time."

"I suppose I can squeeze in a few minutes," he offered. "What can I do for you?"

Asking him was going to be risky, but I needed to know if he had any information on my kind. He had helped me out before, back when I had been seeing ghosts before that whole attack happened. I hoped he could give me some information now too.

"This may seem totally random and unexpected, but I was wondering if you knew anything about strigoi hybrids," I said carefully, watching his reaction. He inhaled, seeming a little surprised.

"Well," he began, "I'm definitely no expert, but I've read a little bit about it."

"Do they still exist?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. I wouldn't be surprised if they do. These kinds of hybrids are rare, but not impossible to breed. Strigoi can't procreate with one another, but they can with anyone else among the living. Even if they still exist today, they'd probably hide in the shadows. It's generally not reported."

"Do you know why? Are they...afraid to come out?"

Father Andrew sighed, leaning against his pulpit. "It's hard to say. This kind of mix was often forbidden from moroi grounds. They were considered to be dark, violent...blood-thirsty."

"But they're not all like that, right? You said they were forbidden from moroi grounds, not killed."

"Like I said before, Ms. Hathaway, I'm not an expert. I've never encountered one myself, so I wouldn't truly know how deadly they may or may not be."

_Well, you're encountering one now._ If only he could see what was right in front of him.

"What about their traits? Like, senses and all that."

"Ah. If I can remember correctly, it wasn't to the full extent of a strigoi, but they still had some of their advantages; heightened vision, hearing, and smell. More than a dhampir's, but less than a strigoi. Even their wounds healed faster than an ordinary dhampir or moroi—with the exception of another strigoi's bite or a silver stake, of course."

"What about their impulses?" I urged. "I mean, strigoi are known to taunt and kill their prey."

"It's different for hybrids. I can't speak for everyone, but from what I know, the urge to kill can be persistent. Unlike the strigoi, it isn't without reason. Their prolonged humanity is what holds back these urges. The ability to love and care will always be a part of their inheritance—for the most part, anyways."

"What do you mean, 'for the most part?'"

He looked away, his lips pressing together as he sighed in a reluctant manner. "If one is half strigoi...they have the power to shut off their humanity."

"Shut off their humanity," I repeated.

The priest nodded. "It's what made them so deadly, so feared. Once humanity was gone, they could become reckless. Biologically, they remained the same, but the guilt and concern were no longer present."

"Why would anyone do that?"

"The same reason a moroi would want to turn into a strigoi. Maybe they wanted power. Maybe they couldn't tolerate emotional pain. It could be a number of reasons."

The thought of shutting off my humanity was terrifying. I couldn't imagine putting myself or anyone else through that. In the back of my mind, I dwelled on the possibility of it taking away the darkness of spirit and the emotional torment I went through every time I slept.

Almost immediately, I pushed the thought away. I was not going to lose my humanity over that. I had to deal with my emotions, not run away from them.

"So, they're just like that forever?" I asked.

"Not necessarily. Although difficult, it is still possible to regain their humanity—often times with the help of a loved one. From all the old stories, it's happened before, but it takes a lot of courage to come back."

"Uh-huh." My eyes wandered to the floor as I tried to process the new information. I still had more questions though, so I kept going.

"Earlier you mentioned this kind of mix being born. What about being created? Sort of like dying with a strigoi's blood in your system."

"So curious, Ms. Hathaway. But, to answer your question: being created can only work if the person's blood is laced with spirit."

Bingo. Now this was getting interesting.

"If someone were shadow-kissed by a moroi," he continued, "the spirit that runs through their body protects them as it fights against the venom."

"Like a vaccine," I noted.

Father Andrew's eyebrows contracted together. "Uh...yes, sure."

This made sense. The spirit I inherited after being shadow-kissed was what protected me. That's why I was still able to enter the chapel. Whether I was turned through an experiment or by an actual strigoi, I would have turned out like this either way. Was that why my blood was so important to Sebastian and his people? Did they want to feed off of me to inherit the spirit? I recalled what Sebastian had said right before I had been rescued: _your inheritances can only come from the original source, so make sure she stays alive._

I still didn't understand what that meant. I obviously knew they were using me for more than just a pleasurable feed, but I couldn't put everything together—at least not yet. I still needed to know more.

"What about death?" I asked him.

"Same as a strigoi, I believe. They can only be killed by a silver stake to the heart, decapitation, fire, and sunlight. However," he said with another edge to his voice, "if the hybrid was created through the spirit of a moroi, sunlight will not kill them. Consider them the lucky ones."

I nodded, still pondering over his information about spirit. I would have asked him more, but I didn't want to give too much of myself away. He already knew about my bond with Lissa.

"Father Andrew, I really do appreciate this. I hope it wasn't too much to ask," I said gratefully, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

"Not a problem, Ms. Hathaway. I'm always here to help. But, may I ask what sparked your curiosity? This isn't exactly spoken about nowadays, even in this school."

"Oh. It's for a research paper for one of my classes. I thought this would help with my writing," I said, hoping he wouldn't ask anything else.

"Ah. Well, good luck with that. I'm glad I could help."

We exchanged smiles, and I finally started to walk out. "Thanks again. Have a good night."

"You too, Ms. Hathaway."

* * *

I met up with Dimitri an hour later. We were waiting outside one of the private jets with our duffel bags at our sides.

"Did you pack everything you needed? We'll be staying at the court for a few days," Dimitri said as the stairs descended.

"I think I have enough. If I'm short on clothes, I'll just steal yours."

Dimitri laughed. "You've already taken one of my hoodies."

"Get used to it, Comrade. It won't be the first time. You should be prepared to make some trips to the academy's apparel store."

"Then you'll probably steal whatever I buy from there too."

I bit my lip, trying to supress a laugh. Dimitri nudged me in the arm.

"That's what I thought," he said.

"Rose!"

Dimitri and I stopped walking for a second as the sound of a little girl's high-pitched squeal alerted us both. My legs were suddenly hogged by a pair of tiny arms.

"Nevaeh?" I looked down, and there she was, pressing her face up against my hip. She was dressed in her grey pajamas and had a plush toy in her hand. To my surprise, she even hugged Dimitri.

"Well hello there," he said. Guardian Yuri was behind her, and I only then realized he was holding her school bag.

"She's coming with us?" I asked, frowning. I didn't mind having her there, but I didn't want her to get bombarded with questions. She was too young.

"Yes," Dimitri answered. "The royal court wants to get whatever they can out of her."

"Are you serious?" I asked incredulously. "She's a child..."

"Believe me, I don't agree with it. They just want information out of her."

"They better let me go in with her," I said.

Dimitri stepped up onto the stairs. "I'll see if I can talk to them."

"Really?" I asked. "You would do that?"

"I would do anything for you," he said as we walked inside. "Plus, she probably won't talk unless you're there. You're the only person she's comfortable with."

He had a good point. Nevaeh most definitely wouldn't speak if she was interrogated by a bunch of intimidating guardians by herself. It still frustrated me that they wanted to do that at all as she was so young, but there wasn't much we could do.

I sat in the same seat as last time with Nevaeh at my side. I let her take the window seat and sat in the middle seat. Before Dimitri could scoot into the seat behind me, I abruptly pulled his arm, forcing him to sit down beside me. He only laughed, sulking against the seat.

"Why so eager?" he asked in amusement. "Not that I'm complaining."

"So that I can rest my head on your shoulder," I said, making him laugh again.

"Okay. We'll be taking off soon, so buckle up."

I did as he asked, then reached over to secure Nevaeh's seat belt in place.

"How long will the ride be?" she asked, tightening her arms around her bear plush.

"A few hours," I answered, brushing some strands of messy hair away from her face. "Try to sleep. I'm right here if you need me."

She nodded, leaning back into the seat as she stared out the window.

"You should sleep, too," Dimitri said.

"I'm not even tired," I said. However, my body betrayed me, because I just so happened to yawn right after I said that.

"Not tired, huh?" Dimitri asked with a hint of disapproval in his voice.

I _did _need to sleep, but my recent deprivation was a result of my nightmares. I had sleep paralysis too, so that didn't help. Maybe having Dimitri beside me could help since I always felt better around him.

"As long as I get to sleep on your shoulder," I said.

Dimitri chuckled. "Yes, Roza, you can sleep on my shoulder."

I smiled, slipping my hand underneath his which was lying on the arm rest. He noticed my subtle movement and instead placed his warm hand over mine, rubbing his thumb against my knuckles. Even just that slight contact made me feel warm inside. His thumb brushing against my skin gave me a sense of reassurance. I took a deep breath as I leaned against him and closed my eyes to catch up on some sleep.

* * *

"Rose? Time to wake up. We're here." Dimitri's soft voice woke me from my nap. I opened my eyes, stretching out my limbs as I looked around. Most of the guardians were grabbing their bags from the overhead bins. Dimitri had both of our bags placed on the seat he was sitting in before. He stood in the aisle, watching me as I rubbed my tired eyes.

Instead of getting up right away, I slumped back into my seat. I was so tired, and I was kind of disappointed that my first sleep without a nightmare had to be so short.

"Roza," Dimitri chastised, unbuckling my seat belt.

"I'm tired," I complained.

"You can sleep when they take you to your room. Come on," he said, tugging on my upper arm. I groaned but complied as I stood up. Nevaeh was still sleeping as she clung onto her toy. I didn't want to wake her, so I decided to carry her out while Dimitri held our bags.

The sun was now out as we stepped out of the jet. The heat was a little irritating on my skin, but it didn't burn me. Even then, I wanted to get out of the sun as soon as possible. I used to love it before, but now I just found it annoying. It was even more annoying that I didn't enjoy it anymore. Damn this stupid transition.

As soon as I walked into the main lobby, Dimitri and Alberta stepped in front of me to talk to the receptionist. They were given a few keys, and whoever was speaking to them glanced at me. Dimitri turned around, and I slowly approached him.

"You'll be sharing a room with her," he said, cocking his head at Nevaeh.

I nodded, propping her body up in my arms. "What about you?" I asked.

"I'll be beside you," he said. After looking up at him, he cleared his throat. "Our rooms are still separated." He didn't really have to clarify that, but the look on my face must have anticipated him in doing so. He wasn't my teacher anymore, but I knew they would never put us in a room together. It was a little disappointing. It wasn't that I necessarily wanted to have sex or anything—and I still probably wouldn't be having any sex for a while with my current state—but it would have been nice to be in bed with him. The thought of us cuddling under the sheets—

"Rose," Dimitri said, snapping me out of my thoughts. I didn't even realize that my head was now leaning on Nevaeh's. My arms had loosened a little from how tired I was. I blinked, straightening myself. My eyes were starting to feel dry.

Dimitri spoke again, this time with a hint of uncertainty. "I think I should carry her," he said, holding his arms out. Instead of protesting, I let him take her. Nevaeh was awake now, but she was still a little groggy from her nap as she leaned against Dimitri's shoulder.

I followed him to my room, once again amazed by how well-designed the court was. It was just as nice, if not better, than a luxury hotel. My room was on the third floor where things were generally quieter. It gave me a little more privacy and I figured they must have done that on purpose.

Dimitri unlocked my door before handing me the room key. He turned on the light and stepped inside, looking around the neatly polished room before setting Nevaeh down on the bed. I threw my duffel bag on the floor, deciding it was best to just sort my things out tomorrow. Right now, I needed sleep.

"I'll be in the room right next to you," Dimitri said. "Don't worry about waking up early. They won't be questioning you until later. Anyways, I'm going to go to bed, but if you need anything, I'm here. Will you be okay?"

"Yeah," I said, yawning for the tenth time today. "Goodnight, Dimitri."

"Goodnight, Roza."

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**Sorry if this chapter was a little slow. I don't really want to change too much but this one was a little boring. Anyways, stay updated! Please review!**


	14. The Royal Court

**Not the most exciting chapter, I'll admit, but there is a little bit more interaction with Abe and Rose. This chapter is really just about them getting to know each other a little more, but I definitely want to include more future chapters with those two. Anyways, here's chapter 14.**

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The interrogation wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. The officers were very serious with the situation, but they were still aware of making sure I was comfortable with their questions. It wasn't anything unexpected, but everything was very specific and detailed. They had spoken about the room where I was experimented on, but any documents that were in the room before were all gone. The computers had nothing on them either, and even the blood bags were gone. They hadn't found anything. Sebastian's people must have gotten rid of everything and sent them somewhere else to cover their tracks.

When the officers questioned me about it, I simply told them I didn't know anything. I hated having to lie about such a thing, but I couldn't reveal my secret. As much as I hated to admit it, I was afraid of what they would do to me. Maybe they'd realize I wasn't actually a threat, but there was the other possibility—thinking I was dangerous and locking me up. Or maybe even using me for research. My kind of mix was so rare, and it hadn't been reported for years. They would definitely want to know more about me, and I didn't want to give my body up for science.

Even with all of my protests, they still questioned Nevaeh. It pissed me off, but at least I was allowed to stay there with her. She didn't really say anymore than 'yes', 'no', and 'I don't know'. Sometimes, she wouldn't even answer at all unless I repeated the question to her.

The whole thing lasted a little over an hour. The air was getting stuffy, and being in a room with people I didn't particularly like wasn't exactly within my comfort zone. None of the guardians from the academy could go in there with me, and I was relieved when the officers finally let me leave.

I held Nevaeh's hand as I walked out and was surprised to see my parents waiting outside. Dimitri and Alberta were there too, but their conversation came to a stop when they saw me.

My mother was the first one to leave her seat. "How was it?" she asked.

"Brutally long," I muttered, running my free hand through my hair. "You know, it could have been a lot shorter. They didn't have to repeat themselves over and over again."

"They do that to make sure your answer is the same every time," Abe said casually, slipping his luxurious coat on.

"We still have to talk," I told him.

"I haven't forgotten," he said. "There's a coffee shop here if you wish to join me. I'm happy to answer whatever you want to ask me. Perhaps we can even discuss some life theories—"

"Okay!" I rasped, making him laugh. I let go of Nevaeh's hand, guiding her towards Dimitri. At least I knew she was comfortable with him. He smiled at her and picked her up effortlessly before looking over his shoulder.

"We'll leave you to it," Dimitri said, walking away with Alberta and my mother. I nodded, giving him a tight smile before facing Abe once more. He turned on his heels, gesturing for me to follow him.

"Do you like coffee?" he asked.

"I hate coffee."

"Oh. Good. Humans drink that stuff like water. I take it you're more of a tea person?"

"Yes," I answered, surprised by how natural and innocent our conversation was. "Jasmine green tea, especially."

"Ah," he said proudly. "Keeping things classy."

I scoffed. "Not really. I'm anything but classy."

"I'll be the judge of that," he said as we rounded a corner. "You know, breaking the rules doesn't make you a trashy person."

"What are you talking about?"

Abe chuckled. "I read your files. You've broken just about every rule in the book."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course. It's not like I had anyone around to discipline me."

"Fair enough. But I must say, Guardian Belikov seems to be doing a pretty good job. Your behavior got better when he became your mentor."

He wasn't wrong. Dimitri was always harder on me than any other teacher at the academy. He was strict too, and although I had undoubtedly become his favourite student back then, he still made me work hard. If I slacked off, he didn't give me special treatment just because of our hidden romance. He had seen so much potential in me which was why he was so strict. He had indeed taught me some discipline, and I suddenly started thinking of other ways he could 'discipline' me.

"Rose?" Abe said, making my cheeks turn a dark shade of red. I could not be fantasizing about Dimitri right now.

"Yeah, he's great," I said a little too quickly, trying to hide the blush in my cheeks. God forbid Abe ever found out about us.

We finally arrived at the coffee shop. The smell of baked sweets and brewed coffee invaded my nose, but I didn't mind it. It wasn't very often that I got to smell such nice things, and it gave me a feeling of relaxation.

We sat down at one of the tables, and a middle-aged moroi waitress almost immediately approached us.

"Mr. Mazur," she said. "I see you've finally brought a guest with you."

"Hello again. Rose, this is Leila. Leila, meet Rose—my daughter." Abe exchanged gestures as he introduced us. Leila looked at me like I was a pot of gold.

"So, this is the famous Rose Hathaway," she said. If I didn't know better, I would have said she was checking me out. "You really are beautiful in the flesh."

"Oh. Thank you," I said, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"She takes after me," Abe said smugly. I rolled my eyes in embarrassment. Leila laughed as she pulled out a small note pad and a pen.

"What can I get for you today?" she asked, turning towards me.

"Just green tea," I said, still feeling a little awkward. In the past, I would have definitely ordered a meal along with some sweets, but my appetite was still laying low.

"Certainly. Anything for you, Mr. Mazur?"

"I'll have the same thing—but maybe with a drop of my favourite substance, if you can."

"I'll see what I can do," Leila said quietly before hurrying off into the back.

"How do you two know each other?" I asked when she was gone.

"Everyone knows me," Abe said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I've been living here for the past few months to investigate your earlier disappearance. Even before that, I made several visits—for business purposes, mainly. Consider me a regular. Sort of."

"Great," I said sarcastically. "Everyone knew you except for me."

Abe's face started to change, and I could've sworn there was some regret in his eyes. "That's my fault," he admitted. "I didn't want you to be involved with my life for several reasons. I never had the intention of abandoning you, Rose, but I understand if you feel that way."

I shrugged. I was used it at this point. If anything, it felt weird for me to say I even had a dad. I still addressed him by his name as it was too strange for me to call him anything else.

Something else was bothering me though. There were so many blanks that needed to be filled, and I hoped he would at least open up to me. He still almost felt like a stranger to me.

"Can I at least know why you decided to leave?" I asked. Abe's eyes narrowed, and he opened his mouth to say something before closing it. As usual, I spoke before thinking.

"Was my mom just...a cheap hookup?" I continued before I could stop myself. "I mean, she was pretty young when she had me—"

"No, Rose, it wasn't that," Abe interrupted. "That's not how I see your mother. I have a lot more respect for that woman than you think I do."

"Then why did you leave?" I prompted. Our waitress came back in that moment, setting the two cups of tea down.

"Thanks," I said, wrapping my hands around the hot cup. She pulled out a small tube of some sort, and as soon as she took off the lid, I immediately noticed the strong smell of blood. I repressed the urge to snatch it out of her hand as she poured the red liquid into Abe's tea.

"Much appreciated," Abe said with a wink.

"Anything to get your energy up," Leila said. She walked away again, leaving us alone. Even in the tea, I could still smell the damn blood. Abe, of course, had no idea. I hadn't actually fed in almost two days, and I was starting to feel the effects already. A part of me wanted to chug his drink down, but I couldn't let him see that. Instead, I took a sip of my own drink to distract my thirst. At least my eyes weren't red right now.

"The things I do...well, it's the sole reason I didn't want to get you involved in my life. Now that you're older, you'd probably understand, but as a child? It was far too dangerous."

"Was Adrian right, then? He said you were—" I looked around, making sure nobody was around to hear us. "You know...involved in _that_ kind of business. Like, the dangerous kind."

Abe chuckled. "Bingo," he said, taking a sip of his blood-mixed tea. "I'd rather not discuss it with you. I can only let you know so much—for your own safety, of course."

"Don't a lot of people fear and respect you?" I asked. "They wouldn't hurt me."

"And this is exactly why I couldn't let myself into your life for so many years. You're partially right—as long as people know you're my daughter, they wouldn't lay a finger on you. And, yes, I'm aware of the strigoi attacks and all the kills you've made. You're a tough woman, and I can admire that—but you have no idea how the mafia works, sweetheart. It doesn't matter if you're a strigoi or a human or whatever else. Innocent or not, people get killed if you mess with the wrong person."

"I'm no expert, but I think I have some idea. I was trafficked by them for over a month."

"I'm aware," Abe said reluctantly. "I was contacting my people all over the place. Eventually, one thing led to another, and there you were."

I blanched as I thought back on the day I was rescued. I still remembered being naked and tied to the ceiling while the strigoi were feeding off of me.

"Did you see me when they found me?" I asked, hoping he would say no.

"The first time I saw you, you were in Guardian Belikov's arms," he said. "You were clinging onto him for dear life." Well, at least he hadn't seen me when I was naked. It would have been horrifying for both of us.

"I was just cold," I said, averting my eyes.

"Right," Abe said hesitantly, remaining totally unconvinced. He took another sip of his tea, and the smell of the blood was actually starting to bother me. I still had another day here, and I had no idea how I was going to retrieve blood. The royal court obviously had a feeding department—multiple actually—but I couldn't risk sneaking in there. I wished I had brought a bag with me.

"I hope you understand why I'm not there all the time," Abe continued. "I checked in with the academy every few years to make sure you were okay, but I get it if you feel some kind of resentment towards me."

"Well," I said, "I don't hate you, if that's what you're wondering. I appreciate you for finding me. Don't take this too personally, but it's just hard for me to call you a dad. I don't know you very well."

"That's fair," Abe said. "But I'm hoping we can eventually establish some kind of understanding."

"I hope so too." And I meant it. I could take care of myself, but I didn't entirely want to shut him out of my life. It would take time, and I knew he couldn't always be there as my father, but I was willing to at least be civil with him.

I would have chatted with him longer, but the blood was still bothering me. I needed to get out of here before my thirst took over.

"I should go," I said, stepping out of my seat.

"Why so soon?" Abe asked.

"Nevaeh's probably waiting for me. I'll see you later." I strolled out of the cafe without hesitation. I didn't try to see Abe's reaction at my sudden need to leave. I hated having to do this every time I got thirsty, but it was too risky to stay there.

I was relieved when I stepped out into the hallway, finally feeling like I could breathe again. I pressed my back against the wall and slid down. I was so frustrated that I had to live like this. It was taking so long for me to adjust. Maybe I would get used to it or figure something out over time, but in the moment, it was painful. I even contemplated running away from the academy a few times, but I still wanted to protect the people I cared about. They spent so long trying to find me when I was gone. I at least owed it to them to stay, but I still wanted answers. No, I _needed _answers.

Sebastian was definitely in the royal court prison. Seth was probably here too, but he definitely wasn't going to cooperate with me. I wasn't sure if they were keeping Damian here since he was a human, but if he _was_ here, I would definitely have to find a way to talk to him. I wasn't even sure how I was going to talk to Sebastian. I'd have to sneak into the court's prison and convince the guards to let me through.

I took advantage of the time I had left by myself and rushed through the hallways. The court was huge, and I had to walk for almost ten minutes just to find an entrance to the basement. It was a lot colder down there, but cold temperatures didn't really bother me that much.

I had to ask guardians for directions in order to actually find the prison cells and interrogation rooms. They must have known about my disappearance, or maybe they just knew me as Abe's daughter or whatever, because most of them recognized me and didn't try to block off my access. When I finally arrived at the main area of confinement, however, it took a lot more convincing.

A young guardian stood at the door. He was extremely hesitant in accepting my request, and it took everything in me not to use compulsion on him. Since my transition, I actually had the ability to do that, but I refrained from ever doing so. I thought it was wrong and immoral, and I would only ever use it if it was really necessary.

"Please," I begged. "I'm only here for another day. I just need to talk to him. That's all."

The guardian who was standing at the door—a young dhampir with dark brown eyes and black hair—finally stepped forward after realizing I wasn't going to leave.

"Let me see your ID," he said. I complied right away, pulling my driver's license and my St. Vladimir's student ID out of my wallet. He exchanged glances between me and my ugly pictures.

"I heard about what happened to you," he said sympathetically as he returned my cards. "I'm not usually supposed to let visitors in, but I can make an exception for you. Just give me a few minutes."

"Thank you," I said gratefully, leaning against the wall. He pulled out his phone before dialing a number. He said something about a unit followed by a few numbers before asking for someone to come down. Whoever he was speaking to must have been on duty, because after just a few minutes, another guardian walked into the hallway. He was older and had some slight wrinkles in his face, but he was still packed with muscle underneath his uniform. He nodded his head at me, but didn't say anything.

"Take her to unit 106," the young guard said. "The prisoner should be ready. I've already ordered him in."

"Got it." The older guardian that just recently walked in placed a gentle hand on my back as the door was opened.

The guard's voice was tight. "So, you're the famous Rose Hathaway everyone talks about."

I rolled my eyes. "Um—yes. I'm sorry, does _everyone_ here know me?"

"So it seems. You're quite the celebrity."

"I'm guessing it's for all the wrong reasons," I rebuked. "I don't have the most flattering record."

"No, but from what I've heard, you seem to have a very inspiring ethic. We don't have a lot of female guardians nowadays, but there _are_ a lot of people—girls in particular—that look up to you."

"Oh." Even people at the royal court knew about my strigoi killings. It shouldn't have been so surprising considering I hadn't graduated when the huge attack happened. I hoped Christian was given just as much credit after setting half of them on fire.

There was a bit of an awkward silence between us as I followed him through the dim hallway. The walk wasn't too long though, and we finally reached a door with a small window on it. The number 106 was engraved right beside the glass.

The young dhampir unlocked the door, glancing at me with a look of uncertainty. "Are you sure you're ready?"

_No. _

"Yes," I said, trying to ignore the painful anxiety that invaded my head. I hadn't seen my abductors since being recued, and I wasn't sure if I was actually ready to face them again—even if it was just one of them. I just had to suck it up and be brave. None of them could hurt me anymore.

"Alright. Just be careful. He's unpleasant," the guard said. I shut my eyes for a second, taking a deep breath as I walked in.

The room was dark, and the only light we got came from the ceiling above the metal table in the middle of the room. The walls were a dark grey, and there was a large mirror on one of the walls.

The first thing as I saw as I looked at the person sitting in one of the chairs was his face. A vicious grin stretched across his lips when he saw me, and I just stood there, my feet glued to the ground as my heart raced. Goosebumps started to form on my arms as I looked at the man I tried to forget about, the man who had created the monster inside me.

"Marie," Sebastian laughed. "I knew you'd come back for me!"

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**Like I said before, Rose doesn't actually know Abe very well but at least finds some common ground. Hopefully I can have them work together in future chapters. Still not sure yet, but I'll figure it out! :)**


	15. Rose's Night Terrors

**Hey guys! Just a heads up that there _are _mentions of sexual abuse in this chapter - though I tried to tone it down as much as possible so I hope it isn't too much.**

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Sebastian's sinister voice sent shivers down my spine, causing memories of the experimentation room to flush back into my mind. All I could feel in that moment was pure hatred and disgust as he continued to laugh. I would never get over how terrifying his laugh was.

His arms were restrained in front of him with thick metal cuffs that were linked with a chain as well as his ankles, making it impossible for him to get out. His skin was getting pale—a sign that he was low on blood and had probably gotten weaker over the past month of his time here. He had been accompanied by two guards here, meaning I had three guardians in total if he wanted to do anything stupid. He couldn't attack me either way since he was both restrained and short on blood.

"Tell me," he said. "How have you been? Have you been eating recently? You're looking awfully pale."

I scowled at him but refused to answer his question. What he really meant was to ask me if I had been drinking blood recently.

"You're looking a little empty yourself," I said bitterly. "I can only imagine how painfully long it's going to be before your body starts to rot."

Sebastian's creepy smile never faltered, but I knew he was probably thinking the same thing. Moroi prisoners that committed crimes like this were given very little blood—but just enough to survive—and were usually exposed to sunlight to be weakened. Over time, their bodies would start to deteriorate without actually dying. It was a cruel process, but I had no sympathy for Sebastian at all. A deeper, darker part of me wanted him to suffer for as long as he lived.

"I know you didn't come here for a warm welcome," he said. "What are you really here for?"

I stared at him for a few seconds before straightening myself in my seat. "I need information," I said emotionlessly.

Sebastian laughed again. "Of course, darling. Ask away!"

I rolled my eyes before leaning closer, keeping my voice down. "I want to know why I was so damn important to your little pack of strigoi."

"Oh, Marie," he said. "Such a curious little girl. Always wanting to put the pieces together. Doesn't it ever get tiring? Don't you remember what happened the last time you tried to figure things out?"

Another cold shiver went down my spine as I imagined myself back in the experimentation room. Sebastian was right about one thing—sometimes, knowing the truth was too dangerous. I had walked into that room because I wanted to know more about what he and his people were doing. My curiosity had pretty much costed me my life.

"Did Damian tell you about that?" I asked.

"In case you didn't know, there were cameras in there. Damian didn't have to tell me anything. Useless boy that he was—always trying to protect you for whatever reason. If anything, you probably should have listened to him."

I looked away as regret started to fill my heart. Damian wasn't anywhere near kind, but he always tried to put as much distance between me and Sebastian as possible. He had protected Nevaeh too even if it meant keeping her in a room all the time. I wondered how he had even gotten into such a horrible business. Needless to say, he really had been nothing more than Sebastian's little tool.

"You didn't answer my question," I said. "Why all the tests? What was the point of it all?"

"You don't know?" he asked. He leaned closer this time, speaking so quietly that only I could hear him even in the small room. "Come on, Marie. I thought you were smarter than that. Think about it—you've got spirit in your blood. If a strigoi feeds on you, they'll be walking in broad daylight within 24 hours. They can pass through wards and take all your precious little moroi lives for their own. To possess that kind of power...it's to kill for. Literally."

"What about all those other girls?" I prompted.

Sebastian shrugged. "They're just a lost cause, I suppose."

I gritted my teeth as the urge to attack him started to rise. A while ago, Olivia—the same girl that was with me on my first night out—had told me that girls were usually coming in and out. They kept her there with a few others, but then there were girls like me and Kira. I still wondered where she was. She was so scared and wanted me to teach her how to fight before she was taken away. I wished I had.

"What really happened to Kira?" I asked.

"Her? Well, she's immortal now, of course. The poor girl took off. She didn't have the same up-bringing as you, it seems, but turning into a strigoi made her just as deadly."

"And you were well aware that I could turn out the same way. That I could die or turn into a strigoi. You knew that, didn't you?"

Sebastian tilted his head, looking at me like I was some treasured possession. "Yes. I knew. But after discovering your spirit, I knew you had to be the one—and it was well worth it."

I didn't respond. I was too angry to say anything. All I could do was glare at him.

"You don't think so?" he asked.

"No, actually, I don't. Do you even realize how much danger you've put me in? How much danger you've put the moroi in?"

"Oh, come on, it's not like everyone knows about it—yet. And I couldn't care less about the moroi—"

Before he could finish, someone burst through the door. It was Dimitri, and he was furious. Anger radiated off of him, making me cringe back into my seat. I was in so much trouble.

"This is what you do in your free time?" he demanded.

"Dimitri, I'm sorry. I promise I'll explain later. I just needed some information—"

"And you're going to listen to _him?_ I don't think so," he growled, stomping over to where I was sitting. He grabbed my arm, pulling me out of my chair.

"You haven't told them?" Sebastian asked, laughing again. I wasn't sure how bad the other prisoners here really were, but he had definitely gone a little crazy.

"Go on, Marie, tell him," Sebastian continued. "Or should I do the honors?"

Before anyone could react, I leaped over the table and knocked him out of his chair. I started punching him relentlessly until I saw blood and was sure I had knocked a tooth out. A pair of arms grabbed me and pulled me off within seconds, and it took every ounce of self-control in me to not go after him again.

"You want to tell him about that nurse, darling?" Sebastian taunted, blood leaking out of his mouth. "Please, tell them all the details about how you tore her pretty little throat out—"

"Shut up! You should be dead!" I shouted angrily. The darkness from within me was starting to take over, and I lost it again. I tried to go for him, but was stopped when Dimitri put his body in front of mine, gripping my shoulders firmly. The spirit mixed with the anger I had over Sebastian was still overwhelming me, and all I could think about was killing him. When I wouldn't stop fighting, Dimitri turned me over and pinned me against the table, holding my hands together behind my back.

_"Calm down,"_ he commanded. Although he was calm, his voice was strong and authoritative as he tried to get me to relax. I realized that even with my strength, I could not overpower him. As long as he held me down, I had no chance of getting away. So, instead of fighting, I fought the persistent urge to attack. The monster in me wanted to torture Sebastian, but I had to fight that impulse. If I let it control me again, there was a chance I wouldn't be able to stop. I could hurt someone else without intending to.

"Okay...okay," I whispered after a few minutes. I let a breath out and let my muscles relax for a moment. Dimitri shushed me and rubbed my back to help me calm down.

"Good. Good girl." His whisper was so quiet that only I could hear him. Hearing him talk to me so softly again made me feel a little better and helped divert my attention for a bit. "Just relax. I'm going to let you up, but if you fight me, I'll restrain you again. Do you understand me?"

I nodded. "Yes, sir."

Dimitri sighed and pulled me up off the table. He kept a hand on my arm though, watching me as if I might lash out any second. He didn't trust me just yet.

I faced Sebastian who was being held up by two dhampir guardians once again. Just the sight of his face made my blood boil.

"I might have underestimated you, Marie. You know, on our last night together, you should have probably killed me before I could sedate you," he said. "I'll admit, it was cheap of me—always taking you while you were knocked out. But in the end, it was worth it. Out of all my test subjects, you were the only one who granted success."

"I didn't grant anything, you son of a bitch," I snapped. "You used me!"

"Yes, yes I did—but what can I say? You were my most precious guinea pig."

I punched him again, causing blood to fly out of his mouth. Dimitri had to hold me back once again. Sebastian's hysterical laughter filled the room, sounding loud and obnoxious. "You know, all the girls there were nice, but you were always my favourite little doll. Consider this a blessing. You're too...special. One of a kind. Nobody will kill you now."

I couldn't help but feel vulnerable as everyone's eyes started to land on me. I averted my gaze back onto Sebastian who had a wicked smirk playing at his lips.

"We're done here," Dimitri said quickly, dragging me out of the room. Sebastian was still smiling at me on the way out.

"Why the fuck did you stop me?" I asked, still shaking from the anger. "He deserves to die!" I yanked my arm away from his hand, turning back towards the interrogation room. Dimitri grabbed me again, this time pinning me against the wall with my arms near my head. He also looked like he was trying to hold back his own anger.

"I stopped you because I didn't want you to hurt _yourself._ Damn it Rose, this is the royal court. You could get into a lot of trouble for assaulting anyone here. Those guards are just letting you off the hook because of what happened to you."

"Assault?" I exclaimed. "You call that assault? What about what he put me through? He deserves every last bit of—"

"Roza, please, calm down," Dimitri said. "Believe me, I want him to suffer just as much as you do—and he will. He'll get what he deserves, but the last thing you need right now is an undeserving punishment for beating someone up in court."

Slowly, I started to relax again. He was right, and far more rational than I was. To be fair, he didn't have the dark side effects of spirit running through his body, and he wasn't half strigoi either. The anger towards what was done to me, however, was undoubtedly there. Dimitri was just really good at controlling himself.

"This isn't fair. I can't—I can't just sit back and do nothing." My voice was starting to break. I thought I was going to cry right then and there.

"I know. Trust me, none of this is fair. If I could torture him until he wished he was dead, I would—but I can't, and neither can you. It's not worth getting yourself into trouble."

I slammed my palms against my face, hiding my eyes behind my fingertips. I didn't want him to see me cry. I didn't want anyone to see me cry. I needed to be alone before I broke. There were too many emotions going on in my head.

"Are you okay?" Dimitri asked. Whatever anger he had earlier was gone. He was worried now.

"I need to be alone," I whispered. "Before you say anything, I'll explain everything later, but right now, I just really need to be alone."

My body language must have given everything away. Dimitri's expression started to change, and a million messages seemed to pass through us as his eyes locked onto mine.

"Will you at least let me take you to your room?" he finally asked. All I could give him was a small but grateful smile as I nodded. He took me to the room I was staying in, not saying a word on the way there. Like me, his thoughts were probably all over the place despite how calm and composed he was. But even through his tough exterior, I could see the pain and worry in his eyes when he faced me.

After unlocking my door, I rested my hand on the knob. "I'm sorry," I told him. "I shouldn't have seen him. I get it if you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you, but you should have at least told me. You shouldn't have seen him alone."

"I had my reasons for going alone," I said. "Believe me, if you knew, you'd understand."

"Then why won't you tell me? Why won't you open up to me?"

"Because I fucking can't!" I cried. _No. You're just afraid. This is Dimitri. You can tell him anything—you just don't want to._

"Can't or won't?" he asked. I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it when nothing came out. I didn't answer him, but I didn't have to—he already knew the truth.

I couldn't bring myself to speak, so I walked into my room and closed the door. The tears finally fell as I sat down on the ground. I rested my forehead against my knees as I cried uncontrollably.

Something poked my shoulder. I jerked my head up to find Nevaeh standing before me and quickly wiped my tears away. I didn't even notice that she was in here.

"What's wrong?" she asked. Her voice sounded so young and innocent. I hoped she would never have to go through the heartache I was experiencing now. I'd only known her for a few months, but I would destroy anyone who dared to lay a finger on her. I was as protective over her as I was with Lissa and Dimitri, but it was different. She almost felt like a daughter to me.

Nevaeh came closer and wrapped her small arms around my curled body. She was such a comfort in that moment, and I kissed her forehead, draping an arm around her.

"You should go to bed," I told her, pulling back. "Did you brush your teeth and wash up?"

She nodded, giving me a big smile to show off her clean baby teeth. I managed to smile before picking her up and tucking her under the covers. I picked up her plush toy from the floor and brushed the tiny specks of dust off, chuckling slightly when I held it up. Nevaeh held her hands out, silently begging me to give it back. I sat down on the bed, handing her the toy which she happily latched onto.

"Goodnight, baby," I said, caressing her soft cheek until her eyes closed.

* * *

It was happening again—the nightmares. This time, I was in the one of the bloodwhore dens. I felt like I was on drugs again, but I knew it was just the effects of being fed on. There was a slight buzz from what I suspected was alcohol, and I almost felt like I needed to throw up.

I recognized the men that were using me—they were both moroi and had been feeding on me all night. These clients were regulars. One was named Tony—the other one was Ethan if I could remember correctly. We were in Eric's club—the same club I was taken to several times. He always had ties with Sebastian, and the clients here liked me which was why I was constantly brought here.

Unfortunately, this dream was far more vivid than I would have liked. Everything felt so real. It was as if I was really there.

"Take another shot," Tony said, handing me a shot glass. I didn't want to take any more, fearing that I might throw up all over myself, but his compulsion was strong. I took the shot, shaking my head around as the strong liquid burned my throat.

"She's a lot nicer when she's like this," Ethan said, running his hands up my leg. I tried to move myself away, but he pressed my ankles down, preventing me from escaping.

"Now, now, Marie. Don't be difficult. You know what'll happen if you give us a hard time," he warned. A tear escaped my eye as they started to take off the remaining undergarments I had left. All I could see on my naked body were long streaks of blood that ran down my chest. This sight wasn't anything new, but it still disgusted me every time.

They flipped me over onto my stomach, and I started struggling again. This time, they both held me down. Ethan spoke up once more as he yanked my hair back.

"What did I say about giving us a hard time?" he demanded. All I could do was utter hopeless sobs as he bit my neck once more.

Tony had his hands all over me, groping me in places I would've never allowed anyone to touch. The blood loss mixed with the intoxication was enough to make me go still. I cried with my face pressed against the mattress as they used me for their own satisfaction. I was really starting to wonder if I was actually dreaming. I felt everything—even the pain. It was too real. I was reliving all of it.

Somewhere in the distance, I could hear my name being called. The voice sounded so familiar, and whatever was happening to me slowly started to fade out.

"Roza, wake up! Wake up!"

Just like that, I was back in my room again. Tony and Ethan were gone. It really had just been a horrible dream—or, well, a memory. It was almost always a memory.

My body was trembling. My cheeks were covered by a sheer coat of fresh tears, and I couldn't stop the sobs that shook through my chest. Dimitri hovered above me, and even in his severe distress and concern, he was relieved that I was finally awake. Behind him, Nevaeh sat in the armchair, biting her fingers as she watched us curiously.

"I thought...I thought it was real," I whispered with a shaky voice. As if reacting on instinct, I grabbed onto Dimitri's neck, pressing our bodies together. I needed to hold him to feel stable. I needed to remind myself that I was here and that I was okay.

"You're not there anymore, Roza," Dimitri said soothingly, tightening his arms around me. He rubbed my back to calm me down, whispering soft things into my ear. He held me for what felt like ten minutes, and over time, my sobs turned into soft sniffles and occasional tears.

"Can you whisper to me in Russian?" I asked, still holding onto him. I wasn't ready to let go. Having him hold me like this made me feel so safe. Hearing him whisper to me in Russian was even better. It helped me find a peaceful state, and the way his tongue rolled when he spoke the language was beautiful.

Dimitri tensed at first, a little stunned by my request, but gave in. He shifted a little bit, moving his lips to my ear. His whispers began, and in that moment, all I could think about was him. His scent, his voice, his hair—everything. I didn't really want to admit it to myself, but in that moment, he was my source of stability. Even in moments like this when I felt like I couldn't cope, he was there to ground me.

I couldn't understand him, but he must have been saying something reassuring and sweet. I realized he was repeating some of his words, and I even heard my nickname in there a few times.

"Are you okay?" he asked after holding me in silence for a few minutes.

"Yeah," I mumbled. There was a certain edge to my voice. I sounded so innocent and soft. It was totally unlike me, but in this moment, I was in a different state of mind. I was vulnerable.

"Talk to me, Roza," Dimitri said, cupping my face in his hands.

"Can we go to your room?" I asked. Tilting my head towards Nevaeh, I whispered, "I don't want her to hear any of it. She's too young."

Dimitri looked at Nevaeh who had now gotten out of her chair. He nodded in understanding, and we both left the bed before tucking the child in.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I just need to talk to Dimitri," I answered. I felt bad about leaving her to sleep on her own, but I knew she'd be okay. The royal court was by far the safest place, and Dimitri and I were right beside her.

"Go back to sleep," Dimitri told her.

"Will you all be here tomorrow?" Nevaeh asked, looking up at him with her big eyes.

"Yes. Promise," he said.

"I'll be right here if you need me," I assured her. We finally left my room and walked into his.

"How did you know?" I asked as Dimitri closed his door. "Was I loud? Did I scream in my sleep?"

"No," Dimitri said. "Nevaeh woke me up. I asked her why she was knocking on my door, and she told me you were crying in your sleep."

Great. She had to witness me having a fucking nightmare. I was supposed to be strong. I was supposed to be someone she could look up to, and I had completely broken down in front of her.

"I can't believe she had to see me like that," I said, looking down at my twiddling fingers. "Both of you saw me like that."

Dimitri reached forward and tilted my chin up. "Don't hide from me, Roza."

I sighed, bracing myself for what I was about to say. I couldn't hide from him any longer. If anyone deserved to know the truth, it was him.

"Dimitri," I said cautiously, looking him in the eyes. "There's something I need to tell you."

* * *

**Rose is finally opening up to Dimitri! Also, I'm kind of a die-hard romitri fan and wanted these two to get close again without over-doing it. I'm trying my best to make Rose's reaction (and coping skills) a little more realistic after what she went through. I hope Rose's nightmare wasn't too graphic as I tried to minimize that as much as possible. I really hope you liked it though. Please leave a review if you'd like :)**


	16. The Confession

**Rose is finally opening up :) I wanted to get some Romitri in here so here it is.**

"The darkness I took from Lissa wasn't the only reason my abductors kept me locked up in a room," I confessed, nearly choking on my words. "One night, I was in their basement because I wanted to find out more about them. They had a private room filled with blood bags, documents, experimentation records and videos. My pimp found me there and let me go, but I was taken later that night. His boss—Sebastian—drugged me, and there was nothing I could do as he strapped me down and..." I had to stop for a moment to fight back my tears. Dimitri took my hand in his and rubbed my skin to keep me steady.

"When I woke up," I continued, "I felt different. I was confused. I had no idea what was wrong with me. My throat was burning—actually, everything in my body was burning. The light was hurting my eyes, and the smell of blood was intoxicating. Every possible sense I had was heightened to a whole new level—more than a dhampir or a moroi." I stopped again, unsure as to whether or not I should've even continued.

"Go on," Dimitri encouraged.

"I found the fridge full of blood bags and I just—I just started drinking." The tears finally started to fall. I couldn't hold it in any longer. "I killed someone. I killed the nurse that was trying to help me. She was just getting me water and I couldn't control myself. All I could think about was feeding on her. I'm a monster—"

"Don't even go there. You're not a monster. You're anything but a monster. Just calm down."

"I can't calm down. They did this to my friend. They did the same thing to all the other girls in the house. None of them made it out."

Dimitri's face went pale. "People have died from this?"

"Yes," I said reluctantly. "They either died or turned into a strigoi."

Dimitri pulled away to wipe my tears, but his mind was hooked onto something else. "If that was the case, why did you survive?"

"Because I'm shadow-kissed. Since Lissa revived me from the dead after our car crash, my blood was laced with spirit. When that asshole injected me with strigoi venom, the spirit was fighting against it. For the most part, Lissa's spirit magic protected me—and it's still in me. That's why I can still walk through wards. It's also why I can walk in the sun and enter holy ground."

Dimitri fell silent. He shut his eyes before opening them again, his dark brown eyes staring into mine. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, exactly, but I knew he was trying to process everything.

"This is why you were healing so fast after the strigoi attacked the other night. It's why you were able to pull one of their hearts out. You even resisted their compulsion." He paused, muttering something in Russian before he continued. Now, I couldn't tell if he was talking to me or himself. "And the feeding department! I thought it was weird that you were there by yourself, but I tried to brush it off. I knew something was wrong with you, but...god, I feel stupid now. I can't believe I didn't notice this before..."

"You couldn't have," I said. "My mix is too rare. Nobody could have suspected it."

"There's still some things I want to know," Dimitri said. I nodded, deciding it was best to just be honest about whatever he wanted to know. Fighting against it would only make things worse.

"Do you drink blood?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Okay...how do you get your sources?"

"I've been stealing blood bags from the feeding department," I answered honestly. Dimitri let out a sigh of relief.

"And how often do you...uh, feed?"

"Three times a week."

Dimitri lifted a brow. "That's all?" he asked. I could understand why he was surprised. Both moroi and strigoi drank blood at least everyday. My body ran on food too, and although drinking blood only three times a week made me slightly weaker, it was something I could somewhat cope with.

"Yes," I answered.

"I see," he said, still trying to wrap his head around the new information. "I'm assuming you haven't taken blood from any of your friends or classmates."

"No. I would never do that. I've had those urges before, but I don't want to hurt anyone." I dreaded my next words, but I had to address them. "Listen, I know this is a lot, but if you want to report this to the court, I can't stop you."

"Is that why you were so afraid of telling me?" he asked. "I mean...do you not trust me?"

"No, I trust you, I just..."

"Then why didn't you come to me sooner? You've been going through this alone this whole time."

"It was for my own selfish reasons. It wasn't just because I was traumatized. I was afraid of the royal court finding out and locking me up. I was afraid you would never look at me the same way. I was afraid you'd leave or think I was lying—and I didn't want any of that, as selfish as it may sound."

"It's not selfish. And I would never do that to you," he said. I could hear the pain in his voice now. "Why would you even think that? You mean the world to me. Is that not obvious to you?"

"I'm half strigoi. Don't you get it? I rely on blood to survive. I've turned into the one thing you've been trained to kill for almost your entire life. Can you honestly look at me the same way anymore?"

"It doesn't matter what you are," Dimitri said. "I understand why you were afraid, but you didn't have to be alone. You should've trusted me. I'm always going to be here for you. I'm—"

Dimitri looked like he was on the verge of tears—a very rare look on him. As usual, he held them back before uttering his next words. "I'm never going to leave you. Regardless of what you are—it doesn't define you. No matter what, Roza, I'll always love you."

I could feel myself getting emotional again, but this time, it was for something entirely different. I had been so stressed out and frustrated after keeping my secret for so long. To hear him say those affectionate, yet dangerous words, made me melt inside. All of the fear I had before was gone. Dimitri really loved me—so much that even being turned into some twisted hybrid didn't change that.

"I love you too," I said. "I'm sorry for keeping this from you. You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you. I was afraid you'd have to turn me in, or that...I don't know. Maybe you'd think I was disgusting after what happened to me. After all those people I was forced to be with, I was disgusted with myself—and I still am."

"Roza..." Dimitri pulled me towards him. He sighed and sat on the bed, dragging me with him. Without giving it a second thought, I straddled his thighs and let him hold me.

"I don't think you're disgusting at all," he said, pulling back to cup my sad face. "I would never think that of you. I don't want you to think that of yourself either. You're absolutely beautiful."

"That's not what I feel," I admitted shamefully. "And I still hate myself for killing that girl. Even if I didn't mean to, I still killed her. It doesn't make me any better than those assholes who took me away."

Dimitri shook his head. "Don't compare yourself. Those are rapists and murderers. They trafficked you and turned you into something you never wanted to be. You are _nothing_ like them."

"I'm still trying to get around that...forgiving myself and all."

"Don't worry. I can help you with that. Does anyone else know about this?"

"Yes. Dr. Olendzki found out with the blood test, and Lissa found a blood bag I was hiding in our room. I had to tell her at that point. Dimitri, can you just promise me you won't tell anyone about this?"

"Of course. Your secrets are always safe with me. But you also have to promise me one thing."

"And what would that be?"

"That you won't keep anything from me anymore. And no more lies," he said. "I know you have a tendency to push your feelings away when you're hurting, but I want you to open up about it—at least with me. Don't bottle it up inside. It's obviously affecting you."

"It's not that bad..."

Dimitri stared at me. "Rose, you may be able to fool others, but you can't fool me. I know you."

Truth is, he did know me well and I knew that. I wasn't sure if I hated it or if I loved it. "Fine."

For the first time in a while, I smiled and caressed his face with my hands, staring at him through my lashes. The tension started rising as our faces got closer and closer. I tipped my head to the side, but before I could kiss him, he pulled away.

"Rose, wait. We shouldn't do this."

"Why?" I asked. "Do you not want me? Are you disgusted?" I started to pull away, but Dimitri was quick to reassure me as he wrapped an arm around my waist and held me closely again.

"No, Rose, it's not that. Never that," he said. "Believe me, I want you. I just don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. After everything you've been through...well, I don't want to ruin any progress you've made. I don't want you to feel pressured."

"You're not going to ruin anything. I'm not afraid of you, Dimitri. I never have been. Maybe I won't be having sex for a while...but I don't want to avoid intimacy. I know it sounds complicated, but I can't keep running away from it. Let this be a part of my healing process. We can take things slow."

Dimitri leaned forward, pressing our foreheads together. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," I whispered, pressing myself closer to him. "Dimitri, please."

Not wasting another second, Dimitri pressed his lips against mine.

Oh my, how much I needed this kiss. I hadn't kissed him in so long. I responded in an instant as he pushed my body closer to his and kissed me with the same love and excitement that was radiating off of my body. He was the only man in this world I could ever be intimate with. With all the trauma from being abducted, I thought for sure that I'd never be able to do things like this again. In this moment, however, I couldn't be more grateful that I was still able to share our love.

* * *

I ended up sleeping in Dimitri's room that night. We didn't do anything intimate other than a few tender kisses and cuddles since I wasn't up for doing anything that involved sex. I _did _want to experience it again with him, and I was sure I eventually would, but my body wasn't anywhere near ready for it. Dimitri said to give myself as much time as I needed to heal and recover from my trauma, and he was right. Both of us didn't rush into anything, but I was more than happy to let him hold me in his arms as we slept.

The next morning, I actually felt content upon waking up. My sleep hadn't been disturbed by a nightmare. It had been so long since having a peaceful sleep. I curled closer to Dimitri's body, resting my head on his bare chest. I smiled against his warm skin as I listened to his steady heartbeat. The sound was loud in my ears, but it didn't trigger my thirst or drive me crazy. It was a beautiful and peaceful sound.

I moved my fingers to his abdomen, tracing the lines of his deeply sculpted abdominal muscles—a result of the hard work he put into taking care of his body. After tracing the same pattern a few times, I rested my hand on his pec and listened to his heartbeat again.

"I didn't say stop," Dimitri said. I jerked my head up.

"You've been awake this whole time?" I asked.

Dimitri chuckled. "I've been awake for almost an hour."

"What? Why didn't you wake me?"

"You looked so peaceful. I didn't want to wake you," he whispered. He placed his hand over mine and moved it back down to his abs. Closing his eyes with a slight smile, he said, "please do that again."

I laughed as I went back to tracing the lines on his abdomen. The smile on Dimitri's face grew, but his eyes remained closed as he relaxed against my touch. Knowing that I could please him even with the slightest brush of my fingertips was enough to make me feel happy inside.

I would have stayed like that for hours if I could, but a knock on Dimitri's door broke us apart. Alberta's voice rang through on the other side. "Dimitri!"

I shot Dimitri a panicked look as I scrambled away from him. "Just a minute!" he yelled, gesturing for me to hide. I considered hiding under the bed, but it was too late as Alberta's hand was already turning the doorknob.

"Oh, come on, what could you possibly be—" she abruptly shut her mouth as soon as she walked in, her eyes widening. Dimitri and I froze, and I couldn't have been more thankful in that moment that I had left my clothes on. It would have looked so much worse if I was naked.

"It's not what it looks like," I blurted out.

"Rose was having a bad dream yesterday...so...I offered her comfort," Dimitri explained. "That's all it was. I swear."

"He was just helping me sleep," I added.

Alberta was still stunned from what she was seeing but finally managed to speak. "What you two do with each other is really none of my business since he's no longer your teacher and now that you're...of age." Turning to Dimitri, she added, "however, if it had been anyone else standing here, it wouldn't have looked very good for you, Belikov."

Dimitri threw his hands up in surrender. "Alberta, I promise you, we didn't—"

"Yes, okay! I believe you!" she said hastily. "Anyways, I came here to tell you we're leaving in an hour—so get ready." After rolling her eyes, she finally left the room.

"That was weird," I said after several moments of uncomfortable silence.

Dimitri shook his head and sighed, disentangling himself from the sheets. "Go pack your things. I'll meet you in the lobby."

I frowned. "We were having such a good time together."

"And I intend on making the rest of it up to you," Dimitri ensured me. "But right now, we don't have the time."

I stood in front of him now, crossing my arms and showing off a ridiculous pout. Dimitri almost fell for my tactic before standing up and spinning me around.

"Pack your things," he repeated with a little more authority. I threw my hair over my shoulder, sticking my tongue out at him before dashing out.

* * *

I spent most of my time packing Nevaeh's things which had been thrown around on the floor. I thought I was untidy, but she was on a whole other level of disorganized. Then again, she was only four years old, and all I could really do was chastise her. Sometimes, I felt like a mother to this little girl, but then I remembered that I had no idea how to teach her right from wrong. I certainly wasn't very good at following those rules myself.

We headed down to the main lobby where everyone else was. Dimitri was having a conversation with Alberta, but whatever they were talking about seemed private. I was still a little embarrassed at what she had seen this morning and purposely tried to blend in with the guardians that were waiting to board their luggage.

Upon looking around, I noticed a young guardian walking down one of the stretched hallways. He was the same guardian who had let me into the court's prison. I ran over to him before I could stop myself.

"Hey!" I called. He turned his head over his shoulder but didn't give anything away on his face.

"I thought I recognized you," I said, stepping into his path.

"Ms. Hathaway, right?" he asked. It felt so weird to be addressed by my last name by someone so young. He was probably only a year older than me, meaning he must have recently graduated.

"Just call me Rose," I clarified.

"Sure," he said before clearing his throat. "I'm Jeremy. Is there, uh, anything I can help you with?"

"Actually, there is," I said. Guardians were usually good at keeping their emotions in check, but Jeremy's slight irritation was evident now. He was probably hoping for me to say no.

"I don't have much time," he stated.

"Neither do I. I was just wondering if you could let me see someone else."

This time, he rolled his eyes and walked past me.

"Hey, wait!" I stopped him again, blocking his path.

"I'm not usually allowed to let visitors in," he said solemnly. "I'd have to call another guardian to escort you and most of them are on duty right now."

"Oh, for God's sake," I rasped. "I'm going to be a guardian in a year and I need a damn escort?"

"I don't decide those rules."

"Well...can't you escort me, then?" I asked impatiently.

"I have a guardian meeting to attend," he said.

"I'm departing in less than an hour. I just need to see someone before I go. _Please_."

Jeremy pressed his lips together and sighed. I was obviously annoying him, but there was a hint of sympathy in his features when he looked at me. "Fine," he finally said. "Who is it you want to see?"

"His name is Damian...but I don't know his last name."

Jeremy nodded, pulling out his phone. "I know who you're talking about. Just wait in the lobby. I'll have someone send him down. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Thank you," I said gratefully, heading back to the lobby where everyone was still waiting. Dimitri and Alberta now looked a little more relaxed. They seemed to notice me right away as I walked over.

"How much time do we have until we board?" I asked.

"About half an hour," Alberta confirmed. "Why?"

"Just wondering. Thanks," I said. Dimitri must have seen the urgency on my face. He definitely knew I was up to something and grabbed my arm before I could walk away.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Nothing, I just—" I gave up at Dimitri's look of disapproval. Really, there was no point in lying to him anymore. He already knew about my secret. He probably wouldn't approve of me going to see Damian, but he was my last resort. Unlike Sebastian, he was probably more willing to cooperate.

"I'm going down to the prison to see someone. I promise it'll be quick."

"Again?" he asked. "Rose, we talked about this. All he's going to do is piss you off—"

"It's someone else. He was trying to help me escape before you rescued me. I need answers, and he's the only person I have left."

Dimitri sighed, exchanging looks with Alberta. She seemed to understand his message and nodded. "Just be quick," she said. Dimitri nodded.

"Alright," he said, turning back to me. "But I'm going with you."

* * *

**Okay so while I wanted Rose and Dimitri to share some intimacy, I didn't want them going too far or doing anything crazy as I don't think Rose is currently ready to dive into anything after what she's been through. Since Rose is still struggling and beginning to recover, I thought it would be best for them to share more caring and loving aspects with each other instead of just diving into sex (which can certainly be loving as well, I just don't think it's appropriate for Rose at the moment).**

**Hope you enjoyed, please leave a review! **


	17. Digging for Information

**To Pheldda: Sorry if it's a little confusing, but basically in my story Dimitri is no longer assigned as Rose's mentor since she's now taking university classes (I invented that part for the academy). He still gives her private training sessions just to help her :) **

* * *

I agreed with Dimitri's insistence to go with me. At least Jeremy wouldn't have to call up another guardian. Just then, he popped back into the lobby and shook hands with Dimitri. His wide eyes told me he must have already known him.

"Guardian Belikov," he said. He almost sounded nervous. Dimitri was certainly one of the most intimidating guardians even at the royal court. Jeremy may have been a guardian now too, but in this moment, he looked like a teenage boy meeting his favourite celebrity. "I'm Guardian Thompson. Jeremy Thompson. It's an honor to meet you."

"Likewise," Dimitri said. "I'm Rose's former mentor. I'll take her down today."

Jeremy gulped as he struggled to remain stoic. Just one look from Dimitri swiped any arrogance from Jeremy's persona. "Of course. Follow me."

He led us down to the court's basement where most of the prisoners were kept. It seemed like all of us already knew our way around this place.

Jeremy moved beside me while Dimitri followed us closely behind. He kept his voice to a whisper, but I knew Dimitri could probably hear him. "You didn't tell me _he _was your mentor."

I shrugged. "You never asked. And he's not really the attention-seeking type. He's very humble."

"I know, but...do you even realize how lucky you are? It would've been a dream to have him train me. Where I went to school, we all looked up to him. Even our own mentors did."

Listening to Jeremy now, I realized just how young and new he really was. While he was probably older than me, he still sounded like a teenager. Being a guardian involved a lot of control, but it didn't stop young people from being...well, young. I wondered what Dimitri was thinking.

"I guess I'm just that lucky," I mused. I looked back at Dimitri who smiled and rolled his eyes. We reached the end of the hallway and Jeremy pulled out his keys.

"I'll be outside," he said. I nodded as he opened the door, letting Dimitri and me walk inside the dark room. Through the other door, two guardians walked in right after us, followed by a distraught Damian. He had slight stubble growing on his face now, and his once clean hair was all over the place. Although he was human, his skin was paler than it was before, indicating that he wasn't eating properly. His inmates could have been spitting in his food for all I knew.

Like Sebastian, he had an orange jumpsuit on and his hands were linked by metal cuffs and a chain. Our eyes locked, and I could now see the sorrow in his restless eyes.

"Take a seat," one of the guards said. I blinked and sat down across from Damian, not quite sure why we had stared at each other for so long. Dimitri placed a hand on my shoulder to make sure I was okay.

"I'll be fine," I ensured him. Dimitri glanced at Damian, realizing how much more relaxed I was with him compared to Sebastian. He nodded as he removed his hand but kept a close distance as he stood behind me.

I didn't really know what to say at first, but luckily, Damian spoke. "Never thought I'd see your face again."

"I came here for questioning," I said. I decided to get straight to the point as I was short on time. "Damian, if you know anything about my...physical changes...I need you to tell me. You're my only shot."

"Well, I don't know as much as my boss did, but I can try. Since there's a possibility that I might be here for the rest of my life, I have nothing to lose. Ask whatever you want."

I took a deep breath and leaned in, resting my elbows on the table. Damian leaned in as well to keep our conversation as discreet as possible.

"Sebastian mentioned something about strigoi being able to inherit my qualities if they drink my blood. Is that true?" I asked.

Damian nodded. "Based on what I can remember, yes. I understand you probably want to be a guardian later on, but your life is far more endangered than you think it is because of your high value. Once word gets out about you, you'll be at the top of the list."

"You mean the strigoi will try to kill me?"

"Not just strigoi. Moroi, dhampirs and even humans can turn into your kind. They just have to die with your blood in their system unless they're undead. And they probably won't try to kill you. You're too rare. Anyone with the gift of being shadow-kissed would be at risk if a strigoi tried to turn them."

"Because of the spirit," I concluded.

"Yes. You were brought back from the dead. And those who are dead are meant to stay dead. Coming back from the other side always has a consequence."

I pushed my hair back, leaning back against the chair. "Is there a cure?"

"No. Well, not that I know of. I think Sebastian wanted to make sure this couldn't be cured. He was very loyal when it came to serving his people."

"So that's it then. I'm stuck like this forever. Everyone he worked with probably knows what happened to me."

"There's a reason I gave you that strange nickname," Damian said. "Because of your status, the nickname became popular in the blood-whoring community, but not everyone knows what you look like. It can at least protect your identity a little bit."

"Still. I'll always be a target. People will always be after me. Even if they're not out to kill me. I don't want to relive what I went through."

Damian's face fell. "I'm sorry," he said sympathetically. "I wish I could take back what happened. I wish I knew what was happening when you turned. Maybe I could've convinced Sebastian to stop. Maybe if I had just let you run off when you crashed the van, you wouldn't be in this position. I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but I at least want you to know that I'm sorry. You have no idea how much I regret being in this business."

I almost felt sorry for him—almost. I resented him for so many obvious reasons, but he really was sorry. Maybe his humanity had gotten the better of him. Maybe spending time in prison gave him the opportunity to reflect and regret his actions. I wondered what even caused him to join the business.

"On the last night...you wanted to help me escape," I stated. "You wanted Nevaeh to escape too—knowing how much trouble it could get you in. Knowing I could alert the authorities, whether it be the royal court or police. And Sebastian probably would've killed you. So why help? What changed your mind?"

"At that point, I didn't want to follow him anymore. I could handle whatever I had coming—even if Sebastian did kill me. For the horrible things I've done, I deserve whatever punishment I'm serving now."

I studied him a little more, and a short silence fell between us. Damian's lips tugged into a small smile. "You remind me so much of her."

"Who?"

"Nevaeh's mother," he said. My face changed at the mention of her name. "She was always so strong and brave. Stubborn too."

"What happened to her?" I asked. I knew I had to go soon, but I couldn't help myself.

Damian paused for a second. Even in the small room, it looked like he was staring at something from miles away. "If you really want to know...Nevaeh is just like you."

Now I was really curious. "What are you talking about?"

"Not too long after Nevaeh turned four, Sebastian...injected her with something. I still don't know what it was, but it made her very sick. He had suspicions about her mother being a spirit user and wanted to see if she would heal people. No matter how bad the injury, she refused—constantly claiming she didn't use spirit. When Nevaeh was dying, she begged Sebastian to take her to the hospital, but he refused. She tried everything to keep her alive but it didn't work. Obviously, there was no way someone as young as Nevaeh could handle whatever was in her body. Her mother couldn't stand to see her dead, so she finally gave in and revived her with everything she had left. It nearly killed her, and at that point, it seemed like she wanted to die. Like most spirit users, it made her insane."

I cringed at that. Lissa was a spirit user too, and the thought of her going insane to the point where she wanted to die scared me. Even Adrian worried me sometimes. I really hoped they both didn't turn out like Sonya Karp did—turning into a strigoi to make the pain stop.

Back to the matter at hand, I replayed Damian's words in my head. Nevaeh was brought back from the dead by her mother. Holy shit.

"Oh my god," I breathed as realization hit me. "She's shadow-kissed."

Damian nodded. "Her life is just as endangered as yours. Well, anyone who's brought back from the dead is, I guess."

"W-wait," I said, shutting my eyes and opening them back up again. "Where is her mother now?"

"Sebastian injected her with strigoi venom—just like he did with you. Unfortunately, this only works on people who have been brought back to life. Even a spirit user can't survive. After turning into a strigoi, Sebastian had no choice but to stake her. She wanted to run away and take Nevaeh with her."

"You can't tell me he actually cared about her," I said incredulously. "He fucking made her sick, knowing she would die."

"Of course he didn't care. He just wanted to keep her for future use—both for prostitution and the possibility of her becoming just like you. I resented him ever since and convinced him to lay off on her while she was still young," Damian said. "And, well, I was still trying to figure out how to help her escape."

"But why the prostitution? What was the point in turning us all into bloodwhores?" I prompted. I could now feel myself getting a little angry and frustrated as I pictured all those moroi drinking my blood while taking my body for their own pleasure. Behind me, Dimitri shifted uncomfortably.

Damian shrugged his shoulders. Even he seemed to be at a loss with that. "A lot of Sebastian's people enjoyed that kind of thing. It made some of them feel like they had power—and a lot of them craved it. When they discovered the possibility of inheriting the strengths of a strigoi, they went off the rails. They could be just as strong and powerful, but they wouldn't be immediately targeted by people who hunt and kill strigoi."

Sebastian and his people were smarter than I thought. They found another way to gain power, and in a way, they had succeeded in creating me. I had no idea how many people actually knew about me, but the numbers would definitely grow.

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked, stretching my palms out on the table. My voice had become almost lifeless. Despite all the information Damian had just given me, I felt empty and hopeless inside.

To my surprise, Damian reached out and placed one of his hands over mine. I tensed, but didn't immediately snatch my hand away.

"Just don't lose yourself," he said, looking me in the eyes. Dr. Olendzki had told me the same thing when she found out what I was. I now realized they might have been referring to my humanity. It kept me sane, and I couldn't bear to think of how many horrible things would happen if I lost that part of me.

The darkness in the spirit I shared with Lissa terrified me even more now. What if I lost it again? What if I went insane? What if it got so bad that I shut my humanity out just to stop the pain? Surely, I'd be just as dangerous as a strigoi at that point. Father Andrew had said it was possible to regain the humanity, but that didn't make things any easier. Maybe I was just like all the other girls...a lost cause.

"Time's up," one of the guards said, bringing me back to the present.

"Wait. Wait, please. Just one more thing." I held my hand up as we both stood up from our chair. The same guard had his hand on Damian's arm, sighing in annoyance.

"What about Nevaeh?" I asked hastily. "I have to do something."

"You don't owe anyone anything, Rose, but you could keep her safe for the time being. Now, listen. Whoever knows about you, about what you are—they might not kill you, but they'll come after you if they think you're of use. Right now, your blood holds everything they want."

I was pretty sure Damian wanted to say more, but he didn't have the chance to, because his guards were already dragging him out.

"Thank you," I said with sincerity. I might have held a fat grudge against him, but at least he was helping me. A part of me knew he really was sorry for everything that had happened, and if being his victim hadn't destroyed my life so badly, I might have forgiven him. Who knows, maybe I'd eventually forgive him anyways. When did I become so soft? I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all—but refusing to forgive him wouldn't change what happened. Nothing would.

Damian didn't respond to my gratitude, but as he was taken through the doorway, he shot me one last message. "Remember what I said earlier—don't lose yourself."

* * *

Just as I'd expected, my thoughts were all over the place after my little intervention with Damian. He had given me enough information, but for some reason, I wasn't satisfied. I was still a target, and I probably would be for the rest of my life. The newfound information about Nevaeh was a lot to take in as well.

We were now outside of the court, waiting for our jet to open its side door where it stood on the runway. Dimitri hadn't said much to me since seeing Damian, but the look he was giving me told me he would definitely talk to me about it once we got on the jet.

Someone tapped my shoulder, and I turned around to see Abe standing there in all his elegant glory. I was really beginning to wonder how much his clothes and jewelry costed. Knowing Abe, it could probably cover a whole four years of university tuition. Maybe a nice car too.

"Did you suddenly decide to come with us, old man?" I asked. Abe smiled.

"I'd love to, but no. I have quite a few things to take care of."

"Oh." My slight disappointment gave way, but Abe was quick to reassure me.

"I'll always visit you again—as soon as I can. Maybe I'll even come with a nice gift. What kind of car do you like? Luxury? Sport? You know, there's a really nice Mercedes coming out soon—"

"Abe! Don't you dare," I warned. Abe laughed before turning slightly more serious.

"All jokes aside, there's something else you should know," he said, catching my attention once more. "Your captor, Sebastian—he's been charged with life in prison."

"Really?" I asked, almost sounding hopeful.

"Yes. He can't get to you anymore, and he won't. He'll be taken to Tarasov prison. The others will go with him, so they can't get out either."

"Did you help them with this?" I asked him.

"I'm simply here in your defence. Either way, all the evidence is there."

I started to notice people boarding onto the jet. I knew I had to go, but something was still bothering me. I hadn't been the only girl there, but Nevaeh and I were the only ones to be saved. I still wanted to help the rest of the girls too. I thought of Kira and how scared she must have been when she was turned. She didn't have the upbringing of a guardian, and I had seen the fear on her face whenever we were taken out to clients. It was a look I would probably never forget.

"What about the rest of the girls?" I asked. "I wasn't the only one. There were plenty."

Abe sighed, frowning a little. "That's what we're trying to figure out. These guys are smart, but we're working on it. Sebastian's little helpers are cooperating, but even they don't know for sure."

"I can help. Maybe I can convince some of his people. A lot of them knew me." I refrained from mentioning I had also become their favourite prostitute. My father was definitely the last person who needed to hear that.

"I don't want you to do anything. You'll just be putting yourself in danger, and I'm not going to let that happen. None of us will, believe me." He eyed someone behind me when he said the last part. Sure enough, he was talking about Dimitri who seemed rather impatient now. I wondered if he'd heard our conversation.

"I don't want to sit back and do nothing. I want to help those girls. I want to get them out of that situation, just like I was. A lot of them were there against their will."

"I understand," Abe said. Even he seemed to grow slightly impatient. "Rose, please, just let the rest of us handle this. I'll call you, okay? And like I said before, I'll still visit. Right now, you need to focus on recovering and having a blast at the academy while your time there lasts. You should go. They're waiting for you."

I really did have to go now. To my surprise, Abe pulled me in for a tight hug and kissed the top of my head. Behind him, I saw my mother running up to us.

"Rose!" she called, breaking us apart. "Right on time. I didn't want you to leave without saying goodbye." She hugged me, and I hugged her back with as much force as my body allowed. I was perfectly fine without my mom since I had spent the majority of my life without her, but something about her hug spread a comfortable feeling all over me. There was always something different about a mother's hug compared to all others. I couldn't exactly describe it, but there was definitely something about it that no other person in the world could give.

"Take care of yourself," she said, pulling back. She cupped my face in her hands, looking at me with a fierceness she so naturally carried. I now understood why so many people looked up to her. When they looked at me, they could see her in me too. As she looked into my eyes, I decided in that moment that I didn't want to hold anything against her despite not being there for so many years. I wanted to be like her—a strong, fierce warrior. It was easier said than done when you had as many complications and traumatic experiences as me, but things would eventually get better.

"Stay strong, you hear me?" she said. "Keep looking out for yourself. Don't be afraid to ask for help, but no matter what, always keep your guard up."

"Always," I told her. And then she smiled—a firm, reassuring smile that told me she was satisfied.

"Good. We'll let you go now. Don't miss your flight," she teased. As I walked away, I took one last glance and was a little stunned to see my mother's hand wrapped around Abe's arm. They weren't watching me now and closed the distance between them. They were so close that any ordinary friend—or whatever they were to each other—wouldn't call that normal. My mother laughed at something Abe said to her, pressing a hand to his jacket. Okay, so something was definitely going on between the two. Were they getting back together?

"Rose, we need to go."

"Huh?"

Dimitri held a hand out as he stood in the doorway. I hadn't even realized I'd made it up the stairs. I took his hand, and he quickly dragged me inside, pulling me towards one of the big seats. Nevaeh was sitting on one of the chairs on the left side of the jet and looked like she was about to sleep. Before Dimitri took his seat next to me, he opened up one of the overhead bins and pulled a thick blanket out. I smiled ridiculously as I watched him drape the blanket over Nevaeh's tiny form. He tucked her in there and adjusted her seat so that she could sleep comfortably. I never thought I'd see Dimitri act so caring and gentle with a child, but there he was. I knew he wanted a child of his own, but being a guardian didn't really allow that. He was with me too, and if we were going to have a future together, we definitely couldn't have kids together. Maybe Nevaeh was the closest thing he and I could ever have.

Dimitri walked over, placing his hand on the head of the chair next to me. "Would you like a blanket? It'll probably get cold once we're up," he said.

The temperature probably wouldn't bother me, but a soft blanket sounded really nice right now. "That sounds great," I said. Dimitri pulled out another blanket, and after making sure I had buckled my seat belt, he covered me with the soft material.

"We should probably talk about your earlier discussion," Dimitri said once we were in the air. I glanced at him, deciding it was best to just talk about it. There were definitely things on my mind that he deserved to know.

"There's something you should probably know," I said. He looked at me, waiting for an explanation. I shifted in my seat, preparing myself for whatever I was going to say. "It's about Nevaeh."

* * *

**Soo since Abe is helping out with Rose's case, I'm thinking of maybe having them work together later on but I'm still thinking about it since I'm not exactly sure how it's going to play out. Just a thought.**

**Let me know what you think! **


	18. Bloodlust

**Hey guys. I feel like my writing has become a little dull, and although I have plenty of other chapters ready on my laptop, I'm still a little unsure about them. I don't really plan on abandoning this story or anything, but I'm really insecure about my writing and sometimes feel like it doesn't interest other readers. I'll keep trying though. Here's chapter 18.**

* * *

Apparently, Dimitri hadn't heard everything Damian had told me. He had heard everything about my vulnerability to the strigoi, and if it was possible, he was even more protective of me now than before. The part that he hadn't caught onto was Nevaeh.

"He had information about her too—important information. She's a lot more valuable than I thought she was."

"Valuable?" he asked. I decided to explain that to him too. He cared about Nevaeh just as much as I did, and the more protection she had, the better. Like me, he was shocked to hear the news. None of us thought she could be shadow-kissed.

"She's like you," Dimitri said when I finished.

"Yes. Dimitri...no one can know about this. Please promise me you'll keep this a secret. For her sake." I leaned over, looking at Nevaeh where she slept. The more I thought about it, the more things started to make sense. _Shadow-kissed. _I couldn't believe I never figured it out before. This was why we were so attached to each other. We both came back from the dead.

"Like I said before. Your secrets are always safe with me," he promised. My hand found his, and our fingers intertwined.

"It makes sense," I said, speaking my thoughts out loud.

"Hm?"

"That she's shadow-kissed. It's why she's so attached to me. Why I'm so protective of her. There was always this strange connection between us, and now I understand why."

Dimitri considered the thought. "If she really is, then yes, I suppose it does make sense."

I sighed, sitting against my seat as I tried to ignore the slight thirst for blood in my throat.

"Hey, are you okay?" Dimitri asked me. He had his eyes on me now, studying every inch of my face. "You're so pale. And your skin..." His hand reached up, letting the back of his fingers feel my forehead. "So cold."

"I haven't fed in three days," I whispered.

"Three days," Dimitri repeated. "That's a long time. Aren't you thirsty?"

I nodded, pressing a hand to my throat. "I've been thirsty all morning, but I can handle it for now. I think I should just try to sleep."

"Are you sure?" Dimitri asked. Even if I wasn't sure, what could he really do? I needed blood, but it wasn't like we really had any sources here.

"I'm fine, Comrade. I'm tired anyways." That, at least, was true. My sleep schedule had been all over the place lately. I curled closer to the window this time and closed my eyes, trying to block out my instincts.

It didn't really work. I spent at least an hour with my eyes closed, but sleep never came. As much as I tried not to think about my craving for blood, my physical reactions didn't go away.

"Excuse me." I stood up from where I was sitting and very quickly ran to the washroom. After locking the door, I looked at myself in the mirror. The sight before me was terrifying. My skin had gone extremely pale—so pale that anyone who saw me would probably think I had turned into a full-blown strigoi.

I pulled my lips back, noticing the soreness in my gums as my sharp fangs started to come out. My eye colour was slowly turning into a dark shade of red. I wished I had imagined the whole thing, but everything here was real. I was so thirsty, and I still had another three hours to go. Three dangerous hours.

I leaned against the wall with my head in my hands as I tried to make everything go away. I shut my eyes, concentrating as hard as I could.

_Remember, Rose, you're in control. You are not a monster. _

For a whole ten minutes, I stood there, taking deep breaths. I glanced at myself in the mirror and let out a breath of relief when I saw that my eyes had gone back to normal. My fangs had retracted back into my gums, but my skin remained pale.

When I decided I was ready, I walked out of the small washroom. Dimitri had gotten out of his seat and was now waiting right outside, causing me to nearly run into him. His immediate concern told me he could see my unusually pale skin.

"What's going on?" he asked. I didn't answer at first as he tipped my chin up and looked me over. "I don't think I've ever seen you look so...ghostly."

"I'm low on blood," I told him. "All I can think about is..." I trailed off, my gaze resting on his neck. Without warning, I pressed him up against the wall, leaning against his body. I could literally hear the blood rushing through his veins. It was so strong now—the urge to bite him. Just one bite. That's all I wanted. If I could just—

"Rose!"

I was pulled out of my little trance, now noticing that Dimitri had grabbed both of my wrists in his hands. He was watching me with caution, but I didn't smell any fear on him.

"Oh my god," I said in disbelief. Dimitri sighed and released my hands. I covered my mouth as guilt started to overwhelm me. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to—I didn't—"

"_Relax._ You didn't do anything." Dimitri gripped my shoulders as I started hyperventilating.

"I almost did...I could've hurt you. I could've bitten you. Dimitri, I'm dangerous."

"Roza, stop. Stop this. You're just low on blood right now. This isn't your fault, okay?"

My voice sounded pained now. "No...no, you don't understand. I could've bitten you if you didn't stop me. I have to...I have to stay in here. I have to make sure I can't get out." I started to turn towards the washroom again, but Dimitri stopped me before I could even open the door.

"Rose, you're not locking yourself in there. Come with me," he said. When I didn't move, he sighed and grabbed my arm, leading us down the aisle. Luckily, nobody else had seen my little outburst, and most of the other guardians were sleeping. Dimitri led us back to our seats and forced me to sit back down. I began to protest, but only earned myself a warning glare from him.

"Stay there," he ordered. "And don't you dare move." His tone was calm but strict, so I obeyed him. Well, after rolling my eyes at him that is. He wasn't surprised by my attitude in the slightest. My mood was always off when I was low on blood.

I was curious as to what he was doing, but when he came back to our seat with a syringe in his hand, I cringed away. I was still used to needles, but it had been a while since I'd had anything injected into me.

"Oh no. No way, Comrade. There's no way in hell I'm going to let you—" I started to crawl over the back of my seat, but Dimitri was quick to react as he grabbed the back of my shirt and yanked me back down. My stubbornness was really starting to get the better of me.

"Don't," he growled. "I'm trying to help you."

"Then you can help me without that thing," I protested, eyeing the syringe dubiously as he took off the cap. He proceeded anyways and gently grabbed my arm, positioning the tip of the needle below my shoulder. In that moment, I immediately regretted wearing a T-shirt.

I shied away again, but this time, it wasn't out of stubbornness or anger. The last time I had anything injected into me, I was a prostitute, and I had been sedated to be used. That obviously wasn't the case here, but it still triggered all those horrible memories.

Dimitri seemed to realize this as well and paused what he was doing. "Roza, look at me," he said softly. I looked up at him, trying to hide my stupid emotions.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

I nodded. "Of course I do."

"Then you know I'm not going to hurt you. Nobody will hurt you. You'll be okay," Dimitri said. I could hear the sincerity in his voice and started to relax.

"Okay," I finally whispered. Dimitri positioned the needle again before inserting it into the skin and pressing the stuff in. Unlike the way my pimps used to sedate me, Dimitri was gentle and clearly knew what he was doing. It still made me wince very slightly, but I stayed still until he was finished.

"Good," Dimitri said before putting the syringe away. He buckled my seat belt before putting the thick blanket back on my torso. I started to feel a little dizzy as he wrapped an arm around me, letting me rest against his chest.

"That sedative wasn't just meant to make my muscles relaxed, was it?" I asked, my words slightly muffled by a yawn. Whatever thirst I had before was now replaced by the major urge to sleep.

"Nope," Dimitri replied. I groaned as my eyelids started to shut.

"Meanie," I mumbled. I heard Dimitri chuckle before he pressed his lips to my forehead.

"Go to sleep, sweetheart. I'll be right here when you wake up."

* * *

Sure enough, Dimitri _was_ there when I woke up. I expected myself to wake up in the infirmary, but instead, I found myself in my own bed. I was even more surprised to find Lissa there too. She had been talking to Dimitri, but their conversation was cut short when she saw me roll onto my side.

"And she's finally awake," she said, sitting down on the edge of my bed. The familiar feeling in my throat was still there, but this time, it was much stronger. It almost felt like a burning sensation.

"How do you feel?" Dimitri asked me. I slowly moved into a sitting position, gripping my neck. I couldn't even get words out.

"Here." Lissa reached behind her, revealing a blood bag. Before she could even pass it to me, I snatched it from her hand and tore the tube open. Both of them watched me in astonishment as I started gulping the liquid down.

"Well that was fast," Lissa commented with a slight smile. I sagged against my headboard in relief as the blood already started to make me feel better. I had my eyes closed for the most part, but when I finished drinking the entire thing, I opened my eyes again. Lissa and Dimitri's expressions changed, and I knew in that moment that my eyes must have changed.

"I'm sorry." I immediately turned away, trying to hide my face with my hands. It was stupid, really, because it was almost impossible to hide from these two.

"Hey, don't do that," Lissa chastised, leaning over and tilting my face back towards them.

"Please, you don't want to see this," I whined, still keeping my eyes closed.

"Rose," Dimitri said. "Remember, we love you. We're not going think any differently of you."

"I'm not ready," I said. Would I ever really be ready? I was so insecure about my eyes and didn't want anyone to see them—at least not now.

"Okay. We won't push you," Dimitri said. "But you can't hide this forever."

"I know," I murmured, trying to get myself under control. It was such a strange feeling when my eyes changed colour. I couldn't really describe how it felt, but I always knew when they were changing. In this moment, they were going back to their natural shade of brown. As soon as I was normal again, I looked back to find Lissa handing me another bag.

"How did you get these?" I asked her.

"The receptionist gave them to me. I mean, I'm a moroi, so they have to."

"What about you? You need blood too."

Lissa smiled. "I already fed earlier today. Dimitri took me while you were sleeping."

I nodded, relaxing a little as I sipped on the little tube. Now that I had everything under control, I could drink it normally instead of feasting on it like a hungry cave man.

"I should probably give you two some privacy," Dimitri offered, getting up from Lissa's bed.

"That would be great," Lissa said before I could protest. "Thank you for staying with us though."

"Of course," he said with a small smile. When he saw my pout, he walked over and grabbed my chin between his fingers before giving me a light hearted kiss. I heard Lissa shift uncomfortably where she was sitting and couldn't help but giggle against Dimitri's mouth.

"I'm still here, you know," Lissa said. Dimitri and I pulled away before he left the room.

"Spill," Lissa ordered as soon as the door was shut. I explained everything that happened at the royal court while occasionally sipping on the blood. Her worry was starting to rise, and by the time I was finished, she was almost in disbelief.

"Wait," she said slowly. "This means your life is in danger. You need...you need protection."

"Lissa, I'm fine. I'm the one who does the protecting, remember? I can take care of myself."

"Rose! I'm serious! Whoever knows about what you are will target you!"

"I know," I said in distress. I got out of bed and started pacing, running a hand through my hair. "Honestly, my safety is the least of my concerns right now. What I _am_ worried about is everyone else. If they come here, they could hurt the people I care about. And those girls still stuck in the business—I want to help them. Unfortunately, everyone else that had connections to my abductors are in Washington State—at least that I know of. They could be all over the place for all I know."

"Isn't your dad helping out with that? Finding those girls, I mean."

"Yes, but I want to help. I hate having to sit back and watch everyone else get their hands dirty."

Lissa stepped in front of me, placing her hands on my shoulders. "Why can't you just accept help?"

"I don't want to feel like some baby that needs to be taken care of. I'm perfectly fine." At this point, I was kind of lying to myself. Most of the time, I wasn't fine, and I refused to talk to people about it. Dimitri and Lissa...well, I knew I could be open with them, but even then, I didn't want them to constantly worry about me. I was just going to be a burden to them.

"I don't care how much you try to push your feelings away," Lissa said fiercely. "I get that you want to be strong all the time, and I love you for it, but you're still human."

"Half-human," I corrected, wondering how I even had the audacity to make a smart-ass comment in a moment like this.

"Whatever!" Lissa rasped. "Just know, I'm here for you. You've been through so much—more than you may want to admit to yourself. If you need to cry or rant or whatever, I'm here."

I thought of telling her I was fine again, but shut the thought down and instead threw my arms around her. She hadn't been expecting it at all, but responded in an instant and squeezed me in her arms.

"There we go," Lissa said in relief. I gave her one last long squeeze before pulling back to face her. Lissa grabbed my face and kissed the top of my head. "I just want you to be okay, Rose."

"I _am_," I stressed. While I wasn't totally sure of myself, I didn't want to discuss my problems any longer. "Why don't we call our friends? We can do something fun."

"I mean, if it helps to get your mind off of things, sure! I'll call Christian." I had no idea what we could really do on campus, but anything to get my mind off of my problems sounded great.

I called Adrian and Eddie, and within just a few minutes, all three boys showed up to our dorm.

"How did you guys all get here?" I asked. "Aren't there matrons?"

"Magic," Adrian said with a wink. I realized his comment was literal, and it didn't take me long to figure out what he meant.

"Did you compel them?" I asked him.

"To hang out with you? Of course," Adrian said shamelessly. "Why don't we play a drinking game? Here's how it goes: take a shot every time you—"

"Absolutely not," Eddie said. "Not to be a buzz kill, but I'd really like to walk out of this academy without a school suspension on my record." Looking at me, he sighed sympathetically. "No offence."

I rolled my eyes. "None taken."

"Well..." Adrian said slowly. "If you've got any ideas, Little Dhampir, please share."

I thought about it, realizing there really wasn't much we could do at the academy. Well, at least without getting in trouble. I had been keeping a good streak so far with following school rules, but I was missing out on the fun.

There were some rooms on campus that were no longer used as classrooms but instead for storage. A lot of students snuck in there to hook up, and some of them even went in to do drugs. Maybe I could even get my moroi friends to practice their magic as a defence weapon. While Lissa and Adrian specialized in spirit, they could still practice with other elements even if it wasn't their best asset. If we could just sneak into one of the abandoned rooms...it'd be perfect. Eddie and I could act as their targets.

"Oh no," Christian groaned. "You have that look on your face again. This can't be good."

"Do I even want to know what you're thinking?" Eddie asked. I stayed silent, still thinking it over. Lissa and Adrian needed to learn to defend themselves. Christian was pretty stable with his fire magic, and I had more than enough confidence that he could take down strigoi. His killings from the major attack a few months back was pure evidence that he was capable of fighting. Lissa and Adrian though...well, spirit magic wasn't going to be of much use in situations like that. I highly doubted any of them would ever have to face strigoi with so many guardians protecting them, but it didn't hurt to learn some basic fighting skills. Plus, I was pretty sure they all agreed that moroi should use magic to their advantage. They could defend themselves against me too. God forbid I ever went out of control and hurt them by accident.

I didn't think twice. "How do you guys feel about learning how to fight?"

* * *

**What did you think? Please, please leave a review (although if you don't its fine). I still have more chapters already written which I plan on posting. A lot of ideas pop into my head but I'm just a little skeptical right now with my work. Idk, I have a tendency to want to please others so maybe that's why haha. Anyways, I _do _hope you guys at least somewhat enjoyed it. Let me know what you think!**


	19. Disturbing Photographs

**Thank you for the reviews :) They really help me. Here's chapter 19!**

* * *

My friends had been doubtful at first, and I couldn't blame them. If any of the adults on campus found out what we were up to, we could get into a lot of trouble. I thought it was stupid, because if the moroi were so vulnerable to the strigoi, they should have also been taught to fight against them. Dhampirs were stronger and generally more aggressive, but the moroi were gifted with magic for a reason—not just for some cute show-and-tell in a classroom.

The fact that _I _had come up with the idea and encouraged it certainly wasn't going to score me any points either. My disciplinary file was already so long though, so if anyone was going to take the blame, I was the best choice. To be honest, Kirova and the rest of the staff probably wouldn't even be surprised. Sneaking around campus and breaking the rules? Typical Rose Hathaway.

Still, we decided to keep things a secret for obvious reasons. We weren't planning on inviting anyone else in. We all practiced in one of the old storage units of the academy which mostly consisted of old furniture that wasn't used anymore. It was pretty much abandoned at this point, and it was one of the only locations that weren't supervised by matrons.

Lissa, Adrian and Christian practiced using magic in the event of a fight. It was mostly for self defense while Eddie and I volunteered to be their opponents.

So far, Lissa was getting the hang of things. She was using earth magic, and although it wasn't anywhere as good as someone who specialized in the element, she had actually gotten a lot of decent hits on me. It hurt every time, but it wasn't anything to seriously injure me. It made me question whether or not this would actually work in a life and death situation.

"You're getting better," I said. "But if this were life and death, I probably would have killed you."

"Ugh! How much effort does it take to kill a damn strigoi?!"

"Welcome to the life of a dhampir," I muttered, hearing Eddie chuckle in the background. "Why do you think we're trained almost everyday for so many years?"

"Allow me," Christian said, stepping in front of Lissa.

I braced myself, shaking off my nerves. "Fire away, Pyro."

The first bolt struck me harder than I expected. I was blown back and landed on my back, groaning in agitation. He hadn't set me on fire or anything, but the ball of fire was still effective enough to burn me a little. I cracked my back as I got up, giving Christian a death stare. His grin annoyed me even more.

"I see you've been practicing," I said bitterly.

"This is baby food," he said, holding back his laughter.

"You're holding back on me?" I asked incredulously. I almost felt offended.

"He wouldn't want to accidentally scratch your pretty face," Adrian commented.

"Oh, shut up," I shot back. "In fact, why don't you give it a try?"

"You sure you can handle me?"

"Bring it on."

Adrian smirked again, but his face became a little more serious as he focussed on his magic. Although he was a spirit user, he still had the ability to use other elements. I wasn't sure what he was planning on using which made it an even bigger surprise for me.

I stood at a far distance, waiting for him to use his powers, until a gust of wind sent me flying back almost as hard as Christian's ball of fire. This time, my back hit the wall, causing me to fall down.

"Not bad," I choked out, cracking my joints again as I got back up. We continued our practices for another hour. Eddie and I rotated in between hits, and at the end of our session, we were both exhausted.

"I say we call it a day," I said to the group. "Whenever you guys are free, just text the group chat."

"Will do. Goodnight guys," Christian said. Almost everyone left, but Lissa stayed behind.

"I seriously need a shower after classes," I mumbled as we headed to our class.

"Um. I'm going first this time. By the time your shower ends, I'll be getting ready for our early morning class."

"Hey. You can't blame a girl for wanting to keep herself clean after being stuck in a dirty house for a month. When they...turned me...I couldn't even shower."

Lissa's face scrunched up in disgust. "I thought they would have provided you with that."

"You'd think," I muttered. "I'm surprised I didn't catch an infectious disease."

"Vampires are naturally immune to diseases. Even if you caught something, your body would probably just cure itself...or something like that."

"Well, there's no cure for me."

Lissa went quiet at my abrupt comment. Through the bond, I knew she felt sorry. Being half strigoi wasn't exactly a disease, but there was no cure for it either. "We'll find a way. We always do," she said.

"Mhm. Keep telling yourself that, Princess."

* * *

After classes were over, I let Lissa take the bathroom first. She didn't take nearly as long as me, and it gave me a little bit of time to finish up some homework for the Russian course I was taking. I thought of asking Dimitri for help, but decided to let him rest instead. He was supposed to be up extra early for dorm security, and I didn't want to rely on him for my work.

Lissa had just turned the water off when there was a knock on our door. I got up from where I was sitting and opened the door to reveal one of the academy's guardians. I didn't know his name, but he was fairly young and usually stayed with Kirova.

My heart dropped as I realized I must have been caught. That was it. How could they have already found out about my secret self-defence training with my friends? Oh no, that meant I must have gotten them into trouble too. I thought I was good at getting away with things. I thought—

"Sorry to disturb you, Ms. Hathaway, but a package came for you in the mail. Kirova asked me to send it to you." He held a light brown folder in front of me, and its thickness showed that there must have been pages of some sort inside.

I stood there, completely dumbfounded with my mouth open until I finally snapped out of it.

"Right," I laughed, taking the package. "Sorry, who's this from?"

"I'm not sure. There's no return address on the package."

"I..." My mind spiraled. That didn't really make sense.

"Is everything alright?" the guardian asked. I blinked, forcing a fake smile.

"Yeah. Thanks for this."

"No problem, Ms. Hathaway. Goodnight."

"Night," I said curtly, shutting my door. Although there was no first or last name on the package, there was a small note inside with messy handwriting. It only said: _Love, Eric_.

Holy fuck. Eric. That damn bastard. He was the owner of one of the bloodwhore clubs. He must have had all of my information if he sent this. Sebastian had probably given him all of my belongings and research files to him for safekeeping.

I opened the package a little more to find a load of...pictures. My suspicion started to rise, but my curiosity got the best of me. I pulled some of the pictures out only to drop them in an instant, nearly screaming in horror. The pictures fell out of the envelope, and there they were: photos of me being fed on, being tied up, abused...raped.

"Rose? What happened?" Lissa asked on the other side of the door.

"Uh, nothing! I just dropped something," I replied, falling to my knees. My hands were scrambling all over the place as I gathered the fallen pictures together. I started to hyperventilate as I shoved them back into the envelope. I wiped my eyes furiously and made sure I wouldn't let myself break until I was alone in the bathroom.

Lissa was already walking out and was drying her hair with a towel. Still unsure as to where I was supposed to hide the package, I quickly tossed it under my bed and prayed she wouldn't see it. I'd have to find a better spot later, but for now, it was my last resort.

"Finally," I muttered hastily, storming into the bathroom.

"You okay?" Lissa asked.

"I'm great!" I said loudly, shutting the door. Lissa's confusion ran through my mind, and I felt a pang of guilt settle in my stomach for keeping this from her. Honestly though, what was I supposed to say to her? How could I even show her what I'd just seen? Those pictures were vile. Repulsive. Terrifying, even. It made me sick, and I was certain that anyone else who saw them would think I was vile too.

After throwing my clothes off in a fury, I started up the hot water until it burned my skin. It hurt, but it was exactly what I wanted. It didn't even compare to the hurt I felt inside, but I needed to feel something—_anything_—to get a hold of myself. I started crying in that moment, resisting the urge to punch the shower wall. I didn't want Lissa to think something was wrong, so I sat down in the scalding hot water and brought my knees up to my chest.

It didn't matter how much I cleaned my body. It didn't matter how much I scrubbed. The dirty feeling would never go away. Even if things did get better, I would always be a little scarred.

I sat there for what felt like hours until the water started to turn cold. My cries had finally stopped, leaving me feeling empty and exhausted inside. I finally got up and shut off the tap, listening to the water go down the drain. _If only my fucking problems could go down with it._

I stepped out, realizing I had turned our bathroom into a sauna. The mirror was completely fogged up, but when I cleared it in the middle with my towel, I couldn't help but flinch. My body was red. The water had been so hot that I'd burned my skin all over the place. I had been so angry and frustrated that I didn't even realize how bad it really was. It made it difficult to dry myself, but I shrugged it off. My skin would just heal and go back to normal in less than an hour anyways.

When I stepped out of the bathroom, Lissa's eyes went wide. "What the—did you burn yourself?!"

I shrugged. "It's not that bad."

"Not that bad? You look like you just spent 12 hours in the sun—with no sunscreen!" I winced when she grabbed my shoulders, holding me at arm's length.

"You were crying," she realized.

"No, Lissa, I wasn't. I got shampoo in my eyes—"

"Don't," she said warningly. "You can't lie to me. Believe it or not, I can feel it through our bond if I dig hard enough."

"Then stop digging!" I slapped her hands away, turning away from her. "I'm perfectly fine. I have my moments, but I'm fine. Please stop worrying about me."

In a moment like this, Lissa would have usually felt shocked from my harsh tone. Now, she wasn't surprised in the slightest. If anything, my behavior was _expected_. She knew I could act like this after what I'd been through, and she had prepared herself thoroughly.

"You've been through a lot, Rose," Lissa said softly. I knew she was only trying to help me, so I stayed calm. If it made her feel better, then I would let her.

"Well, it's over now," I said, shutting my eyes. "Whatever happened to me in the past won't happen again. I won't let it."

Lissa came closer, but was careful about keeping her distance. I was always fine with her, but she knew I was feeling vulnerable and made sure not to push me too much. "I know you won't...but you can't ignore what you went through."

I spun back around. "I'm not ignoring anything. Like I said, I'm fine. I'm getting better. You don't have to hold my hand."

"I don't have to, I _want_ to. You've always been there for me since day one. Let me do the same for you." Lissa was desperate. She was tired and needed to sleep, but she wanted me to be okay. I grabbed her hands, bringing them up to my mouth and placing a soft kiss on her fingers.

"Trust me," I murmured. "If you want to help me, the least you could do is let me get into bed."

Lissa chuckled, pulling me into a hug as the tension in the air loosened. Her arms around me were tight, and for a moment, I actually relieved some of my stress.

"Let's get some sleep," she said as we pulled back. We both crawled into our beds, and I fell asleep with a plush toy tucked tightly into my arms.

* * *

Since receiving that stupid package, my emotions had been all over the place. I'd managed to keep a stoic face throughout all my classes the next day, but I decided on not speaking to anyone for now. I had been doodling in my notebook for the past hour as I tried my best to keep myself together. I was a damn mess.

In the heat of frustration, I packed my books back into my bag and left class. Nobody seemed to notice as they were too busy either taking down notes or sleeping. The class had become more and more stuffy, and all I needed now was some air.

I found my usual sitting spot where the fountain was. I liked to come here while everybody was in class so that I could have time to think. I would have gone to the chapel attic, but people still went to church during this time of the night. I dropped my bag on the ground and sat against the structure, closing my eyes as I listened to the peaceful stream behind me.

I was glad that Sebastian was just going to be thrown in Tarasov Prison. After all his crimes, being in there for life just gave his body more time to deteriorate. His inmates would probably beat him while he was at it. Unfortunately, a part of me still felt like he would always be there, looking over my shoulder. Or maybe it was just the paranoia that came with being abducted.

Dr. Olendzki thought I suffered from PTSD, and maybe she was right. I constantly denied it as I didn't want to seem weak. I didn't want to feel weak. I wanted to be the strong girl that everyone knew me to be. I feared that being diagnosed with such a condition would ruin my reputation and I wouldn't be able to guard Lissa in the future.

I wasn't sure how long I was sitting there, but I jumped when the bell finally rang. I quickly grabbed my bag and headed to the training gym to get some hits in. I spotted Dimitri, but he was busy helping some other students with his back turned.

After quickly changing into my gym clothes, he was still busy, so I turned my attention towards the stakes. Most students used fake wooden stakes, but they did have some real ones for those who were ready to use them. We usually practiced aiming and stabbing on dummies, and there were several small holes where the students had stabbed them.

I was hesitant to touch the stakes. I hadn't touched one since I was a normal dhampir and had been holding it off for a while now. This was the one weapon that could hurt me more than anything. If I were stabbed or cut with this, the healing process could take weeks. Strigoi couldn't touch stakes either, and it made me wonder if I had the ability to touch them without feeling pain.

Working up the courage, I wrapped my hand around the silver. I was slow at first, just touching it as if it were about to burn me. The silver didn't seem to hurt me at all. _Now that wasn't so hard, was it?_

I sighed in relief. It felt so strange to hold the one weapon that could kill me for good. The silver felt cold and heavy in my hand, but I intended to warm it up soon. I practiced with one of the dummies, stabbing it where the heart was supposed to be. So far, I'd punctured several holes inside as I kept going at it. The images from last night replayed in my mind, almost clouding my vision in an infinite rage. I thought of Sebastian too, and I felt myself becoming more and more angry. I imagined the dummy as his body, getting stabbed by me over and over again.

I felt a pair of hands grip my shoulder, yanking the stake out of my hand. My body reacted by nearly punching whoever it was in the face. My heart dropped when I saw Dimitri's tall figure standing over me, his hand gripping my fist very closely to his face.

_You almost punched him, idiot._

I quickly recovered from my haze-filled mind and blinked rapidly, taking in what I had just done.

"Oh god," I gasped out. "I'm sorry."

He let go of my hand as I panted. "That's enough for today."

I looked back at the dummy I had been using and covered my mouth. I probably punctured over fifty holes. "I-I didn't even—" I stammered. "I almost punched you."

"But you didn't," he said, taking the stake out. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," I answered quickly. Just like Lissa, Dimitri didn't believe me at all. He didn't take his eyes off of me, and after a few seconds, he cocked his head towards one of the benches.

"Sit down," he ordered. I was about to argue, but his hand on my mouth silenced me. "Sit. Down."

I complied and sat down on the side bench. I wasn't really sure what to expect, but I stayed put as the rest of the students started to head to their next class. Some of them took their time to leave, but one strict order from Dimitri had them scrambling out in no time. He was probably the only guardian at the academy who was intimidating enough to scare people off that easily.

When we were the only two people left in the gym, he kneeled in front of me, taking my shaking hands into his. He spoke quietly. "What happened back there?"

"I murdered a dummy."

Dimitri sighed. "That's not what I meant. I'm talking about _you_. Something is bothering you."

I rolled my eyes and scoffed, but before I could walk away, Dimitri placed a firm hand on my shoulder and forced me to sit back down. His voice was low and calm, but somehow, it was even more intimidating then his loud voice. "Rose. I'm serious. I _know _something happened, otherwise you wouldn't have been in such a rage. Tell me what happened."

"I... had another nightmare," I said. Well, at least I wasn't entirely lying. I just wasn't telling him the whole truth. I _did _have a nightmare yesterday—just like I did almost every fucking day—but I refrained from telling him about the images. I still had no idea what I was going to do with them.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dimitri asked.

I shook my head. "No. I just needed to get my mind off of things. I wanted to spar with you, but you were busy with other students earlier."

Dimitri's eyes wavered, and for a moment, he looked thoughtful. He glanced at the clock behind him to check the time before turning back to me.

"I can spar with you now. There's still half an hour left," he said. The thought already lightened my mood, and I couldn't resist when he held out his hand and led us towards the mats.

* * *

**What did you think? I know the pictures were a little harsh, but I thought it would add even more to the story.**


	20. Anger and Alcohol

**Thank you so so much for the reviews and for those that continue to support my story :D **

* * *

Dimitri and I fought for about an hour. I seemed to be improving, because I had been able to take him down a good couple of times. We were both panting at the end, trying to catch our breaths as we laid on the floor.

"You've gotten much better," he acknowledged. "Still need some more training, but you're doing well. Even better than most of the trained guardians here."

I felt flattered that he was impressed with me, but I couldn't help but notice a small cut on his arm. I must have accidentally scratched him while we were fighting. Blood was leaking from the wound, causing my body to instantly react. I already had a burning sensation in my throat from earlier which I had been trying to ignore. The spirit-induced anger from earlier had also burned me out a little bit and left me feeling slightly thirsty. It wasn't anything urgent, but the urge to drink blood was nagging me.

Carefully, I held his arm and analyzed the cut. "I'm sorry. I must have scratched you by accident."

"What? Oh. I didn't even notice," he said, looking at his arm. "Don't worry about it."

The more I looked at it, the thirstier I became. Something about Dimitri's blood was...really intoxicating, and I felt my eyes start to change colour. I turned away as my fangs came out and quickly covered my face.

"You okay?" Dimitri asked me, seeming genuinely concerned.

"Yeah," I said, clearing my throat even though it did nothing. "It's just…the blood."

Dimitri walked around me and stood there for several moments. I could hear his steady heartbeat, and I wasn't sure if it comforted me or if it scared me. He wasn't afraid of me at all. I flinched when his hands gently grabbed my wrists and pulled them away from my face. I kept my eyes closed, but I knew he could see my fangs as I had been breathing out of my mouth.

"Show me your eyes," he said. "I'm not afraid of you, Roza."

I exhaled deeply and opened my eyes but avoided looking directly into his. I hadn't really shown anyone my face when I was thirsty for blood. Dimitri caressed my cheek, and I was surprised at how calm he actually was. I didn't smell fear on him at all. His heartbeat was steady, and his breathing was calm.

"You're beautiful," he said, cupping my face. "There's no need to hide yourself."

I had never felt so vulnerable in my life. I never thought he could possibly accept this part of me based on his life training, but I was wrong. He loved me no matter what.

"Control yourself, Roza. You can do it," he said. Despite not making eye contact, I could tell he was still watching me. I finally looked up at him, and although it was difficult, I managed to hold back my impulses. I shut my eyes a couple times as my eyes started going back to normal and my fangs retracted.

"Very good," he said. Although I could get my thirst under control, I still wanted to heal his cut. With all the healing factors in my saliva, it would be gone within an hour.

"I-I can heal you," I offered, but before my mouth could even get close to his arm, he stopped me.

"Don't," he said. "I appreciate it, but I'll be fine."

As much as I wanted that cut on his arm to go away, I didn't push him. I had to remind myself that this was all still new to him, and he probably wasn't entirely comfortable with letting me use my new abilities on him.

My thirst was bothering me again, so I quickly picked up my things. "Hey, I just remembered I had to go see Adrian for a study thing. I'll, uh, see you tomorrow."

"A...study thing?" Dimitri's brows furrowed together in confusion.

"Yeah. There's a test coming up soon. I gotta go," I said in a rush. Before I could give Dimitri the chance to say anything else, I left the room, stepping out into the hallway. I realized I should have probably given him a better excuse considering I didn't actually study much, let alone with Adrian of all people. Was he even taking any actual courses here?

Since classes were over, I took a stroll on campus until almost everyone had gone to their dorms. I still tried to stay lowkey, giving nothing more than a wave and a smile when I passed by some friends. When I reached the feeding rooms, I waited from a distance until the last staff member turned off the lights and left.

When everything was clear, I quickly snuck through the open doorway and made my way into the back of the feeding department. I was relieved to find the rooms unlocked and stepped into the very back room, closing the door behind me. I didn't even bother turning on the lights as my night vision had been enhanced to a whole new level. I couldn't see everything, but I could see a lot more than I could as a normal dhampir. It amazed me, because dhampirs already had pretty good night vision.

When I saw the fridge full of blood bags, I didn't waste any time. My initial plan here was to grab some bags and go back to my dorm, but instead, I devoured them right then and there. I ended up on the floor as I drained the bags over and over again and had completely taken advantage of my time alone.

I should have probably paid closer attention to my surroundings, but I had gotten so lost in the feed that it was all I could really focus on. When the door burst open, I froze on the spot. I expected it to be a nurse, or maybe even a guardian who just so happened to see me walk in. I thought they would start yelling, maybe order backup and have me taken away. Hell, maybe it was another student coming in to steal blood too.

What I did _not_ expect was Adrian.

* * *

Staring through Adrian's eyes, I started thinking of every possible way this could turn out. Maybe he'd laugh this off and think it was some sick joke. Maybe he'd run and think he was just going crazy from the spirit's side effects. Honestly, I wished that was the case here. That might have made me a horrible person, but maybe it was better than the ugly truth: that I was half-strigoi and indulging in blood.

"Little dhampir...or whatever you are," Adrian said. Behind his fake half-smile, I could see fear in his eyes as he gulped. It was written all over him even if he tried to hide it. His pulse was racing. I thought about compelling him, but the idea was wiped away when another person walked into the room: Eddie.

He looked totally shocked at first, his eyes widening the moment he saw me. His dhampir instincts started to kick in a moment later as he quickly reached an arm out and shoved Adrian behind him. It didn't matter that we were in school or how close our friendship was. Despite being a university student, Eddie might as well have been a guardian. His first instinct was to protect Adrian, and it only made me respect him that much more despite the fact that he was protecting him from _me._

I only then realized how bad I actually looked. I had been so careless that some of the blood had spilled onto the ground and over my hands. I had drained a total of three bags—more than my usual amount—and my eyes were definitely a dark shade of red. Eddie was in his protective mode, but even I could see a hint of confusion as he looked me over. I didn't completely look like a strigoi.

I stood up very slowly, gesturing my hands in a very non-threatening way. "Eddie..."

"Stay back," he growled, throwing a hand out while keeping the other one on Adrian. Eddie didn't have any weapons on him, but he fought almost as well as Dimitri, and I didn't want to have to fight him.

"I know this looks bad," I said quietly. "Just please, let me explain."

"Adrian," Eddie said warningly, keeping his eyes on me. "Get out now."

Adrian still had his gaze lingered on me, and although he was hesitant to leave, Eddie's voice had become so hard and determined that he didn't question it. I wanted to call after him as he left, fearing he might tell someone else, but resisted the urge to move.

Focussing back on Eddie who now looked like he would jump out at any moment, I threw my hands up in surrender. "I'm not going to hurt you, Eddie."

"What the hell are you?" he asked, keeping his voice scarily low. When I didn't answer at first, he broke, shoving me against the wall and pinning my arms beside my head.

_"What are you?!" _he demanded. I flinched at his tone. I hadn't seen him this angry and upset since Mason's death, and it broke my heart.

"I'm still a dhampir," I gasped out. "Just different. I'm half strigoi."

"What?" he asked, releasing his hold on me. He stepped back, looking at me again. My eyes had gone back to normal now. "This isn't a very good time to joke around, Rose!"

"I'm serious," I said, now sounding desperate.

"No." Eddie shook his head. "No, that's impossible. You were born half moroi, half human. We both were!"

"I know it sounds impossible, but it's not. It happened when I was kidnapped. Those experiments Adrian mentioned after seeing me in my dreams—he wasn't lying."

"What are you talking about? That has nothing to do with...whatever the fuck you are."

"It's complicated, okay? If you could just calm down and let me explain—"

"Calm down? Are you serious? I just watched my best friend drink three blood bags!"

I knew I could have just compelled Eddie to stay calm, but that would surely break any trust we had between each other, and I didn't want to resort to mind control on my own friend. At this point, I couldn't tell if he was angrier at what he'd just seen or the fact that I had lied to him about it for so long.

I heard footsteps coming down the hall before two people walked into the room. There stood Dimitri with Lissa in tow.

"What hap—" Lissa started, shutting her mouth when she saw me. Her eyes flickered over to the blood on the floor before glancing between Eddie and me.

"Eddie," she said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder so that she could face him. "Come with me. Everything will be okay. I'll explain everything." Immediately, I knew what she was doing. I could feel it through our bond, and her magic coursed through me instantly. Eddie's eyes twitched, but he relaxed a moment later.

"Okay," he said. Lissa gave me a worried glance before taking Eddie out of the room, leaving me alone with Dimitri. He had been watching me closely, checking my body as if I had gotten hurt.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I didn't know how to respond, so I ignored his question and picked up the now empty blood bags. "I need to clean this up."

Instead of arguing, Dimitri helped me clean the blood off the ground. After a few minutes of scrubbing the floor, I spoke. "Did you see Adrian?"

Dimitri sighed. "Yes. I asked him if he was okay, but he said something about needing a drink. I think he's in his room now."

I tossed the paper towels in the trash and sat on the ground, shutting my eyes. "He saw me earlier. With Eddie."

"Yes, I figured."

"I have to talk to him," I said, my voice nearly breaking. "Both of them...they've seen it all. I can't hide it from them anymore. Christian too."

"Rose, while I'm not opposed to you speaking to Adrian about this, I think you should give him space right now. He's probably overwhelmed. So is Eddie."

"What if they tell someone else?" I sounded so selfish right now, but I didn't want anyone other than my closest friends knowing about the experiments.

"They won't. No matter how angry or confused they are, they're still your friends."

I sighed, realizing he was right. I should have had more faith in my friends. They cared about me just as much as I cared about them. I had to trust that they wouldn't spill anything about what they saw.

"Do you want to take anymore of these to your room?" Dimitri asked, nodding towards the fridge.

"I just drank, like, three bags. I should be fine."

Dimitri nodded and extended his hand. He pulled me up off the floor, making sure the area looked untouched before we left the room.

"You should go to your room and get some sleep," he said as we walked through the hallways.

"Yeah," I mumbled, though I had another idea in mind. Before Dimitri and I parted, he looked at me again.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.

"I'll be fine." I didn't really feel fine at the moment, but if I could just work things out with my friends, I would eventually feel better. Lissa was probably handling Eddie—and maybe telling Christian too—but I needed to clear things up with Adrian. He was probably confused from what he'd seen and also pissed off that I was keeping it from him.

"Alright." Dimitri leaned forward, quickly kissing my cheek. "Goodnight, Roza."

* * *

"Adrian!" I called, knocking rapidly on his door. "I need to talk to you. I know you're probably mad at me, but...please hear me out."

I heard some shuffling in his room before Adrian finally opened the door. I could smell alcohol on his breath, but he wasn't drunk. He rolled his eyes, moving to the side to let me in.

"Would you like a drink?" he asked, holding up a bottle of vodka.

"I need to be sober to tell you this." I sat down on his couch, trying to ignore the mess of clothing that seemed to be scattered just about everywhere.

Adrian shrugged, closing his door. "Suit yourself, little...whatever."

"Adrian, I'm still a dhampir."

"Somehow, I find that hard to believe." He scowled at me before taking another sip from his bottle. "However, I'm willing to listen to you. I always knew something was off about you, but this—this is unheard of. For a second back there, I thought you really were a strigoi. Only, there was something strange about how you looked. I wish I'd imagined the whole thing, but the fact that you're here tells me otherwise."

While I never wanted anyone to find out about my secret, it was kind of pointless now. I was stupid for thinking I could hide it from my closest friends. After being kidnapped, they had kept a very watchful eye on me to see how I was doing. Dimitri did the same too, and even though Alberta didn't know about my secret, she probably had her suspicions as well.

"Remember the experiments I was talking about in our dreams?" I asked.

"How could I forget? You looked so scared...I'd never seen you so scared before," Adrian said, shivering as he replayed the memory in his head. I was a little bothered that he had to see such a weak side of me, but it was understandable under those horrible circumstances.

"Well, you see..." And I went on. I wished Eddie and Christian were there so that I could explain everything all at once instead of constantly having to repeat myself. I hated going through the memories.

"Hold on," Adrian interrupted. "You're like this because you're shadow-kissed?"

"Actually, I'm like this because my kidnappers used me as a fucking lab rat."

"You _know_ what I mean," Adrian said, clearly showing off his annoyance.

"Ugh. Yes, it's because I'm shadow-kissed. Anyone—living or undead—can become like me. The transition just works differently depending on what you are."

Adrian usually had some annoying comments, but this new information was so unexpected and probably hard for him to understand. If he hadn't seen me feasting on blood bags with red eyes and fangs, he probably wouldn't believe a single word I just said. In fact, he'd probably be laughing at me.

Finally, the silence broke. Adrian offered me his bottle again. "You sure you don't want a sip?"

I eyed the vodka dubiously before taking it from his hand. "You know what? I do want some." Adrian probably expected me to only have a sip or two, but what he didn't expect was for me to start chugging it down. The liquid burned my throat, and it almost reminded me of those blood whore clubs where I'd be forced to drink until I passed out. This time, it was willing. With all the stress I'd been through, I needed an escape even if it was temporary. I used to get drunk for fun with my friends, but now I was using it as an escape.

"Woah, slow down there," Adrian said, tipping the bottle down. "I might have a tolerance, but you don't."

"Why don't I test that out?" I jumped up from the couch, walking over to his collection of drinks. There were some light ones including coolers, and at the back were the heavier drinks. I pulled one out, not bothering to even look at the label before I started drinking again.

An hour later, I was yapping away. "You know, I am so sick of child molesters. Those damn guys all deserve to have their dicks chopped off!"

Adrian wasn't anywhere near as drunk as me. In fact, he wasn't even drunk at all. His intention was probably to feel a slight buzz until he fell asleep, but seeing that I was out of line, he decided to watch over me instead.

"Yes, Rose, they do," Adrian agreed.

"Maybe I should buy an axe and chop them off myself!"

Adrian laughed. "Sure."

"I will find those girls," I slurred, holding a finger up. "And we can all...team up...and settle things once and for all...ya know?"

"Yes, yes I know. Listen Rose, you should—"

"Do you think Eddie hates me now?" I interrupted, leaning against the wall. "I think he hates me."

"Eddie doesn't hate you."

"Well...do you hate me?"

Adrian's brows furrowed. "What?"

"I kept this a secret from you too. And I don't..." I stepped forward and hugged him a little too tightly. "I don't want you to hate me."

"I couldn't hate you even if I wanted to," he told me. I pulled away and took another sip of whatever I was drinking. I nearly stumbled where I was, but Adrian was quick to react and put his hands on my arms.

"I think we should get you to your dorm," he said, opening his door.

"Oh, come on, don't be boring now. I'm having fun! Let's go for a walk! I need to find Eddie and explain the thing..."

"Rose, wait!"

I was already running through the campus halls, heading for Eddie's dorm. I stumbled just about everywhere, but I was still faster than Adrian. There was nothing he could do to stop me, and before I knew it, I was knocking on Eddie's door. He didn't answer, so I kept knocking until his door flew open.

"What?!" Eddie seemed angry and annoyed at first, but his expression softened when he saw me. "Rose? What are you—are you drunk?"

I giggled. "Maybe a little."

"How the hell did you..." He trailed off, scowling at Adrian who stood behind me. "Of course."

"Hey man, I didn't think she would end up like this."

I slapped my hands onto Eddie's chest, grabbing his shirt. "Eddie! I am like, _so _sorry for lying to you. I mean, you're like, such a good friend and I totally blew it!" I fell into his room, nearly running into the bed where Lissa and Christian both sat.

"Never thought I'd see this again," Lissa commented. I slid to the ground, peering my head up on the edge of the bed.

"Pyro!" I squealed. "I'm sorry for lying to you too. But from now on, you can trust me because I'm—" I shut up as bile started to rise in my throat. As soon as I covered my mouth, Adrian and Eddie both rushed to my side.

"Now _that's_ not a good sign," Christian said. "Get her into the bathroom."

"What? I'm perfectly fine! I just need another drink and I'll be good as new..." Before I could even finish, Eddie was already dragging me to his washroom. A wave of nausea hit me, and my stomach convulsed as I vomited into the toilet. Eddie held my hair back and gently rubbed the back of my shoulder.

"Is she okay?" Lissa asked from behind him.

"Does she look okay?" Eddie snapped. I leaned back, still feeling more drunk than I'd ever been in my life. Most of my energy, however, was now gone.

"She probably won't even remember this in the morning," Adrian muttered. Just when I thought I was fine, I vomited again. It was absolutely horrible.

"Should we take her to the infirmary?" Lissa asked. I couldn't tell what she was feeling through the bond since everything was buzzed out, but her face gave her concern away.

"Don't you dare, blondie!" I protested. "Alcohol isn't...allowed on...thing."

"Campus," Adrian corrected. "It's not allowed on campus, and I have a whole collection of it. I'm screwed if they find out."

Eddie spoke up again. "Maybe that's a good thing."

"Hey, this was her choice," Adrian defended, throwing his arms up despite looking slightly guilty. Eddie rolled his eyes before focussing his attention back onto me.

"Are you good?" he asked. I giggled, smiling up at him.

"Never better!" Just then, my stomach convulsed again. When was this ever going to end?

Lissa stepped into the washroom, leaning down to rub my back. "Eddie, I'm starting to worry. What the hell are we going to do with her? She'll be like this all night!"

"I don't know," Eddie said. I could hear the stress and indecision in his voice now. "I can stay with her until she stops puking."

"She didn't even drink..._that_ much," Adrian said. "I don't know why she's this bad." To be honest, Adrian's idea of "that much" was probably different from the rest of us.

"Can she even go to class tomorrow?" Christian asked. At this point, I stopped paying attention to who said what as an argument started to unravel.

"She won't even be able to get up."

"And who's fault is that?"

"I thought she was only going to take a sip! I didn't expect her to go off the rails like that!"

"You _know_ how she is."

"Guys, please, Rose is going through a lot right now—"

"Well, drinking shouldn't be her main coping mechanism."

"And you shouldn't have shut her out just because she wasn't comfortable with talking yet!"

"I was angry! She's one of my closest friends and she didn't trust me!"

"Can you blame her? Look at how you reacted! How _all_ of you reacted! You just left her there to feel guilty when she probably wasn't ready to open up!"

I couldn't even make out words after that. Everyone started talking over each other, yelling out angry words that seemed to go on forever—until another voice joined in.

"What in the world is going on in here?"

As soon as the new voice came in, everyone froze. Even when I was totally out of my mind, I recognized that Russian accent anywhere. We were _so_ screwed.

* * *

**I wanted to bring Rose's friends into the picture a little more on how they found out about Rose's secret (because honestly, I thought it was pointless to hide it from them anymore). I didn't really know where I was going with it afterwards which is why it might seem weird (getting drunk and all). Anyways, let me know what you think :)**


	21. Hangover

**Just wanted to say that I was having a bit of a writer's block before I wrote this chapter so it might not be my best, but I definitely tried. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Dimitri had walked in to not only witness my friends fighting, but to also see my drunk ass barely being held up by Eddie's strong hands.

"Hiya Comrade!" I gasped out. Eddie almost had no time to react as I puked again.

"Is she drunk?" Dimitri demanded.

"I'm completely sober!" I shouted childishly.

"Rose, be quiet," Eddie said, trying to calm the situation. On the other hand, Dimitri was _not _having it.

"How," he started, "did she get _this_ intoxicated?"

All eyes started to fall on Adrian who cringed away. Even he was slightly afraid of Dimitri regardless of his arrogant and sarcastic attitude.

"I swear, I didn't think this would—"

"Damn it, Ivashkov! Alcohol is strictly forbidden on campus! Do you have any idea how bad this would be if someone else had found you all in here?"

Adrian cringed at his tone. It was rare for someone who always usually had something to say when being scolded. "We didn't do anything, I swear. We were just talking...and I offered her a sip of vodka. I didn't think things would get this bad."

"Go back to your room," Dimitri ordered. "Go _now_ before I change my mind and have you kicked off campus."

For the first time, Adrian did as he was told for once and left the room. Dimitri turned on Christian and Lissa, struggling to soften his voice.

"I suggest you two go back to your rooms as well before someone else sees any of you here. I'll let you know how she is." Dimitri was a little calmer with them, but I could tell he was still angry. I had no idea what he was going to do with me, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to find out.

Christian and Lissa left, leaving me with Eddie and Dimitri. I leaned against the wall again, and this time, I was sure I had nothing left to repel from my body. I was simply drained now.

"Are you done?" Eddie asked. I nodded, and he quickly flushed the toilet. He let go of my hair and walked out of the washroom, whispering something to Dimitri. He came in and kneeled in front of me, tipping my chin up to examine my face.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"All good, Comrade. You should have seen me earlier! My face was like, super red!"

Dimitri scoffed. "Yeah, well, it won't be the only thing that's red if you do this again."

"Huh?"

"Nothing." He looked down at my shirt, muttering a Russian swear word before pulling it off of my body. "Edison, do you have any extra shirts? She puked on hers."

Eddie was already going through his closet, pulling out a plain grey T-shirt and giving it to Dimitri. He passed him a water bottle too which I assumed was for me. Dimitri pulled me up, but the moment I stood, I started to fall back down. He sighed and instead carried me to Eddie's bed where he sat me down. As soon as I started to falter, his hands were steadying me again.

"Can you hold her for a second?" Dimitri asked. Eddie nodded, making sure I sat upright as Dimitri started to slip the t-shirt over my body. Both of them had to slip my arms through the sleeves as I was so drunk and didn't even have the energy to sit up straight. Eddie kept holding me while Dimitri brought the water bottle up to my lips.

"Drink," Dimitri said.

"I don't wanna!" I whined, moving my head to the side. Dimitri pressed his lips together, exchanging an eye roll with Eddie. Even though I was stubborn, it was unlike me to act like a child. I definitely wouldn't have been acting the way I was if I was sober.

"She's been acting like this all night," Eddie told him.

"I figured," Dimitri said. This time, he held my chin and spoke sternly. "Drink this, Rose. _Now_."

I did as he asked, taking small sips of the water to let it hydrate me. When I'd had enough, Dimitri and Eddie let me lie down.

"She probably won't even remember this tomorrow morning," Eddie muttered.

"Probably. I'll have to keep a close eye on her though."

"If you can, that'd be great. She drank on an empty stomach. Not only that, but Lissa also mentioned her not eating properly since coming back to the academy. I've never seen her like this."

"I noticed that too," Dimitri said reluctantly. "Every time I try to bring it up, she changes the subject. I didn't want to push her too much, but now...I have to step in. I have to do something. She's putting her health in danger."

"I know. I'm worried about her. I shouldn't have been so angry earlier. I really do care about her and whatever happened to her won't change that." Eddie's voice started to drop. He sounded so worried. Lissa must have told him everything.

"It took her a long time to open up to me too. Don't take it personally. She's just going through a lot, mentally."

"Even you," Eddie whispered. I wasn't watching them as they spoke, but Dimitri must have nodded during that little pause. "Well, if there's anyone in this world she actually listens to, it's you. Please help her. She needs to eat, no matter how stubborn she is."

"Oh, believe me, I'll force her if I have to. I love her, and I won't continue to sit back and watch her do this to herself."

"I trust that you won't," Eddie said. "Hopefully, you can get her to comply. I've known her for a lot of years. She's very stubborn."

"I've had ideas in my head, but she wouldn't like it. There have been moments where she's really needed it, and sometimes, it's hard to hold back. But after what she went through, I can't force it on her."

"And what exactly did you have in mind?" Eddie asked curiously.

Dimitri hesitated. "I'd rather not say. I don't think you'd agree with it."

"If it means getting her to finally eat again, I'd honestly be fine with anything at this point."

There was another pause as Dimitri gently tucked a strand of hair away from my face. "She just needs a firm hand, that's all."

"Are you...implying what I think you are?" Eddie didn't sound opposed to whatever Dimitri was telling him, but he also sounded a little confused. Even I was a little confused.

"It doesn't matter," Dimitri said hastily. "Like I said, I can't force it on her. Right now, she needs our support. No matter how much she denies it, she needs help. She needs to heal."

"A firm hand..." Eddie repeated quietly.

"Edison. Just get some sleep. I'll take Rose to her room."

Eddie nodded, dropping the subject as Dimitri swooped me up into his arms.

"Thank you for taking care of her," he said, passing through the doorway.

"Always will. Goodnight, Dimitri."

"Goodnight, Edison."

With that, Dimitri took me to my room and held me tightly against his chest. When we got inside, he carefully laid me onto the bed. For the next few minutes, I barely paid attention to what he was doing. I ended up in only my panties and the big grey T-shirt, and he tucked me in, bringing the comforter up to my chin.

"Comrade," I whispered, reaching out to grab his hand. I practically dragged him down until he was sitting beside me. "Did I ever tell you how pretty you are?"

Dimitri froze, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. "What?"

"You're like...so pretty. You know, sometimes I just really want to kiss you, but it's so hard!"

Dimitri looked like he just wanted me to sleep, but he stuck around to listen to me anyways. Perhaps his curiosity was getting the best of him. "Why do you say that?"

"Because of what happened," I said, still slurring on my words. "Because of how I was treated. I mean, it's like, disgusting right? You're kissing a bloodwhore..." I didn't have time to finish as Dimitri practically grabbed my chin.

"You are _not _a bloodwhore. Don't you ever say that about yourself again." He pulled away from me, running a hand through his hair. "Who am I kidding? You won't even remember this tomorrow."

"But why?" I asked.

"Because you're drunk."

"Drunk?" I said the word as if I were learning it for the first time. "I dunno what you're talking about. I'm totally sober. I think you're the one who's drunk, Comrade."

Dimitri rolled his eyes, smiling slightly as he rubbed my side. "Go to sleep, Roza."

"M'kay." I closed my eyes, letting myself doze off as Dimitri continued to rub the side of my body. I felt his soft kiss on my cheek before finally falling asleep.

* * *

Waking up the next morning was _awful. _There was an unpleasant ache in my head which was accompanied by a feeling of nausea. I moaned, stirring in my bed before sitting up.

"Easy there." A hand touched my shoulder, causing me to jump and back up against the wall. When I saw that it was just Dimitri, I relaxed instantly.

"Sorry," I breathed, rubbing my eyes.

"That's okay," Dimitri said. "How do you feel?"

I sighed miserably. "I feel like I just woke up from my grave."

My comment made Dimitri chuckle. "That's normal for a hangover."

I froze. "How did you...?"

"I didn't really expect you to remember. You were throwing up in Eddie's bathroom."

Memories started to flush into my mind. All I could really remember was getting drunk—very drunk—in Adrian's room. I had gone to Eddie's room, but everything after that was a blur.

I shut my eyes as I was clouded by shame. "How bad was it?"

"Pretty bad, Roza. What you did was...well, it was irresponsible. Not to mention you were on an empty stomach." Dimitri reached over, grabbing a glass of water that had been sitting on my nightstand. I took it willingly, feeling a little relieved as the water refreshed my dry throat.

"I had a not-so-pleasant conversation with Adrian," Dimitri said, eyeing me carefully. "You want to explain to me why you were alone in his room last night?"

I shifted nervously. "Dimitri, I swear we didn't do anything. Last night is a blur, but I remember that much. I was just talking to him to explain what he saw in the feeding department. I promise you nothing happened between us. I don't even feel that way about him."

"Yes, Roza, I'm aware. I know he wouldn't try anything on you. I just don't understand how you could be so irresponsible and get drunk—especially when it's forbidden on campus. You have a very long disciplinary record and if it had been anyone else who found you like that, you'd be serving detention or doing community service. Maybe even suspension. Adrian would have probably been kicked out."

I pinched the bridge of my nose as the reality set in. Dimitri was right. The teachers on this campus already had a bad impression of me due to my previous behavior. It had gotten better in the past year, but my reputation would always be a little damaged. Going into Adrian's dorm alone and getting drunk? Yeah, I could see how it looked bad. If anything, I should have been glad it was Dimitri who had found us. He could punish me in his own ways, but it was better than the alternative.

"I'm sorry," I told him. Dimitri moved closer, grabbing my hand.

"Why did you do it, Rose? I don't believe you were doing that for fun."

I took a deep breath. "I just wanted to forget about things for a bit. I lied to my friends for so long over something I never even asked for. I never asked to get dragged into a prostitution ring. I never asked to wake up on a metal table and kill a moroi. I never asked for a lifetime of blood cravings." By the time I had finished talking, my words came out quicker than they usually would have. I was struggling just to get things off my chest.

"You shouldn't have to listen to me. I'm just ranting now," I muttered. Dimitri leaned down, brushing some of my messy hair away from my face. There was a look of sadness on his face now.

"I'm always going to listen, Roza. I want you to talk to me. I know it can be hard for you, but I'd rather you just talk about things instead of doing what you did yesterday."

I nodded. "It won't happen again," I said, pressing my hands against my forehead. This was definitely one of the worst hangovers I had ever experienced—and I had a good amount of experience from my days in high school.

"I certainly hope so. You've lost a lot of fluids." Dimitri peeled the covers away from my body before slipping his hands under my armpits, pulling me up. "Alright, let's get you up."

"Dimitri!" I squealed. "I can take care of myself!"

He ignored me as he placed me on the edge of my bed and started sorting through the clothes in my closet. He handed me my school uniform, and I groaned and tossed it behind me.

"Come on, can't I just stay in for one day?" I asked.

Dimitri sighed in frustration and walked away for a second before returning with black sweatpants and a hoodie. "Is this better?"

I eyed the clothing items and decided to put them on, basking in the soft material. I still didn't want to get up, so I flopped back down on the bed.

"Rose," Dimitri warned.

"I put on the clothes. I never said I'd go to class." At this point, I was just being a stubborn little shit, and I was well aware of it. Unfortunately, I didn't have any medications to get rid of my hangover.

When I thought Dimitri was just about done putting up with me, he pulled out his phone and made a phone call. The phone rang twice, and I was shocked to hear the voice on the other end.

_"Dimitri?"_

"Adrian," he greeted. "Do you have any over the counter medicine to cure a hangover?"

_"Let me guess. Rose is being difficult."_

Dimitri glanced at me. "Very. Just give her something that'll help her feel better."

_"I'm on my way."_

Dimitri hung up, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

"Since when were you and Adrian friends?" I asked him curiously, pressing a hand against my head to relieve some of the ache.

"Since you got kidnapped," Dimitri said solemnly. "At first, I just thought he was a flirt. I didn't really realize how much he actually cared about you until then."

Well, Adrian was still a bit of a flirt, but he respected Dimitri and me as a couple. At the end of the day, he knew how strong my feelings were for Dimitri and kept things mutual between us. The two men used to dislike each other, but they had eventually come to an understanding.

Dimitri rubbed my forehead while we waited in an attempt to comfort me. I still felt like crap, but his hand felt nice on me and distracted me from my headache. Within five minutes, Adrian walked into my room without knocking.

"Yikes," he said. "No offence, little dhampir, but you look like a corpse."

"Feel like one too," I muttered.

Dimitri stood up as Adrian handed him his small pack of pills. "Thanks for these. Just remember not to let this happen again. I'll be watching you," he warned.

"Will do," Adrian said. He must have been in a rush to do something, because he left almost as soon as he walked in.

"Sit up," Dimitri said, holding up a glass of water and two pills. I sat up, moaning as another annoying ache hit my head. I took the pills in an instant and finished the entire glass of water.

"Can I at least skip one class?" I asked, lying back down again. "I can probably just borrow Lissa's notes. I just need this headache to go away."

Dimitri considered it, giving me a look of sympathy. "Fine. When's your next class?"

"12 AM," I answered.

"Alright. You've got two hours to kill. Why don't we get some food in you? It'll help your stomach."

Just the mere thought of eating made me cringe. I wasn't sure if my stomach could even handle food right now. Even so, with all the previous hangovers I'd had before, food always seemed to help in the morning. Mentally though, I just wasn't there.

"I'm not hungry," I mumbled, rolling over to cover my face.

"You excuse isn't going to work on me, Roza. You need to eat. I'm well aware that you haven't been eating properly since coming back."

"W-what?" I stammered, avoiding eye contact. "I have no idea what you're talking about. My eating habits are perfectly fine."

"Really," Dimitri said doubtfully. "That's not what your body tells me. Your friends can see that, and so can I."

I was really hoping Dimitri and the others wouldn't find out, but I should have probably known better. I should have noticed how closely Dimitri had been watching me. When my friends ate with me in the cafeteria, they had regular meals while I usually ate very small portions. It was unusual for me to eat so little even if I was half strigoi.

"Do you really think I'm going to continue to stand back and let you starve yourself?" Dimitri asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he hovered above me.

"It doesn't matter," I said at last, still avoiding his eyes. "I choose what goes into my body. You can't force me to eat."

Dimitri chuckled. "I can't?"

"No. You can't."

"Well, I have another way to get you to cooperate, and it's not very pleasant."

I scoffed. "Like what? You think I'm going to give in that easily? You think—"

Before I even had time to react, Dimitri flipped me over onto my stomach. I was more confused than ever, oddly thinking he was going to fight with me in my own bedroom. Instead, he shocked me when his hand came down on my ass—and it wasn't just a playful slap. This one was, indeed, meant to sting.

"Ow!" I screeched, taken by surprise. "Dimitri, that hurt!" I reached down in an attempt to rub the sting out, but my hopes were let down when he restrained my arms behind my back. His grip was firm, but it didn't hurt.

"Like I said before," he continued, "I will_ not_ let you put your health at risk anymore. No matter how difficult you are, I'm going to be here to help you. I'll tan your ass and make sure you don't sit comfortably for a week if I have to."

I blanched. "You wouldn't."

"You really want to test that out?" he asked with a hint of warning in his voice.

Instead of struggling, I dropped my head and tried to reason with myself. There was no doubt that Dimitri cared about me, but I was shocked at how far he was actually willing to go to show that. Knowing how stubborn I was, I expected myself to fight and tell him I didn't need anyone's help. Instead, I felt a much deeper part of me that almost had a sense of yearning in it. I wasn't going to admit that of course, but something told me this was something I needed.

"You don't think I'm a lost cause?" I whispered.

"What? No. I would never think that," Dimitri answered. He released me and let me sit up so that we could face each other. "I don't want you thinking that of yourself either. Do you understand me?"

I didn't have an answer to offer him at first and looked down, shrugging my shoulders.

"Rose..."

"Yes, I understand," I mumbled.

"Good," Dimitri said, holding out his hand. "Let's grab you something to eat."

* * *

Sure enough, Dimitri took me to the cafeteria and made sure I had something in my stomach. I didn't eat that much, but it was enough to alleviate my nausea and boost some of my energy. My headache was subsiding as well thanks to whatever Adrian had given me.

I was still eating the rest of my fruits when Eddie walked into the room. Dimitri had been watching me from a distance while he spoke with another guardian, but he seemed to notice Eddie walking in as well. I only had very brief details on what happened last night, but I knew it was bad and curled in on myself, trying to hide my shame and embarrassment.

Eddie walked over, taking the seat in front of me. "Glad to see you're finally eating again."

"Oh god, not you too." Dimitri wasn't the only one bothering me about my health. Lovely.

"Did your boyfriend finally convince you?" Eddie asked, nodding his head towards Dimitri who stood on the other side of the room.

"He's forcing me to eat." _He also marked my ass with his hand. _I almost laughed at myself. He'd probably do it again if he had to, and it would probably be more than just one little slap. I cringed at the thought of a red bottom.

"Well, whatever he did, it's working. I was really starting to worry about you," Eddie said. I still needed to talk to him about what he had seen last night, and as much as I didn't like to talk about it, I had to bring it up.

"Eddie...about last night—"

"Lissa told us everything," he interrupted. "I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. I'm sorry for how I reacted yesterday."

"Why? You did what you were supposed to do. You protected Adrian. I would've been more disappointed if you hadn't."

"I'm not talking about that," he said, leaning back in his chair. "I'm talking about how I acted after he left. I was angry and I went off on you."

Eddie had indeed been angry, but I couldn't blame him. He treated me like a little sister, and I had completely disregarded that.

"I don't blame you for being angry," I told him. "I'm sorry for keeping this from you—all of you. I had my reasons, but I should have trusted you more."

Eddie must have seen the guilt and regret in my eyes. He got up and took a seat beside me. He wrapped an arm around me, pulling me in closely. "Remember, being this way won't make any of us think any differently of you. You're still the same girl I've known since we were kids and I'll always be here for you. I hope you know that."

I let out a breath of relief as I was engulfed in a bubble of warmth. Eddie and I had finally cleared things, and despite having total hatred for strigoi, he didn't see me as one of them. Like Dimitri, he didn't—couldn't—see me as a monster. I couldn't even see myself as a monster. The thought of taking another person's life just because I had the power to disgusted me. Deep down, I knew I had the potential to become like that, and it terrified me more than anything.

"I'm here for you too, Eddie. Just remember, if I ever go out of control, feel free to pull your guardian skills on me—and don't hold back."

Eddie laughed as he pulled away and rubbed my head, causing my hair to mess up at the top. "I'll see you later, Rose. Say hi to Dimitri for me."

I smiled "Sure thing."

* * *

**I know I made Dimitri sound just a tiny bit harsh in this but I thought it suited him in this situation. He really loves and cares about Rose and I wanted him to show it in a different way. She's real stubborn too even when it comes to her health and I thought it would be good to bring Dimitri in. Please leave a review and let me know what you think.**

**ALSO I just wanted to put a warning up that the next chapter is going to be a little dark and possibly triggering for some people. It _will _involve self-harm. I know this can be hard for some people to read (just as hard as it is to write). I'll put another warning up at the beginning of the next chapter though.**


	22. Losing Control

**WARNING PLEASE READ: This chapter contains self-harm. Unfortunately, this is something a lot of victims go through after experiencing sexual assault and I thought it needed to be brought up. I tried my best to make it less detailed. However, if this is something that will trigger you or make you uncomfortable, don't force yourself to read it. **

* * *

My hangover had pretty much faded since this morning, but I was still left feeling tired. I chastised myself all night and had to remind myself to never get as drunk as I did yesterday. My friends had given me funny looks earlier too which didn't really make things any better.

I was sitting in my last class for the night and was on the verge of falling asleep until the classroom phone rang. The professor paused his lecture to pick up whoever was speaking on the other end.

"Hello? Yes...yes she is." His eyes flickered to mine, and I straightened myself, tensing up. "No worries. I'll send her down." The old man hung up the phone before nodding towards me. "Ms. Hathaway, please head to Headmistress Kirova's office."

Several pairs of eyes started to land on me, followed by a few whispers as I got up from my seat. I rolled my eyes, taking my bag with me as I wasn't planning on going back to class. I had no idea what Kirova wanted right now, but I was relieved to be able to get out of that boring ass lecture.

I prepared myself on the way to her office, expecting her to scold me on getting drunk—if she even knew about that. Maybe someone else had seen me go into the feeding department...

Instead, she welcomed me in as if nothing was wrong. "Rose! Finally."

"Kirov—headmistress Kirova," I corrected, walking towards her desk. "Am I in trouble?"

"Surprisingly, no," she said. "It seems you've actually been on good behavior lately."

I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing. She had no idea. This past week, I had gotten my friends to practice using magic as a weapon, stolen a supply of blood bags, and gotten drunk past curfew. Yikes.

"I actually just called you here to give you these." She pulled one of her desk drawers back and picked up two brown packages. My heart sank. There was more.

I slowly reached out, taking the packages as Kirova handed them to me. Based on the weight, I knew there were more pictures inside one of them. The smaller package was much lighter and seemed to have something small and hard inside.

"Is everything alright?" Kirova asked.

"Yeah. Thanks," I murmured, not even bothering to say goodbye as I walked out of her office. I managed to keep a straight face the entire way to my room as I held the packages against my chest in a tight grip. When I was finally alone, I slammed the door, relieved to find that Lissa wasn't in the room.

I was so frustrated that I tore the bigger envelope open, causing a bunch of pictures to fall out. Just like the first collection I'd received, these were pictures of me—very revealing pictures. I was so disturbed and disgusted that I didn't bother to pick them up and instead moved onto the other package.

I ripped it open, and to my surprise, a USB fell out. I picked it up, running my fingers on the item. Why would they send me this? What was on it? More pictures? Or maybe...maybe it was the documentation from Sebastian's experiments.

I couldn't be sure though, so I sat down at my desk and quickly opened up my laptop. I logged in and plugged the USB in. After a few seconds, the file explorer popped up, revealing the USB device which I clicked on. The files showed up on the screen, revealing several folders which were only named by numbers.

_You should probably walk away now, _I thought.

I really should have, but like always, I did things without considering the consequences. I clicked on some of the files and let them load up on the screen. Three videos popped up, and now I was even more confused than before. I let one of them play.

All the colour in my face started to drain. It was a video of me, lying nearly unconscious on a bed with bruises all over my body. Someone was hovering over me, kicking me around like a lifeless puppet. I heard some laughter in the video as they went up close, recording my tear-stained cheeks. I paused the video in that moment, realizing that all of the videos were of me. I didn't watch them, but I didn't need to. The thumbnails of the videos already said enough—visuals of me being used, beaten, and a whole lot of other things I didn't want to see.

I couldn't handle it anymore and shut my laptop closed as my hands started to tremble. My tears started to fall relentlessly in heavy sobs, and I started hyperventilating. I couldn't breathe properly. I couldn't focus. All I could feel was the anxiety pulsing through every part of my body as my heart rate increased.

I needed the pain to go away. I needed to feel something. I couldn't control my emotions, but I needed to be in control of at least something.

_Don't lose yourself._

Replaying those words in my head, I reached into my bag and pulled out my silver stake. Somehow, I ended up in the washroom and slid to the ground, leaning my back against the counter. I knew what I was about to do was wrong and stupid, but I just _had_ to. I couldn't handle the emotional torment any longer.

I drew my sleeve back and tipped the stake towards my forearm. I held my breath and finally drew a fresh line. I hadn't done this in a long time, and I almost felt like I was betraying myself by falling into the habit again. The stake was agonizing and far more painful than any normal blade, and I threw my head back, crying out in pain. I sat there for a few seconds afterwards, letting myself recover.

And then I did it again. And again, and again, and again. Five minutes later, both of my arms were covered in red streaks. I felt a little relieved, but my cries wouldn't stop. I was about to cut my skin again before the bathroom door suddenly burst open, revealing a very stressed and shocked Lissa.

"Rose!" she screamed, falling to her knees. She yanked the stake out of my hand, throwing it away so that it was far out of my reach. Even if it wasn't that far away, I probably wouldn't have been able to grab it anyways as my vision was starting to darken. I didn't even realize I had bled all over the floor.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" she ranted, scrambling around to find a way to help me.

"Liss...it's okay," I whispered.

"No! None of this is okay!" she yelled desperately. She grabbed one of our towels, quickly pressing them against my wounds to stop the seemingly endless bleeding.

"Lissa, please, I'm sorry. You can't tell anyone. Please."

But she ignored me. Instead, she pulled out her phone and started calling someone as she rushed to my side and wrapped an arm around me. I started to slip out of consciousness, only managing to hear her speak once.

"Dimitri, I need you to come to my room _now_. Bring others if you can. I need your help—Rose needs your help. Please hurry."

I didn't catch anything else after that as I blacked out in Lissa's arms.

* * *

If it was even possible, it actually felt worse waking up now than I did waking up from my hangover. I opened my eyes, blinking a few times and realized I was lying in a hospital bed. Pain radiated from both of my forearms which were wrapped in medical bandages.

I struggled to understand how I had even gotten here and shut my eyes as I started to remember things. I had been in my room, watching those disturbing videos of myself. I remembered the panic attack, cutting my arms with my stake...and then Lissa. Oh god, she had walked in on everything. She had officially seen me in my worst state.

Seeing that nobody was in the room with me, I decided to slip into Lissa's head. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect at this point, but I was a little surprised to find her in Kirova's office. She wasn't alone either. In fact, the room was packed. I could now see Dimitri, Alberta, Eddie, Christian, Adrian, and even my parents. They must have flown in recently, but I wasn't so sure if I wanted them to be here right now. I didn't want them to see me like this.

Kirova looked dumbfounded as she sat on her desk, digging her palms into the edge. "Vasilisa, if what you're saying about Rose is true, then I suppose she doesn't pose a threat."

Great. Now everyone in the room knew about my secret.

"I can assure you she doesn't. She hasn't hurt anyone. She _won't_ hurt anyone," Lissa told her. In front of her were two big envelopes—the same ones I'd received—along with my laptop which still had the USB plugged into the side. Lissa must have seen everything. Maybe Dimitri did too since she had called him when she found me, but I hoped no one else had seen them.

My mother spoke up. "How has she been getting her..._blood supply?" _she asked, nearly spitting the last two words. It stung a little bit to know how she thought about my transition, but I also couldn't blame her. She had been protecting people from strigoi for more than half her life.

"She's been stealing blood bags from the school. I took some for her too on occasion," Lissa answered honestly.

"That's why our supply was low," Kirova realized. "While I don't condone any of it, I'm glad to hear she hasn't been feeding off of anyone."

"She would never do that," Dimitri added. "I had this talk with her already. She relies strictly on blood bags and nothing else." Beside him, I could see Abe and my mother glance at each other uncomfortably.

Kirova sighed. "Okay, well...we can have her go into the feeding rooms. I can arrange for her to have the same feeder every time to make sure they're both comfortable."

My mother spoke up again, barely hiding her outrage. "You think that's rational? She could kill someone. If she has the same impulses as a strigoi, she might not be able to stop."

"Janine," Dimitri said calmly. "Have some faith. Your daughter has more self-control than I've ever seen in a strigoi—or, _half_ strigoi. Obviously, she gets thirsty, but it's no different from how a moroi would react. If she's drinking blood on a daily basis rather than forcing herself to starve, her impulses will be under control."

"I agree," Eddie chimed in. "The other day, Adrian and I caught her draining three bags—much more than anyone needs in one day. Not only has she been forcing herself to be low on blood, but she's also been cutting down on her food intake."

"She's doing what now?" Abe asked, stepping forward. Since my friends were too timid to say anything to him, Dimitri saved them instead.

"Mr. Mazur, I hate to tell you this, but it's true. I've confronted her about this, but I managed to get her to finally eat something yesterday. Now that this has happened...it's going to be much harder, but I won't give up on her."

Abe looked at Dimitri with something I hadn't seen on him before. Was he proud? Grateful?

"And she listens to you?" Abe asked.

"It takes effort," Dimitri admitted, "but after a while, yes."

"Interesting," Abe said. I thought I could almost see a grin start to form, almost as if he knew there was more to it, but he remained solemn. "Then it's settled. Rose can meet her body's needs everyday. But if it's not too much to ask, I would highly suggest having a guardian accompany her in case something goes wrong."

Kirova nodded. "I was thinking that too. Guardian Belikov and Guardian Petrov can rotate or take her together. If she happens to accidentally take too much, they'll be there to keep things under control."

Someone knocked on the door, diverting everyone's attention. Dr. Olendzki stood in the doorway. "Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to let you know Rose is awake."

"How is she?" Lissa asked, jumping out of her seat. Dimitri and the others followed her, almost crowding around the doorway.

Dr. Olendzki smiled. "I saw her eyes. She's in your head right now."

Ironically, I left her head as soon as she said that. I sat up in the bed, rubbing my eyes as I returned to my own head. My arms may have been wrapped up, but the pain was still there. Being cut with a stake hurt my skin more than any other weapon, and I knew my skin wouldn't heal anytime soon. My fast healing capabilities weren't going to work here.

Footsteps approached my room, and the door opened to reveal Dimitri. I pursed my lips, not quite sure what I was supposed to say to him. Looking down at my wounded arms, I now felt ashamed and embarrassed. I couldn't even make eye contact with him.

There was something off about the way Dimitri was so cautiously approaching me. It was almost as if he thought I would lash out in a split second if he moved too much. "Is it okay if I sit?" he asked, nodding towards the bed.

My brows furrowed together in confusion. "Of course."

"You're not...afraid?" he asked. Now, I was even more confused.

"Why would I be afraid?"

"You don't remember?"

Great. Apparently, something had happened while I was out. I shook my head as he walked over. I moved to the side, giving him some room to sit down.

"What's the last thing you _do_ remember?" he asked, never breaking eye contact. I swallowed nervously as tears threatened to come out again.

"I was in Lissa's arms...she—she called you for help," I said, taking a deep breath as I tried to hold my emotions back. "What happened while I was out?"

"Actually, you were in and out," he said quietly. "You woke up twice. Any time someone tried to come in, you freaked out. Kept screaming at everyone to leave you alone or get out."

My eyes widened in horror. "Did I hurt anyone?"

"No," Dimitri answered. "You tried to, but I held you down. Dr. Olendzki had to sedate you a few times. You seemed so scared."

"That doesn't sound like me," I murmured. I couldn't imagine myself as the type of person to go crazy like that. I didn't even remember it happening.

"Roza..." Dimitri grabbed my hand and held it between both of his, warming my cold skin. "You scared me so much. When I saw you on the bathroom floor..." he shook his head, shutting his eyes. Guilt started to eat away at my insides as I watched him lose his usual demeanor.

I couldn't hold my tears back anymore. "I'm so sorry. If you're angry with me, I get it."

Dimitri lifted his head, hearing the tremor in my voice. "Oh, Roza, no. I could never be angry with you over this. Come here," he said, wrapping an arm around me. He held me tightly, letting me rest my head on his shoulder.

"I didn't mean to worry any of you. I just felt like I was going out of control."

Dimitri rubbed my back. "I know, Roza, I know. I'm not mad at you. None of us are."

"Promise?" I asked.

"Promise," he confirmed. "But I'm not letting you do this to yourself again. I don't care if I have to invade your privacy. If that's what it takes to make sure you're okay, then I'll do it."

"What about Lissa? She shares a room with me too, you know."

"And part of this was also her idea. She's in on this."

I groaned and pulled back. "Did you take my stake away too?"

"Damn straight I did," Dimitri said. "As long as you're within the wards of the academy, you won't need it. And don't ask me where it is, because I won't be giving it back anytime soon."

"Dimitri!" I slapped his shoulder. "That is _so_ not fair!"

"It is if it'll keep you safe," he reasoned. I huffed, knowing he was right but still a little bummed out. While I always felt a little more secure with a stake on me, I had completely misused it by hurting myself.

"Hey," Dimitri said, holding my chin in his hand and tipping my face up. "Don't shame yourself."

"How can I not? You saw those pictures and videos, didn't you?" I shivered just thinking about it. I had myself under control now, but it still disturbed me.

"That isn't your fault, and I didn't watch more than a few seconds. I couldn't. I felt wrong about it. The pictures were all over the floor. Lissa and I saw everything, but we put it away as soon as possible—including the package you were trying to hide under your bed too."

Silence fell as I shut my eyes, realizing just how bad the situation really was. Naked pictures and videos, the panic attack, harming myself until I passed out in Lissa's arms, freaking out in the hospital...

"Why did you hide this from us?" Dimitri asked. "We're trying to figure out who sent them to you. Why didn't you speak up about it earlier?"

"How could I? Those pictures are revolting! I don't even remember them being taken because I was drugged all the time! I didn't want anyone else to see them. I just wanted to forget about it."

"I understand if you didn't want to see them anymore, but this is serious. You can't keep something like this from us, okay?"

I didn't answer him, stubbornly refusing to meet his eyes. I knew he was right, but I often didn't like to admit that. Now that he knew though, there was only one more thing I could tell him and the others—something that could possibly help them track down the rest of my tormentors.

"Dimitri...I know who sent those pictures."

* * *

**Bit of OOC for Rose, I know. What did you think? I hope it wasn't too much as I did put up two warnings (one in this chapter and one in the last chapter) that there would be self-harm. I definitely intend for things to get better and don't plan for this kind of thing to happen again in the story. Anyways, please leave a review and let me know what you thought. **


	23. Nevaeh's Disappearance

**Thank you so so much for the reviews and support! It really means a lot to me and I'm glad to see some of you are enjoying my writing. This chapter will be quite ****sentimental.**

* * *

As soon as I had revealed my knowledge about who was sending the pictures and videos, Dimitri had gotten me to report everything to Abe. He didn't know who Eric was—the asshole who had sent me the pictures—but he had already made countless phone calls to his people. At this point, he wasn't just working with the royal court. He took matters into his own hands when he needed to. That was probably where I got most of my impulsivity from.

Unfortunately, Dr. Olendzki wasn't allowing me to leave. Technically, neither were any of the adults in the room. I had spent more time in the hospital this year than any other year of my life, but I had never been in here for causing harm to myself. I now understood why Lissa felt the way she did when she had been in here for the same reason. When I found her in the bathroom the same way she had found me, I had pretty much put her in this room and she had resented me for it at the time. I didn't resent her for doing this, and I knew she just wanted to help me, but being in here almost made me feel like a patient in an insane asylum.

Unfortunately, having Dimitri and Alberta in the room didn't save me from the ugly conversation with my parents. Abe was usually good at keeping his emotions in check, but right now, he actually looked worried. My mother didn't even try to hide her anger.

"Guardian Belikov, Guardian Petrov. I appreciate you looking out for my daughter, but I'd like to have a word with her alone," she said, crossing her arms. She nodded at Abe. "You too."

"We'll be outside," Dimitri informed her. He shot me a sympathetic look as he left the room, followed by Alberta and Abe. As soon as the door closed, Janine's rant started.

"Why the _hell_ is this the first time I'm hearing about this? I am your mother and you didn't even think it was worth me knowing?"

"Mom—"

"I had every right to know and you kept this from me like I was a stranger to you!"

I shot up from the bed as my anger started to rise. A fight between us two was never pretty.

"Don't you dare turn this on me. I've spent almost my entire life _without_ you. You were never there for me when I needed a mother! And then as soon as I grow up, you expect me to be some tough warrior who pushes her feelings away just to put on a brave face for everyone else! You expect me to push through everything like I'm made of steel, but guess what? Maybe I'm not made of steel. Maybe I'm not as invincible as you want me to be. Maybe I'm not as fearless as everyone thinks I am."

"Rose..."

I ignored her and continued to shout. I needed to get it out, and she needed to hear it no matter how painful it was. "Half of me is still human! You know what that means? It means I can still feel all the pain and torment that I was put through when I was gone. Unlike strigoi who don't feel these things, I don't have a way out. It doesn't matter how strong I am or how much I try to push through the pain. It'll never be enough!"

For the first time ever, my mother was speechless. The anger from earlier was wiped from her face as she watched me fall apart in front of her.

"I wanted to be strong for you," I cried. "I tried so hard. You have no idea how long I've held in my tears, how long I hid from everyone." There were tears coming down my cheeks, but it wasn't because I was upset. These were tears of anger.

"You've been a guardian for half your life," I continued. "You're destined to kill strigoi, yet here I am, standing right in front of you. It doesn't matter if I'm your daughter. You'll never look at me the same way." That comment seemed to sting her a little bit, but I didn't know what else to say to her. At this point, I was just being brutally honest.

"I think I need some air," I told her, heading for the door. I opened it hastily and charged down the hallway, ignoring the stares I received from other people in the hallway. Dimitri and Alberta noticed me right away.

"Rose!" Alberta yelled. I heard Dimitri pull her back, whispering something calmly.

"Wait, wait. I'll talk to her. Just give her some space."

Dimitri knew me all too well. He knew when I was unhappy, but he also knew when to give me personal space. Right now, I needed that. There was only one place where I could feel truly at peace even in times like this, so I took off and headed to the chapel attic.

* * *

I sat in a corner by myself, looking through some of the old books that had been buried in a messy pile. I didn't actually read anything since this book was written in a different language, so instead, I flipped through the pages and looked at the old images. It actually calmed me down, and all the anger I felt before started to vanish.

After about half an hour, I heard footsteps come up the stairs to the attic. I looked up, thinking it was the priest or someone who would potentially kick me out. Instead, I saw Dimitri. I smiled up at him.

"Hey," I said, moving over and patting the spot beside me.

Dimitri took his place next to me on the floor. "I'm not sure whether I should feel concerned or intrigued that you're reading a book."

"I'm not actually reading," I clarified. "I'm just looking at the pictures. It's not even in English."

"That makes more sense. For you at least," he teased. I nudged him in the arm with my elbow and closed the book, setting it down beside me.

"Alright, bookworm. I know you didn't just come up here to say hi."

Dimitri sighed. "No, I didn't. I came here to make sure you were okay."

"Honestly, I don't even know how to respond to that anymore. I mean, I'm feeling okay now, but...before, I kind of lost it."

"I know. I heard everything you said to your mom."

I frowned. "I probably sounded like a weak little brat."

"No," Dimitri said. "You didn't. You were getting things off your chest."

"I guess...but I don't know if my mom will ever understand. She's always wanted me to be as tough as her, and I failed."

"Roza, look at me," Dimitri ordered softly. I looked up at him, and although the room was dark, I could still see the sympathy and care for me in his eyes. "Don't say that about yourself. You're most definitely not a failure. You've just been through a lot. I get that you might feel obligated to pull everything off easily, but I can see that it's hurting you. There's only so much a person can handle before they break."

This was another reason why I loved Dimitri so much. He saw me—like, really saw me. Even when I refused to admit how I really felt, he just _knew_. He knew and understood that I had a weak side. He wanted me to open up, to be vulnerable with him instead of hiding my weaknesses. Surely, he had a weak side to him too despite never showing it to other people. He wasn't perfect, and that was okay.

"Do you sometimes feel like that too?" I asked him.

Dimitri's eyebrows came together. "What do you mean?"

"Like you constantly have to put on a brave face for other people. I mean, a lot of people look up to you, but does it ever make you feel drained?"

"Sometimes, yes," he admitted. "Sometimes, I just want to give myself a few minutes to breathe and to remind myself I'm still human. People think I'm a god and all that, but I'm just as normal as anyone else. I wouldn't give up being a guardian, but it can definitely be exhausting."

"I get what you mean," I told him. "I mean, I'm not a guardian, but I understand how you feel." I rested my head on his shoulder and slipped my hand into his.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes?"

"I've probably said this to you before, but you know I'm always here for you, right? You're always here to help me with everything, but I want you to know I'd do the same for you. Whatever you need, I'm always here." Dimitri was one of the most selfless people I knew. He took good care of himself, but he also spent a lot of his time putting other people's needs ahead of his own.

"Thank you," he said softly, stroking my hand with his thumb. "It's not very often that I hear things like that, but I can appreciate it."

"Well, it makes me feel a lot better. I just want you to be happy."

"You make me very happy, Roza. But do you know what'll make me even happier?"

"What?"

Dimitri poked my stomach with his other hand. It both surprised and tickled me. "For you to look after your health and start eating again."

I pressed a hand against my empty stomach, sagging against the wall. My health really was deteriorating. Sometimes, it was just difficult to jump back up.

"Hey," Dimitri said, grabbing my attention again. "I know it's hard for you, but you don't have to face this alone. We can work together, okay?"

Instead of arguing, I smiled up at him as some of the weight started to lift off my chest. "Okay."

"Good girl," he whispered, kissing my hair. The smile on my face grew. For some reason, I loved it when he called me that. I wasn't sure why, but it oddly made me feel cherished and loved.

Dimitri leaned down, closing the distance between our faces. As soon as our lips touched, his phone rang. _Of course it had to be now, _I thought.

"Belikov," he said gruffly. After just a few words on the other end, Dimitri's eyes widened. "What? How is that even possible?"

Now, I was curious. I sat up, straightening myself as I tried to pick up on his conversation. It was hard to make out the speech even with my enhanced hearing, but perhaps I just wasn't trying hard enough. All I knew was that the person on the other end was my father.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea. She's already got enough on her plate," he said doubtfully, looking at me. After a few more words were said on the other end, he slammed his palm against his face and rubbed his eyes. "Alright, fine. I'll let her know. We'll be down in a few minutes." He hung up, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

"What's wrong?" I asked him as we stood up. I could tell he was hesitant to tell me at first, but I wanted to know. "Dimitri, please. Tell me what's going on."

"Sebastian," he confessed. My eyes instantly darkened at the name. "He escaped a bus that was sending him to Tarasov prison."

* * *

Dimitri and I met up with Abe in the guardian's conference room. My mind had been spiraling since he had delivered the news. I had no idea how it was even possible for such a thing to happen, but I intended on finding out.

"Where is he?" I demanded as soon as I burst through the door. Abe turned around to face me.

"We're not sure yet. This just happened very recently. Apparently, the bus just so happened to 'break down' on the way."

I laughed. "It would've been even more believable if they'd just said the bus ran out of gas."

"Rose," Dimitri and Abe both said.

"What? You don't seriously believe the bus so mysteriously broke down, do you?"

"Of course not," Abe said. "Obviously, this was a planned escape. Most of the prisoners didn't seem to know about it. Even then, some of them fled the area, but the ones that were injured stayed behind."

"How many?" Dimitri asked.

"About eight of them were seen. Two prisoners are dead, but the other six are just injured. One of them was a human."

My head shot up. "What?" Did that mean Damian was on the bus too?

"The only human prisoner on the bus, it seems. He's badly injured, but he had ties to Sebastian. Unfortunately, since he's human, it doesn't seem like he'll be healing anytime soon, but they'll be questioning him once he recovers."

"Was his name Damian by any chance?" I asked before I could stop myself.

Abe's eyes twitched. "You know him?"

"Do _I_ know him?" I laughed again. "He's the one Sebastian was using as a puppet, but he stopped following him since trying to help me escape."

"Interesting. And how do you know he wasn't in on this as well?" Abe asked, crossing his arms.

"If he was in on this, he would have escaped with the other prisoners, injured or not. Plus, if he was still working for Sebastian, he wouldn't have helped me."

Abe and Dimitri seemed doubtful, and perhaps I couldn't blame them. No matter the situation now, Damian had still been a part of everything that had happened to me.

"He's not someone you should trust, Rose. None of them are," Abe said.

"I never said I trusted him. I just think he might be of use. He said it himself that he has nothing to lose since he's sentenced to life in prison."

"What are you trying to tell us, Rose?" Dimitri asked.

"I'm saying that if he has information, or if he witnessed anything from Sebastian's escape, he can help us track him down."

"There's no _us _in this," Abe objected. "You don't need to get involved. We're taking care of this."

"Yeah? And how's that working out for you?" I challenged. If there was anyone in this world who could get away with talking like this to Abe without getting their head ripped off, it was me.

Abe pressed his lips together, barely hiding his annoyance. "We're working on it. Like I said before, this just happened very recently. And by recently, I mean less than an hour ago."

Our conversation was cut short when my phone rang. I pulled it out, assuming it was one of my friends, but was surprised to see one of the academy's numbers.

I turned away, pressing the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

The person on the other end had a female voice. "Hi, is this Rose Hathaway?"

"Yes," I answered.

"Oh, great. I'm Mrs. Morris, one of the elementary campus teachers. Nevaeh's one of my students, and it's written in her file that you're her emergency contact person."

"Um, yes, yes I am. Is she okay?" I asked.

"That's actually why I called you. She wasn't in class today. We thought she was sick, but none of the guardians or teachers called in for her. Her room door is locked as well, which I thought was a little strange. Do you happen to know where she is?"

What the hell? Dorm rooms were never locked for children of her age. I didn't even think she knew how to lock a door. She didn't even have a key.

"Are you sure?" I asked her. "There's no way she could have locked her door."

"Yes, I'm sure. We've checked. I was hoping she might have been with you or out on the playground, but she's not. Could you report back to us if you happen to see her?"

"Of course. Thanks for letting me know." I hung up, turning to face the two men who had been watching me attentively.

"I think Nevaeh's missing," I blurted out. Dimitri's expression changed, and suddenly, he was just as worried as me.

"What do you mean she's missing?" he asked.

"Her teacher just called me. She wasn't in class today, and her dorm room was locked. She hasn't been seen anywhere else."

"I didn't think they allowed children to lock their door," Abe said.

"They don't," I muttered. "I'm going to go look for her—whether you two want to help or not."

* * *

So far, Nevaeh was nowhere to be found. I looked _everywhere. _The academy was huge, and it had taken me at least an hour to go through every hallway and classroom. I even asked some people if they had seen her, but had no luck. She wasn't on any of the other areas of the campus, and after checking the entire elementary campus, I talked to one of the female secretaries at the main office.

"Are you sure they didn't just go on a field trip or something?"

"Ms. Hathaway, we don't allow field trips at night, and we haven't had any scheduled recently. No students from the elementary building have left campus."

"There has to be something! She couldn't have just disappeared!" I didn't mean to sound so rude, but I was really beginning to worry. Nevaeh was so young. The thought of her being alone somewhere was starting to bother me.

"We already have guardians searching the academy—"

"What about her room?" I interrupted. "Her teacher said her room was locked. Did nobody here think it might have been a good idea to check?"

"There was no answer on the other side of the door," the secretary said.

"She's four years old! Don't you have files explaining her past situation? She has issues with people she's not familiar with!"

"Alright, alright! I'll give you the keys." The secretary pulled a set of keys out from her desk and handed them to me. "She's in room 209."

I grabbed the set of keys, not even bothering to say thank you. I was so focussed on finding this little girl that it became the only thing I could think of. I went up to the second floor, checking all the room numbers until I reached room 209. One of the hall matrons gave me an odd look as I fumbled for the right key. He was a guardian and had been standing there on duty, but he didn't try to stop me. "Ms. Hathaway, what are you doing here?"

"I'm looking for the girl that lives in here." It took me a while to find the right key, but I finally found the one with the same number and twisted the key until the door was unlocked. The guard approached, but he seemed more curious than anything else. He had probably been notified as well.

"Nevaeh?" I called. There was no answer on the other side, so I decided to walk in. I called her name again, only to be met by silence. I checked every inch of the room before finally coming to the conclusion that she wasn't in here. Nevaeh was gone.

* * *

**What did you think of this one? I thought it was important for Rose to open up a little more to her mom about how she was truly feeling inside (even though it came out in a rant). Please, please review! It's highly appreciated :)**


	24. The Start of a Mission

I sat on Nevaeh's bed, holding one of her plush toys as I continued to wonder how she could have possibly gone missing. There was no way she could've escaped from campus. Guardians would have seen her, and there was always someone guarding the front gates. Multiple people had been searching the academy for hours, but she was nowhere to be seen.

I had a strange feeling inside, like something was terribly wrong. Obviously, something was wrong here, but it was more than that. Maybe Nevaeh was alone. Maybe she got stuck somewhere. Maybe she wandered off and left the wards. Maybe someone took her away.

I sighed and decided to leave her room. I wasn't going to be of much help just by sitting there. Right when I walked out, I nearly ran into a little dhampir boy. He was probably a few years older than Nevaeh, but still young nonetheless. He had been staring into her room and had a worried look on his face. I assumed he was one of her friends.

"Did you find her?" he asked me. I paused, a little stunned by his question.

"Um, no, I didn't," I answered. "Do you happen to know where she went?"

The black-haired boy shook his head. "No, but I saw her with someone earlier."

My mind was on high alert again, and I kneeled down, holding the boy's arms. "Who? Who did you see her with?"

"Um...a guardian. I think. A man."

"Okay. Can you tell me what he looked like?" I asked, trying my best to stay calm so that I didn't scare him off.

"Um...dark hair. Tall. He was wearing a black uniform," he said. Definitely had to be a guardian on campus then.

"And he was with her? Alone?" I prompted. The boy nodded.

"Mhm. He was holding her hand."

"Do you know where he took her?"

"No," he said. "He looked really angry though."

This was something I could work with. If a guardian took her somewhere, I just needed to find out who it was. There were cameras everywhere in the academy. I just needed to get footage from the computers in the basement.

"Do you know around what time you saw her?" I asked. I wasn't sure why I was asking such a specific question to a boy who was probably only seven years old. Fortunately, he had an answer.

"Um...a while before my class time."

Nevaeh's class didn't start until 10 PM. This boy was older, and if I could remember correctly, his class probably started around 8:00. In fact, most of the classes in the academy didn't start until that time—unless you were a university student. Whoever took Nevaeh made sure it was a quiet hour where nobody would leave their rooms yet.

"Okay. Thank you for everything you've told me. It's really helping. What's your name?"

"Nick," he said.

"I'm Rose. Thanks for helping me, Nick." I stood up, but before I left, Nick spoke again.

"Will you find her?" he asked. My chest tightened. He sounded so innocent and even a little worried. "She's my best friend."

"I'll do the very best I can," I promised. I felt bad for the young child, but I couldn't waste anymore time. I left, heading back to the guardian's conference room. As I rounded a corner, I bumped into someone, nearly punching them in the face.

Luckily, Eddie's fast reflexes saved him. "Woah, easy," he said. "I was wondering where you went."

"I was looking for Nevaeh," I told him, continuing my fast walks.

"Yeah, so is everyone else. We were hoping you'd find her."

"I've checked this entire campus. Eddie, I think someone kidnapped her."

"What? What makes you think that?" he asked.

"I talked to one of her friends. He said he saw a guardian take her somewhere before classes started."

"A guardian? Rose, that's ridiculous."

"I know it sounds that way, but it's possible. Not all guardians are good," I pointed out. I made it to the conference room and burst through the door without warning. There were more people in the room now, but it wasn't anyone I didn't know.

"Who was guarding the elementary dorms this morning? Second floor, before classes started."

Dimitri exchanged a look with Alberta who seemed a little confused by my abrupt question, but she still answered me anyways.

"Second floor...guardian Sanders," she confirmed. "He hasn't gotten back to me, but he probably switched to another part of the campus."

Sanders...I knew that name. He had been one of the guards to take me out the night I was taken. Was he the one who took Nevaeh? If so, why did he? What was the point? I couldn't seem to figure it out at first, but the more I thought about it, the more things started to fall into place. Had Sanders been in on my kidnapping this whole time? And what about guardian Miller? He had been there too that night, but none of them were taken away.

"I think he might have kidnapped Nevaeh," I announced.

Alberta rolled her eyes. "Rose, what are you on?"

"I'm not crazy! Someone saw him taking her somewhere before classes started."

For the first time since my argument with my mother, she stepped forward and joined in on the conversation. "Did they actually say it was him?"

"Well...no. It was a young boy. He probably doesn't even know the guardian's name."

"Then you have no proof. And why on earth are you trusting a child?"

"Damn it! Why isn't anyone listening to me? He saw him walking alone with her and now she's gone! I'm willing to drag you all down to check the security footage!" I yelled. I was desperate, and the longer we continued to argue about this, the more time we wasted in saving her life. They had all been doing their own investigation, but the fact that no one was listening to me was infuriating.

Well, almost everyone. Dimitri seemed to consider. "I'll take you down."

I raised my eyebrows as a spark of hope ignited inside me. "Really?"

"Yes. But we have to go quickly. We can't waste any time."

Dimitri and I rushed down to the basement where we found a rounded desk covered in computers. Behind the desk was a middle-aged guardian who looked bored out of his mind. As soon as he saw Dimitri, he swallowed and regained his composure.

"I need to see some footage from the elementary campus," Dimitri said, his voice firm and demanding.

"Sure. Time and place?" the other guardian asked.

"Before classes started—when guardian Sanders was monitoring the dorms. Second floor."

"Right. Just one second." He clicked on a few things, keeping his eyes on the screen. I tapped my foot impatiently until the footage finally popped up. Dimitri and I leaned in, paying close attention to the screen as the video played. The camera faced the empty hallway where Nevaeh's room was.

"Excuse me," Dimitri said as he leaned forward and grabbed the mouse. He fast forwarded the video until a dark figure popped into the frame. Sure enough, it _was _guardian Sanders, and he was opening Nevaeh's door. He was only in there for a few seconds before he came out, practically dragging Nevaeh out in a rush. She was only wearing a pair of pink pajamas, and her blond hair was slightly messy. He must have woken her up from her sleep. As he locked her door, she stood there, rubbing her sleepy eyes.

"I'm tired," she whined. "I want to go back to sleep."

"Quiet," Sanders said harshly. Her murmur was inaudible as he grabbed her by the arm, dragging her out of the hallway and towards the stairwell.

"He must have taken her out of the building after this," Dimitri noted. The stress and worry were clear in his voice now. "Show us the stairwell."

The guardian sitting behind the computers sighed in annoyance but did as Dimitri asked. The image switched, and I could see Sanders again, still holding Nevaeh by the arm.

"Where are we going?" she asked, trying to pull her arm free. Sanders, now losing his patience, leaned down and gripped Nevaeh's arms a little too tightly for someone as young and fragile as her.

"I don't want to hurt you, little girl, but I _will_ if I have to. Now, shut up and stop asking questions."

Nevaeh's eyes started to brim with tears. "I want...I want Rose. I want my mommy."

I shut my eyes as my heart started to ache at her words. She sounded so scared. She wanted me, and I wasn't there to protect her.

"If you ever want to see her again, then do as I say and _be quiet_." He got up and yanked her again, making her trip as he walked down the stairs. Dimitri and I checked some more footage and found that not only had Sanders taken a child, but also one of the academy's sedans. He had shoved Nevaeh into the back seat, whispering threats to her that had caused angry heat to rise in my cheeks. I hated the way he was treating her. Not even Damian had been like this to her.

When approaching the front gates, he only rolled down his own window and told the guardian on duty that he was sent to go out and grab some supplies for the elementary campus. Now, I was kind of wishing the windows weren't tinted so much. Nevaeh wasn't anywhere near visible behind the pitch-black windows.

When there was no more footage left to see, I turned on the guard who was sitting down. "Did you not think it was reasonable to report any of this?!"

"W-what?" he asked.

"You've been watching these all day! How could you let this happen and not report it to the guardians on campus?" I was raising my voice a little more than I needed to, but Dimitri didn't stop me. He was just as frustrated and angry as I was at the whole situation.

The guard was slightly intimidated by my anger, but he hid everything with a nervous scoff and what resembled a cocky attitude. "Who do you think you are, yelling at your superiors? You're just a girl who got—"

He had no time to finish as Dimitri suddenly grabbed him by the collar, easily pulling him out of his chair. The guard's expression changed in an instant. Nobody dared to mess with Dimitri when he was like this. "Did you have something to do with this?" he demanded.

"N-no, sir. I swear I didn't! I—I fell asleep this morning," the coward gasped out. Dimitri spared me a look, and we both rolled our eyes at each other.

"Because of you, that little girl's life is in danger," Dimitri growled. "And don't you _ever_ talk down to her like that again. Rose is a grown woman; show some respect. Is that clear?"

The guard nodded rapidly. "Y-yes, sir!"

Dimitri practically threw him back into his chair. He turned back to me. "Let's go," he said stiffly. He placed a hand on my back, ushering me out of the room.

"You can kiss your guardian status goodbye!" I shouted as we stepped into the elevator. When we were alone again, my eyes caught onto Dimitri's clenched fists. Although I was angry too, I still made an effort to calm him down. I placed my hand on his, trying to loosen his fingers. He relaxed almost as soon as we made contact.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"I don't know," he said quietly. "I just hate it when people treat you like that. And Nevaeh...damn it, if that guardian had actually been _watching _the security cameras, this wouldn't have happened."

"_Please_ tell me there's a tracker on that car."

"Every one of our vehicles have trackers, but I highly doubt Sanders will have used that one for long. He probably already found or stole another car a while ago."

The space inside the elevator suddenly felt a little too tight as my anxiety started to rise. "We have to find her, Dimitri. She's so young and vulnerable. I promised to keep her safe. I can't let her get hurt."

"I know," he said. "I don't want her to get hurt either. We'll figure something out, okay? We'll find her. I promise you we will."

I nodded, trying to hold onto what little hope I had. I couldn't get her words out of my head: _I want Rose. I want my mommy. _It both warmed and hurt my heart. I wanted so badly to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay, but I couldn't. I had no idea where she was. While I wasn't her mother, she has started to see me as a mother figure since bringing her to the academy. I often checked up on her to make sure she was okay, but now, I had no idea if she was.

"Come on," Dimitri said, grabbing my hand. I blinked, trying to focus as he led me out of the elevator and back into the guardian's conference room.

"What did you find?" Alberta asked.

"It's true. Sanders took her," Dimitri informed her. Alberta's face dropped. She was probably hoping for him to give her different news, but all her had to offer her was the painful truth.

Alberta made her decision, placing her hand on the table as she spoke authoritatively. "I'll contact the royal court to let them know. Also, I want everyone on the council in here immediately. I'm calling up a rescue team."

* * *

Dimitri and Alberta had called everyone from the guardian council. Even with all the guardians on campus, the council was very small and only had the best people on it. I didn't actually know all of them, but I _did _recognize Stan and Yuri. None of them had wanted me to be a part of their little mission, but I didn't move no matter how hard they tried to kick me out. I was set on getting Nevaeh back, and I was willing to do whatever it took.

Eddie had stayed as well. Although the guardians had been doubtful to put him on this mission too, he was technically eligible to be a guardian now—both of us were—and we needed every good pair of hands we could get. He was just as good as me and Dimitri.

We gathered around the table to begin our discussion. I stood by Dimitri, trying to keep my inner stress under control. I was so worried, but Dimitri's presence naturally made me feel a little bit better. He had his guardian mask on, shielding all the worry he had in his own mind.

Alberta was the first person to speak. "We need to track down the vehicle that guardian Sanders was using. It might not get us that far, but it's a start. Those vehicles have dashcams too, so if he hasn't removed it, we should be able to check the footage."

"And then what?" I asked. Several pairs of eyes turned towards me. "We don't even know where to look. Sebastian's whereabouts were in Washington State, but he had people from other places too. Guardian Sanders is working for him, and I wouldn't be surprised if Miller is too."

"I think he is," Abe shared. "He started working at the royal court not too long ago. He was with the guardian crew that was transporting the prisoners. He was the only guardian who left the scene without reporting the incident."

"Sanders and Miller were both with Rose the night she was taken," Dimitri realized. "They were in on this the whole time. Since Rose's kidnapping...and now they've taken a damn child. She's practically a baby, for god's sake. This whole time, it was right in front of us, and we were too blind to see it."

It was obvious Dimitri was stressed out, but the realization seemed to dawn on everyone else in the room as well. Even Alberta was at a loss for words. It was something I didn't see on her very often.

"There are other people who can help us if we can get them to cooperate," I mentioned, breaking the silence to get everyone back on track. "There's Damian, for one. He'll most likely help if I can just talk to him."

"And how are you going to do that?" Alberta asked. "He's in critical condition."

Easy. I could heal him with my blood. Simple as that. While he probably didn't deserve to be healed so quickly, I was going to need him in order to find Nevaeh. On top of that, a much deeper part of me didn't actually want him to suffer that much. I knew everyone would be opposed to my idea though, so I kept my mouth shut and played it off.

"That won't stop me. I'll make him talk whether he likes it or not."

Alberta crossed her arms. "Are you asking us to go to the royal court?"

"Yes, actually, I am. The more people we have on our side, the better."

Dimitri turned his head, giving me a look that told me my plan was ridiculous. "Rose, you _do _realize you're asking us to work with one of your kidnappers, right?"

"Technically, he didn't kidnap me."

"But he was affiliated. He's not someone any of us should trust."

"Well then," I started, "if none of you are willing to help, I'll just go find her myself." I started to leave, but Dimitri grabbed my shirt from behind me, yanking me back. I saw Abe laughing at the side and scowled at him.

"Alright, fine," Dimitri said, clearly exasperated. "We'll go, okay? The final confirmation is on you, Alberta."

I looked at her, showing off the attitude that said I would take matters into my own hands if she didn't agree with me. I didn't like to act like this with someone I had a lot of respect for, but I was at the point where I would go out on my own if I had to. Alberta was still considering, and I crossed my arms, raising my eyebrows.

After what felt like the longest staring competition, she finally made her decision. "Mr. Mazur, please schedule an immediate flight to the royal court."

* * *

**Sooo what did you think? Is it strange to get Damian to help them? I was thinking of changing it but I'm not sure yet since he might actually be useful here. Please leave a review if you can, it's very much appreciated!**


	25. Investigation and Intimacy

We left less than an hour after our meeting. I had said my quick goodbyes to Lissa, Christian and Adrian during that short time period. All of them wanted to come with me, but they most definitely weren't allowed on a trip like this. I assured Lissa I would keep tabs on her by slipping into her head whenever I had the chance. It gave us both a piece of mind, and I could still see how she was doing.

I usually grew tired or bored on plane rides, but tonight, I didn't feel any of that. There were too many things on my mind—things I couldn't stop thinking about. What if Nevaeh was being kidnapped for the properties in her blood? Like me, she was shadow-kissed and therefore possessed spirit in her body. Sebastian was out of jail too, and it wouldn't be long before he got a hold of her.

It still didn't really make sense. They could have just kidnapped me instead since my body was already 'activated' with strigoi venom. Maybe they took her because she was young and vulnerable. She obviously wasn't strong yet and didn't know how to fight or use her powers. She had pretty much just grown out of her toddler years and was a very easy target. The thought of Sebastian using her blood made me sick. I would never wish something like this on anyone, let alone a little girl. Until we got to the royal court, I could only hope nobody would hurt her.

"This is weird," Alberta said, looking down at a tablet that she had brought on the jet. Dimitri sat next to her, staring at the screen with an odd look.

"What's weird?" I asked, taking a seat on the other side of her on the leather couch. The tablet revealed a map with a blinking red dot. "That's the car Sanders used. He stopped somewhere in Missoula a few hours ago."

"Probably grabbed a different car," Dimitri muttered. "At least that's what guardians in the area were reporting. Nobody was in the car when they found it."

"Why would he drive for five hours in an academy vehicle if he knew there was a tracker on it? Why not just switch cars as soon as possible? He doesn't sound very smart, if you ask me," I pointed out.

"Here's what I think."

All three of us lifted our heads at the new voice. Abe had gotten up from his seat and now had his hand up on the overhead bins. "It sounds to me like he _wanted _you to know where he was going, but now that he's got guardians on his ass, he obviously can't use the car anymore."

"And what makes you think he'd want me to know his location?"

"To do exactly what we're doing," Abe said. "Track them down, rescue this little girl. They _know _you would. It's not that hard to see how much you care about her like you're her own mother. By using her as bait, they're luring you in. Well, Sebastian is. He wants his way with you again."

"In that case, should we leave her at the royal court? It's more than safe there, and the rest of us can still go out and find—"

"Absolutely not!" I interrupted Alberta mid-sentence. "Sebastian won't have his way with me because I won't let him. I'll kill him with my bare hands if I have to."

Abe shrugged, returning to his seat. "Do what you will. I'm just telling you my conspiracy."

For the rest of the ride, I was so restless that not even Dimitri could help me. Having him beside me had calmed me a little bit, but for the most part, I remained anxious and worried. When we finally landed, I was a little relieved to be able to step out and get a breath of fresh air. It was a little cold out, but it was exactly what I wanted.

I was the first person to reach the main doors of the court even though the guards didn't let me through. I was about to yell at them when Abe ensured them from behind me.

"She's with us," he told them. They nodded, eyeing me skeptically as they opened the doors. I ran inside, already heading straight for the hospital. It might have been rude of me not to greet anyone, but I was in such a rush and didn't want to waste too much time.

I could hear guardians calling my name from behind me, but I ignored them. It took me a while to find the hospital, but when I did, I stormed in and went to the receptionists.

"I'm looking for a patient—a prisoner. The only human who was on the bus to Tarasov Prison."

The only receptionist working was a blond moroi, and she was probably in her late thirties. "Um...Damian Morozov?"

"Yeah, whatever his last name was. I need to see him."

"And you are?" she asked.

"Rose Hathaway," I answered sharply. Her eyes went wide as she looked me over. She swallowed nervously when she realized who she was talking to and cleared her throat.

"Room 319," she said. "It's just down that hallway over there."

"Thanks," I said. I headed in the direction she was pointing, constantly checking the room numbers. Damian's room seemed to be farther back, and it took me a while to find it. There were two guardians standing outside his room.

"ID please," one of them ordered, holding a hand out. I sighed, giving him my driver's license. After a few moments, he cocked his head towards the room, silently allowing me to go inside.

There was a curtain in front of Damian's bed where he slept. I realized he had just recently been treated for his injuries which probably wouldn't have been that bad if it were anyone else. Damian was a human though, so every injury was twice as bad on his body. He definitely had a concussion, and there seemed to be a gash of some sort in his right thigh. I pulled his orange shirt up, revealing a large bandage on his abdomen.

He was unconscious, but his breathing was normal and unbothered. I touched his shoulder and shook him, but he didn't budge. I shook him harder, but all I got in response was a snore. I heard footsteps from down the hall and turned to see Dimitri and Abe walking around the corner.

I had to act fast, because if I didn't get Damian to wake up, my plan could fall apart. I needed his help. Instead of shaking him again, I slapped him. His eyes fluttered open as a loud smacking noise echoed in the room. He reached up to grab his cheek, but his hands were both restrained to the hospital bed. I realized I probably shouldn't have slapped him so hard if he had a concussion.

"Rose?" Damian gasped, blinking a few times. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Busting you out. Sort of. Once I have permission." _Good luck with that. _

"What?"

"Don't ask questions. Nevaeh has been kidnapped, and I need your help," I told him.

"She _what?!"_

"It's a long story. Since you might be the only other person who might know where she's being taken, you're probably going to have to come with us."

"Does it look like I'm in a state to help you?" he asked. "I'm surprised I didn't just die on the bus!"

I rolled my eyes and lifted my sleeve, but before I could bite into my skin, I saw the earlier bandages. I was already starting to regret what I'd done to my wrists and shoved my sleeve back down. Instead, I bit the side of my hand until enough blood was coming out.

Damian already started to protest. "Oh, hell no. Don't you dare. Don't—" I ignored him though as I shoved my hand against his mouth. I knew it must have been disgusting for him, but he needed to heal.

"Just drink," I ordered. He did as I asked, nearly coughing in the process. He didn't take much, but it was enough for the healing properties in my blood to kick into his system. When I pulled away, he looked at me like I was hanging a baby upside down.

"You're welcome," I spat. Dimitri walked into the room in that moment.

"Jesus Christ, Rose! You can't just—" he shut up the moment he saw Damian whose mouth was now slightly messy. His eyes went dark, but before he could let his hatred take over, I pulled him to the side.

"We need him," I said quietly. "He knew Sebastian's locations. He probably knows his people's locations too."

"Rose, I still don't know how I feel about this. How do you know he won't just try to escape?"

"He won't. There are over ten guardians on the plane, _and _he's restrained. I'll compel him if I have to." I didn't really expect Dimitri to agree with me on this right away, but he was just as determined to save Nevaeh's life. Deep down, he knew I was right, but I didn't blame him for having his doubts.

"And how do you plan on convincing the royal court officers to let him out?" Dimitri asked. I shifted my gaze onto Abe who had been inconspicuously watching us.

"Old man...just how good are you are getting what you want?"

* * *

Needless to say, Abe had somehow gotten the head officers to listen to him. He knew a lot of them, but it had still taken a lot of effort even with his skills. Once we got Damian out, he was ordered to be taken back to court immediately after everything was under control. The royal court had already alerted other guardians from other states which meant we weren't the only ones on the lookout.

Our next stop was Spokane. I hated that place now. It held heartbreaking memories, but we didn't really have much of a choice. We were going to be staying in a guardian institution for a little while.

Damian sat at the back of the jet with his hands still restrained in front of him. He was still a little injured, but he seemed to be getting better as the first hour passed. When nobody was paying attention, I walked over and propped myself up on my knees on the seat in front of him.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"I feel like everyone on this plane wants to kill me," he said.

I sighed. "You're not wrong. Well, almost everyone. I don't want to kill you."

Damian raised his eyebrows. "You don't?"

"No," I admitted. "I don't really like you, but killing you wouldn't make me feel better."

"I'm pretty sure you're not even supposed to be talking to me right now."

I rolled my eyes. "I suppose not. I'll figure out what to do with you when we land. For now, just sit tight and don't talk to anyone."

* * *

As soon as we landed, our team had been called into the institution. It was about the size of a police station, and there were rooms inside where we could stay in and sleep. I wasn't sure how I really felt about it as I really wanted to just jump into action, but I had to respect the fact that everyone else needed sleep. Plus, we didn't have a set plan yet. Damian and I had an idea of where to look and who to talk to, but we hadn't discussed it with anyone else just yet.

Everyone was given a room to stay in. The bedrooms definitely weren't as nice as a hotel, but they were clean and would be enough. I didn't even unpack my bag and headed straight to the bed, thinking the whole situation over again.

I laid there in bed, tossing and turning for what felt like hours until I threw the blanket off in frustration. I didn't know what was up with me. It was without question that the stress was keeping me up, but a part of me also suspected it could have been some kind of underlying fear in the back of my mind.

I left my room and headed to the one Dimitri was staying in. I knocked, hoping he wasn't paired with anyone else. The door flew open, revealing Dimitri who only wore a pair of grey sweatpants. My eyes darted to his naked chest.

"Rose?" he said. I peeked inside, seeing a lamp that was turned on along with a table full of paper work that he must have been working on.

"I didn't realize you were busy. I'm sorry if I bothered you."

"No-no, you didn't. What's wrong?" he asked.

"I can't sleep," I answered honestly. Dimitri pulled me inside, shutting the door behind him. I walked over to the desk where he had been sitting, taking a look at what I originally thought was just paperwork. Instead, I found the horrible pictures of me. Dimitri had taken my laptop with him as well, but he hadn't watched any videos yet.

"I'm trying to find faces," he explained, looking down at the pictures. "I offered to help your father identify anyone else who hurt you. I'm just using the pictures that have other people in the background."

"You've been up this whole time just for this?" I asked. There were probably over a hundred pictures in here. To go through all of them must have taken him a while.

Dimitri nodded and sat down. "Anything to help catch these guys. It's been hard though. The way these guys treated you makes me want to burn them to death."

I sighed. "You and me both. It was a lot worse when it was happening, but I'll never be able to live it down. It replays in my head when I sleep."

"Is that why you came here?" Dimitri asked, rubbing a hand up my back. I looked down at him and nodded, trying to hide my inner shame. I knew I could go to Dimitri for anything, but I still felt a little ashamed for not handling this on my own.

"I feel better around you," I admitted. "I just hate that I didn't handle it myself. I'm training to be a damn guardian, and I still go to you like a needy little girl."

"Roza, you _do _realize it's okay to ask for help, right? That's what you should be doing at a time like this. Sometimes, when you try to handle everything yourself, it scares me. The last time you tried to do that, you ended up in the hospital." Dimitri reached up, gently running his fingers over my bandaged arms. I realized I was only wearing a tank top, making the bandages clearly visible. Even the memory of me hurting myself—which had only been one night ago—made me flinch.

I locked my eyes with Dimitri's, brushing some of his hair back. "I wasn't thinking clearly. I won't do it again."

"I know," he said, placing his hand on mine. "You should get into bed. I'll probably be up for a little bit longer, but I'll join you later."

"Actually, I was thinking of helping out with this too," I said, flipping through the pictures.

"If you really want to, I won't stop you, but these images could trigger you," Dimitri warned. "The videos too. We still have to go through those."

"I think I'll be okay. I can't be afraid of them forever. Besides..." I sat on Dimitri's lap, surprising him. "I'm with you now."

"I'm glad you are," he said, wrapping an arm securely around my waist. He opened the second envelope and pulled the rest of the pictures out, setting them down on the table. "Let's see if we can find anything."

* * *

Looking through the pictures was difficult, but I managed to get through them. Dimitri and I actually had some luck finding pictures with other faces in the back. I didn't remember all of their names, but I recognized their faces. It brought back horrible memories, all of which I still clearly remembered up to certain points. I had been drugged during most of my encounters with those people, so that explained it.

"Rose...you might want to look at this."

"Hm?" I dropped whatever I was looking at and leaned back to see what Dimitri had his eye on. He had another picture, but this one was different from all others. It was a picture of me and Damian. We weren't being intimate, but he was hugging me, and it looked like I had been crying in his arms. I was only wearing some skimpy bra, and my bare skin had red scratches and bruises all over. I tried to remember when this had even happened, but the memory wouldn't come up.

"I don't remember this," I whispered. "I must have been drunk or something. Or drugged."

"Did he always do that with you?" Dimitri asked. Although this was the least gruesome picture in the pile, seeing us like that probably made him uncomfortable. Honestly, it made me uncomfortable too.

I shook my head and put the picture down. "No. Not really."

"Alright," Dimitri said hesitantly, still thinking about the strange picture. "Uh, let's look at the videos."

I took a deep breath and opened up my laptop. The fact that Dimitri had it with him told me he must have somehow known my password. I logged in, and the screen loaded, revealing the video I'd last been watching. It was still paused.

"We don't have to do this, Roza. If this is too much, you just have to tell me." Dimitri's fingers brushed my bandaged arms again. I knew he was worried about me, but I couldn't be afraid any longer. The videos were even worse than the pictures and I had to face them without freaking out.

"I'll be okay," I whispered, giving Dimitri's hand a firm squeeze. Working up the courage, I let the video play but kept the volume down. Whoever filmed the video was mostly focussing on me which didn't really give us a view of anyone else. There was no luck, so I switched to the next video. The setting was different, but the footage was almost the same as the last. This time, my body was on the floor, and I was fully unconscious. I could literally sense Dimitri getting furious behind me and squeezed his hand again in an attempt to calm him down.

Luckily, this video had faces. One of them was Damian, but the others were strigoi. I froze, realizing this was Eric's club. It had been my first night with the strigoi. It was also the same night where I had crashed the van.

"I remember this night," I said out loud. I watched in horror as someone's leg struck out, kicking me in the groin. That explained why I had been experiencing horrible pelvic pain that night. They did more horrible things to me—things I was sure Dimitri and I would have rather not seen—but the footage at least showed faces. In the video, Damian had walked into the room, going rigid when he saw my body.

_"What the hell are you doing? She's unconscious, for fuck's sake," he said angrily. _

_ "We're just having some fun," one of the men yelled. "She's nothing but a little play toy, anyways." _

_Damian ignored him and picked my limp body up. "She's not a toy, she's a person. It's bad enough you're using her for sex and feeding."_

_The other man laughed. "Aren't you the one who brought her in here?"_

_"I'm following orders," Damian snapped. "Not that it makes any of this easy. This is all wrong."_

_"Pathetic," someone muttered in the background. "This is why you don't let pussies get involved in the business."_

The video ended, so I switched to the next one. For the next half hour, we watched the videos, screenshotting as many faces as we could find. I had to fast forward most of the time as the majority of the footage showed things that I didn't want to watch. Some of the videos were long, and I couldn't stand to see myself in those horrible situations. Eventually, we had stop. I was still trying to recover from what I'd just seen and hardly noticed Dimitri picking me up. He sat down on the bed and cradled me in his arms, letting me rest my head against his chest.

"That was...a lot," I whispered, dragging a finger along his bare chest.

"It was for me too. You did well, Roza. You faced something that you thought you couldn't handle. You should be proud of yourself," Dimitri said.

"I don't know. A lot of those assholes hurt my pride, but I guess you could call it progress."

"It is," Dimitri stressed. He tipped my chin up. "Nobody said this would be easy. Baby steps, okay?"

I smiled up at him. "Okay, Comrade."

Dimitri kissed the top of my head and gave my body a tight squeeze. "Good girl."

I smiled at the little nickname he occasionally gave me before crawling underneath the bed covers. Dimitri crawled in next to me, bringing the comforter up to our chins. Our feet touched, and I moved closer to him until our faces were just inches apart. I wanted to kiss him so badly, and I could tell by the way he was looking at me that he wanted that too.

Dimitri took initiative and cupped the side of my face before sealing our lips together. Our kiss was soft at first, but a part of me wanted more than that. Don't get me wrong, I loved it when Dimitri was gentle with his kisses, but I craved more. I missed the way he used to kiss me like his body depended on it. I remembered the way he had devoured my body in the cabin. Even with all his gentleness, he had been in control. His dominance that night had turned me on to a whole other level, and I would never forget it. I understood why he wasn't doing that now, but a much deeper part of me still craved that.

Was I screwed up in the head for wanting him to take control again? Considering what I had gone through just a few months ago, I would have expected the opposite, but what Dimitri and I had was different. We had a love so deep that no matter what our roles were between each other, Dimitri would always consider me his equal. We had a deeper understanding of trust that I had never experienced with anyone else before. I never felt afraid or unsure around him.

"Dimitri," I breathed, breaking our kiss.

"Roza? Are you okay?" he asked worriedly, pulling away.

I chuckled. "Yes, I'm fine. It's just...I want you to touch me."

"Okay..." Dimitri looked confused for a moment as he wrapped an arm around my waist and pressed our bodies closer together.

"No, I mean like, _touch _me." This time, I grabbed his hand and placed his palm over my breast. Dimitri swallowed as he was caught off guard. It had been a while since touching me in places like that and he hadn't expected me to initiate it. Fortunately, he didn't pull away.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Please," I whispered, attaching our lips once more. Dimitri responded, propping himself up on his elbow as he kissed me. Our bodies shuffled, and suddenly, he was half-on top of me, using his other hand to massage my breast as his leg tangled with mine. I moaned against his mouth, and he moved again until he was completely on top of me with his arms by my head.

"You're so precious, Roza," Dimitri whispered in my ear. "I'll protect you with my life, even if it's the last thing I do." His words were dangerous but promising. He would choose to protect me over the life of a moroi if he had to. It went against the idea that we had to put a moroi's life before our own, but I knew without a doubt that he would protect me in a heartbeat over anyone else. Deep down in my heart, I knew with a surety that I would do the same for him.

His mouth moved from my ear, trailing kisses down to my neck. His breath was warm against my skin, and I nearly squealed when he started sucking on the same spot for several seconds. I had a feeling it would leave a mark even if it was faint.

"Oh god," I breathed, wrapping my legs around his waist. I used my legs to press his hips into mine, and his mouth broke away from my neck as he let out a soft moan. I took the opportunity to rub myself against him and was pleased to feel the hard bulge forming in his sweatpants.

"Someone's getting excited," I mentioned with a smile. Dimitri chuckled and gave my lips another small, tender kiss.

"It's really hard not to when I'm being intimate with you," he admitted. He pulled back, staring down at me as he caressed the side of my face. "We don't have to go further, Roza. Believe me, I want you right now—more than anything—but I'm not going to push you."

I bit my lip. I'd be lying to myself if I said I wasn't craving sex. I yearned for it, and I wanted to experience it with Dimitri all over again. I wanted to feel his hands on me while he brought my body to its peak of pleasure. I wanted to feel our minds connect, to hear him whisper my name like I was the center of his world.

But even then, I couldn't rush myself. I did want sex, but I wasn't sure how ready my body was. Maybe it was because of what I had been through or the fact that there was still too much going on in my mind. I didn't want to disappoint Dimitri either. Our first time had been so nice together, and a part of me feared he wouldn't enjoy things as much.

"Are you sure?" I asked him. Dimitri nodded.

"Of course. Remember, it's me, and your health comes first. There's no pressure here."

I reached up, brushing the hair away from his face which hung down in soft waves. "I love you, you know that?"

Dimitri chuckled and pressed a kiss against my forehead. "I love you too, Roza."

I snuggled closer until Dimitri wrapped his arms tightly around me and my head was resting comfortably on his chest. I smiled to myself, knowing there was nothing else in this world that could make me feel warmer than Dimitri's arms. With his heart beating steadily against my ear, I finally drifted into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

**Yesss I know it got a little heated towards the end, but I had to throw some Romitri in there while I figure the rest of the story out. Leave your thoughts below :)**


	26. Kira

Half way through my sleep, I woke up to the sound of a loud thud. Well, not loud enough to wake anyone else up it seemed, but my enhanced hearing caught onto almost everything now. I was still in Dimitri's arms as he slept.

I didn't want to wake him—nor did I want to leave his side at all—so I crawled out of bed as carefully as I could. He shifted in the bed, but my subtle movement didn't seem to wake him. There was something strange going on in the institution, but I couldn't exactly figure out what it was. All I knew was that my senses were going off.

I gave Dimitri one last look before opening his door. I stepped out, quietly closing the door on the way out. The hallway was dark, but I didn't turn on the light. I didn't want to draw attention or wake anyone up, so I made sure my movements were inaudible. I stepped onto the staircase as quietly as I could and was grateful that the steps weren't made of wood.

I heard another noise, and it sounded like it was coming from outside the institute. It almost sounded like someone was throwing something against the building. My curiosity eventually got the best of me, and I quietly walked towards the front door. I pressed my ear against the door, but I couldn't hear anything other than the steady breathing of a guardian outside. I sighed, leaving the door until I heard another bang. This time, I opened the door and gasped when I found the guardian at the front lying on the ground. Blood dripped from his forehead, and beside him was a tennis-ball sized rock. There was blood on that too, and I came to the conclusion that someone must have thrown this at him on purpose. There were a few more rocks on the ground, indicating that whoever knocked this guardian out was trying to get some attention. I realized I probably shouldn't have been out here, but I didn't want to leave the guard out here when he was unconscious.

I quickly slipped my hands under his armpits, dragging him through the entrance. I shut the door with my foot, gathering the young guardian's head in my lap. I checked the wound on his head as well as his pulse. He was still very much alive and breathing, but he definitely had a nasty concussion. My instincts took over, and I bit my hand again, pressing it up against his mouth. As long as he didn't die with my blood in his system, he wouldn't wake up like me. He would simply heal and go back to normal. As soon as my blood trickled down his throat, he coughed a couple times but didn't regain consciousness right away. With my healing properties, he would be as good as new by tomorrow at the very most.

"Rose?"

My head shot up at the voice. I was surprised to see Damian standing before me, still wearing his orange jumpsuit. Only this time, his hands were free. His hair was messy, and it looked like he had just gotten out of bed.

"What are you doing out of your room?" I asked him. "Shouldn't there be security at your door?"

"Yeah. _He _was the security," Damian said, nodding towards the guardian in my arms. "I thought something was off. He must have been checking whatever was going on outside."

"You can hear that?"

Damian sighed. "Rose, my senses may not be as sharp as yours, but I'm not deaf."

I rolled my eyes at him, preparing to say something else until we heard another bang. Both of us were on high alert again. Damian stepped over the guard's body, placing his hand on the door knob.

I stood up, stopping him before he could open the door. "Wait. Whoever's throwing those rocks knocked out that guardian. You're human, and if they hit you, you'll probably die. I'm really not trying to turn you into a hybrid right now."

"I survived a bus crash. _And _a car crash, in case you've forgotten," Damian said bitterly.

I scowled at him, barely keeping my harsh tone to a whisper. "The only reason your critical-conditioned ass survived is because I healed you, you dumb idiot!"

Damian slammed his hand against his face. While putting up with my attitude definitely wasn't pleasant, we had a bigger issue at hand. Someone was clearly trying to get some kind of attention outside. I didn't understand why they didn't just come here.

And then it hit me—there were strigoi. That was why my senses were going off when I woke up. The institute was surrounded by wards, meaning they couldn't get in.

"Damian," I said slowly, "I think there's a strigoi outside. Or multiple. I don't know."

"Do you want to wake up your guards?"

I considered the thought, but turned it down when I realized whoever was outside could probably hear my conversation. I didn't want anyone else in this institute to get hurt and instead decided that I would go out on my own. I had faster reflexes than everyone else here.

"Stay here. I'll be right back," I said hastily, opening the door again.

"What? Ro—"

I slammed the door on him, already taking off before he could see where I was going. Within seconds, I was already in a nearby forest. It wasn't big, but there were enough trees in the area that it was enough to block off any potential sunlight. It was still dark out, but the sun was definitely going to come up soon. I had no idea why a strigoi would be lurking around when they could so easily burn soon.

I heard a twig snap somewhere, and a wave of nausea took over. I realized in that moment that I didn't have a stake on me—again—and mentally kicked myself in the head for not grabbing one on the way out. I still braced myself for threats, looking around in all directions. What I _should_ have done was look up, because what happened next completely threw me off guard. A strigoi had been perched on a branch from above, and I hadn't noticed them. They jumped on top of me, and we both came to the ground. Within seconds, I was on my stomach. The strigoi pinned me down, using their body weight to keep me down.

When they spoke, the voice was a female's, and it sounded _very_ familiar. "I knew it was you," she said. Her voice was almost the same as the last time I'd spoken to her, only this time it was cold and menacing rather than warm and bubbly.

"Kira," I gasped out. Using my enhanced strength to my advantage, I flipped her off, quickly moving out of place until we were both on our feet again. I faced her, studying her new appearance. Sebastian was right—Kira was a strigoi now, and whatever fear she had as a dhampir was gone. I didn't see the innocent, cheerful girl I'd gotten to know a few months ago. All of that was replaced by a cold, evil spirit that controlled her body. Her once tan skin was even paler than mine, and her irises were now a dark red along with red rings that contoured her eyes.

There was at least a few meters distance between our bodies as we stood, ready to jump into action again. "I recognized you from a mile away," Kira said. "I heard about you. The people were right—you're different. You can walk in the sun. You don't even look like us."

I stayed silent, refusing to move from my defensive stance. Even though she was talking, she could still attack at any moment. Strigoi had a tendency to manipulate people before they killed them, and I started thinking of ways I could kill her without a stake. I remembered how I had pulled a strigoi's heart out when they had attacked the academy not too long ago. I clenched my fists, wondering if I could still do that. With my strength, I could probably rip her head off too. Only problem was, I didn't actually want to do any of those things. Killing with a stake was at least fast and efficient. Ripping a heart or a head with my bare hands was a whole other level of brutality. Kira's humanity might have been gone, but mine wasn't. I couldn't get the image of her innocent old self out of my head.

"It's a real shame," she continued. "I didn't get the same treatment as you. Being in the dark all the time gets annoying, you know. Makes it a lot harder to find a decent snack around here."

"What do you want, Kira?" I asked. Clearly, she wasn't here to kill me. Not that she really could.

"You know what I want," she snarled, closing the distance between us. I stepped back, keeping my now red eyes on her. Whenever my eyes changed colour, my vision sharpened so strongly I had to blink a couple times to make sure everything was actually real.

Kira kept walking, and I kept stepping back as she spoke. "I used to hate the idea of being strigoi, but I was wrong. I no longer fear what I used to. I was so weak and afraid, but now I'm stronger and faster than those pathetic humans we feast on. I can kill anyone and not have a care in the world. I can have power over anyone. I can get what I want, whenever I want. It's a damn dream. But you know what would make it even better?"

I stayed silent again, but I didn't need to speak, because Kira was already answering her question. "Walking in the sun."

She attacked in that moment, forcefully throwing herself on me and taking us down again. Kira was definitely stronger now, but she had absolutely no idea how to properly fight. It made it a lot easier for me as I constantly punched and kicked in all the right places. Our bodies were all over the place, rolling around like wild animals between the trees.

Kira's fangs were out and ready to feed. We had been fighting for so long that I eventually lost track of time. Unlike me, Kira had been feeding everyday. I was a much better fighter, but she was stronger than me in this moment, and I was exhausted. I tried my best to keep her away from me, but her strength overpowered mine. She grabbed my hair, forcing my head to the side. Before I knew it, she lowered her mouth towards my neck and bit down.

It had been a while since being bitten by a strigoi, but I hadn't forgotten the feeling. The bite was painful as her fangs dug deeply into my skin. I shut my eyes, trying to somehow shut out the horrible pain. My screams were harrowing, and if I wasn't so far out into the forest, someone from the city would have probably heard me.

The endorphins started to kick in a minute later, but I was fighting so hard that I didn't feel the usual euphoria. I didn't feel happy or high, but I was starting to lose myself. Everything was unwelcoming, and it wasn't until I started to notice a warmth on my leg that I opened my eyes. The sun was coming out, and it was just barely shining over my right ankle.

I didn't waste another second. My fist connected with Kira's head, detaching her mouth from my neck. I took advantage of her distraction and rolled us over until we were both in the sun. I heard a sizzling noise followed by Kira's scream of pain. She travelled back into the shadows almost as soon as I had pulled us both out. The sun had burned her, and any parts of her skin that weren't clothed were now covered in ugly blisters. It was so fast though, and she hadn't been exposed long enough to be set on fire.

I expected her to say something or maybe burst out a bunch of swear words and threats. Instead, all she did in that moment was look at me with a glare so menacing it almost intimidated me—almost. Truth be told, I wasn't afraid of strigoi anymore. I had faced so many that I had built up some kind of immunity to my old fear.

My blood was dripping from just about every part of Kira's mouth. She clenched her teeth, realizing she couldn't get to me now that I had the protection of the sun. She couldn't wait me out either, because the sun was starting to shine more and more between the trees. Kira gave me one last look, silently threatening me with her eyes.

And then she was gone.

* * *

After that horrible incident with Kira, I stayed on the ground for what felt like hours. My neck hurt, and I was so tired I even fell in and out of sleep. Eventually, I heard people calling my name and forced myself to sit up. Dimitri, Damian and Alberta were running through the woods, rushing towards me as fast as they could.

My head snapped towards Damian. "You told them?"

"I had no other choice."

I tripped on my feet, but Dimitri pulled me up, helping me stand upright. He gripped my shoulders, almost shaking me. "We've been looking everywhere for you! What the hell were you thinking, Rose?"

"A guardian was almost killed," I told him.

"Then you should have told us," he said angrily. "You can't just leave and go wandering by yourself. Not now, Rose. It's too dangerous."

Yeah, it was dangerous. It was especially dangerous at a time like this. I was still a target. If there was one thing just about everyone was right about when it came to me, it was that I had a huge lack of self-control. Every time I thought I was getting better, I contradicted myself and acted without thinking. I should have probably been mature and acknowledged my impulsive behavior, but my attitude got the better of me instead.

"I can do whatever I want," I snapped. I didn't mean to be such a bitch, but my mood was completely thrown off by my exhaustion.

I regained my senses and stormed towards Damian, raising my hand in the process. Before I could slap him, Dimitri grabbed my wrist, pulling me back towards him. "Stop it! You're hurt, Rose. We need to take care of you."

"I'm fine," I protested, almost falling again. This time, Dimitri picked me up, holding me against his chest as we returned to the institute.

"What happened, Rose?" he asked.

"There was...there was a strigoi," I told him.

"And they tried to kill you?"

"No. They just, um, wanted my blood."

Dimitri looked down at me. "Your blood?"

"Mhm."

Dimitri sighed, speeding up to the front door of the building. I didn't even realize how fast he had gotten here. "This conversation isn't over. We'll talk about this when I clean you up."

I didn't say anything after that. I knew he was angry with me, but my actions had been dangerous. Dimitri always advocated for my safety and I couldn't really blame him for feeling that way.

"I'll take Damian to his room. There's still another few hours until our meeting, so I'll see you then. Make sure she doesn't leave again," Alberta said. Dimitri nodded, understanding her message. Dimitri was still holding me as he led me up to the third floor. Once we got to his room, he shut the door, this time locking it with the door chain. He let me stand, staring down at me with a gaze that made me squirm.

"Sit down," he ordered, guiding me towards the bed. I complied, carefully sitting down on the bed. I hadn't wanted Dimitri to see the bite marks or the other injuries on my body, but it was pointless. He would always find them one way or another. Even with my protests, I couldn't fight him—nor did I want to—in my current state.

"You were bitten," he realized as he pulled my hair back. "Damn it. Stay here." Dimitri left for a brief moment to retrieve a towel from the washroom. He soaked it in water and brought it over to me, pressing it against my neck. For the next five minutes, Dimitri checked me everywhere. I was okay for the most part as most of my injuries had already healed. The only issue was the blood loss.

"Did you know the strigoi that attacked you?" Dimitri asked after a while, crossing his arms. I didn't answer him at first, but he wasn't having that. "Answer me, Rose. You're already in enough trouble."

"Yes, I knew her. She was my friend when I was kidnapped and locked up. Sebastian used her for experiments, but she turned into a strigoi. She heard about what happened to me and wanted my blood."

"That's why she fed off of you." Dimitri meant it as a question, but it came out as a statement.

"Yes. I think she wanted to take me with her, but I used the sun to protect me. She ran away."

Dimitri sighed, shutting his eyes before opening them again. "You shouldn't have gone out alone like that. I know you can fight, but what you did was still irrational." Dimitri's voice started to trail off, and it now sounded like he was talking to himself. "If only I had heard you leave the room...I would have stopped you. You could have avoided this."

"Hey, don't go blaming yourself. I'm old enough to make my own choices, am I not?"

"Yes, Rose, you are—but your choices aren't always rational. I admire your bravery, but you constantly do things without thinking. You're in a guardian institution, for god's sake. And yet, you _still_ went out alone."

I looked down as I started to get consumed by guilt. If Kira had taken me away, they would have had another problem to deal with. The least I could've done is tell Dimitri what was going on so that things could be taken care of properly. Now that Kira had my blood in her system, she could soon be running around in the sun. When strigoi hunted someone down, they didn't stop until their victim was caught.

"I honestly thought I was fine. I'm alive, am I not?" I asked.

"That's not the point! How many times do I have to remind you that you're a target? Do you have any idea how much danger you've put yourself in? Think about the people that love you. Think about your friends—Lissa, Adrian, Christian, Eddie. Your parents. Nevaeh...me. We all love you. None of us can handle losing you again."

"I'm sorry," I sighed, looking down at the floor. I still couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes, so I walked into the washroom and stared at my reflection. The bite wound on my neck was no longer bleeding and was now starting to swell.

Dimitri stayed in the doorway, leaning against the frame. "Don't ever do this again, Rose."

The guilt was still eating me up, but I only gave him a small nod and stayed silent. Dimitri stepped closer until he was just inches away and tipped my chin up. "I'm serious. If you pull another dangerous stunt like that again..." he trailed off, biting back his next words.

"What? Are you going to give me a spanking?" I asked, my old attitude starting to creep through. Dimitri was tired from his lack of sleep, but there was a look in his eyes that told me he would literally take me across his knee just to keep me in line. The thought wasn't very pleasant and had me wondering if my choice of words should have been different. I meant it as a joke, but he had actually warned me a few times with that kind of thing and I didn't doubt he would do it. Sometimes, I questioned whether or not I would stop him. Did a part of me secretly yearn for that? No... it's like I _wanted_ him to do that...right?

Dimitri was still staring at me intently. His next words made my stomach flip even as he spoke calmly. "I love you, Roza, but you definitely deserve one."

* * *

**PLEASE READ: This is probably going to get some people riled up but hopefully not too many since this story isn't very popular, but I kind of wanted to put some mild domestic discipline (consensual only) in the next chapter because of what happened in this one. Thing is, a lot of people don't like that kind of thing and I understand it's not for everyone. If I do, there will be warnings for the part of the chapter that contains it. I'm simply asking now because that kind of thing gets a lot of flame from people who don't understand it or who dislike it. If I do incorporate it, I'll take it down if too many people hate it. Please let me know.**


	27. Spankings

**WARNING: There IS spanking in the first half of this chapter. If that kind of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not and I repeat do NOT read it. **

**On another note: Thank you so so much for the positive reviews and to those who continue to support my writing! I love hearing your thoughts and it's taken a lot of courage to write something like this, so thank you.**

* * *

Dimitri had us sit down on the bed shortly after his earlier statement. I knew without a doubt that I probably deserved to have my ass reddened, but it didn't really make things easier for me. I had never been seriously spanked before, and I could only imagine how painful it would be if Dimitri was going to deliver it. He was so strong.

"Tell me how you feel," he said, holding my hand tightly in his. "I need to know."

"I don't know...guilty. Nervous."

"Understandable," Dimitri noted. "You know this kind of thing can relieve guilt, right?"

"Yeah...but that doesn't make it easier. It's going to hurt!" I complained.

"It's meant to," Dimitri said. "I understand why you're nervous, but you know I'd never really hurt you. It's for your own safety."

I could already imagine how pink my ass was going to be after this. I was both anxious and excited. It wasn't so much of a trust issue, because I trusted Dimitri more than anyone, but I still dreaded the pain I'd be experiencing soon.

I stood up to face him, still holding his hand. "I won't be able to sit down at the meeting."

This made Dimitri chuckle. "With your healing abilities, I think you'll be fine. Now, let me ask you something: do you think you deserve this?"

I moved my feet around, almost feeling like a child that was being scolded. I wasn't thrilled by the idea of a stinging backside, but I _did _deserve it. "Yes."

"And you trust me?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, sir," I corrected.

"Better," Dimitri said proudly. He bit his lip, and it almost seemed like he was second-guessing things. "Listen, before we do anything, I still want to give you the other option. I know you've been through a lot, and if you really don't want to go through with this, I won't force you. You're still my equal, and it's your right to say no. I won't do this to you if you're not okay with it."

Despite dreading the punishment, I loved Dimitri's awareness and consideration of my feelings. He wanted to make sure we were on the same page and that I was comfortable with what we were doing. It made me trust him that much more.

"I don't want to back out," I admitted. "Maybe I need this. I trust you, and I'm willing to try."

"You _do _need this," Dimitri agreed. "Think of this as not just a punishment, but also as therapy. You can relieve stress and guilt—and I'll be right here with you."

"Even after it's over?" I asked.

"Especially after it's over. I would _never_ punish you without caring for you afterwards," Dimitri reassured me. I smiled down at him, seemingly ready to get things over with until another thought came to my mind.

"Wait...it'll only be your hand, right?"

Dimitri smiled. "Yes, Roza, it'll only be my hand."

"Okay," I breathed, trying to compose myself. I was still nervous.

"Just relax, Roza. You're safe with me." Dimitri stood up, wrapping his arms around me. He pulled me in close, letting me relax and feel secure as he rubbed my back. He pulled back when my breathing calmed. "You're okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I trust you."

Dimitri kissed the top of my head before sitting back down. His fingers hooked into the waistband of my sweatpants, indicating that he wanted to take them off. He paused and looked up at me. "I know this is a big step for you. If you're comfortable, I want these to stay off, but I'll let you keep your underwear on. Okay?"

I nodded, allowing him to slide the sweats off my legs. I stepped out of them, now feeling more vulnerable than before. This was Dimitri though, and I had put my trust in him.

"Alright," he said. His voice remained calm and controlled, but he had an authoritative hint to it as he patted his left thigh. "Come here."

I let a breath out, releasing my control as I bent over his lap and rested my torso on the bed. I flinched when Dimitri's hand touched my bottom, rubbing soothing circles on each cheek. "Remember, I'm doing this because I want you to think twice before making the wrong choices. _And_ because I want to remind you that you're not alone and I'm always here for you. I love you, Rose. Don't forget that."

"I love you too," I murmured. Before he could start, I moved my right hand back. I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to stop myself if I threw a hand back and decided it was best to just do it now so that I wouldn't interrupt him. On top of that, I wanted to squeeze his hand if I needed to. It helped me feel closer to him and brought me some comfort.

"Can I hold your hand?" I asked. My voice sounded so small and submissive. It wasn't usually like me, but in this moment, that's what I was. I was submissive. _Dimitri's_ submissive.

"Of course," Dimitri said, holding my hand tightly in his against the small of my back. He patted my bottom, silently warning me that we were about to start. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, sir," I answered. Dimitri lifted his hand before bringing it down, landing the first smack. I gasped in surprise, but had no time to recover as his hand started to rain down. His pace was fast and continuous, and I squeezed the comforter in my left hand. I could already feel a slight burn start to spread throughout my skin. With his rhythm, I wondered how his hand didn't hurt or get tired.

For the first minute, I was able to stay still, but it became harder to do so when the sting got worse. I didn't want to make things difficult, but it hurt, and it wasn't long before I started squirming around on his lap. Even with my struggling, Dimitri kept a strong hold on me, landing each swat wherever he wanted. The grip I had on his hand tightened.

When he increased his pace, I moaned in pain and let out little protests. "Oh, god...oww! Fuck!"

"Language," he rebuked, hitting my sit spots. That area seemed to hurt even more.

"It hurts!" I whined, struggling harder to somehow avoid the swats. It didn't work.

Dimitri paused for a second, caressing my hot skin. "Why are you getting spanked, Rose?"

"B-because I put myself in danger," I whimpered.

"Good. And you're aware that you could have woken me or anyone else up for help—yet you still chose to go out on your own. You knew it was dangerous, am I right?" he asked sternly.

"Y-yes, you're right. I'm sorry!" I cried.

"I know," he said, adjusting me so that my bottom was slightly propped up and vulnerable to his view. He rubbed my upper thighs which hadn't been spanked. That area was bare and far more sensitive. Dimitri turned his head, looking back at me. "Give me one more reason, Rose."

I sniffled, wilting against his lap. "Because...because I need it. Because you're trying to help me...and because you love me."

"_Yes. _Good girl," he praised, raising our linked hands to kiss my fingers. "We're almost done here. You're doing well so far and I'm proud of you for that. Before we end off, though, I want you to take one more minute."

"Yes, sir." Dimitri's words had given me an extra load of reassurance and encouragement, so I squeezed his hand again and braced myself.

He resumed the spanking right after that, this time focussing on my upper thighs where it hurt the most. I yelped, no longer holding back my cries. I needed to release the emotions I so often held back. I needed to let myself go with the person I trusted most. I needed to remind myself that this was a safe space, and with Dimitri, I could let myself be free while trusting him to take care of me.

The wall I'd been holding up in my head broke. I stopped struggling and simply laid there, sobbing into the comforter. The swats came to an end followed by Dimitri's gentle caresses on my blazing skin. "Roza?" Dimitri whispered, leaning back and brushing some wet hair away from my tear-stained face. "Are you okay?"

I didn't have the courage to speak yet, and all that really came out were heavy sobs. Dimitri turned me around and gathered me into his arms, cradling me against his chest. With my body being so small compared to his, I was a perfect fit as he held me. My fingers clung onto his shirt, tightly wrapping the fabric in a fist.

"That's it, Roza. Just let it out...let it _all_ out. I'm right here. I've got you." His arms tightened around me as he continued to whisper soothing things into my ear. He switched his language to Russian at some point, and I closed my eyes, snuggling impossibly closer to him.

Dimitri was patient with me and let me cry for however long I needed. It could have been ten minutes, maybe twenty, but I wasn't sure. I didn't really keep track of time, but I didn't care. Even in the midst of all my crying, I felt...happy. I felt safe. I felt loved.

My cries came to a stop after a little while. There were still some tears here and there along with some sniffles, but I wasn't sobbing anymore. Dimitri was rubbing my arm while planting soft kisses all over my head. I couldn't help but smile as I was engulfed by feelings of love and warmth.

Dimitri reached back behind him to grab a water bottle I hadn't even noticed was on the bed the whole time. He twisted the cap open, handing me the bottle. "Here. Drink some water."

I obeyed instantly, taking large sips to refresh my throat. It felt nice after crying so much. When I was done, he closed the bottle and threw it back behind him before holding me again. He kissed me in that moment, gently sealing our lips together. He buried his hand in my hair, gathering a bunch of strands into his fingers and tightening it into a fist. He held my head in place as his mouth tamed mine, and I could feel myself melting before he finally let go and pulled back for air.

"Are you okay?" he repeated. His voice was so soft now. I was still a little dazed from that wonderful kiss.

"Yeah," I responded, releasing the grip on his shirt which was now wrinkled from my hand. Instead, I rested my palm on his chest, feeling his heart beat against my hand. "Thank you...for all of this."

Dimitri smiled. "No need to thank me. You needed it. How do you feel right now?"

"Better," I admitted. "A little drained, but better. I never thought something like that could be so helpful. I mean, it hurts like hell, but while you were doing it, I felt so safe. I felt like I could just let go of everything. It almost felt like...being free in a way."

"Free of responsibility?" he guessed.

"Yeah," I murmured. "You know, all those times I hurt myself, I was always struggling just to get in control of something—but this was different. I can't believe I'm admitting this, but I liked giving up my control to you. I felt like I didn't have to worry about anything. I just trusted you to take care of me."

"I'll _always_ take care of you. Even if that means warming up your bottom until it turns pink."

Dimitri's comment made me blush, but I understood and took it seriously. "I'm afraid to know what it would feel like if it was all bare, or if you used something other than your hand."

"I probably will," he said. After seeing the timid look on my face, he laughed and was quick to ensure me. "Not now, silly. Just at some point when you're comfortable enough, and if you need it."

"Let's hope I can keep myself out of trouble," I laughed. I looked up at him as he gently wiped my wet cheeks. "So, is this going to be part of our relationship now? The discipline, I mean."

"I was thinking of it. It seems like it's helping. To be fair, that spanking was light, but you seem to respond well. Maybe this can help you heal emotionally."

If that was what Dimitri considered to be a 'light' spanking, I couldn't imagine how bad his severe ones were. He had a good point though. "I think so too. Even the idea of...you know, submitting to you."

Dimitri fell silent, opening his mouth to say something before he closed it. He looked down at me and caressed my cheek, speaking softly. "If you're open to the idea of a dominant/submissive relationship, I'm all for it. I think we'd need to discuss a lot of things, but that'll have to wait until after this is all over."

"I've always thought about having that with you," I sighed. "I just never really brought it up. I'm definitely open to it, but you're right about discussing things."

"Mhm." Dimitri started to unravel me from his arms, helping me stand. "Look, I could talk about this with you forever, but we only have a few hours until we go downstairs with everyone else. I'm going to put some cream onto your bottom, and then I want you to sleep until then."

"Dimitri, I'm sure my ass can heal on its own," I protested. He retrieved a little bottle of lotion from the washroom, refusing to give in.

"Oh, I'm sure it can," he said sarcastically, sitting down on the bed. "Alright, back over my knee."

I smiled sweetly and did as he asked. This time, instead of bending over, I crawled onto the bed and squirmed onto his lap, letting my legs stretch out. This way, I could fully lie down and let myself relax.

Dimitri's fingers hooked onto the band of my underwear. "I'm going to pull these down," he said. I nodded, hiding my flushed face as he pulled the fabric down to my thighs. His hand was on my skin again, but this time, I was bare. I usually would have felt embarrassed, but right now, I didn't. Dimitri never hid the fact that he loved my body.

I heard a squirting noise followed by a cold substance on my cheek. It made me flinch, but I calmed as soon as Dimitri's hand massaged the lotion into my skin.

"Mm...I could get used to this," I murmured. I heard Dimitri chuckle behind me as he caressed the skin, taking some of the sting away. I squealed when he squeezed one of the cheeks.

"You should be proud of what you have here, Rose. Your hard work pays off."

His compliment made my face flush, and I barely bit back a giggle. "Thank you, sir."

I could practically feel him looking at me as he continued to rub my backside. I yawned, already starting to become sleepy. Dimitri massaged me for a little bit longer before picking me up and laying me down with my head in the pillows.

"How long do I have again?" I asked tiredly.

"About...two hours. Just rest for the time being. I'll wake you up," he said, laying down beside me. I moved closer until his warm body enveloped mine. Finally, I dozed off.

* * *

I was beyond tired when he woke me up. An interrupted sleep was just as bad as getting no sleep at all. Dimitri seemed fine, but he was probably more used to this than I was. I also just so happened to wake up with the urge to get some fresh blood into my system. I wasn't sure if an institution for guardians even carried a supply of blood since it was totally unnecessary for dhampirs.

Dimitri had to do a great deal of shaking to get me out of bed. I moaned into the pillows, murmuring that I just needed another five minutes despite the fact that he had been trying to wake me up for almost twenty minutes now. When I refused to get up again, Dimitri flipped me onto my stomach and gave my ass a sharp swat.

"Ow!" I shrieked, reaching back to rub the spot. I was surprised to find that the skin still hadn't fully healed from the spanking he had given me just a few hours ago.

_"Up," _Dimitri repeated for the tenth time. "We have to be in the boardroom soon."

I sat up, trying to shake off my sleepiness. As much as I wanted to stay in his room, I had a meeting to go to. I gave Dimitri a quick hug—well, a bear hug—before heading for the door. "I'm going to go put some proper clothes on. I'll see you downstairs."

"Rose, wait," he said. He was in a bit of a rush, but he still wanted to check up on me. "Are you feeling okay right now?"

"I'm fine, comrade. I'll see you, okay?"

Dimitri sighed, giving me a small nod. I unlocked his door and headed back to my own room, quickly changing into some clothes that would allow more flexible movement. With a pair of stretchable black leggings and a matching tank top, I could fight more easily.

I stepped into the washroom, sighing when I saw the medical wrap on my arms. They were starting to bother me, so I took them off, exposing all the red lines that started from my wrist all the way up to my elbows. My skin was tinted a light shade of pink, and each cut had a ring of swelling.

I made sure to wear a sweater on top of my shirt so that I could keep things discreet. Some people already knew what I had done to myself, but I didn't want the rest of them to see anything. Surely, they would think I was weak and incapable of fighting—and I planned on fighting as hard as I could if needed.

I headed to the main floor of the building and found the boardroom which was now filled with our guardian crew. I was late to this meeting, and my entry was so quiet and slow that nobody seemed to notice me walking in. I stood at the back, listening to Alberta as she spoke. "...it won't be easy. We haven't gotten any reports or sights of our girl, but I'm thinking of having us split up in groups."

"Split up?" Eddie asked. He was standing next to Dimitri, and I actually had to admire him for a second for his determination even at such a young age. "You mean searching different areas?"

"Yes," Alberta replied. "We should check as many places as possible. That includes clubs and dens in the area. We just need to be discreet."

"And how do you plan on doing that?"

Several heads turned towards me. It made me a little uneasy, but I kept my guardian mask on. Nobody had seen me upon my arrival, and my sudden words took everyone by surprise.

Before anyone could respond, I continued as I walked towards the long table in the middle of the room. Two guardians spaced themselves out, making room for me so that I was visible to everyone. "Some of those clubs are infested with strigoi. Now, I have no doubt we can all take them down, but what makes this complicated is that they're working with moroi and dhampirs—_and_ the occasional human." I looked pointedly at Damian who gave me a subtle eye roll. If there was anything we shared in common, it was our blatant attitude.

"She's right," Damian said. "Walking into a bloodwhore den like this isn't ideal unless you plan on arresting them all on the spot. Right now, you're all just looking for people with the right answers. They won't listen to any of you, but they might listen to her." Damian emphasized his point as he cocked his head towards me. He was definitely right about that. With my status, people might be willing to spare me some information.

"You're suggesting that Rose should talk to those people?" Alberta asked, crossing her arms. I exchanged eye contact with Damian, and even he didn't expect the next few words to come out of my mouth.

"I'll go undercover," I offered. Just as I expected, almost everyone in the room started to protest.

"Oh no you're not," Abe said. "You are _not _walking into one of those ever again. Not after what happened to you. Absolutely not."

"If I can find anyone who might know Sanders' whereabouts, I'm willing to do whatever it takes."

"Rose," Dimitri interrupted, "it's not happening. Unless we can come up with a way to be near you the whole time...but even then, it's risky."

"I _need _answers. There's no other way to get in without causing total chaos." Ironically, that seemed to stir things up even more. People started arguing against my decision, but at one point, it seemed like they were just talking to each other rather than to me as they tried to search for an alternative.

"What about the house?" Damian suggested. The arguments came to an end as Damian once again drew attention to himself.

"You mean..._the _house?" I asked. Just the thought of going back there made me shiver, but I didn't doubt it being a hiding spot for Nevaeh. I was pretty sure the house hadn't been touched in a while.

"Before we dive into anything, we should check the place. If Nevaeh's not there, we'll figure something else out. I just think it's worth a shot." Damian said. For a moment, I thought I could see some kind of determination in his eyes. In a way, he had cared for Nevaeh despite the horrible environment she was living in. He had done everything to keep her away from Sebastian and all his horrible plans and had been trying to figure out a way to help her escape. I wished she never had to grow up in that environment at all, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how little power Damian actually had. He was young—maybe Dimitri's age—and was often belittled by people who had been in the blood-whoring business for several years. Sebastian had been controlling him, using him as his little puppet slave for dirty work. Damian was still a little cold and had a lot of dirt on his hands, but he wasn't heartless.

"Alright," I said, making my decision. "Let's go."

* * *

**What did you think? I hope the spanking wasn't too harsh as I tried to use it for a punishment as well as therapy. I wanted Dimitri to be strict in getting his point across, but to also let her know that he loves her and is always there for her. Any (hopefully positive) thoughts are appreciated!**


	28. House of Memories

Our group had split up with three vehicles. We used the large black SUVs from the parking garage which were equipped with heavy armor. It was specially designed for guardians and was necessary if they ever needed to protect or rescue a moroi.

I had wanted to drive, but no one had even hesitated in saying no. I had a license, but for whatever reason, nobody trusted me enough to be behind the wheel. Dimitri was driving, and although I was still a little bummed out from not being in his place, I trusted him. He always knew what he was doing.

Eddie sat in the front passenger seat while Damian and I sat in the middle row. Alberta sat on her own in the very back. In the car behind us was Stan, Yuri, Abe, and Janine. The last car held the rest of the guardians that had come with us. Damian was giving directions to the house, but I occasionally made small conversation when we went down long roads that stretched for miles. We were far from Spokane now.

I was thinking about the pictures Dimitri and I had looked at and decided to pull them out from the bag I had taken with me. I was hesitant to bring them up at first, but handed the envelopes to Damian anyways.

"What's this?" he asked, opening one of the envelopes.

"Just look," I told him. He gave me a skeptical look before taking the pictures out, placing one behind the other as he skimmed through them. He paused for a few of them.

"Damian...did you take these pictures?" There was something in my voice that seemed to put everyone on edge. I was quiet, but my voice almost sounded like it was going to break. Damian was helping us now, and I needed to know if he had taken any of the horrifying pictures of me. There was an uncomfortable tension in the car as we waited for his answer.

"No," he finally confessed. "I didn't take any of these."

"You sure about that?" Eddie asked bitterly.

"Yes, I'm sure. Look, while you all have every right to hate my guts, I really was just following orders. I wouldn't stoop that low." Damian's eyes rested on me. "Seeing you like _that_ was more disturbing to me than you think."

I scoffed. "And you didn't do anything to stop."

Damian looked like he wanted to say something, but one look at the road distracted him. He uttered some directions to Dimitri, and the next thing I knew, we were driving down a familiar road surrounded by forests. I looked at Damian again, wondering if I should bring up the picture of me and him. Instead of speaking, I simply pulled it out of my bag and gave it to him.

"I don't remember this," I admitted. The remorse on Damian's face was starting to grow the more he looked at the image.

"I don't remember how much you had to drink, or many drugs you were on, but you weren't sober. You had lost a lot of blood that night, too. Those guys...I think there were multiple—they beat you. Your injuries were so bad you couldn't even walk."

I caught sight of Dimitri's eyes in the mirror which had darkened. I hoped he wouldn't lose control while he was driving. It would be like crashing the van all over again.

"I remember that part...well, the abusive part. I just don't remember what happened afterwards," I said, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. I urged Damian to keep talking. My curiosity was starting to grow despite the uneasy topic.

"You wouldn't stop crying," Damian explained, resting his gaze straight ahead as if he was looking at something far away. "I know you weren't yourself, but you only calmed down when I held you. I think that's when something in me started to break. You were talking to me about your life at the academy. You were ranting about wanting to be with your friends, about wanting to go back home and protect your loved ones from the pain you felt."

"I still do," I interrupted. "I still want to protect them. Moroi or dhampir—they're equal to me. I used to believe only the life of a moroi was worth protecting, but things have changed. Guardians are so undervalued when they're literally putting their lives at risk every single day to protect someone else. The moroi government will never understand. In fact, I'm starting to hate the whole 'they come first' crap. Our lives should be equal, not categorized into levels of importance."

My rant seemed to leave everyone speechless. Dimitri glanced at me several times, and there was a look of thoughtfulness on his face as he took my words in. He almost looked surprised to hear me say things like that, but he didn't seem disappointed or opposed.

"Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that whether my loved ones are a moroi or dhampir or human, I will always protect them. When I was kidnapped, I couldn't protect anyone. That made me feel helpless."

Damian didn't say anything else, but he didn't need to. He knew how bad things had been a long time ago, and he still felt guilty about it now. I still remembered how torturous it all was. I spent a solid two weeks as a sex slave before being turned into a strigoi hybrid. I was raped and drained of blood almost every night. Sometimes, I was even forced to watch it happen to other girls while I was drugged up and unable to do anything. The nights in which I fought back usually resulted in getting beaten up until I could barely walk. My body had been covered in bruises and cuts from head to toe, but all of them had been healed when I was turned. Regardless, all the evidence was in the pictures and videos.

"There, on the right. Turn in there," Damian said. Dimitri put his right signal on to alert the guardians behind us as he turned into another narrow road. The ground wasn't paved, and the rocks made the rest of the car ride bumpy. At the end of the narrow road was what looked like our destination: a white house surrounded by fences.

All three vehicles parked outside. As soon as the engine shut off, I opened my door and crawled out. Dimitri followed me soon after, stopping me before I could reach the fences.

"Hold on," he said, putting a hand on my shoulder. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a silver stake, handing it to me. "I wasn't going to give this back yet, but today is an exception. This is _strictly_ for your protection. Remember, this stake is your friend, and friends don't hurt each other."

I nodded, feeling a little bit guilty as I took the stake. I slipped it into the long side pocket of my leggings so that it would be tight and secure on my body. Dimitri and I walked around the car, meeting up with everyone else at the door of the fence. The lock that had once been there must have been cut off at some point as the door was now slightly open.

"The lock's broken," Abe pointed out. "Looks like someone must have visited this place."

I walked through the doorway, looking at the house to search for any signs of a break-in. "This house is pretty much abandoned now."

"Since the authorities got involved, the rest of the girls were sent somewhere else," Damian mentioned. "It was a thing with Sebastian. Any time he suspected trouble, he'd send the girls to another place. We moved around a lot."

"I wonder what would have happened if I'd moved with them; if I would have ever gotten out or been found," I said sadly. We were at the front door of the house now and had just stepped up onto the porch.

"Why do you think I was trying to help you and Nevaeh escape?" Damian asked. He was behind me now while Dimitri stayed beside me. He was checking the house through the door's window while the others checked the surroundings of the house to make sure there were no threats. I didn't answer Damian's question, but it made me wonder why he actually had such a change in heart.

The sound of the door squeaking as Dimitri slowly pushed it open diverted my attention. We both had our stakes out, ready for any threats that could have been in the house.

"I can't sense anything," I whispered. The house was just as dull as it had been the last time I was here. I felt strange being back here again, but at least I wasn't a prisoner this time.

"I'm going to go check some rooms," I started, heading for the stairs.

"Stay with him, Eddie," Dimitri ordered. I didn't even notice Eddie had been behind us the whole time. He nodded, keeping a watchful eye on Damian. Dimitri gently took my arm in that moment and led us both upstairs.

"Are you my bodyguard now?" I asked, my lips quirking up into a half smile.

"I'm just protecting what's mine," Dimitri replied casually. "Plus, with your crazy plans, it's probably best to keep an eye on you."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, nudging him in the arm. We were at the top of the stairs now. All the rooms were open, and I intended to check all of them. The house was pretty big, and if I didn't know this place, I would have thought that whoever owned the house had quite a bit of money.

"Roza," Dimitri said, tipping my chin up with his fingers. "Are you alright?"

"I think so," I answered. I still felt a little unsure of myself in this house, but my worry for Nevaeh kept me from backing out. Dimitri and I stayed upstairs but searched different rooms. Most of them only had what I'd seen last time: a floor mattress, dirty blankets, and some slutty clothes piled up on the floors. When I came across the room I had been staying in, I paused for a moment, taking the room in. Nothing had changed about it, but there were memories that lingered in here. Most of them had been with Kira. We had only really been talking for about two weeks, but she was the only close friend I had made here. I remembered her giggle, her bubbly voice when curiosity took over, and even her never-ending cries when she was upset. Even though she had been a dhampir at the time, she had also been so...human.

I left the room before my emotions could take over. Something else caught my eye in a different room—something a little more vibrant and child-like. I walked inside to find a much smaller mattress covered in a pink blanket. On the floor was a colouring book along with crayons, toys, and some children's clothes. Beside the colouring book was also a pile of paper which had been drawn and scribbled on by a variety of different colours.

My chest tightened when I realized this was definitely where Nevaeh was being kept. For four years, she was here, shortening the length of the crayons over time as her colouring book filled up. I walked closer, finally sinking to my knees near her bed. I picked up her own drawings, smiling when I saw pictures of rainbows and what looked like animals. It was all so pure and I could feel myself becoming emotional.

"Rose, it doesn't look like there's any..." Dimitri had just walked into the room when he saw me sitting there.

I put the picture down and picked up one of her old stuffed animals, brushing some of the dust away. "This was her room."

"I figured," Dimitri said, looking around at the little mess on the floor. I took his offering hand and stood, still holding the toy. It was just a basic teddy bear, but all I could see was a little toddler running around with it in her hand. My damn maternal instincts were going off.

Dimitri reached up, using his thumb to wipe a tear off my cheek. "Hey. We'll find her. No matter how long it takes, we won't stop."

"I'm so worried about her. I don't know if she's okay or where she is, or what those people are doing to her. I want to slaughter everyone who lays a hand on her. I want to keep her away from all the dangers in the world. I want her to grow up and have a good life—not surrounded by crap like this."

To my surprise, Dimitri actually smiled, looking at me with a look of admiration. "You know what you sound like?"

"Like an insane, over-protective, dramatic freak—"

"Actually," Dimitri interrupted, "you sound like a mother who wants to protect her child."

I beamed, almost taken back by his words. "I'm not even her mom."

"I'm well aware of that, but that's how you treat her. You may not be her biological mom, but you pose a fierce protectiveness for that girl that I haven't seen since the day you defended Lissa in Portland. Think about it—you gave her a safe place to stay and an opportunity to grow up in a healthy environment."

Dimitri was right. Nevaeh had been safe and happy at the academy. She had proper food and a good supply of blood to keep her healthy. She had friends too, and with my constant visits, she had someone to look after her.

"Come on," Dimitri said, holding his hand out. I slipped my hand in his, linking our fingers together and giving him a tight squeeze. He brought me downstairs where we met up with Abe, Janine, and Alberta. Dimitri and I immediately broke our hands apart when we saw my parents, but it was too late. Alberta might have known about us, but my parents didn't. Abe raised his eyebrows, but he didn't actually seem that surprised. Well, not as surprised as my mother. She opened her mouth to say something, but I cut her off.

"Where's everyone else?" I asked hastily.

"Still checking other parts of the house. We haven't found anything on this floor," Alberta informed me. I could tell she was aware of the awkward situation and gave Dimitri a sympathetic look.

"We should check the basement before we leave," I suggested. I really just wanted to break the tension, so I made my way to the basement and went down. It was just as cold and dull as I remembered. Even with the lights on, there was an uncomfortable sense of uneasiness down here. On top of that, my senses were going off again. It wasn't necessarily a strigoi...but there was something or someone here. I couldn't see a ghost, so that wasn't it either.

I kept my voice to a whisper, facing the people behind me who had followed me down. "I can feel something...or someone."

"What do you mean you can feel someone?" Janine asked, pulling out her stake. Everyone had theirs out and I was surprised to even see Abe holding one. It was rare for a moroi to carry stakes on them.

"Do you even know how to use that?" I asked him, momentarily distracted.

Abe smirked. "Believe it or not, sweetheart, I've had a good few years of training myself. They're quite handy, and it can be used on more than just strig—"

The sound of glass shattering stopped us all in our tracks. It came from the room in the far back, one I recognized the second I laid my eyes on it. It was the room I had been experimented on, the one where I had been turned into a cold-blooded monster. I swallowed, trying to push my fear away as I approached the door. Within seconds, Dimitri was beside me, moving slightly in front as if he was inconspicuously trying to protect me. As he opened the door, the bright lights from the room lit up his face. The lights were _so _bright. It had nearly blinded me when I was on the table, and it was still difficult to look at them now since I was slightly sensitive to light.

I listened closely and caught onto the sound of a rapid heartbeat and nervous breathing. It couldn't have been anyone from the group, because everyone here was fairly calm. There was someone else, and they were definitely in this room.

"Dimitri, there's someone here. I can hear them." I moved past him and stepped into the room, still trying to hold back my fear. My own breathing started to increase when I saw the metal table in the middle. The counters weren't messy as the research files had been taken somewhere else, but I could still see computers and tablets that hadn't been touched in a long time. The fridge full of blood bags was still there, enhancing my thirst. I wanted to look away and ignore it, but something else caught my eye. Between the fridge and the wall was a small space where I could see someone's foot on the ground. There was blood on it, but whoever was hiding behind in that little space wasn't a strigoi. Or were they? I was usually able to sense them easily, but right now, I was confused.

I put a finger up to my lips, telling the people behind me to be quiet. I snuck towards the corner as quietly as I could, holding up my stake. I took the opportunity to leap into the small space and grabbed whoever was hiding by the neck, pinning them to the wall. I was ready to strike their heart until my eyes met theirs...and then, my mind went blank.

"Kira?" I gasped. She was still wearing the same clothes as before, but it was now dirty and ripped up in some areas while others had dried blood. Her hair was a mess, and there were fresh tears pouring down her cheeks. It looked like she had been crying for hours based on the swelling around her eyes. Her red rings were gone, but her irises were still red. Her skin had gotten some colour back, and she wasn't nearly as cold as she had been when she had attacked me.

She was trembling so much. I could smell fear on her, and fear as strong as this was almost non-existent on a strigoi. They never cried either. They didn't hide away because they were afraid. Something was wrong here. I lowered my stake and slowly let her out of my grasp, but I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I didn't see a cold-hearted murderer. I saw a broken girl who was vulnerable and afraid. I saw someone who had just gotten their humanity back.

And then it hit me. She had taken my blood. She had changed. I turned her into a hybrid...and now we were sired.

Fuck.

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**Soo, what did you think? Rose and Kira's little sire bond (as well as Kira's humanity restoration) will be explained in the next chapter, and the damaging effects it has on her mind. Please, please review! :)**


	29. Sire Bond

"Stay back!" Kira screamed. She was terrified, cornered, and had nowhere to go. It didn't help that I was all up in her personal space. "I said stay back!"

I slipped my stake back into my pocket, holding my hand out to let her know I wasn't a threat. "Kira...I know how you must be feeling, but I need you to calm down. I'm not going to hurt you."

Kira was still shaking as she looked at the people behind me. "W-who are these people? And why is _he _here? A-are you working in the business now? You're going to take me away, aren't you? Oh god!"

Jesus Christ. If I didn't know her, I would've thought she was just insane. Maybe she was, but if her humanity had just recently been restored after being a strigoi for about two months, it was understandable. I remembered how guilty I'd felt after my first—and only—kill. I had taken the life of a moroi in this room. I could only imagine how Kira was feeling...how many people she must have killed.

I looked at the others behind me, shaking my head. "Don't kill her. She's not a strigoi. Look at her eyes. She's just like me." Dimitri was the first person to actually take a look, but Kira was so afraid and confused that she ran from her little spot. She still had incredible speed and took me by surprise when she moved all the way across the room. She couldn't exactly run away, but she had her hands on several glass bottles and medical tubes which she started throwing. She missed me every time, and all I could hear was glass shattering everywhere. This girl was out of control. I could hear people behind me approaching, yelling things to me that I ignored. I couldn't let them kill her. She wasn't what they thought she was.

"Stop!" I shouted, leaping over the glass table. Her desperate attempts to push me off were useless as she still had no idea how to fight. I had her pinned in no time, easily restraining her with my weight. She started screaming, causing me to shut my eyes in pain as the sound hurt my ears. My hearing was much stronger since I was half strigoi, so sounds like this were extremely irritating.

Nothing I did to calm her down was working, so I did something I never thought I had the ability to do before: I snapped her neck. Just like that, she was unconscious.

* * *

We had taken Kira upstairs and had her lie down on the couch in the main living room. She was still unconscious and probably wouldn't wake up for at least an hour. Seeing that she was so out of control earlier, I kept a very careful eye on her. Dimitri and Alberta stood beside her body, ready to hold her down in case she woke up. Everyone on this trip was back in the house now, and we had explained everything to them. Meanwhile, Damian and I started arguing about what we should do.

"We need to tie her up," he said.

"No!" I shouted. "That is the last thing she needs right now. She's already terrified. Tying her up will only make things worse."

"Did you not see how out of control she was? As soon as that girl wakes up, she'll probably tear this place down."

"Then I will _get_ her under control," I rasped, still wondering how I was even going to do that. "I can't let her go. She drank my blood, and now I'm fucking sired to her."

Damian's eyebrows furrowed together. "You two were always sired."

I froze. "What?"

"Sebastian turned Kira into a strigoi before you were turned. It was her venom that was injected into your body. You two have been sired this whole time. That's the only reason her humanity is coming back. Otherwise, she'd still be just as deadly as she was before."

This must have been why my senses were so crooked. It wasn't like the bond I shared with Lissa, but I could still feel Kira's presence. Even before she had taken my blood, there had been something strange about her that I was never able to shake off.

"How long have you known about this?" I asked.

"Since...since I found out you were turned," he answered.

"And you didn't tell me."

"It would have made no difference. She was already gone at that point."

My anger started to rise, and at this point, I didn't hold back the profanities that came flying out of my mouth. "It would have been nice to at least know who I was fucking sired to. Now, I've got some complicated two-way thing with her that I don't know jack shit about! On top of that, I still have a little girl to find because your stupid ass couldn't get her out of this house early enough."

This time, Damian was the one to lash out. "You think it was easy to keep her safe? Do you think for a second Sebastian would have let her live if I wasn't there?"

"You should have tried harder! You were always going out, taking girls out for business. You could have snuck her on and taken her to a hospital or a facility or something!" I stepped forward and grabbed his shirt in my hands, shaking him. "Four years, damn it! You were with her for four years!"

I was beginning to think my anger wasn't just directed towards Damian, but towards myself too. If only I had known Sanders was working with Sebastian. If only he had just taken me instead. At least she'd be safe. I was angry at both of us, but I was taking everything out on him.

"You're right," he finally acknowledged. "I should have fought harder."

"Yes, you should have," I snapped. "You should have fought for that little girl. You should have fought for me too. Even when I was drugged up, even when I was helpless or tied up or getting tortured, I always tried to fight for myself. _You_ were in charge of me when I was here and you failed. You let that monster turn me into this. Where the hell were you when that was happening? Where were you when I was _dying_?" I shoved him away, pressing a hand against my forehead. My eyes started to water with angry tears, but I quickly wiped them away. I wasn't going to cry in front of everyone.

"Rose...I'm sorry. If I knew, I would have done something," Damian whispered. "I'm not asking you for forgiveness, but I am sorry."

The sound of someone's phone ringing snapped me out of my fury, breaking the tension from my argument. It was Abe's phone, and he picked up as soon as he saw the caller ID. He didn't greet the person on the other end and got straight to the point. "Did you find anything?"

I waited in silence, realizing that whoever he was talking to must have been working with him. Abe made eye contact with me a few times as the person on the other end spoke.

"What do you mean she was working with them?" he asked, glancing at Kira's unconscious body. I had a feeling he was talking about her. "Well, if we want answers, it's going to take a while. She's different now, but she's unstable...no, we can't. Compulsion won't work."

Compulsion? What was he getting at?

"Alright, fine. We'll contact them if we can. For now, we'll have to wait until this girl can give us information. Let me know if anything else comes up." Abe hung up the phone, answering my question before I even started. "Your friend here has been working with people who are associated with Nevaeh's kidnapping. She might be useful in giving you information if she's willing to cooperate."

"I'm not sure if she will. She's too scared," I said reluctantly. Kira started to stir, setting me on high alert again. I rushed over, sitting down beside her. Her eyes started to open, and the next thing I knew, she was freaking out again.

"Get away from me!" she shrieked. Dimitri and Alberta held her down to prevent her from escaping. I kept my hands on her wrists, making sure she couldn't strike anyone.

"Kira, hey, look at me. I need you to relax. None of us are going to hurt you."

She was still crying, desperately this time. "I-I don't know what's wrong with me. I killed so many people! I almost killed _you! _I was...I was going to take you away! I was going to hand you over! I don't—I don't know why. I don't know why I can feel everything again. All those faces...oh god—"

"I know. _I know. _I've been through this. All those emotions you're feeling right now—that's just your humanity coming back."

"I-I don't understand. I'm a strigoi...I'm...I'm not supposed to feel anything!"

"Damn it, Kira, just listen to me! You remember taking my blood?" I asked her. She went quiet, rapidly nodding a second later. "You wanted my blood which means you must know you're not a strigoi anymore. Or...not entirely. All your morals, your sense of right and wrong, all those emotions you feel—that's humanity. You're just overwhelmed right now."

"No, no, no it can't be! I'm a bloody murderer! You have to kill me!" She started struggling again, nearly breaking out of our hold.

"Rose, we have to do something. We don't have sedatives right now," Dimitri warned. I was getting frustrated now and I didn't want to knock Kira out again. We were running out of time and I needed her help.

"The room upstairs. The one I shared with her. Get her up there, and I'll talk to her alone. She shouldn't have so many people around her."

"She might try to escape again," he said. I shut my eyes, mentally slapping myself for actually agreeing with the idea of tying her up. I hated that I had to traumatize her more, but I didn't know how else to get her under control.

"Damian, go get the ropes from the closet," I commanded. Kira started screaming out little protests, thrashing around on the couch. Damian still knew where everything was and moved quickly, tossing me a set of red ropes which I recognized to be the same ones he had used on me once. I stretched them out, realizing I had no idea how to actually tie someone up.

Dimitri flipped Kira onto her stomach in a flash. "Rose, hold her down," he ordered. I complied, switching places with him. He grabbed the ropes, forcing Kira's hands behind her. I watched as he tied her wrists together in a way that was so skilled and detailed that it was actually impressive. I wondered what it would be like to have him do that to me.

_Snap out of it!_

Luckily, I kept everything hidden inside, refusing to show anything on my face. I tried to push my personal feelings away and focussed on the current problem.

"She won't be getting out of this," Dimitri guaranteed. He helped me take Kira upstairs which wasn't too much of a struggle as she was now restrained. I made her sit down on the floor mattress we used to share, and she crawled up to the corner as best as she could without the use of her hands.

I pulled Dimitri into the hallway, keeping my voice down. "I have to talk to her alone. She won't talk if someone she's not familiar with is there."

"That's fine, but I'm staying here in the hallway in case anything happens. If you need my help, just call my name."

"I will," a reassured him. Dimitri sighed and patted my back before I entered the room again. I closed the door, resting my back against it. Kira had actually stopped sobbing, but tears still came out. She looked so broken. I wanted to hug her, to tell her everything would be okay and that she would get better over time. I couldn't risk scaring her anymore though, so I kept my hands off.

I approached her carefully, sitting down on the bed but refusing to touch her. "Kira...I'm sorry. I'm sorry I had to do this. I had no other choice."

"I'm a murderer," she cried, ignoring my apology. "All those memories...they're so clear. I remember all of them. All the faces. All their cries as I took their life away. You have to kill me."

"I'm not going to kill you."

"Why not? I murdered children, Rose. Children! And I didn't even care! I was going to take you away and hand you over to the strigoi. I didn't care about whether you died or not!"

Her words stung, but I didn't let it get to me. Whatever she had done as a strigoi was in the past. While I definitely agreed that it was beyond horrible, she wasn't herself at the time. She was far from evil with her humanity, so I could understand why she was feeling so guilty about it.

"You weren't yourself. The Kira that I knew before being forcefully turned was not evil," I told her.

"It—it doesn't matter," she stuttered. "It won't take back anything. All the horrible things I did. I was working with my old pimps! I helped them kidnap people!"

I wanted to ask her about Nevaeh and if she knew where she was being taken, but I had to wait. She was too overwhelmed to help me. "Kira, you are _not_ that person anymore. You're not a monster. You're a girl who got kidnapped and turned against her will."

"That doesn't...that doesn't justify my actions. And you...what even is all this? Who are those—"

"Let me explain," I interrupted. "I know this is a lot to process, but the people I'm with are guardians. We're trying to find a little girl who used to live in this house when we were locked up."

Kira slowly lifted her head. "Nevaeh?"

"You know her?" I asked. There was a hint of hopefulness in my voice.

"Y-yeah...I mean, I only saw her a few times in the house. The people I was working with knew her. I don't—I don't know how."

I couldn't help myself and asked her what I desperately wanted to know. "Do you know where she might have been taken? Or at least who she's being kept with?"

Fortunately, she had an answer. "U-um, yeah. Sebastian and some other people. He said...he said that by keeping her, he'd finally have his 'prize' back. I still don't know what he meant."

So, Abe's theory was right. Sebastian was using Nevaeh as bait. "Can you at least tell me where he was planning on keeping her?"

"I don't have an address," she said. I sighed heavily, hoping she at least had some other information. She had to know something.

"What about other people? Anyone else who might know?"

"Um...some guy...I think his name was Eric. I think he might," she answered. "I mean, I don't know for sure, but they used to work together." Somehow, talking about this seemed to calm her down. Maybe it was because her mind was focussed on something else. I needed to talk to the others about this, but I didn't want to leave her alone.

"You see?" I asked her, moving closer. "What you're telling me is helping a lot. I know this is all overwhelming for you, but you're already doing something good."

Kira shook her head as another tear escaped her eye. "I'm not good. I've become something terrible."

"No. You _were _something terrible. Now, you've given me hope."

Her eyes lit up ever so slightly even through her tears. "Really?"

I smiled. "Really. Why don't you come downstairs with me? You don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to."

"Damian's there," she mumbled. "And I don't know if I want to be around so many people."

"He's helping us right now, but you don't have to talk to him or anyone. It's just, I can't leave you alone right now. Nobody is going to hurt you."

Kira considered it, but her negative thoughts seemed to be getting to her. "I don't know," she said, leaning her head against the wall.

"Would it make you feel better if I stayed with you?" I asked. Now this definitely seemed to make her feel better.

"Promise you won't leave me?" she asked. I could see some of her old self start to creep out. She was a bit of a needy person, but she had been like that since before her transition. Back when we were locked up in here, I slept with her every day. Perhaps it had something to do with the way she was raised. Having close contact with someone she trusted just brought her comfort. While I definitely wasn't as needy as her, it had actually comforted me too during those times.

"Promise," I said sincerely. She shifted closer, and I moved behind her to untie her wrists. "But I'm warning you now that if you make any attempt to escape, I'll tie you up again." Well, Dimitri would.

"I won't run," she promised. I sighed, not quite trusting her but willing to set her free. Untying her wrists took forever and I was beginning to think Dimitri was a damn expert at complicated knots. It really made me wonder where he learned how to do this. When her wrists were finally free, she rolled them around and rubbed the skin, trying to get some feeling back into her joints.

"Come," I said, holding my hand out. She slipped her hand in mine, still shaking a little bit from her anxiety. I realized in that moment that I was shaking a little bit too, but it wasn't because I was anxious. I was getting very thirsty and it was starting to affect my body. The blood bags downstairs were several months old. If any of us drank that, we'd probably get sick.

I opened the door and faced Dimitri who was still standing in the hallway. Kira didn't say anything, but she was definitely a little intimidated. I couldn't really blame her. When Dimitri had his guardian mask on, wearing all black and standing tall, he looked like the kind of guy you'd never want to mess with. Actually, he _was _that kind of guy.

"Don't be afraid," I whispered in Kira's ear. "He's a guardian. A very _nice_ guardian." I stressed the last part, giving Dimitri a pointed stare. He held back a laugh but got the message and smiled at Kira.

I decided to let him know of some of the things we were taking about. The faster we could get out of here, the better. "I have some new information. I think we should get going soon."

Dimitri nodded. "We do too. More reports have been coming in."

"Oh, good," I said, taking deep breaths to handle my thirst. Unfortunately, that strigoi part of me couldn't ignore it. The feeling just kept stronger, and with that feeling came the annoying ability to hear people's blood rushing through their veins.

Now that I was downstairs—along with everyone else—my thirst spiked even more. I was sure my eyes must have been red and my skin was probably as white as paper, because I was already getting odd looks. I especially hated that my parents had to see me like this.

I spotted Eddie in the group who had been staring at me for a while now. "Rose? Are you okay?"

I blinked. "Huh?" Several eyes turned on me again. Dimitri noticed my change in looks now too. I didn't like to worry people, especially at a time like this, so I smiled as best I could and lied. "Yeah, of course. I'm just a little tired."

Eddie didn't take my word for it and continued to stare me down. Despite feeling vulnerable, I ignored it and told them my newly found information. "So, uh, I think the best way to go about this is if I go undercover. Before any of you make arrests, I can go in and trick Sebastian's people into thinking I'm on their side."

"Rose, wait. Think about this first," Abe interjected. "They know you care about Nevaeh. That's why she was taken away. It wouldn't make sense to walk in and suddenly act like you don't care."

Damn it. Abe was right. They would know I was up to something. Unless...unless I went in a prostitute, made it look like it was unwilling, and have Damian take me in as his 'prisoner'. But how would I convince them to give me information? Did they know even know Damian was imprisoned?

I started to glance at Kira, wondering if I should ask her to step in. They didn't know she was different which could be a huge advantage here. However, the more I stared at her, the more I pushed the thought away. She wasn't stable. I couldn't ask her to step in.

"What if I made it look unwilling?" I suggested. I actually hated the idea of doing that again even if it was planned, but I was running out of options. "I'd need a fake bodyguard to take me in, but once I get in contact with the person I'm looking for, I can get them to cooperate from there." By cooperate, I meant torturing them until they gave in.

"And who's going to act as your fake bodyguard?" Abe asked. My eyes flickered to Damian.

"Lovely," he said sarcastically. "Would you also like me to press a gun to your head and call you my prisoner?"

"Technically, you're the prisoner."

"Would you two stop? We're running out of time here," my mother said in irritation.

I rolled my eyes, but proceeded to finalize our plan. "Okay, fine. Here's how it's going to go. Kira, I'll need you to make a phone call to Eric so he knows he has someone coming for the night. I'll doll myself up and get dressed. Damian and I will go in, but the rest of you should park in the back so that nobody can see you. Have your weapons ready in case anything happens. If I remember correctly, there's a room with security cameras in the building, which means that one of you will have to _discreetly _sneak in and knock out whoever's in there."

"We'll still need a way to communicate with you," Abe pointed out.

"We have ear pieces," Dimitri informed him. "Every guardian does. They're wireless and small, so as long as she covers it with her hair, they'll never know. Only the person with the earpiece will be able to hear things. Outside, they're mute."

"Perfect," I said. My next words were laced with remorse. "All I have to do now is doll myself up."

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**I was so hesitant to post this chapter because it was hard for me to make sense of this whole thing. I'm still thinking of changing it but I'm not sure yet. What do you all think of Rose's plan? **


	30. Undercover

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for the reviews :) Sorry if the update is later than usual. I've been swamped with school work since everything is online now. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

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After rummaging through the outfits in the old closet that was once mine, I finally picked out a black lace lingerie bodysuit. I wanted to wear something that wasn't nearly as revealing as the others which were mostly two-piece sets. This was a one piece, so it at least covered my stomach—but even then, it was still _so _revealing. The lace didn't actually hide that much, and the padding in the bra was so thick it almost made my breasts look fake. It was better than the rest of the outfits, but I still felt so exposed.

I spent an hour doing my makeup while everyone else downstairs was getting ready. My eye makeup was dark and bold, and my lips were tinted pink along with a sheer coat of lip gloss. I hadn't worn this much makeup since my days here. Looking at myself in the mirror, I decided it was enough.

Now, if this had been any other circumstance, I would have admitted I looked good. Before being kidnapped, I used to have crazy fantasies about dressing up like this with Dimitri. I used to joke about it with Lissa at times, and I remembered the days where we would browse through lingerie stores and giggle at how 'fun' it would be to play around with it. A part of me still wanted to do those things, but it would be a while before something like that happened. There was nothing wrong with lingerie, but every time I saw myself wearing this, all I saw was a bloodwhore. It had been washed since the last use, but I still remembered the streaks of blood running through the fabric. I remembered people tearing it off of my body like it was just yesterday. The thought of it happening again made me anxious, but it most likely wouldn't happen tonight with guardians watching me through security cameras. I had the earpiece communication too, so if anything went wrong, I could alert them in an instant.

I found a little red trench coat inside the closet which had been sitting there, untouched even when I had been held captive. There was quite a bit of dust on it, indicating that it hadn't been worn in a very long time. I decided to wear it to cover my half-naked body. The last thing I needed was for my parents of all people to see what I was wearing.

I was about to head downstairs until I heard voices coming from the kitchen. Dimitri and Damian were the only ones left in the house to wait for me, and they were actually talking to each other. I stood at the top of the staircase and decided to briefly listen to their conversation.

"...I know you're helping us, but it doesn't change what happened in the past. You may not have hurt her the way the others did, but you should have helped her long before it got to that point." Dimitri's tone was a little harsh, but he wasn't yelling. Maybe the two men were trying to get along or at least reach some sort of understanding. To be honest, I didn't think Dimitri could ever develop any kind of friendship with someone who was affiliated with my kidnapping. He was so protective of me.

"I fucked up a lot of things," Damian sighed. "I was a coward. I never intended for Rose to be hurt so badly, but I didn't have a choice. I was just taking orders from someone who had a lot of power. The most I could do for her was offer comfort when she was in pain, but even that was risky."

Dimitri paused, and I could hear him shifting his position. "I saw that picture of you two."

"That...isn't what you think. I was trying to help her."

"I know. I don't hate you for that," Dimitri admitted. "I just want to ask you one thing, and you have to answer me honestly."

"Shoot."

"After all of this is over, you're going back to jail. So...why help? Is it because you have to, or because deep down, you actually care?" Dimitri asked.

"Both, really," Damian answered after a few moments. "You could say I was forced, but...I do care. I care about Rose. I know people think differently, but I there's nobody in this world that could possibly hate me more than I hate myself. I hate myself for what I did to her, for what I let happen to her. I care about Nevaeh too. I want both of them to be okay despite what happened. I live with the guilt everyday."

"I don't entirely trust you, Damian, but I believe you care. Listen, the only thing you can do now is move forward. Help Rose find what she's looking for. You didn't protect her then, but you can help protect her now. Will you?"

"I'll do whatever it takes."

"Alright," Dimitri said firmly. I knew their conversation had come to an end and finally headed downstairs. The looks I got from both of them were consuming. I was covered, but the amount of makeup I had on probably caught their attention. I wore a little bit of makeup at the academy, but it was usually just natural and didn't hide much. Right now, I looked like I was about to go on stage.

Damian had seen me like this countless times, so this was nothing new to him. On the other hand, Dimitri couldn't pull his eyes away. It wasn't necessarily in a checking-me-out kind of way considering the regretful circumstances, but even he hadn't seen me look this dolled up before. Okay, maybe he _was _checking me out, but he was good at hiding his emotions. Plus, he probably didn't want to make me uncomfortable.

"You forgot these," Damian reminded me, holding up a pair of black open-toe stiletto heels.

"I am _not_ wearing those."

"Would you rather go in barefoot?" he asked.

"Yes, actually, I would. Those shoes are bloody annoying." I had worn them a few times, and I absolutely hated them. I had worn heels in the past for school dances and events, but these heels were _very_ scandalous.

Damian rolled his eyes, shoving the shoes into my chest. "Just put them on."

Reluctantly, I slipped my feet into the uncomfortable shoes and stood, resting my weight back to get a better sense of balance. I grabbed one of the car keys from the counter, but before I could even open the front door, he snatched the keys away from my hand. "Nice try."

"Hey!"

His only response was to open the door and usher me out. The amount of looks I got as soon as I walked out of the house was uncomfortable. It was darker now, but my makeup was visible from a mile away. I completely avoided eye contact with my parents and rushed to the car, waiting by the front seat until Dimitri unlocked the doors. A hand touched mine, and I turned around to find Kira standing by my side again. She still had a sad look on her face, but she seemed to be doing better now than before.

"Rose...I'm so sorry about everything," she said. "I didn't mean to cause more problems for you. I wish I could do something else to help you."

"Hey." I cupped Kira's face in my hands, tipping her head up until our eyes were levelled. "You don't have to do anything else. You called someone who still thinks you're strigoi. For someone who just got their humanity back, that must be a lot. All of this is, so thank you. The only thing I want you to do now is sit tight and be strong, okay?"

She nodded, pulling me in for a hug. It was the first time hugging her in a few months, and it brought a smile to my face. She was broken and emotionally unstable, but she would be okay. She might have needed a load of help along the way, but I was willing to give that to her once this was all over. We had both gone through some terrible things together and could help each other.

"Get in," I said softly, opening the back door for her. She crawled in, moving behind the middle row so that she could sit in the very back, right behind Damian. I moved into the front seat, nearly running into Eddie.

"Damn it," he muttered, sulking as he took the middle row.

I smirked, climbing into my seat. "My turn to get shot gun, buddy."

"Fine. I'll _allow _it this time," he teased. I reached back and punched him playfully in the arm, hearing Dimitri chuckle as he started up the engine.

The drive wasn't long, but the closer we got, the more anxious I became. I noticed Dimitri's hand on the gear stick and slowly reached out, placing my shaking hand on his.

"You're nervous," he realized, stroking my pinky finger with his thumb.

"Of course. I'm about to walk into rape territory."

"Rose," Dimitri scolded, darting his eyes to the back seat through the rear-view mirror. With a very fragile and unstable girl in the back who had experienced the same things as me, I needed to be careful with my words.

"Sorry," I muttered. I remained quiet for most of the ride until we started to approach what looked like a small town. Well, more like a ghost town. It was so quiet here at night.

"We're almost there," Dimitri informed me. I groaned, tapping my foot nervously on the floor of the car. Dimitri always knew when I was feeling off and didn't hesitate to check in. "Rose, if you're having seconds thoughts, you really don't have to do this. We've called for backup. We can just arrest those people on the spot if you don't want to go in."

"No, no I have to. I'll go in first. Once I get what I need, I'll leave it to you from there."

Dimitri sighed, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. He hated the whole plan. He hated the idea of me going in and potentially being touched. He hated anyone who tried to hurt me. I hated it too, but I needed to know where Nevaeh was, and I was desperate. If I had to torture someone to get what I wanted, I would.

"Remember to park in the back," Damian prompted as we approached the club. Dimitri made a tight turn, pulling into a small space behind the building. As soon as everyone parked and the headlights went out, we were left in darkness.

Dimitri pulled something out of his pocket. "Alright," he began reluctantly. "Listen to me very carefully. This is the earpiece you'll have, so make sure to keep it hidden behind your hair. Every one of us will have one, and we'll all be connected so we can talk to each other. We'll be watching you through the security cameras to make sure you're okay, but if at _any_ point you feel unsafe or in need of help, tell us. For your own safety, you must follow any instructions given to you by any of us. Do you understand?"

I nodded rapidly, taking his advice seriously. I was still so nervous, but knowing I'd be able to talk to everyone made me feel slightly better. I wouldn't be drugged this time either, but it still didn't take away the dread I had inside.

"Eddie and I will break into the security office. It's in the basement, right?" Dimitri asked.

"Yeah. That stairway in front of us leads to it. Be stealthy and make sure to knock the guy out before he alerts anybody."

"That won't be a problem," Eddie said enthusiastically.

Dimitri paused, squeezing my hand. "Are you ready?"

I took a deep breath, trying to relieve some of the anxiety that still coursed through my body. I had to be brave. I had to stay strong. There were a lot of horrible memories from this place, but I couldn't let that control me. I had to remind myself that I was stronger now and that I could fight back if I wanted to. I wasn't helpless anymore.

"I'm ready," I told him. We left the car after that, meeting up with everyone else outside. The cold air hit my bare legs and chest, but it didn't make me shiver the same way it used to. My anxiety made the space in the car feel too tight, so being outside was actually quite refreshing.

My mom approached me with Abe in tow. She looked remorseful. "I can't believe we're letting you do this," she said, shaking her head.

"Trust me on this one," I replied. "I know what I'm doing."

"Of course you do," she muttered. I wasn't sure if I should have taken that as a passive aggressive insult, but I didn't have much time to think about it before she spoke again. "Listen, I know our relationship is complicated, but you're still my daughter. It doesn't matter if you resent me or what not. I'll kill anyone who tries to hurt you."

"I know," I said with a sad smile. "Just stay with Dimitri and the others for now. I'll let you know when to come in."

"Speaking of you and Dimitri—"

"Janine, will you come look at this?" Behind us, Abe's voice called for my mother. He must have been eavesdropping—_and_ saving me from an awkward chat I didn't want to have. Luckily, she complied, dropping the subject. I mouthed a 'thank you' to Abe who shot me a wink.

"Rose," Damian called. "We're about to go in."

We were standing right behind the door now. I dreaded what I was about to see inside the building and started to wonder if it would make me go crazy if it was too much. "I'm starting to question my sanity."

A hand touched my shoulder, and I realized Dimitri was still here. He was about to go down with Eddie but probably wanted to stay until I was inside. Without giving it a second thought, he wrapped his hands around my head and pressed his lips to mine, kissing me right on the spot. I was shocked at first with so many people around us, but at this point, Dimitri was probably over with keeping our relationship a secret. To be honest, so was I. In a moment as stressful as this, Dimitri's kiss was reassuring. He trusted me to pull myself together.

Unfortunately, Damian's voice broke us apart, but I knew we had to get going. "Alright, love birds, let's go."

Dimitri pulled away, heading towards Eddie who had been watching us. "Be brave," he said firmly. I nodded, shaking off my nerves again. Damian was getting impatient now, so I hurried over, rushing through the doorway. The place was still the same as I'd last seen it. It was dark, and the smell of drugs and blood was strong. There were strigoi here, and I even recognized some of them. Looking at them used to make me feel afraid, but now I just felt angry. I wanted nothing more than to watch them all burn in the sun.

A slight buzzing noise in my ear pulled me out of my dangerous thoughts. Dimitri's voice rang through the earpiece. "Rose? Can you hear me?"

"Yeah, I can hear you," I answered.

"Perfect. We're in the security office. We can see you guys through the cameras. Are you okay?"

"I think so." Was I okay? Physically, yes. Mentally? Debatable.

Damian's lips moved down to my other ear. He tugged on the sleeve of my short trench coat. "You should take this off now."

"Can't I wait until I get into a private room?" I asked in annoyance.

"One of the rules of this club is that females stay revealed. If you keep yourself covered, people here might suspect you. Believe me, it's better to do it now than to have someone else rip it off of you."

I groaned. "Sorry, mom and dad. I think you should look away from the cameras now."

I started to take off the belt and undo the buttons, slipping the material off of my now exposed skin. When Damian thought I wasn't looking, I caught him staring at me. It wasn't in a creepy way, but rather just a brief skim of his eyes that had a hint of admiration. He looked away as soon as he realized he'd been caught.

"What's wrong?" I asked coyly. "It's not like you haven't seen me like this before."

"You caught me off guard, that's all," he said, avoiding eye contact. I wasn't sure what it was about this man, but I started to wonder if he had some secret attraction to me. Even back when I was his little prisoner, he always looked at me in ways they he never did with anyone else. When he did, it wasn't creepy or predatory. More like...desire and admiration. It was hard to tell since he was actually quite good at hiding his feelings, but I saw it in him.

I spoke without thinking. "Do you like me?" I blurted out stupidly.

Damian froze, completely stunned by my question. Even with the loud music, I could hear his pulse start to quicken. "What?"

I shook my head, trying to hide my embarrassment. "Nothing. Take my arm."

Damian was still thinking about my question, but didn't say anything else. He grabbed my upper arm, being gentle this time rather than forceful as he led me closer to the crowd. "I'm going to let you go on your own now. I'll stay somewhere close so that I can still see you. Find someone to talk to and ask for the club owner. If they don't know, ask someone else."

Dimitri spoke through my ear again. "Make sure you watch her."

"I will," Damian ensured him. He noticed my hesitation and placed his hand on my lower back, giving me a small push. "You'll be okay. We're all here."

"Thanks," I murmured. Doing this was definitely pushing my limits, but I didn't let my fear control me. As I walked through the heated club, several eyes were on me within seconds. I tried my best to ignore the dirty looks, but it was inevitable. Seeing a "new" girl—particularly one that didn't look fucked up and used yet—made people want to claim me as their prize.

I avoided looking anyone directly in the eyes, but I could hear everyone's whispers as I walked through the crowd.

"Take a look at that one."

"How much is she?"

"C'mon, baby girl, don't be shy now."

I clenched my teeth, trying to keep myself under control. If I lashed out now, my entire plan would crumble. I tried to stay control but nearly lost it when someone grabbed my ass from behind me. If any of the girls here showed resistance or started fighting, they'd surely be beaten or immediately drugged. I couldn't have any of that happening if I wanted to stick to the plan, so I held back my urge to beat up whoever had just touched me.

It didn't end there. Their hands were everywhere, groping me in ways that made my blood boil. This wasn't exactly new for me, but it was disgusting. It made me wonder how some people did this willingly. I mean, it wasn't my place to judge them if it was their choice, but it definitely wasn't something I would ever do. Unfortunately, most of the girls were here by force.

"I can't take this anymore. I'm going in," Dimitri growled. I could hear the anger in his voice as well as some shifting in the background until Abe stopped him.

"Dimitri, wait. Believe me, this is just as disturbing for me to see as it is for you, but we can't step in yet. We'll have our way with them soon, but we have to wait. They'll be locked up soon."

If they were only getting locked up, they were lucky. God forbid they ever experience the torture methods I had in my head.

I found an opening near the bar and moved quickly. I needed to find someone to talk to, and there was a man sitting on one of the bar stools. I paled, realizing I knew him from my first night here. He was a strigoi, and he had compelled me to stay calm when I had freaked out. He was alone now.

I sat next to him, flipping my hair back to get his attention. "Excuse me," I said, alternating my voice so that I sounded shy and intimidated. He noticed me instantly, flicking his deadly red eyes on me. I'd almost forgotten how cold his eyes were. Those eyes had stared me down while he had forced himself on me. That night was still a bit of a blur, but I remembered him. I wondered if he remembered me.

"Yes?" he asked. His eyes kept skimming my body, constantly looking me up and down. It actually astounded me that I wasn't having a panic attack.

"I'm looking for the owner of this club," I said, placing my hands behind me. "Would you happen to know where he is?"

"Can't tell you," he said emotionlessly.

"Well...I have a session with him. You know what happens if we're late for our clients."

"Did you misunderstand? I can't help you, pretty girl."

"Look somewhere else and stay away from him," I heard Dimitri tell me. I pursed my lips, abruptly leaving my chair.

"Unless," the man started, "you offer me something in return."

"And what would that be?" I asked hesitantly. He came closer, moving my hair back with his hand.

"Just a little taste," he said, showing me his sharp fangs.

"Don't do it, Rose. Leave him _now_," Dimitri commanded. I wanted information, but I wasn't about to give myself away. I was already low on blood myself, and I couldn't waste my energy.

"I'm reserved for someone else," I said curtly, stepping back. He grabbed my arm this time, pulling me against his body in a grip that didn't allow me to leave.

"You know, you look awfully familiar. It's almost as if I can remember the taste of your blood on my tongue. Even your smell is intoxicating. The feeling of you fighting me while I took you as my own. That scared look on your face while you cried for us to stop. I remember all of it...and believe me, I would do it _all_ over again."

I was shaking. Not out of fear, but out of anger. It could have been a mix of resentment and the darkness of spirit seeping through my veins, but either way, I was very angry. So angry that I thought I could start to feel my fangs come out. This guy didn't seem to know about my transition yet and I was afraid I was going to expose myself.

"I'm taking him down first," Dimitri said menacingly. If it was possible, he sounded even more angry than me.

"No way. I'd rather be the one to kill him," Janine said.

"If I get my hands on him, he'll be wishing he was dead," Abe threatened. I would have said something too, but I had to stay quiet. I saw Damian coming up to us, rushing through the crowd. He hadn't been that far away and was quick to notice my situation.

"Marie, you're late. Let's go before your client beats you to the curb," he said, using a voice that was so threatening it would have intimidated me if I didn't know him. He grabbed my arm, yanking me away from the strigoi. If it weren't for him, I probably would have lost it. He pulled us into a nearby hallway which was surprisingly empty but still dark. The only light was coming from the dim red lights on the walls.

"Are you alright?" he asked. I pushed him away as my rage started to take over, but he was quick to react. His speed was actually impressive for a human.

"Rose, you're not thinking clearly—"

"Oh, I'm thinking _very _clearly," I snapped, pushing him again. While Damian was definitely stronger than the average human, there was no way to surpass me.

"No, you're not. You need to calm down," he said desperately, pinning me against the wall. When I started fighting him again, he held my wrists against the wall. "Rose, think about this. Think about Nevaeh. She's scared and alone and she needs you. Remember what I told you at the royal court? Don't lose yourself."

I stopped struggling, taking in the severity of his words. I had to save Nevaeh. I had to find her. That was the whole reason for all of this. I couldn't lose control.

"Shit," I gasped, sulking. If Damian wasn't holding me against the wall, I probably would have fallen. "I almost lost it. I'm sorry."

"Are you okay though?" he asked. He seemed genuinely worried and I successfully held back my tears. Now was not a good time to get sentimental.

"He deserves to die," I croaked. "They all need to die." Damian pulled back, but I wasn't having that. I leaned my forehead against his chest, grabbing the fabric of his jacket in my fists. It surprised us both, but there was nothing intimate or awkward about it.

"I know you're angry and you have every right to be," he whispered. "But right now, we need to find out where Sebastian is. Can you do that?" he asked, pulling back to cup my face. I nodded, still feeling angry but otherwise okay.

"I spoke to someone when you were at the bar. Come with me," he said, grabbing my arm again. I let him lead me down the hallway and up some stairs. I ended up taking my shoes off at some point since they were pissing me off.

"It's the room on the very end," he said, pointing to the room at the end of the hallway. "He's inside. I'll be out here."

I parted from him again, slowly walking towards Eric's room. Without shoes, I was left barefoot, meaning my footsteps were inaudible and difficult to detect. I knocked on his door, hearing a bit of shuffling in the room on the other side. Eric opened it, and whatever smug look he had on his face immediately disappeared as soon as he saw me. "Marie..."

"Eric," I greeted. "Did you miss me?"

* * *

**I'll admit, I had to re-read this chapter over and over again, constantly making changes because I was really unsure about it. Please let me know what you thought. It helps a lot! Also, I hope everyone here stays safe, so keep washing your hands :D**


	31. Looking for Answers

**Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Just a quick heads up that there is a bit of torture in this chapter (although I tried to make it less detailed). I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think.**

* * *

Eric's room was dark and messy, and it looked like there had been someone else in here not too long ago. The smell of drugs and alcohol wasn't hard to detect. I had no idea how many people had been intimate in here, but there was nothing clean about this room. I felt like if I touched anything, I'd have to bathe myself in rubbing alcohol.

"Jeez. The least this guy could do is clean up," I heard Eddie say through my ear. "It looks like a junkyard just threw up in his room."

I hid my laugh with a fake cough, covering my mouth. Eric closed and locked the door, completely oblivious to my hidden laughter. I walked over to a table by the wall which was facing the bed and leaned my hip against the side.

"I didn't expect to see you here. I was told I'd have a familiar worker, but I didn't expect it to be you. In fact," Eric said, coming closer, "I thought you escaped."

"Lie," Dimitri said.

"Yeah, well, I didn't get very far. That's why I'm here. I was tortured for hours," I said, dropping my face to look sad.

"Good. Maybe this time, you won't waste your time trying to escape."

I didn't reply as Eric started to pour an alcoholic drink into a glass. Things were moving too slowly, so I changed the subject. "You sent me those pictures."

"So you got those. What did you think? Don't I have great photographers?"

I scoffed. "Yeah. You also have good cameras. So good that I could practically see every pore in the background faces."

Eric paused, looking up at me from his drinks. "You know, you sure have an attitude for someone who was just recently tortured."

"So I've been told," I muttered.

Eric cocked his head to the space behind me. "Grab me that bottle opener behind you."

I would have told him to get it himself, but I forced myself to keep my mouth shut and just did as he asked. As soon as I turned around, I heard some soft whispers and swears through the earpiece. Dimitri's voice sounded worried and had a huge hint of warning. "Rose, do _not_ drink what he poured you. He just spiked it."

I swallowed, remaining as calm as possible as I handed Eric the bottle opener. He opened what looked like a new bottle of the same drink he had poured into my glass, and I suddenly had an idea.

"It's hot in here," I complained. "Do you have towels or something?"

"Yeah. Hold on," Eric said, walking into the small washroom in the room. When he wasn't looking, I quickly swapped our drinks, keeping my eyes on him to make sure he didn't see anything.

"Smart girl," Abe said proudly. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

Eric came back with a towel, throwing it against my chest. "So," he started, picking up his glass, "obviously, you were brought here for services. I take more time than most clients here, but I still expect a job well done."

I gave him a fake smile, taking a sip of my beverage. "Of course."

Still holding his drink, he sat down on the bed and motioned for me to sit next to him. His bed was probably infested with germs which only made me feel so much worse. I cautiously sat down and could barely keep the bitterness out of my voice. "What did you want for tonight?"

He traced my bottom lip with his finger. "With those lips...definitely fucking your mouth."

I blanched, nearly choking on the alcohol. The whispers in my ear were getting angry.

"I'm definitely cutting this guy's dick off," Dimitri said.

"I'll knock his teeth out," Abe chimed in. "Or maybe I'll take away his sight. Maybe both."

"I definitely will," I said out loud, nearly gasping when I realized what I'd just done.

"What?" Eric asked.

"Oh, I-I mean I'll definitely do that," I stammered, hoping I sounded believable.

"Good," he said, relaxing again. He placed his hand on my thigh, tracing the skin with his hand. He started going on about all the things he wanted me to do for him and it eventually got to the point where it wasn't even making me angry anymore. Instead, I got bored and really just wanted him to shut up. Over time, his speech started to slur a little bit and I knew the drugs were kicking in.

"This looks nice on you," he commented, running his fingers along the straps of my lingerie. "But it would be even nicer if we could take it off..." As soon as he pulled down the straps and nearly exposed my breast, I stepped away from the bed with a speed so fast it took him by surprise.

"Hey, what the hell are you—" Eric stood up from where he was sitting only to immediately fall on the ground.

"Is your head hurting?" I asked. My tone was very passive-aggressive.

"I need some fucking water. I'm probably just tripping," he said, pressing a hand against his forehead. He started ordering me to help him and get him water, but I simply stood there and watched. In the past, it had always been me. I was always drugged, helpless, and abused. Now, it was the opposite. I was in charge, and he was about to get tortured.

As soon as he passed out, I spoke to my crew. "What now?"

Abe was the first person to respond. "He'll be out for a while. Tie him up and wait for us while we take everyone else. Dimitri and I will be up soon."

* * *

I tied Eric up to a chair and waited for nearly half an hour. I wanted to go down to see what was going on while he was still unconscious, but I couldn't risk leaving him alone. I just hoped Abe or Dimitri had some extra clothes for me.

The door burst open behind me. I whipped my head around, ready to fight whoever had walked in until I saw who it was. "Took you long enough."

"Taking those guys out wasn't exactly a walk in the park. Not without hurting and scaring the victims at least," Dimitri explained. I noticed he had some tiny cuts on his face as well as small bruises that were starting to form. I wondered how many people he had just fought.

"Are you okay?" I asked, brushing my finger tips against his skin.

"This is nothing to me," he said, not even flinching when I touched a bloody cut. Abe walked in, holding what looked like something I could change into.

"Get dressed," he said, tossing it into my arms. I quickly changed into the clothes I had been wearing before. It was a relief to finally take the lingerie off.

"Take this," Dimitri said, handing me my stake.

"You should take a break, Rose," Abe said. "We can take over from here."

"No way," I protested. "If there's anyone here who deserves to see this bitch suffer, it's me."

"I'm not sure whether to feel worried or proud to see this brutal side of you," Abe remarked. He was staring at Eric whose head hung sideways as he slept.

I grinned. "At first, I thought I got it from you. Now, I'm beginning to think it's just a strigoi thing."

Dimitri chuckled as his eyes toured the mess on the table. "No, I think that's just a you thing."

"Thanks, Comrade," I said sarcastically, hearing Abe scoff behind me. I reached out and grabbed Eric's hair, pulling his head back. My hand came into contact with his cheek, slapping him so hard the chair almost tipped over. I really needed to stop waking people up like this.

Just like that, Eric was awake. He blinked, not completely aware of what was happening until I leaned down, resting my palms on my knees. He was drowsy, but the look in his eyes told me he could see me very clearly.

"I'm sorry, did I disturb your sleep?" I asked sweetly.

"What...what the hell is this?" he croaked.

"I switched our drinks, idiot. And now you're here. By the way, your entire club has been raided by the authorities, so I suggest you start talking."

Eric lifted his head, now noticing Abe and Dimitri on either side of me. "I thought it was strange of you to walk in all by yourself."

I ignored his comment and used the stake to lift his chin up, silently threatening him with the weapon. "I know Sebastian is out of jail. He has a little girl, and I'm sure you know who I'm talking about. I need you to tell me exactly where he is."

Eric laughed, looking up at me as if I was crazy. "And what makes you think I'd do that? In fact, why don't you just make it easy for yourself and compel me? I've got nothing to lose, right?"

I could in fact compel him if I wanted to, but I had other ideas in mind. Compulsion was too easy. "Now where's the fun in that?" I taunted, dragging the stake down his skin. I applied more pressure at his neck, piercing his skin and causing him to bleed. His eyes clenched as he clenched his teeth, hiding his growl of pain.

"Where is Sebastian?" I asked him. My voice was dripping with venom.

"I'm not telling you," he gasped out through his teeth. This time, I brought the stake up before bringing it down, stabbing it straight through his thigh. His scream was loud and it was obvious I was causing him pain. While I could imagine myself torturing someone—whether it be for revenge or information—the last thing I expected was to enjoy it. It wasn't like I took pleasure in it, but a darker part of me wanted to see him suffer. I wanted to see all my rapists suffer. Even if I tortured every single one of them individually, none of them would ever be able to experience the pain I felt.

"You son of a bitch!" Eric shrieked. I stepped back and sighed, turning to face Abe and Dimitri.

"This is going to be a long night."

* * *

As time passed by, I let Abe and Dimitri in on their fair share of torture. So far, the only thing we discovered was that Sebastian wasn't alone. It wasn't very helpful, but Eric was so stubborn. We had all tortured him in our own brutal ways that would have made me sick to my stomach when I was a normal dhampir. After the crap I'd seen and gone through however, my mind was now twisted. It scared the crap out of me.

Eric was bruised and bleeding, but I wasn't done yet. I wasn't going to give up until he gave me proper answers. I clearly wasn't getting through enough, so I stabbed him again—this time in his abdomen. _"Where is he?!"_ I roared. For the first time all night, Eric looked scared. Like, really scared. Even the men behind me flinched. I didn't sound like myself at all. I sounded like a monster.

"Fuck, okay!" he cried. "T-there's a house—a-a mansion."

"Where is it?" I demanded. When he didn't answer me, I twisted and moved the stake around, causing him to cry out again.

"Colville!" he yelled. "It's—somewhere—near Colville—"

"An address! Give me an address!"

"Westside road. I don't—" He was coughing between his words. "I don't remember the numbers."

"Rose, go alert the others," Abe ordered. "We'll finish him off here."

I whipped my head around, giving Abe an incredulous look. "Don't I deserve the final hit?"

Dimitri placed a hand on my shoulder. "You've done enough. Go find that address, okay?"

I sighed but did as I was told and left the room. While I didn't stick around to watch whatever Dimitri and Abe were doing, I could still hear Eric's screams and pleas on the way out. Usually, hearing someone beg so painfully made my heart ache, but that wasn't the case here. I had no sympathy for the people who had put me through so much pain and trauma.

As I ran down the hallway, I passed by a room where I could see a young dhampir girl curled up into a ball on the floor. She was crying into her arms. I paused in the doorway, cautiously stepping forward while trying not to scare her. She noticed me right away and gasped, flicking some of her brunette locks away from her wet face.

"Hey," I whispered. "Are you okay?" I stepped closer, causing her to curl further in on herself. "I'm not going to hurt you. I can get you out of here. Can I come in?"

Tears still came down, but she slowly nodded. Keeping my eyes on her, I walked over and kneeled down to her level, taking in her features. In a way, she looked like a younger version of me. Dark brown hair, brown eyes, and tan skin I once had. She looked so young.

"I'm going to help you," I told her.

"How?" she asked. "Th-they'll hurt you...they'll hurt all of us. They'll hurt me too."

"No one will hurt you. I came here as an undercover. There are tons of guardians outside to help."

"What? Are you serious?" she asked. I could see a glimmer of hope through her teary eyes. She started breathing heavily, but it sounded like it was out of relief rather than fear.

"I'm serious," I answered with a smile. In that moment, someone else walked in, and I quickly moved into a defensive stance over the girl until I realized it was just Dimitri. He was about to say something but closed his mouth when he saw us.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, keeping his voice soft. I relaxed, looking back at the girl whose lips started to tremble in fear.

"Hey, it's okay," I said. "He's a guardian. He won't hurt you. He's here to help."

She kept her arms around herself, but she didn't seem so afraid of him anymore. I wanted to get her out of here as soon as possible, so I asked her a few more questions to make sure she was comfortable.

"What's your name?"

"Chloe," she replied, wiping one of her tears away.

"And how old are you, Chloe?"

"Um...f-fourteen."

I flinched, briefly glancing towards Dimitri. Chloe's answer had completely blown him away and he took a deep breath, sighing sympathetically.

"How long have you been here?" I prompted.

"I-I don't know...maybe a few months. I—" she looked like she was on the verge of tears again as she struggled to get her next words out. "I'm so stupid. I ran away from home. I have to call my mom...I have to see her again." And that's when she lost it. She burst into tears, and it took everything in me to resist holding her. I wasn't sure if she wanted physical contact.

"Chloe, look at me," I said softly, and she did. "I understand why you're scared. I was a victim here too. We can get a hold of your parents, but we have to get out of here, okay? The people outside will take good care of you."

Thankfully, Chloe didn't give us a hard time. She seemed relieved to get out. To my surprise, she held her hands out and let me help her up. I didn't know what had been done to her tonight, but she was clearly exhausted and worn out.

"Do you know who was with you tonight?" I asked her on the way out.

"He was a strigoi. I don't know him though," she said. I had a feeling I already knew who she was talking about, but I didn't ask her any further questions. She was already in enough distress.

The club was now almost empty with only a few women who stayed behind. Like Chloe, some of them were young, and the majority of them were here by force. Guardians were making an effort to help them which made me feel a little bit better.

Outside, several arrests were being made. The strigoi had been flat out killed, but everyone else was being sent to jail. Strigoi or not, these people were evil. The fact that a lot of them weren't strigoi was actually worse. They were supposed to have humanity. They were supposed to have morals and a sense of right and wrong. I didn't see any of that.

I spotted a large van used by guardians which had some of the other victims in the back, ready to be transported somewhere else for help. Most of them were women, but to my surprise, I even saw a boy in there. I knew men could get trafficked despite the percentages being lower, but this was the first time actually seeing it with my own eyes. I hoped he was okay. I hoped all of them were.

"I'll be right back," I told Dimitri, facing the van. He nodded in understanding before I guided Chloe to the vehicle. A female guardian was just outside, squinting her eyes when she saw me. "You must be guardian Hathaway's daughter. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said honestly. "This is Chloe. I found her in one of the rooms."

"Okay. We'll take care of her," she reassured me, smiling warmly at Chloe. Before I could leave, Chloe grabbed my hand.

"I didn't get your name," she said.

I smiled, turning my head over my shoulder. "Rose."

Chloe watched me a little longer, but I didn't stick around to talk. My work tonight was far from over. I had to find Nevaeh now. Kira was off my list of things I had to deal with for now as she had decided to go with the rest of the victims. I'd still be there for her when I had the chance, but not now.

I found Dimitri who was leaning against one of the SUVs, looking down at a tablet with Abe. "Did you find anything?" I asked them.

"We have an address. Sort of," Abe answered. "It's in the middle of nowhere, but we can track it on the GPS. It's just outside of Colville, near Westside Road. It's only a half hour from here."

"We need to go," Dimitri said urgently. "Get in the car."

"Can I drive?"

"No."

I rolled my eyes, stubbornly crawling into the front seat. Behind me, another person jumped in.

"Man, that was fun. You should have seen the look on those guys' faces when I took them down," Eddie exclaimed. Just like Dimitri, he had a few bruises on his face, but for the most part, he was okay.

"You should be proud of yourself," Dimitri said, starting up the car.

"I could've been better, but it was still worth it. They deserved a lot more than what I gave them. There's a special place in hell for abusers and rapists."

I shook my head. "Hell is a luxury. Put them in solitary confinement for a week and see what happens. Or maybe they'll drop the soap bar in jail and then—"

Before I could finish my unruly comment, another person jumped in beside Eddie. It was Abe.

"Excuse me. Got caught up with Janine there," he said gruffly. Dimitri started pulling out of the parking lot while the others followed closely behind.

"Okay, seriously. Are you two getting back together?" I asked.

"That's something I'd rather not discuss right now. Believe me, there are a lot of things that need to be addressed in regards to _relationships_," he said, stressing the last word, "but it'll have to wait."

Dimitri cleared his throat. "Mr. Mazur..."

Abe chuckled. "Relax, son. Your intentions with my daughter are questionable, but you're a good man. An interesting one too."

"Oh, for god's sake. Where's his next turn?" I asked, making both of them laugh. For the next half hour, Abe gave directions while I stared at the dark road ahead of us. I really wanted to find this little girl. Over the past few months, I had grown so attached to her. I wasn't sure if it was because we were both shadow-kissed, or the fact that I just had a strong urge to protect and nurture her. With her looks, she actually reminded me of a younger version of Lissa, so that could have been another reason. There could have been a number of reasons, but either way, I loved her. A part of me wanted to be there for her while she grew up, but if I was going to be a guardian, it wasn't an option. It made me feel so...sad.

I was lost in my thoughts until Dimitri grabbed my hand. "Roza? Are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh, I'm fine. Are we almost there?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Yes. Get ready," he said. Abe instructed him to turn into a small, unpaved road. At the end, I could see the house Eric must have been talking about. And boy, was it big. Unlike the first house we had gone to, this one had lights on. As soon as we parked, I got out of the car, taking my stake out. There were definitely strigoi here, and there was more than one.

"Rose, slow down," Dimitri said when I started striding to the house. "It's dangerous in there. You can't go in alone."

"I'm perfectly capable of—"

"Taking care of yourself. I know. You've proved that to me more times than I can count, but given the circumstances and the fact that you're still a target means you can't be alone. Don't react on impulse."

"Right." I was trying to listen to him, but all I could think about was that damn house. God only knew what was going on in there.

My mother snuck up behind me, keeping her voice down. Like everyone else, she had her stake out. "Abe and I will go in through the back. Eddie, stay with Alberta and guard the side. Stan and Yuri are on the other side. Everyone else will circle the perimeter."

"Hold on. Where the hell is Damian?"

"Boo."

I spun around, noticing Damian's figure standing right behind me. I punched his arm in annoyance. "Ha-ha, very funny. Can we go now?" I asked, striding towards the house.

I caught Dimitri shooting Damian a death glare before he quickly caught up to me. We were at the front door, spacing ourselves out at the side so that whoever was inside couldn't see us through the glass window in the middle. I reached out, placing my hand on the door knob and slowly twisting. The door was locked, so I forced my hand down and broke the knob off.

"How did you do that?" Dimitri asked me in bewilderment.

"I have no idea," I answered, tossing the knob away. Slowly, I pushed the door open, giving everyone a nod when I saw a clear hallway. The area in the front was open and the first thing I saw was a large staircase. A bright crystal chandelier lit up the hall at the top of the high ceiling.

Through the back doors, I could hear footsteps and prepared myself for whoever was coming. Before any of us could attack though, we were only met by my parents. They had come in from the back.

"The perimeter is clear, but we've got other guardians surrounding the area," Abe informed us. "Anyone inside?"

"We haven't found anything, but I can feel their presence."

"Strigoi?" Dimitri asked. I nodded, furrowing my eyebrows together. The fact that I could sense strigoi without being able to see them was fucking infuriating.

From the corner of my eye, I saw movement from the room on the left. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who had seen it, but it all happened so fast that I only caught a glimpse of what happened. A strigoi leapt out from around the corner, ready to attack me when another tall figure shoved me out of the way to block me. It was Dimitri, and he had jumped in front of me, colliding with the strigoi and taking them both to the ground.

My first instinct was to help him, but it was impossible. It was only the beginning of what I knew would be a very bloody fight as every single strigoi who had been working here came out of their hiding spots and attacked.

It was absolute chaos.

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**How was it? Please, please review and let me know what you thought! I'm going to try to post more since most of us will probably be stuck in quarantine in our house for the next few weeks/months. I love you guys and I hope you're all okay.**


	32. Fighting Back

**Hey guys! Just warning you that there IS graphic violence in this chapter. It was a little hard for me to write this one. It's quite brutal, so be aware if you can't handle that kind of thing. Thank you all for reading and supporting my writing.**

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I couldn't even count how many strigoi there were. Too many was all I knew. They came from all directions, taking us down in a matter of seconds. My fast reflexes kicked in, and it wasn't long before I started to fight back. Most of these people had been dhampirs before their transition and had some kind of guardian training. They were strong and knew how to fight, but the rest of us were trained just as much.

I had two strigoi on me which made things harder, but I managed. I had a new sense of vitality as I used every possible open space, dodging them thoroughly. I twisted out of their grasp before kicking one of them in the stomach, making them fly all the way across the room. Their partner, a woman, was flat out surprised by my strength. Any other dhampir didn't have the power to do that.

"You must be the one," she realized. "You're Marie. You're the one with the golden blood, aren't you? Sebastian promised us." _Golden blood?_

"You're not getting anything," I snarled. She was already charging for me again, and I dodged her at the last second, shooting my leg out behind her knees. She fell on her side, but I wasn't about to let her up. Instead, I pinned her down with my weight and shoved the stake through her chest, piercing her heart. Her red eyes stared up into mine, completely startled until her muscles ceased and her head dropped. As soon as her heart stopped beating, I pulled the stake out.

I heard a loud groan of pain and snapped my head up to find Dimitri now getting tackled by the same man I had thrown earlier. The floor around him was covered in dead bodies and it didn't take me long to realize he had killed all of them.

"Dimitri!" I shouted, lunging at his attacker. This one in particular was harder to get a hold of, but with two people against one, we were winning. His leg swung out and knocked me in the head, causing me to topple over. He probably thought he could overpower me now that I was down, but I wasn't about to let that happen. My stake was out of my hand at this point, so I used my nails to my advantage and dug them into his eyes. He shrieked, instinctively grabbing my wrists. His pain was relieved when a silver stake pierced his back, coming all the way through his torso.

Dimitri pulled the stake out, moving the now dead body off of me before the weight could crush me. "Are you okay?" he asked, pulling me up.

"Are _you?_" I asked incredulously, taking a look at his appearance. There was a bloody cut right above his eyebrow, and a painful bruise was starting to form on his left cheek. Part of his lip was starting to swell.

"Don't worry about me. He hit your head pretty hard," Dimitri pointed out, tipping my chin sideways to inspect the damage on the side of my forehead.

"I'll heal," I told him. "We should—"

"Watch out!" he shouted, shoving me behind him again. There were still others, so I grabbed my stake and started fighting again. Together, Dimitri and I fought like warriors along side each other. His training was really paying off. The fact that he alone had killed all those strigoi—more than I could even count—was beyond me.

I was even more surprised to see my father in one of the rooms, fixated on one strigoi in particular. Beside him laid a shattered vase, surrounded by a pile of spilled dirt and a green plant...which started to grow bigger and bigger. It moved at a rapid pace, wrapping itself around the man's body in a vice-like grip that didn't allow his limbs to escape. Abe had an evil grin on his face as he watched him struggle against his bindings. I realized he was using his magic to his advantage. I had almost forgotten Abe was an earth user—and a total badass.

He finished him off by plunging a stake into the man's chest before letting go of his magic. I was astounded. Not only did my father know how to use a stake and fight like a guardian, but he also knew how to use his magic as a weapon.

I didn't stay to watch as I suddenly heard the chilling cry of a young child. Nobody else could hear it with all the commotion, but I could. I recognized that child's voice from a mile away. It was coming from the second floor, so I quickly bolted up the stairs. Once I reached the top, I cursed, noticing how big this place really was. I figured checking all the rooms would take way too long, so instead, I listened closely again for the cries.

They were faint now, but they were there. They were coming from a closed room—the farthest one down one of the hallways. Seeing that it was clear up here, I creeped down the hallway. The closer I got, the more I could hear the cries.

I couldn't let myself wait any longer, so I carefully opened the door. Now, everything was clear, and my suspicions were confirmed. The light from the hallway lit up the dark room, and there she was. Bundled up into the corner, sitting in a fetal position with her messy blonde hair covering the sides of her face. Her blue eyes looked up into mine, and her tears glistened through the light from the hall.

"Rose?" she croaked. Oh god, she sounded so scared and vulnerable. This poor baby.

"Nevaeh!" I cried, rushing to her side. She crawled away from the corner, and I dropped to my knees, pulling her into my arms. Deep down, I was overcome with joy and relief that she was alive and okay. I was, however, more concerned by how fragile and small she felt compared to the last time I had hugged her. She was a little bit skinnier now—a sign that she hadn't been fed properly. She was cold too, and vampires only really turned cold when they weren't drinking enough blood. Part of it could have also been the emotional effects of being traumatized and alone. Either way, she was weak and fragile.

"I'm here, baby, I'm here. It's okay now," I whispered, tightening my hold on her. All she could do was cry, so I rubbed her back and tried to calm her down as best I could. She mumbled something against my shoulder, but I couldn't hear her as everything was muffled. I pulled back, cupping her face and looking her in the eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"He's—h-he's here," she choked. A chill went down my spine when she said that. It was almost like she was telling me there was a ghost in the room, but I knew it wasn't. I wished it was.

"Who's here?" I asked her, though I was pretty sure I already knew. Her petrified eyes and her gasp of fear as soon as someone's shadow loomed over us answered my question.

And then came some footsteps from behind me. Slow, taunting footsteps that echoed in the giant space. I heard a man's laughter behind me, and it wasn't just anyone's laughter. It was one I both recognized and hated.

"There she is," he said proudly. "I was wondering when I'd see you again. It's been so...dull without your presence here. I really have missed you, Marie."

My heart was pounding, but for the sake of the young child, I stayed calm. I stood, keeping my stake wrapped tightly in my hand while shoving Nevaeh behind me to protect her from the monster in front of me. Behind him, there were two dhampirs, ones I knew—guardian Miller and guardian Sanders. The two men who had been with me the night I was kidnapped.

Sebastian stood there, poised in a new ray of immortality. I felt the colour drain from my face when I realized he was no longer a moroi. He was a strigoi now. His eyes were even deadlier than Kira's had been, but I wasn't afraid. Instead of looking away, I returned his stare with a cold one of my own. When I looked at him, all I could see was the pain and emotional torment he had put me through. I replayed myself getting raped by others. I replayed the sight of him looking down at me while I was strapped down and begging for him to let me go. I remembered the burning pain in my neck when he injected Kira's venom into my body—the last night of my life as a normal dhampir.

All the anger started to flow to the surface. The fact that I was low on blood and probably not nearly as strong—being only half strigoi—wasn't even a concern to me. I wasn't afraid. I was strong.

"You've changed since the last time I saw you," he pointed out. He started pacing in a circle, and I kept Nevaeh behind me the whole time while keeping my eyes on him and his guards. "You're stronger now. Tougher. You'd be a strong ally if you joined my team."

I laughed at his stupidity. "You are _deluding_ yourself if you think I'd ever join you."

"Think about it, Marie! With your blood, you can build an army. You can have followers. You can have all the money and power in the world. Deny it all you want, but you're a part of us now. Join me. Give me your abilities, and I'll give you whatever you want in return."

"I will never join you, and I will _not_ hand myself over on a silver platter. You are the most vile, twisted, repulsive being I've ever met in my life. You kidnap teenage girls for profit! _You _are the cause for people's suffering and torment! _You _created an army of evil beings and kidnapped a four-year-old girl!"

"Yes, yes I did. And guess what? It all worked out perfectly. You won't have your crew of guardians helping you now that they're distracted. Your little cub Nevaeh was the bait. But you know what else? She can be just as deadly and powerful as you."

At this point, he was backing me into the corner. Behind him, somebody else stepped into the frame, knocking both of the guards to the ground with some kind of weapon. For god's sake, it was Damian. He shouldn't have been up here. I wasn't even sure how he had gotten up here in the first place. He was supposed to be surrounding the perimeter outside, and the only way I could think of him getting up here without getting caught in the fight downstairs was climbing up through a window.

Damian had a crowbar in his hands, and he was getting ready to swing again. Sebastian spun around just as Damian swung the bar, hitting the side of his head and causing blood to spew. He groaned in pain, falling over for a brief moment while clutching his head.

"Go!" I yelled, shoving Nevaeh in his direction with force. He didn't waste another second and grabbed her, running for the door. He only made it a few feet before Sebastian suddenly leapt out, grabbing Damian in a flash. I pulled Nevaeh into the corner again, trying to ease her fear. Damian was actually doing a very good job at fighting. I had no idea where he had come from before I met him or where he even learned all of this, but he was good.

Unfortunately, being human had its disadvantages here. Damian was strong, well built, and good at fighting, but he was inevitable against a strigoi. And, I could see very well now that he was running out of energy. Sebastian was one tough case.

Sebastian's guards were already back on their feet again, and they were ready to attack me. My reaction was quick, and after fighting off a bunch of strigoi downstairs, these guys felt like a piece of cake to me. I reminded myself not to kill them since they were dhampirs, but got enough hits in to make them falter. It was so hard to think that these two were once friendly people at the academy. They had seen me in my trials and once acknowledged me as one of their own. Now, they were enemies. The betrayal was real.

After driving the last few hits home, I knocked both of them out. Since they were unconscious and out of my way, I returned to the other matter.

"Damian, get out of here!" I commanded, throwing my arms around Sebastian's neck from behind him and holding him in a head lock. He struggled profusely, and I knew I wouldn't be able to hold him for long. "Get out!" I repeated. "I've got him!"

Damian was so beaten. If he didn't leave now, he had a high chance of getting killed. Even then, he didn't give up. "I'm not leaving you."

Sebastian broke out of my grasp, charging for Damian again. This time, his fangs were fully out as he pinned him against the opposite wall. He was going to feed on him. I screamed, desperately trying to tell him to stop, but it was no use. Sebastian already had his fangs in Damian's neck, drinking hungrily and sucking the life out of him.

I went after him again, but he swung around at the last second, backhanding me so hard that I fell. I was becoming increasingly thirsty and weak. The blood that was falling from Damian's open bite wounds didn't help.

"Now that I've got you all under control," Sebastian started, "I'm going to propose a deal."

I moaned in pain, struggling to get up as he marched over to Nevaeh, abruptly pulling her up. I watch in horror as his hands wrapped around her head, positioning them so that they were ready to snap her neck. She would not stop crying.

"Give yourself over," he ordered, "or she dies now."

I had two options here. I could attempt another fight on my own, but I was in bad condition. I had fought so many tonight with no blood in my system. Physically, it was draining me. There was also the other option—handing myself over. It went against everything I ever believed in. I never gave in. I always fought back, but when I saw Nevaeh in Sebastian's tight grasp, just seconds away from her death...I couldn't bear the thought. It was like the situation with Mason all over again. A strigoi had snapped his neck because of me. I couldn't let the same thing happen to her.

"Okay. Fine," I said quietly, putting my hands up in surrender. "I'll do whatever you want. Just don't hurt her.

"Drop the stake," he said. I obeyed him and placed the stake on the ground beside me. Behind me, I could still hear Damian breathing. He was still alive.

"Over here. On your knees." Sebastian pointed to the ground in front of him, and I clenched my teeth, feeling completely humiliated as I slowly sank to my knees. I locked my gaze with Nevaeh's, and I started to notice something else swirling in her eyes. Her tears had briefly stopped, and she closed her eyes, letting the hands she had on Sebastian come loose. She didn't even look scared anymore. What was she doing?

Sebastian's face started to falter and his neck spasmed. It almost looked like he was being suffocated by some kind of force. He couldn't breathe. It was strange and unexpected, but after taking another look at Nevaeh who looked like she was concentrating, I realized she was using magic. I didn't even know she could use it at all, let alone as a weapon. We were always taught that it wasn't physically possible for a moroi to use magic like this at a young age.

Her magic didn't last long, but it was enough for me to get a hold of him again now that he was distracted. My stake was out of my reach, so I pinned him down with my weight and punched him over and over again. I was so angry and out of control now. It was months worth of built up anger just rising to the surface. If each hit could equal the amount of people he tortured or killed, I'd be going on all night.

In a flash, he rolled me onto my back, reaching for my stake. Sebastian pulled it up, taking his aim before bringing it the stake down.

I was left completely breathless, too stunned to even utter words. The stake had gone through the middle of my chest, right in between my breasts...and right where my heart was. I couldn't even begin to describe how bad the pain was. Even with all the adrenaline, I could still feel it. The fact that it was a silver stake—the only weapon that could truly hurt me—made it so much worse. It was agonizing.

I could already feel myself losing consciousness, struggling to stay awake as Sebastian ripped the weapon out. Was this it for me? Had the stake pierced my heart? Was I really going to die here at his hands?

_No. Keep going, Rose. Please don't give up now. You have to keep fighting. _I had always promised myself I wouldn't go down without a fight. If I was going to die now, I had to end things off. I needed closure. I refused to go out in defeat.

Sebastian's hands wrapped around my throat, tightening to the point where my breathing was restricted. "I can have it all now," he whispered to himself. "You were my most precious creation. If I can't have you...no one can. But I still have her."

My words came out in between coughs. "No—you—_don't!_"

With the little strength I had left, I did something I hadn't done in a long time. I shoved my right hand into his chest, pushing past his sternum and grabbing onto his heart. He stilled, eyes going wide as he stared down at me in shock. Using my left hand, I pushed his body away from mine while moving my right hand in the opposite direction, effectively pulling out his heart. Sebastian now laid dead on the ground, staring blankly up at the ceiling.

I could hardly breathe, and I was losing so much blood. I could feel it gathering into my lungs, causing me to cough repeatedly. I looked over to my left side, now seeing Damian who was completely unconscious. I could still hear a slow, faint pulse, indicating that he was still alive—but barely. Downstairs, I could still hear a bit of a commotion, but the fight was dying down now.

And then came Nevaeh's cries. Usually, hearing kids cry like this was annoying and obnoxious to me, but right now, all I felt was heartache. I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and tell her everything would be okay. I wanted to tell her I loved her, but I couldn't. I couldn't talk or breathe. All I could do was lie there helplessly and cry with her.

She got up from where she was huddled, planting a tear-filled kiss on the top of my head before running for the door. "Help! Help me, please!" she screamed at the top of the stairs.

I could hear voices from downstairs now. The fight was definitely coming to an end now. I wasn't sure who was talking, but they were rushing up the stairs. "Nevaeh! Oh god, you're okay. What's going on? Where's Rose?"

"Sh-she...she's in there! She's bleeding! Please help her," Nevaeh begged. Whoever she had been talking to ran into the room, gasping at the scene before her. It was Alberta.

"Rose! Rose, can you hear me? I'm going to get you some help, okay? Stay with me."

She started calling for backup, both through her earpiece and from inside the house. I could hear a man's voice yelling my name, but I could barely pay attention to who it was. I was out for a few minutes until the room became crowded with guardians. They were helping Damian too, checking his pulse before gently taking him out of the room.

The first person to check on me was Dimitri. I blinked several times to actually see him and noticed that he was even most beaten up now than he was before. His skin was pale too, and if it weren't for his worry and concern for me, he probably would have passed out. He needed help. He needed medical attention.

"We're going to help you, Roza. Don't you dare give up now, you hear me?" he said.

"I'm—" I choked on some blood, struggling to get my words out. "I'm so tired." I started coughing again. I was in so much pain. I just wanted it all to end. I wanted to sleep.

"We need to get her into the helicopter. Quickly," Dimitri ordered, picking me up into his arms. He ran as fast as he could without making my injuries worse, keeping a tight hold on me as he brought me outside. "Stay strong, Roza. You'll be okay soon."

Although he wasn't looking, I smiled up at him. He was safe. Nevaeh was safe. My friends and family were safe too. It was all I ever wanted. I could die peacefully in the arms of the person I loved most.

Soon enough, the pain started subside, and I knew I was on the brink of death. With a tear running down the side of my face, I closed my eyes, whispering the words, "I love you."

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**Was the end of the chapter too cheesy? I thought it was but I also kind of liked it. I don't know. What did you think of the fight? Was it too much? Please let me know with a review down below! I'd love to hear your thoughts especially with this chapter being so intense. Anyways, stay safe everyone! x**


	33. Recovery and Life Changes

**Hi everyone! Thank you so much for the reviews. If you are a guest, I cannot respond to you but I want you to know that your opinions are just as valuable to me and I really appreciate it, so thank you. **

**There are some strange things that go on in this chapter and a little twist at the end so please don't hate me haha. I hope you all enjoy and that you're all staying safe.**

* * *

Most people would assume that when you were going up to heaven, you'd feel warm. That wasn't the case here. I was cold, uncomfortable, and it was annoyingly loud. People were yelling in a panicked frenzy, and it felt like my body was being wheeled down a hallway. My eyes constantly opened and closed, seeing glimmers of what looked like ceiling lights. An oxygen mask was held against my nose and mouth.

There were urgent shouts, but it wasn't from anyone I recognized. "Get her into the OR. There's too much damage here. We need to open her up."

_Open me up?_ Was I in a hospital?

There was a hand on mine as my body was transported, and I recognized the next person's voice to be Dimitri's. "You're going to be okay, Roza. Hang in there."

"Sir, I'm sorry but we can't let anyone in past this point. We're about to operate." I couldn't really see anything, but I assumed the woman speaking to him was a doctor.

"I can't leave her," Dimitri said, tightening his hold on my hand.

"We will do everything we can. I promise you she's in good hands. Our team will take care of her. I'll keep you updated every hour," she said calmly.

Dimitri let out a shaky breath, and I felt his lips kiss my forehead before his hand left mine. The doctors rushed me down the hallway, and then I was out again.

* * *

When I woke up, I was sitting in a rather uncomfortable chair. That was...odd. Weren't patients supposed to be in a bed? I even had clothes on too—a white blouse and light blue jeans. It was also something I probably wouldn't wear. I was leaning on someone, but I didn't recognize it to be Dimitri or anyone else I would be this close with. These were Christian's arms. On the other side of me was Adrian.

Wait. That couldn't be right.

My vision was clouded by tears, but I could still see my surroundings. I was in a hospital room, sitting beside a bed while staring down at...myself.

I realized in that moment that I was in Lissa's head. She must have flown into Washington with Christian and Adrian not too long ago. Lissa's emotions were strong which was probably what had sucked me into her head. I hadn't been in her head for a while and I was beginning to think she had blocked me off while I was gone.

Seeing myself in the hospital bed through her eyes made me cringe. Both of my arms had several syringes that were hooked up to a bunch of machines, and there was an endotracheal tube inserted through my mouth and down my throat to help me breathe. My skin was scarily pale, and my body was so still I would've thought I was dead if it weren't for the cardiac monitor beeping steadily.

The room door opened, causing Lissa to snap her head up. Dimitri walked in, sighing when he saw my body. The dark circles under his eyes along with his slightly disoriented state told me he hadn't been sleeping. There were cuts and bruises all over him including deep scratch marks all over his arms. He really needed to take care of those.

"Hey," Lissa greeted. She was worried about him too. It was unlike Dimitri to look like this.

"She's still not awake," he said, taking a seat beside my bed on the other side. He grabbed my hand, careful not to disturb all the needles and medical tape.

"This is normal," Lissa told him despite being just as worried. "The doctor said it could be a while. Her body is just trying to recover."

Dimitri sighed heavily, holding my hand against his mouth as he leaned his elbows on the mattress. "I know. It's just...this isn't normal. Her injuries aren't healing."

"I thought she couldn't heal against a stake," Christian murmured.

"I'm not talking about the stake. I'm talking about the rest of her injuries. Those should have been gone a long time ago. I don't understand why she's not healing."

"Maybe her body isn't strong enough," Adrian said reluctantly, reaching out to stroke my hair. "I tried to see her in her dreams, but I haven't been able to reach her at all."

Dimitri didn't respond and instead just kissed my fingers as a tear rolled down his cheek. It hurt me so much to see him so upset. I had never seen him cry before. It was a habit of his to always hold back his emotions, but that wasn't the case now.

The door opened again. I expected to see a doctor or nurse, but instead, I saw Nevaeh. She had some minor injuries too, but she was okay. Her complexion still looked so unhealthy though. She needed food and sleep. Maybe comfort too.

"What are you doing?" Dimitri asked her. "You should be with Eddie."

"I want to be with her," she said, choking back a sob. She walked over to my side and wrapped her fingers around my leg, shaking it slightly. "Mama?"

Obviously, I couldn't answer her. She shook me again. "Wake up. Please wake up. I...I want to talk to you again. I still want to grow up with you. Please wake up, mama..."

_I'm here. I'm right here. You'll be okay. _I wished I could say it out loud, but I couldn't. All I could do was watch her break down. Lissa's own tears started to rise.

"Is this—is this my fault?" Nevaeh asked. "Is she dying because of...because of me?"

_Oh, baby, no. Please don't think that. None of this is because of you. _

Dimitri was surprised by her question, but was quick to offer her comfort when he saw her tears. "No. No, of course not. Come here," he said gently, holding his arms out. Nevaeh ran into them, and he picked her up, cradling her in his lap. He held her small head against his chest, letting her cry silently.

"None of this is your fault, Nevaeh. None of it. Don't ever think like that, okay?"

Nevaeh was too upset to answer, so she simply nodded.

"And she's not dying. You see that machine over there with the funny lines? It monitors her heart. It beeps whenever her heart beats."

"Will she wake up?" she asked as Dimitri wiped some of her tears.

"Of course she will. Rose is a very strong woman. I promise you she'll be okay."

"O-okay," Nevaeh croaked. "I'm...I'm sorry." Her sobs began, and she buried her face into his chest again.

"No, no, don't say that," Dimitri said, rubbing the back of her shoulder. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I love her," she croaked.

"I know. I love her too." Dimitri held her in his arms, trying to calm her down as much as possible. Lissa squeezed Christian's hand as she watched the two try to find comfort in each other. When I saw those two together, I knew without a doubt that Dimitri really cared about her just as much as I did. He would protect her no matter what.

"I think it's time for you to go to bed," he said, pulling back. Nevaeh shook her head.

"No, I don't want to go to bed. I want to stay here," she whined.

"You need to sleep, Nevaeh. I'll bring you back here tomorrow, okay?"

"Promise?" she asked.

"Promise," Dimitri said. Nevaeh finally gave in, and Dimitri said his goodbyes to everyone else as he carried her out of the room.

* * *

The next time I woke up, I was back in my own body. The tube in my throat had been removed, but it had left the area feeling dry and uncomfortable. My limbs felt weak and heavy, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to open my eyes with the bright lights.

"At least she's breathing on her own now. She could wake up at any point, but her movements might be limited." That was the same female doctor I had heard earlier, back when I was taken down to the OR. She was talking to Dimitri, but I could sense other people in the room too.

"And what about the rest of the problems?" he asked. "It's been a week. Her injuries still aren't healing when they should have healed after we brought her in here. Her pulse is weak and her skin feels like ice. Not to mention her extremely pale skin."

_I've been sleeping for a week? My breath must smell like death!_

"Guardian Belikov, this could just be her body's way of responding to trauma. There is not enough research on her type of mix to know what's going on here. We just have to let her recover."

"There has to be something else! I'm not just going to stand here and watch her deteriorate. Something is wrong with her!" he said in desperation. He wasn't yelling, but his voice was raised enough to make everyone in the room go silent. Well, everyone except Adrian.

"Dimitri, when was the last time she fed?" he asked.

"I..." Dimitri paused. "Shit. It was before we left the academy."

"That was two weeks ago," I heard Lissa say. "That's why she's not healing. Her body isn't strong enough because she hasn't had blood in ages. She's supposed to feed everyday, if not almost everyday."

"This is only a guardian institution. The supply we have on blood bags is low. Even if we give it to her through an IV, it'll take a while for her to respond," the doctor informed them.

There was a long, dreadful silence in the room until I heard Dimitri came up with another idea. "What if I let her take my blood?"

"What? Guardian Belikov—"

"It's the only way we can help her. I know it sounds like a crazy idea, but unless you can come up with something better, I don't see any reason not to. She needs blood. It's just how her body is now."

"That might actually work," Adrian agreed.

The doctor sounded like she was as a loss. "I-I mean, I suppose we could make an exception...but I need another guardian in here. And you three should wait outside."

"Make sure she doesn't take too much," Adrian warned before leaving the room.

"Can we get Guardian Petrov and Eddie Castile in here?" the doctor asked. After a few moments, I heard the sound of water running from a tap along with some other footsteps coming into the room.

"Dimitri, are you sure about this?" Alberta asked him. The water stopped running.

"I'll do anything. I'm not letting my girl starve," he said. I felt the hospital bed dip as Dimitri sat beside me, wrapping his arm around me to prop me up a little without disturbing any of my injuries. My head leaned against his chest as he held me close and brought his wrist up to my mouth. I refused to open my mouth at first, trying to resist what my body craved so much. I didn't want to hurt him and it felt wrong to take blood from someone I loved so much. I couldn't do that to him.

"Roza, please just drink. Let me help you." Dimitri almost sounded desperate. He wasn't thinking about his reputation or his high rank as a guardian. He wasn't thinking about the 'taboo' of being fed on or the image society posed on dhampirs for doing such an act. He wasn't doing it for pleasure or for the sake of getting high. He genuinely wanted me to get better and restore my strength. It was like when I was letting Lissa take my blood when we were on the run. People had been calling me a blood whore for it when in reality I was just trying to help her with her body's needs.

"Come on. It's okay," Dimitri prompted. My eyes were still closed, but the smell of his blood was getting harder to resist. Even the sound of it rushing through his veins made my throat tighten. Soon enough, I couldn't hold back any longer, and sank my fangs into Dimitri's wrist. The blood started rushing through, and then my high began.

Dimitri's blood was...euphoric. It was sweet and pure, and in my strange ways, I could tell that he was a very healthy person. It gave my body the strength to heal, and it even offered me some pain relief. Dimitri and I relaxed against each other, becoming engulphed in a ray of sheer bliss. I felt like I was bonding with him emotionally. It made me grow some strange attachment that made me not want to let him go. Maybe being in love with him was what made it feel different and I wondered if he felt it too.

My eyes fluttered open and I tilted my head back, looking up into Dimitri's eyes as I drank. The endorphins were starting to hit him too as he returned my gaze, stroking my hair with his other hand. He smiled slightly, silently telling me he was okay and encouraging me to continue. My hands grabbed onto his wrist, holding it tightly. I closed my eyes, letting some tears fall as I was overcome with relief.

"Good girl, Roza...good girl," Dimitri whispered as he caressed my hair. I was happy to hear him call me his 'good girl' again. It made me feel so safe. I would do anything to have him call me that.

I could have stayed like that forever, but I knew I had to stop at some point. I couldn't risk taking too much and I didn't want to drain him, so I stopped drinking before pressing my tongue against the wounds to stop the excess bleeding. The healing properties in my saliva would help them close up as well.

Alberta came forward, noticing that I had finished. "I think we should take Dimitri to another room now, maybe let him cool off—"

"No," I interrupted. I couldn't shout or scream with my throat being so strained from the breathing tube earlier, so everything came out in strangled whispers. "Don't take him. Please."

Alberta and Eddie both looked skeptical and I instantly knew why. They probably thought I wouldn't be able to control myself despite the fact that I had just pulled away without anyone's help.

"I won't take anymore. I just want be with him right now," I told them. Alberta sighed, not quite liking the idea of us being alone when Dimitri was in a fragile state. I knew she was looking out for both of us, but luckily Dimitri changed her mind. He sounded a little dazed, but he was still in control of himself.

"Give us an hour," he said softly. "I'll be fine. I think it's best for both of us if I stay."

"Fine. But I'm staying right outside in case anything happens," Alberta said, giving us both a warning glare. They left the room and closed the door.

"Why did you do that?" I asked, constantly opening and closing my eyes as I was still high. The drugs that the doctors were giving me through the IV were making me tired as well.

"Because I care about you," he replied, yawning against my head. He was high too. "Why else?"

"I dunno." I was already getting sleepy again. "How am I even alive?"

"I'll explain it all to you later," Dimitri said. "Right now, I think we both need to rest."

"Okay...Dimitri?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you," I said, sounding a little slurred as I started to fall back asleep. "For being here..."

Dimitri's only response was to hug me a little closer and kiss the top of my head before he finally dozed off, allowing his body to recover from the endorphins.

* * *

I had no idea how long I was out for, but I felt a lot better upon waking up. I didn't feel like a corpse coming out of their grave. This time, it felt more like a really long nap. At least I had some energy back now.

"And she's up."

I blinked, taking a look at my surroundings. In the room was Adrian, Lissa, Christian, Eddie, and Dimitri. They looked happy to see me now that I was actually awake and alert.

"Hey guys," I whispered groggily.

"How do you feel?" Dimitri asked, watching me carefully. There was a bandage on his wrist, but he was looking a lot better and his energy was back.

"Happy to see you all," I answered, earning a warm smile from him. "But I'd be even happier if I could get out of this bed." The moment I started to sit up, all five of them were near my bed in seconds, pushing me back down against the mattress.

"I knew you would do that," Adrian muttered, pressing a button on the side of the bed so that it adjusted to let me sit up.

"You guys are crazy," I said, wincing as I shifted slightly. There was an annoying pain right in between my breasts every time I moved too much. I pulled the hospital gown back, looking inside to find an adhesive dressing bandage in the middle of my torso. I had an impulsive urge to touch it, but Dimitri pulled my hand back.

"Don't," he said. "It's to make sure you don't get infected. _And_ so that your stiches don't fall out."

_"Stitches?" _I gasped. Christian laughed beside me, patting my shoulder.

"Welcome back, maniac. We've all missed you." Christian gave me a side hug before moving out of the way for Lissa who did her best not to squeeze me. It was a thing with us where we gave each other bear hugs when we didn't see each other for a while, but she remained careful.

"I missed you so much, Rose," she said, pulling back. "When they called me and said you might not make it out...I could've sworn my heart stopped. I had to come here. I wanted to heal you so much, but by the time I got here, the doctors were still operating on you. They wouldn't let me or anyone else in, even when you were in the ICU. After that, I wanted to heal you again, but...something else happened. I'll explain it later, but I can heal you now! Adrian and I can both—"

"Lissa, stop," I rasped, holding one of her hands to stop her rambling. "You don't have to heal me. I can fight this myself. Healing an injury like this will suck the life out of you. Both of you. Plus, if we're all honest, I think this is like the tenth time I've woken up in a hospital bed."

Lissa chuckled. "I'm just glad you're okay. I thought I might never get to hug you again."

Adrian grabbed our linked hands and pulled them apart, interrupting our little reunion. "You know, I was thinking the same thing. Come on, give me some love here."

Lissa rolled her eyes while I simply smiled and gave Adrian a heart-warming hug as he sat down on the space beside me. "Little dhampir...what would I do without you? I was ready to buy a whole new pack of cigarettes and whisky."

"That's how you would mourn me? Smoking and drinking yourself to death?"

"Exactly. That way, I could meet you in heaven and invade your dreams again. Or maybe we'd both end up in hell and piss off Satan."

"Sounds like something we'd do," I laughed. The movement caused some pain, so I stopped laughing immediately. Now _that _was something I wouldn't get used to.

"Careful," Adrian said. He was still hugging me and it was getting a little awkward now.

"Um...Adrian, you can release me now." I moved my hands to his front, pushing him just a little.

"Mm, nah. I think I'll enjoy my time with you in my arms a little longer."

"Adrian," Dimitri warned. Eddie was trying to stifle his laughter beside him. As soon as Dimitri moved to reach for him, Adrian finally let me go and threw his arms up.

"Okay, okay," he said. Dimitri relaxed until Adrian opened his mouth again. "Just one kiss on the cheek?"

"Adrian!"

"Oh, come on, just this one time. I'll buy you a nice duster. I'll even buy you one of those ushanka hats they wear in Russia to go along with it."

Dimitri pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please don't."

"So is that a yes?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No!"

"Pretty please?"

Dimitri huffed and gave up, muttering a swear word in Russian as he waved his hand in frustration. Adrian grabbed my face and pressed his lips to my cheek, smothering my skin with a loud kiss. "Finally."

I turned to Dimitri who was giving Adrian a death glare. "If it makes you feel better, I can wash my face with Clorox bleach."

My comment made everyone laugh while Dimitri shook his head.

"All jokes aside," Lissa said, "I have something for you. Well, Adrian and I kind of put it together, so it's actually from both of us." She reached down and pulled up a little pink bag with some tissue paper inside. She placed it in my lap. "Open it."

"Liss, please tell me this isn't expensive."

"I promise you it isn't. Just open it," she said. I eyed her skeptically before shifting my hand through the bag and finding a small box. I pulled it out and found myself holding a black box with a cursive logo in the middle. I recognized the brand and frowned slightly, looking up at her.

"You went back to the store?" I asked, recalling the memory of us shopping together the night I was kidnapped. It had been just days before her birthday and I remembered her looking closely at some jewelry in one of the stores.

"I did," she confirmed. I opened the box and found a gold-plated diamond bracelet inside. It was simple and the diamonds probably weren't real, but it was still beautiful and I appreciated it regardless.

"Lissa, this is beautiful. Thank you," I said honestly, picking up the bracelet and holding it carefully in my fingers.

"I would have bought you real diamonds, but I knew you wouldn't accept anything expensive," she said. "However, this _is_ more to it."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, like I said before, Adrian and I put something together. After I bought the bracelet, we rushed down here when we heard the news. When you were in in the ICU, the two of us used our magic to charm the bracelet. Christian was doing research for a while on your mix, trying to find a cure, but there is none. But he discovered a way to help you cope with the symptoms."

I looked up at Christian, a little surprised that he had been the one to do so much research. "Is that what you do nowadays in the chapel attic? All for me? I think I'm impressed, pyro."

Christian scoffed. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

"Anyways," Lissa continued, "what I'm saying is that we can't reverse what's been done. Well...not without potentially killing you anyways. If a strigoi is staked in the heart by a spirit user, they _could_ go back to their original form, but you're half human and none of us are willing to risk it. After some digging around, we figured the least we could do was ease your symptoms. It can't help everything, but your thirst will be much easier to control and your mood swings will calm down. It'll also help you with the spirit darkness you carry from our bond."

"You all did this for me?" I asked. I could feel tears start to build, but they weren't sad tears. I couldn't believe it. They went through all the trouble just to help me. I didn't care if we never found a cure. This was enough for me and I was beyond thankful for it.

"Of course. It's why Adrian and I couldn't heal you afterwards. We wanted to, but both of us had no energy left to use more magic."

"No, no that's okay. This is perfect. You guys really didn't have to do this. How can I repay you?"

"Rose, you don't have to do anything for us," Adrian said. "You've already sacrificed a lot for us in the past. Now it's our turn to do the same. It's the least we could do."

"But—"

"No buts," Lissa interrupted. "Rose, you protected me all by yourself for two years. You risked your life for me countless times, defended me, and helped me when I was going crazy. You've come so close to death just because you were trying to protect someone you cared about, and I have no doubt you'd do it again despite anyone who tries to stop you. You deserve this. And you better accept it, because if you don't, I'll make sure Dimitri and Eddie hold you down and force the bracelet on."

I couldn't help but laugh at the last part along with everyone else. Looking down at the charmed bracelet, I could feel myself getting emotional. "I love you guys. Thank you for this. Really."

"We love you too. Here." Lissa reached over to help me put on the bracelet, locking it into place. "There. Now we're matching."

"Matching?"

"Yeah. You see?" Lissa pulled her sleeve back, revealing the same bracelet but instead of gold, it was silver. It was the same bracelet I had gotten her on that night. Holy shit.

"Is that—" I started, but Lissa already answered my question.

"Yes, it is. Dimitri found it in the academy's vehicle from that night. It was still in the back seat. Consider them friendship bracelets."

Christian snorted, nudging her in the arm. "You're so cheesy."

"Oh, shut up," Lissa laughed, rolling her eyes at him.

"Aren't you going to tell her the other thing?" Adrian mentioned. She glared at him and there was suddenly an uncomfortable silence in the room. Even Dimitri and Eddie looked strange.

"What other thing?" I asked, looking around to see if anyone would answer me. Nervous glances were exchanged which only left me feeling more curious.

"You guys want to tell her?" Dimitri asked, looking pointedly at Adrian and Lissa.

"Hey, don't look at me," Adrian said defensively. "You're the one who volunteered for the position anyways."

"What position? Can someone _please _tell me what's going on here?" I demanded.

Eddie chuckled into his hand before leaning against the wall. "This should be good."

Oh no.

"Well...when you were gone, Queen Tatiana came to the academy," Lissa explained. "She wanted to have a word with us since we were close to you. And...well..."

"For god's sake, just tell her," Adrian said hastily. "We can explain it later. Just get it out."

"Fine," Dimitri said, sighing dreadfully. "Rose, I spoke to the queen this morning through video chat since she's back at the royal court now. She's decided you won't be guarding anyone. Not for a while at least. Instead, she wanted someone else to guard _you. _She wants to protect your new genetics."

"So that means what exactly?" I asked, completely dumbfounded. Tatiana wanted _me _to be protected of all people. That made no sense. That woman hated me.

Dimitri's next words shocked me. "It means I'm your guardian."

* * *

**What did you think? Too weird? Like I said, there were definitely some emotional as well as abnormal things going on - such as Dimitri offering Rose his blood because her body needed energy, and then becoming her guardian. Please let me know what you thought of it. I really couldn't let go of the idea.**


	34. Family Reunion

**Hello everyone! Thank you all for your lovely thoughts in the reviews. I'm usually really insecure about my writing, so it makes me really happy to see that you're all enjoying it. I apologize in advance if this chapter is a little boring. I was having a bit of a writer's block half way. **

* * *

I expected myself to throw a fit after hearing Dimitri's words. I could have told him he was crazy, that they were all crazy for coming up with such an outrageous joke.

Instead, I burst into laughter that was so hard it started hurting my chest. My little fit continued until I saw everyone's faces and realized Dimitri wasn't joking.

"Oh shit, you're serious," I said. My laughter died down in seconds.

"Yes, I'm serious. I know it sounds strange, but the queen has ordered it. I volunteered, and with my ranking, she decided I was a good fit."

"Wait, wait. I don't understand. I thought she hated me. Why the sudden urge to protect me? I'm a dhampir," I pointed out.

"Right, but you're different. Your body carries what they like to call 'golden blood'. For years, the royal court has been trying to find someone whose blood was mixed with a strigoi. The problem is that they're either too rare or hiding out with a pack of other strigoi, making it too dangerous to hunt them down," Dimitri explained. He sat down beside me, keeping his eyes on mine.

"One of Sebastian's people mentioned that," I brought up. "Golden blood."

Dimitri nodded. "It's a code name. It earned the name from its value. Your blood can give a strigoi the ability to walk through wards and sunlight which is why your life is so endangered. Remember, strigoi will do anything to gain power. But there are other things—good things, such as being able to heal people of their injuries and offer pain relief. It can give a person strength too. And, if someone is dying, it can turn them as well which gives them another chance to live."

"I get that my blood is important and all, but I still don't understand why the royal court would want me so much. Weren't strigoi hybrids banned from moroi grounds? There are probably other people like me in the world, but they're hiding because they're afraid."

"That was centuries ago," Christian stated, diverting my attention. "Things have changed. Believe me, I've done enough research."

"Rose, think about this," Lissa said. "I know you never asked for any of this, and the way it happened was horrible...but now, you can do something good with it. You can help people. Vampire or human. You can help."

"I mean...I guess," I sighed. "But I promised to guard you. I feel like I won't be a good friend if I don't. Your safety matters a lot to me."

Lissa smiled. "You don't have to worry about me. I have plenty of guardians watching me. They're top guardians from the royal court. Both of us will be safe."

"Fine, but I'll still kill anyone who tries to hurt you, whether I'm a guardian or not."

"I don't doubt that," she said, pulling me into another hug. There was a knock on the room door, breaking us apart. Eddie opened the door, revealing both of my parents. My mom gasped, and a smile of relief came over her when she saw me sitting up.

"Out of my way!" she shouted, totally disregarding my friends as she rushed over to my bed. I couldn't help but laugh at how eager she was to see me. I was happy though, and it felt good to know she cared so much. I hadn't seen her look this happy since the day I was rescued.

"You're finally awake!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around me. She hugged me a little too hard, causing me to feel pain in my chest again.

"Ow," I moaned, squinting my eyes. She pulled back immediately, letting out a stream of swear words. She usually chastised me for swearing, but I was beginning to think she was where I got it from.

"Oh, shit! Fuck, I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you?" she asked, cupping my face to look for signs of pain.

"Mom, I'm fine. You just hugged me a little too tightly, that's all. I'm okay."

"Oh, honey," she said, planting a kiss on the top of my head before hugging me again. "I was so worried about you. You have no idea!"

"We were afraid you'd never wake up," Abe added. Dimitri noticed him walking over and moved so that he could sit on the other side of me. Janine let me go as Abe held his arms out. "Get over here, kiddo."

It had been a while since hugging him, but this one felt different. It didn't feel like I was just hugging someone I barely knew. It felt like...hugging my dad. Although he couldn't see me, I smiled against his shoulder and squeezed him as much as I could without causing pain to my chest.

"I think we should give you guys some family time," Lissa said, hinting at everyone else to follow her out. "We'll see you later, Rose. We're staying at the institute for a few more days, so we'll be here. Call any of us if you need to."

"Thanks, Liss," I called, pulling away from Abe's arms. She left with Christian, Eddie and Adrian, but before Dimitri could leave, I stopped him.

"Wait," I told him. He still had his hand on the door knob and turned to face me. "Stay. I think we need to talk."

Dimitri hesitated for a second before he shut the door and walked back over, standing at the foot of the bed.

Abe chuckled. "We already had an interesting conversation this week while you were out. He's in the clear."

I glared at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means," my mother continued, "that although we don't fathom or condone what's been going on between you two, we don't want to take away something that's been making you happy. Dimitri was there for you when we weren't..." Janine gave Abe a regretful look on her last words which he returned.

"He's protected you too," Abe added. "He trained you to fight for yourself in battle. He saved you when you were kidnapped, supported you when you were going through a rough time, and from what I hear, he's the only person you actually listen to."

Dimitri chuckled at Abe's remark. "It takes quite a bit of effort with her stubbornness, but if I drive my point thoroughly enough, then yes, she'll listen."

I blushed, recognizing the double meaning in his words. I remembered the night he had spanked the living daylights out of me after I had put myself in danger.

"Sounds like me whenever I need someone to get a job done," Abe said. "Sometimes, you just have to hit them hard enough until they finally get the message."

I really didn't need to hear this conversation between my boyfriend and my damn dad. Abe was completely oblivious to what was going on in Dimitri's head. I blushed furiously, giving Dimitri an embarrassed look. He smiled mischievously at my discomfort. "I agree, Mr. Mazur."

"Anyways, while I trust you to take care of my daughter, I'd rather you two stay off of each other at the academy. Janine and I will have jobs there, so we'll be watching you."

"You two are working at the academy now?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Yes. Both of us have registered for teaching positions. Janine will be with the dhampir novices while I help moroi students with magic."

"We gave it a lot of thought, and we've decided to stay close to you for a while. I think both of us missed out on parenting, but I'm glad you've taken care of yourself all these years. You've grown into such a strong, beautiful woman, and I'm so proud of you. It's just, when we thought you were going to die, all we could think about was how much we regretted not being parents. You're our only child and we want to be here for you." By the time my mom was done speaking, she almost had tears in her eyes.

"Thanks mom," I said. I turned back to Abe. "And thanks dad."

Abe was surprised to hear me call him that, but he was happy with it nonetheless. Our moment was briefly interrupted when Dimitri's phone rang. "Sorry," he muttered, pulling out his phone. "Belikov."

We stayed silent as he listened to whoever was talking on the other end of the phone. "I'll be there soon. Thanks for letting me know." Just like that, his quick conversation ended.

"What's up?" I asked him.

"I'll be right back," he said, heading for the door. He was already gone before I could ask him where he was going.

"So, am I going to be stuck in this room for the rest of the week?" I asked.

"We'll have to wait and see what the doctor says," Abe replied. "You've already been here for a week, and if they see that you're getting better, they might discharge you. You'll still have to stay in bed, but you'll at least be in a proper bedroom."

"They're insane if they think I'm going to stay in bed all the time," I muttered.

"That's why we're letting Dimitri stay with you. He promised to look after you."

"I'm sharing a room with him?" I gasped. The idea of sharing a room and getting to sleep in his arms again excited me, but that also meant he would actually make sure I stayed in bed.

"If you'd rather stay in the hospital with a bunch of nurses taking care of you instead, we can arrange that as well," my mother threatened.

"Absolutely not!"

"That's what I thought," she finished. The door opened again and I turned to find Dimitri walking back into the room. He was holding someone's hand, someone small and child-like. When I took a closer look to see who it was, a bright smile warmed up my face as I was filled with happiness and excitement.

"Mommy!" Nevaeh shouted, running over to my bed. My parents moved as she climbed up and hopped onto my lap, throwing her arms around my neck. I hugged her back just as tightly, barely noticing the pain in my chest as I was engulfed in a bubble of love and warmth.

My baby was back. She was here and she was okay. I planted several little kisses on her cheek and forehead as tears of happiness started to come down.

"I missed you so much," she cried against my cheek.

"Shh. I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere," I ensured her. When I held her, I noticed she was still just as skinny and fragile as she had been before. She hadn't been eating much.

"I'm going to age before my time," Abe murmured. He headed for the door, taking my mom's hand to lead her out as well. "We'll give you guys some time alone. Janine, why don't you say we grab them some food?"

"As long as it's not hospital food," I reminded them.

My mom made a disgusted face. "You call that food? You're insane if you think I'm letting you eat that crap. I'll find you something nearby."

"Thanks mom!" I called as she left the room. Focussing my attention back onto Nevaeh, I pulled back, holding her at arm's length to check her complexion. She was so pale.

"She's been refusing to eat," Dimitri mentioned. "I tried to get something in her stomach, but she was too upset. I think she's okay now though."

"What about her blood intake?" I asked, pressing my hand against her forehead to feel her temperature. Vampires usually felt cold if they were low on blood.

"She hasn't had that either, but there should be a few bags coming in," he informed me. I nodded, giving Nevaeh a reassuring smile. Just then, a blond-haired moroi with dark blue scrubs and a lab coat walked into the room, smiling at me before she closed the door.

"Ms. Hathaway, it's nice to officially meet you. I'm Dr. Jones," she said, holding out her hand.

"Please, call me Rose," I said politely as I shook her hand.

"Very well. How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Not as bad as the last time I woke up, but I've been better," I admitted.

"Any pain in your chest area or the surrounding muscles?"

"N—" I was about to lie, but one warning glare from Dimitri changed my mind. "Um, yes there is. Mostly if I move too much."

"That's normal," Dr. Jones informed me. "I'll be prescribing you with pain medication for the next few weeks. The pain could last you a few months though, so you'll have to discuss this with your doctor at St. Vladimir's academy. She's already been informed, so any check-up appointments will be with her. Have you had any nausea or vomiting since waking up?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Good...any fever?"

"No fever, but my throat's been a little sore."

"That's quite normal after intubation. You had a tube in your throat for a while, so it tends to cause some irritation. If you could lift your gown, that'd be great. I just want to listen to your breathing." Dr. Jones lifted her stethoscope and placed the earpieces into her ears while raising the bell towards me. Her hand slipped underneath my gown and I felt the cold object against my skin.

"Deep breath in," she instructed. I took a deep breath, wincing as I felt the pain in my chest again.

"Does it hurt when you breathe deeply?" she asked.

"Yeah," I answered honestly.

"Alright. Just take a deep breath, but stop when you feel pain, okay?"

I complied, letting her check my body on both my chest and my back. I kept my eyes on Dimitri, feeling a little bit vulnerable while the doctor did her job. She checked my blood pressure, body temperature, and did a pain assessment before finishing it off with an inspection on the surgical sight.

"I think I'm going to replace this," she said, carefully peeling off the adhesive dressing. The wound underneath was covered in stiches.

"What's that?" Nevaeh asked curiously.

"These ugly things on my chest? They're called stitches," I said reluctantly. Dimitri chuckled and sat down on the bed again, resting his hand on my leg.

"Don't you worry, Rose. They won't be there forever," Dr Jones said. "Your doctor at school will take them out for you."

"Awe, fuck. Can't wait for that."

"Rose," Dimitri chastised, gesturing at the child in front of me. I realized I had just sworn in front of her. Damn it, I hoped she didn't pick up onto my foul language.

Dr. Jones lightly patted the area with what I assumed was rubbing alcohol. My curiosity was starting to creep as I looked down at the stitches and tried not to move. "Doc, can I ask you something?"

"Of course," she said.

"When you were operating...what did you see? I'm pretty sure I should be dead since the stake stabbed my heart."

"That's the thing. It didn't." When I gave her a confused look, she elaborated. "You're very lucky. The stake went through the bottom of your sternum, but it was closer to the right side. We had to repair it in surgery, and your right lung was also punctured. Luckily, the stake only grazed your heart but it didn't actually go through. It seems like your attacker just barely missed his target. If it had been even a few millimeters off, you probably wouldn't be here."

"You could have died if he didn't miss," Dimitri said sadly.

"It wouldn't be the first time," I whispered under my breath.

Dr. Jones pressed a brand-new adhesive bandage on the wound to protect my stitches. "If things continue to improve, I can discharge you by tomorrow. However, keep in mind that you were still stabbed with a stake, and a broken sternum can take over two months to heal. I want you to rest for the next couple of months. That means no intense physical activity, no running, and no lifting."

My attitude started to creep back. "I'm sorry, am I hearing this right or did you say months? Because if you think for one second that I'm going to—"

"Thank you, Dr. Jones, for your advice. Rose will stay well rested while she's healing," Dimitri declared, giving me another threatening stare.

Dr. Jones laughed. "Her friends warned me she'd be stubborn with that."

"Oh, she is, but I'll make sure she gets better," Dimitri said, giving me a mischievous wink. I squirmed in my spot, trying to hide the heat in my cheeks.

"I hope she will. Oh, before I forget, this is for you." Dr. Jones reached into the pocket of her lab coat and pulled out a blood bag, handing it to me. "Enjoy."

"Thanks, doc," I called as she left us alone. I opened the little tube at the top of the bag and started drinking, recognizing the familiar taste almost immediately. I snapped my head up to find Dimitri watching me intently. "Is this—"

"Mine? Yeah."

"Are you my donor now?" I asked, sipping on the tube. It didn't feel as euphoric as it did when I drank straight from his vein, but the taste was still just as satisfying and it gave me enough strength.

"Well, it's not everyday you get blood for a guardian facility. You seem to enjoy it, so I offered."

"Oh, I enjoy it. What's your diet like? You must eat a lot of healthy food."

Dimitri didn't expect me to ask him such a random question, but he answered anyways. "Yes, Roza. Lots of healthy food. Can you actually tell?"

I nodded. "Yeah. You give me more strength than a human. Maybe it's just because you're healthy." I took one last sip before passing it to Nevaeh. She was looking really pale and I knew needed it. She had to use both of her hands to hold the bag, but it didn't seem to bother her as she started gulping it down greedily. I stroked her hair as I watched her quench her thirst.

"Thank you," I said abruptly. "Not just for the blood, but for everything, really. You've been there for me since the beginning and I think I've lost count of how many times you saved my life. They way you jumped in front of me when the strigoi were trying to attack me back at the house, the way you risked your life...it scared me. Don't get me wrong, I know you're strong and you can take on more strigoi than most guardians..."

"_But?_" Dimitri prompted.

"But sometimes I worry that one day, you'll get seriously hurt, like you did in the first attack at the school. You were almost taken away. If anything happens to you because of me...I don't think I could ever forgive myself."

"Roza, look at me," Dimitri ordered softly, placing his fingers under my chin as my eyes started to brim with tears. He moved his hand, caressing the side of my face. I leaned into his touch, looking up into his eyes. "That won't happen, okay? If I die, I won't be here to protect you—and I promised you that I would. I'm a man of my word and I won't let anything happen to any of us. Trust me on that."

"Will you at least let me fight by your side if something ever happens again?" I asked.

"If it's absolutely necessary, I will. But it's still my duty to protect you. If I believe you're in immediate danger, you have to trust me. No irrationality or stubbornness. Some moroi get killed because they decide not to listen to their guardians."

"But I'm not a moroi." My smartass comment only resulted in Dimitri's sigh, so I reassured him that I was listening. "Okay, okay, fine. I get what you mean. I need to stop being a danger magnet."

"Mhm. I'm sure you don't need me to remind you about the consequences of endangering yourself." Dimitri raised an eyebrow, chuckling as my cheeks started to heat up again.

"Well then, let's hope I can keep myself out of trouble," I said in a small voice, knowing very well that Dimitri would definitely lend my ass a firm hand if I needed it again. A lot of women would probably think I was crazy for letting him do that, but I didn't care. I had given him consent, and it was something we were both okay with.

"You know, we still haven't really talked about our..._special_ relationship." I emphasized the last part and he got the message.

"We have a lot of things to talk about, but it'll have to wait. At least until we're alone," he hinted, cocking his head at Nevaeh. At this point, she was done drinking and handed Dimitri the now empty bag. He threw it out and grabbed a tissue from the side table before using it to clean up the little red mess on the side of her mouth.

"She's already looking better," I noticed, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"All she needs now is some food. You too, Roza," Dimitri added, running a hand over my empty stomach. It was perfect timing, because just then, the door burst open. The smell of burgers and French fries immediately hit my nose.

Eddie stood in the doorway with the rest of my friends in tow, holding up two large brown take-out bags. "You guys want McDonald's?"

* * *

**What did you think of this one? I know there wasn't really anything crazy going on since it mostly consisted of reunions. **

**Also, since Rose mentioned their 'special' relationship', I just wanted to give you all a quick heads up that Rose and Dimitri _will _be discussing aspects of BDSM in the next chapter and how they can incorporate it into their relationship, and how it can also help her heal emotionally after everything she went through. **

**I hope you're all okay with this, but I'd still love to hear your thoughts. Please let me know!**


	35. Dom-sub Dynamics

**Hey everyone! Thank you all so much for the reviews! I love reading them to know what you think. **

**You probably noticed I just recently added titles to all the chapters. I've never been good at titles so they kinda suck, but I tried. **

**Just wanted to let you all know that there _is_ a discussion of BDSM in this chapter (as I noted in the last one). I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

By the time I was done feasting on my meal, I laid in the hospital bed, completely exhausted from eating so much food. I was hesitant at first, but Dimitri had convinced me to get something into my stomach after not eating for so long. He knew it was hard for me after everything I had gone through, but he wasn't going to let me starve myself. Plus, I didn't actually mind eating some mouth-watering fast food. The alternative was hospital food and I definitely wasn't up for that.

When it was time for everyone to go to bed, they said their goodnights and gave me warm hugs before they left. The only person who stayed behind was Dimitri. He had changed into a pair of sweats and a loose grey t-shirt to make himself comfortable as he would be sleeping in the little sofa bed on the side of the room. It was one of those couches that extended into a bed, and although it was probably uncomfortable and a little small for him, he didn't seem to mind. He was resting under the blanket and his head was propped up with a pillow as he read one his western novels.

"Comrade," I called, interrupting his read. He looked over at me and smiled, putting his book down as I moved to the side and patted the space beside me. Dimitri peeled the blanket off and walked over before lying down in the open space. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me in close so that I could lie on my side and rest my head on his chest. His other hand found mine and he clasped it over his heart.

"Does this position hurt your chest?" he asked, caressing my fingers in a back-and-forth motion with his thumb.

"No," I responded. We were quiet for the next few minutes, giving nothing but small caresses until I decided to bring up what was on my mind for so long. "I wanted to talk about us. Where we're going to go from here."

"Well, I think the only issue is that as long as you're still living at the academy, we still need to keep it a secret. Most of the guardians at the school know, your parents know, and your closest friends know. But the rest of the students and most of the moroi teachers don't. I may not be your teacher anymore and you're eighteen, but I still don't think we should risk things too much."

"So, keep it on the down-low for now?" I asked.

"Yes. For now."

"I can live with that. But we still need to talk about the other thing. You know, the dom/sub thing." Good god, I sounded so much like a teenager when I said it like that. It was just hard for me to say it out loud. It was something I secretly longed for, but I never really had the chance to explore that side of me.

Dimitri tensed, going quiet for a moment before he spoke again. "Do you still want that to be a part of our relationship? Is it something you're comfortable with?"

"Yeah. I just don't talk about it that often because I'm shy about it. I'm never really shy about anything...but this is different. People think it's a 'taboo' or whatever. Am I fucked up in the head for being into it after being sexually abused?"

"You're not fucked up," Dimitri said firmly. It was rare for him to swear—in English at least—so hearing him say that meant he was being serious. "There's nothing wrong with wanting to explore a different side of yourself. When it comes to power exchange, people misinterpret it as abuse. And while I agree that there _is_ a fine line between abuse and BDSM, they're completely different."

"But I _was _abused...badly. I was always in a position where I had no power. I was helpless and I hated that."

Dimitri sighed and sat up before pulling me up with him as gently as he could. He positioned the pillows behind me so that they supported my back and I could sit up comfortably. "I want to face you while we talk about this. Now, I know you hated feeling helpless and you had every reason to. You had no power. However, in this kind of relationship, you do have power. When we discuss things, whether it be about rules, punishments, limits, what you are and aren't okay with—you have every right to say no to something you don't want. This is where the line is drawn. It's all about consent."

"I know. But, don't you still think I'm...weird?" I asked, looking down to hide my blushing face. This was the first time actually being open with Dimitri about something that was usually so hidden.

"I don't think that at all. If you're weird, then I'm weird too. Let's not forget I'm the one who spanked your ass until it turned red."

Dimitri's remark made me blush even harder. Only he could do this to me. "I feel like that actually helped me. I mean, it hurt like a bitch and I'm not asking for it or anything, but I really did feel safe. I didn't feel afraid and I trusted you."

"Exactly. You trusted me not to hurt you," Dimitri explained. "Some people use it as therapy and I think this might help you heal emotionally. It's not something you can dive into and we'll have to talk about limits, but it could help you. I think it's something you should think about. Just don't rush yourself."

"I think about it a lot. When I was abused, I was always dreading what was going to happen to me. I was always so scared and I felt like my pride was completely ripped away from me. But with you, I don't feel any of that. There's no fear. I don't feel like you're putting me down or treating me like an inferior. All I feel is love."

Dimitri's lips tugged up into a warm smile. His hand reached up and caressed the side of my face while his eyes stayed on mine, never leaving them for a second. "Thank you for trusting me. You know I'd never put you down, Roza. You're not someone I see as being less than me or below me. You're a strong, beautiful woman and I don't think you're inferior. I respect your boundaries and I want you to remember that no matter what roles we take on as partners, you'll always be my equal."

Equals. That was what Dimitri and I were. Even when I was submitting to him and allowing him to take control, he still considered our levels to be the same. It made me realize what BDSM was about. It wasn't about putting another person down or taking away their power. It wasn't about causing fear and torment. It was about expressing a much deeper level of trust and love. I could have that with Dimitri. I trusted him more than anyone and if this could please both of us while also helping me cope with my fears, I was willing to try.

I grabbed Dimitri's hand again. "I think this is something we both need and I want to try. I'll just have to take things slow—like, really slow."

"Of course," Dimitri agreed. "I want you to take all the time you need. Whether it be weeks or months or however long you need. I want you to feel safe and I'm here to support you, okay?"

"Okay," I said, nodding my head.

"With that being said," Dimitri continued, "will you let me take care of you while you're healing?"

I grinned, feeling a little flustered inside as I accepted his request. "Okay, comrade."

"Good. Come here," he said softly, wrapping a hand around my head and bringing my close. His gaze matched mine, and only a moment later, he tilted his head and pressed his lips against mine. A small sound escaped my throat as I wrapped an arm around his neck, sliding down onto the bed until he was half-lying on top of me. His tongue slid past my lips very slightly, so I parted my lips more to grant him entrance. His tongue invaded my mouth, claiming it as his territory. My body ignited at the very thought.

Dimitri's fingers weaved through my hair before he grabbed a handful and pulled my head back slightly. "You're mine, Roza."

"I'm all yours," I whispered, pressing my hips up against him. Dimitri's mouth travelled to my jaw and all the way down to my neck, his breath hot against my skin.

"You have no idea how badly I want you right now," he murmured against my neck. Honestly, he could take me right now if he wanted to. I wasn't afraid or hesitant. I was ready for him and I craved the same things he did. I didn't just want him, I needed him.

"Take me now," I begged him. "Please."

"Believe me, Roza, I want to," Dimitri said, pulling back to face me. His finger traced my bottom lip. "But you're in a hospital bed and you've got a severe injury that just got surgically repaired. We can't have sex now. Plus, I think I'd rather be in an actual bedroom."

I groaned, knowing very well that he was right. Still, it was frustrating. Even if we had our own room, I'd still probably have to wait until I healed. The fact that the doctor said it would be a few months was infuriating.

"How the hell am I going to last this long without sex?" I asked incredulously.

"Hey, it's hard for me too, but I don't want to risk hurting you."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not an eggshell."

"You are for the next few weeks."

"Dimitri!" I whined.

He laughed at my outburst before placing another sweet but short kiss on my lips. "Your body still needs rest so try to sleep. If you need anything, just wake me up. I'll be right here," he said, gesturing towards the sofa bed. I would have been happier with him sleeping beside me, but he probably didn't want to risk accidentally hurting my chest in his sleep. Plus, the hospital bed was probably too tight for the two of us.

"Okay. Goodnight, Dimitri. And thank you," I mumbled, yawning as he brought the covers up to my chin. He repeated the same motion after me, showing me that he was getting tired.

"Ha. Made you yawn," I giggled. Dimitri laughed and leaned down, placing a loud and lingering kiss on my cheek before he left my side and crawled into his own makeshift bed. I could tell his earlier lack of sleep was still affecting him and he definitely needed to rest.

Our sleep was peaceful for the most part throughout the day, but a knock on the hospital jerked me awake. I had become a bit of a light sleeper since my transition, so even small noises like this were enough to wake me up.

I started to sit up and whimpered when my chest was hit with pain. I usually had someone else supporting me when I tried to get up. I didn't even realize how hard it was to do it myself.

Another pair of hands pushed me down immediately, and I looked up to find Dimitri by my side already. I didn't even notice he had left his bed. "Don't you dare," he said. I relaxed and complied, watching him as he answered the next few knocks. He opened the door, dropping his head to see Nevaeh's little figure in the doorway. She was wearing a pair of pink pajamas; one I had never seen her wear before.

"Nevaeh?" Dimitri said, kneeling down so that he could see her clearly. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

"I can't sleep," she said quietly, rubbing one of her eyes.

"Were you having another nightmare?" he asked. I frowned. _Another?_

"Yeah," she mumbled.

"Okay. You can sleep here." Dimitri slid his hands under her arms and picked her up before closing the door. She noticed me watching her and smiled brightly at me.

"Who gave you those pajamas?" I asked her enthusiastically.

"That guy...I forgot his name. Oops."

"Abe," Dimitri finished for her, sitting down on his bed.

"Oh. That's nice of him," I remarked. Dimitri slid up against the wall to give Nevaeh space. I started laughing when she grabbed his hand from behind her and practically yanked him forward so that his chest was right against her back.

"Cuddles!" she exclaimed. Dimitri protested at first, but when she turned over her shoulder and gave him her puppy dog eyes, he gave in and changed his mind.

"Okay, fine," he said, letting her curl up to him. There was a ridiculous smile on my face as I watched him pull the covers up and hug her protectively, keeping her warm and cozy. He placed a kiss on the side of her forehead before resting his head on the pillows. The amount of affection he was showing her made my heart flutter. I wouldn't be surprised if she started seeing him as a dad.

Nevaeh smiled at me again as she snuggled up and made herself comfortable. "Goodnight, everyone. I love you."

"Love you too," I whispered back.

"Love you," Dimitri repeated to her with another yawn. I smiled to myself again before finally drifting off.

* * *

The next few days weren't exactly in my favour. I had been discharged, but the doctors had put me on bed rest. I kept wanting to get out of bed which made Dimitri's job of taking care of me much harder. No matter how difficult I was though, he showed no signs of backing down. He intended to make sure my ass was glued to the mattress we had been sharing.

But not today. Today, he was at a meeting in one of the board rooms as we were supposed to head back to the academy in a few hours. So, he had asked Eddie, Lissa, Adrian and Christian to make sure I stayed out of trouble while he was gone.

It didn't work.

Despite the doctor's orders, I resorted to packing my own bag. It wasn't like I had to lift any heavy objects and I just _had _to move around before I lost my damn mind.

Lissa had been pretty much chasing me around the room while Christian tried to get me to sit down. Eddie and Adrian were helping me pack, but they were throwing everything into my bag rather than folding things first.

"This is why I need to pack my own bag!" I exclaimed, pulling out the now wrinkled clothing out. I noticed the makeup brushed mixed in and shot Adrian and Eddie an annoyed look. "You mixed my makeup with my clothes?!"

"Is there supposed to be a separate bag?" Eddie asked. I didn't even answer him and stormed over to the bathroom to pick up the rest of my utilities.

"Rose, slow down! You're going to hurt yourself," Lissa said worriedly, following me into the bathroom.

"I'm perfectly fine," I protested. "You guys should be packing your own things."

"We already did that last night. Unlike you, we don't leave everything to the last second," Christian said, lifting a brow as I passed him in the doorway.

"Watch it, buddy. I may be injured, but I can still take you on if I want to," I threatened, pointing one of my makeup brushes at his chest.

Christian grinned. "How cute. It's like watching a hamster squeal at a Pitbull."

I threw a pillow at him. "I am not a hamster!"

Eddie shook his head. "What's Dimitri going to think when he catches you running around?"

"Well, Dimitri's not here."

I could feel pain start to form in my chest now, but I ignored it. I knew I should have been listening to my friends, but staying in bed was driving me crazy. I had always been the impulsive girl that liked doing something physical. I was so _bored._

My harsh breathing was probably noticeable, because my friends were getting serious now. Adrian and Christian forced me to sit down on the bed while Eddie pulled out his phone and started calling Dimitri.

"Eddie! Don't you dare!" I shouted, struggling against the arms that held me.

"This is what happens when you put Rose fucking Hathaway on bed rest," Christian muttered.

"I'm leaving this room." I burst out of Christian and Adrian's arms, heading for the door.

"No, you're not!" Adrian tried to stop me, but I was too fast for him.

"You can't catch me!" I laughed, twisting the door knob. I was ready to run out, but instead, I bumped into a very tall, muscular figure. I looked up into Dimitri's eyes and my smile faltered.

"What's this I hear about you disobeying orders?" he asked, crossing his arms. The way Dimitri was looking down at me suddenly made me feel three feet tall.

"I-I was just...trying to get some fresh air into the room," I told him, backing up slightly as he walked inside. I heard people laughing behind me and a hand on my shoulder.

"Good luck, Rose," Adrian whispered in my ear. I got laughs as well as some looks of sympathy as everyone else left the room, leaving me alone with Dimitri.

"I'm gone for one hour, and you're already getting yourself into trouble," he stated calmly.

"I mean...are you surprised?" I asked, unable to hide my laughter. Dimitri could barely hold his own amusement back.

"I'm giving you five seconds to get back into that bed, or I'm tanning your ass again."

"Hey! You can't do that. I'm _so _injured," I said mockingly, putting my hands up on my surgical sight and acting like I was hurt despite the fact that I had literally just spent the past hour being physical when I should have been resting.

"Five," he started, taking a step towards me.

"If I stay in bed any longer, my body is going to look like a rotten apple!"

"Four," he continued, ignoring my protests.

"Dimitri, I swear to god—"

"Three."

"I will spar with you in this bed!"

"Two..."

"Comrade!"

"One."

Before Dimitri even had the chance to get his hands on me, I promptly sat down on the bed, putting my hands on my side to steady myself. I looked up at him mischievously and burst into a fit of giggles. Dimitri rolled his eyes before he loosened up and started laughing along with me.

"What am I going to do with you?" he asked, squeezing my cheeks in between his hands.

"You can start by letting me finish packing." As soon as I tried to get up, Dimitri pushed me down again. I leaned back as he came closer, hovering only a few inches above my face.

"Now, Roza, listen to me very carefully. If you don't stay here, I might have to tie you up."

I stopped laughing and bit my lip, speaking softly. "Maybe I like getting tied up."

"Oh really?" Dimitri asked, pushing me all the way down. He grabbed both of my wrists and brought them above my head, pinning them there. It was his first time actually doing that, but I didn't sense any fear or uncertainty inside. If anything, it made me excited.

"You know," he whispered, kissing my jaw, "I still technically owe you a spanking."

"I thought you were all worried about my injury," I said coyly. Dimitri lifted his head, looking down at me with a smile.

"I am, but I'm also a very patient man, Roza. I'll wait until you recover first. Then I'll lay into you."

I sighed, relaxing against his touch. "There's no way you'll remember that."

"Oh, believe me," Dimitri murmured, kissing me softly. "I'll remember."

* * *

Dimitri had packed the rest of our things while ordering me to stay in bed for the next hour. I was relieved when he finally let me up as we needed to head to the front lobby and wait to board the jet. I was happy to finally be able to leave and return to the academy. It would be a while until I got back into my regular combat, but I would be in a place I was much more comfortable with, and my parents would finally be a part of my life. I wasn't sure how that would turn out, but I'd have to wait and see.

Dimitri had an arm around my waist for some extra stability as we walked to the front until we were stopped by someone form the hospital. It was Dr. Jones. "Rose! You're leaving soon, right?"

"Yeah. I should be gone in about an hour. Why, is something wrong?"

Dr. Jones pressed her lips into a hard line, glancing between Dimitri and me with a reluctant look on her face. "The man that was helping you—Damian..."

Oh god. I had almost forgotten to ask about him. My head had been so blurred in the past week. He had come to mind a few times, but I thought he would've been fine. If he was dead, they would have told me by now.

"Is he okay?" I asked.

"No," she said. "He lost a lot of blood during the fight. There are other injuries and his body is getting weaker but he's refusing medical treatment."

"Wait, what about my blood?" I suggested. "I can heal him within hours or even less than that."

"He doesn't want that either. He doesn't want any form of treatment no matter what we tell him, but he was asking to see you before you left. I think you should. He doesn't have much time left."

I felt my chest start to tighten as I took in the news. Why was he refusing treatment? Did he want to die? I hoped not. I had been the one to drag him into this mess. Deep down, I didn't want him to die.

I looked up at Dimitri who was watching me sympathetically. He patted my shoulder, nodding his head. "Go see him. I'll let you know when we board."

"Thank you," I whispered. Dr. Jones guided me back to the hospital of the institution, staying silent until we reached the ICU. She led me to Damian's room and opened the door.

"I'll give you two some time alone," she said. I nodded gratefully and closed the door before facing the man before me. He had been sleeping, but hearing me come into the room caused him to open his eyes. He was covered in a thick layer of sweat, and his body was trembling. All the colour from his face was drained and his lips were beginning to crack from dehydration. His skin was so deathly pale that it literally scared me. I had never seen a human look so sick and weak. I realized, at that moment, that Damian was dying.

And he didn't want to be saved.

* * *

**What did you think of their talk? Was it okay? I wanted to touch on the emotional aspects rather than just the physical side of BDSM. **

**Also, I know the ending is a little different and I just wanted to say the next chapter isn't very happy. It was a little hard for me to write. Anyways, thank you for reading and let me know what you thought!**


	36. Damian's Fate

**Hello my lovely readers! Thank you all for the reviews. They mean a lot to me.**

**This chapter was tough on me haha. I would really love to know what you all think of it. There's an important question on the author's note at the bottom and it'd be great if I could get some opinions.**

**Also, regarding the question about whether Rose can get pregnant with Dimitri: I've thought about that too and it's definitely a possibility. I'm not sure if I'll make it happen since Nevaeh is in the picture but I'll have to see. Anyways, here's the chapter :)**

* * *

I approached Damian's bed and cautiously sat down on the space beside him. I reached up and placed a hand on his forehead, flinching when I realized how hot it was. Damian was shivering, but his fever was very high. I started to doubt whether he would actually live. Well, if I didn't heal him of course.

"Hey," he whispered, smiling slightly. Even his voice was raspy. "You actually came."

"Of course I did. I couldn't leave without bugging you one last time," I joked, trying to lighten the mood. At least I got another smile out of him. It was rare to ever see that on him.

"You look better," he remarked.

"The doctors here took good care of me," I told him, brushing some hair away from his forehead which was covered in sweat. The motion seemed to comfort him, so I continued. I went for a serious look when I saw his eyes close. "Speaking of that, Dr. Jones was telling me you're refusing treatment."

Damian opened his eyes again and shrugged. "Just let nature take its course, I guess."

"Damian, I'm serious. You could be recovering right now and you're making a stupid decision. If you could just take a sip of my blood, you'll be better in no time."

"I don't want your blood," he said, letting out some harsh coughs. He turned to the side and I rubbed his back for support.

"Why won't you just accept the help? You helped me, remember? You did something good. You helped me get my little girl back. You helped me when I was about to go crazy in the club, and you saved my life when Sebastian was trying to kill me."

"Exactly," he gasped out. "I helped you. Now, it's time for you to do the same by letting me pass. I've done some horrible things to you and to others in the past."

"Forget about that. Just forget it, okay? It's not like you raped or abused anyone. You were just taking orders because you were powerless. You're not as bad as you make yourself out to be."

I was really starting to regret my earlier words to him whenever I was angry. I always took everything out on him because I was mad at him and mad at myself. I always blamed him for not trying hard enough to help me, but I should have taken into consideration the position he was in. I could understand why he felt so powerless with Sebastian and his guards. Damian was young, new, and constantly picked on for being seen as a weak member of the business. Sebastian had threatened him several times if he disobeyed.

Regardless of his past, Damian wasn't the same person I had met at first glance. He wasn't cold hearted or evil. He had become a good person and the fact that he was refusing to live because he felt like he didn't deserve to broke my heart.

"What's the point?" he asked, breaking my train of thought. "Let's say you heal me. I'll just end up in another jail cell for ten years, get beaten up and have my inmates spit in my food again."

"Well...we can figure something out. Maybe we can lower your sentence or put you somewhere else. My father has a lot of connections. He can talk to the authorities."

"Rose," Damian stressed, "you don't understand. The law may have a lot of grey areas, but there are no exceptions here. That's just how things work. You think the judge is going to warm up to me and think I've turned into such a nice guy? No. The crimes I've committed are all there."

"That doesn't mean you deserve to die. I don't want you to die. I'm not...ready to say goodbye."

Damian actually looked sad now. He usually kept all his emotions hidden, but today, he was showing everything. He was letting himself be vulnerable in front of me. "I helped you," he croaked. "Now it's your turn. Please, I don't want you to heal me. I just want you to respect my decision."

It wasn't in me to let someone good die. Damian was complicated, but I didn't see him as a bad person anymore. He made me believe that some people could change for the better. It hurt me to know how much pain he was in. If he really wanted me to respect his decision, he could at least accept some kind of compromise.

"Will you at least let me take some of your pain away?" I asked him, holding back my tears. I couldn't physically take his pain away, but I could use compulsion. I could make him believe he wasn't in pain.

"Okay," he whispered. Seeing his face while he was dying was hard enough for me, so I walked around the other side of the bed and crawled in behind him. I propped myself up with some pillows and held his head against my chest, reaching out to grab one of his hands. They were both freezing and trembling, so I gave them a tight squeeze.

"You don't have to do this for me," he said, coughing again.

"Shh. I want to," I said honestly. "I'm the one who dragged you into this."

"Please don't blame yourself. If you hadn't done that, I would still be in a jail cell and I'd still be useless. You gave me the chance to redeem myself. You gave me the chance to save someone I care about. It's the least I could do...I did so many horrible things before. I'm so sorry, Rose. I really am. I never wanted things to turn out this way." I could hear his voice start to break and I figured his human emotions were getting to him. I didn't look, fearing I might break if I did, so I simply stroked his hair.

"It's over, okay? I forgive you now."

"You shouldn't forgive me. I'm a criminal."

"Stop," I told him, using a firmer tone this time. "Forget all of that. I forgive you, Damian. I know I've been harsh on you before, but I don't hate you." In fact, I had grown to like him. Not in a romantic way, but since we started working together, I had started to care about him.

I started using my compulsion on him, but I didn't say anything. I didn't need to. It was strong enough to affect him without actually needing eye contact. It took a good amount of concentration and effort, but it was worth it. He started relaxing within minutes.

"Do you feel anything? Any pain?" I asked him, still focussing on my mind control.

"No," he answered softly. His fingers tried to grab mine, but his grip was weak. "Your hand is so warm."

"Good," I murmured. Damian went silent again, taking slow and deep breaths as I soothed him.

"Can I tell you a secret?" he asked. His question took me by surprise, but I answered him anyways.

"Of course."

"Don't take this the wrong way," he said shakily, "but I think you're pretty. Really pretty. I always thought you were. You're even more beautiful on the inside."

I didn't really know how to respond, but I didn't take it the wrong way like he thought I would. I knew Damian was attracted to me in some way, but he didn't see me as a sexual object. It was obviously a compliment and I believed him. I figured he was also saying things he wouldn't usually say because he was dying.

"Also, to answer your question, yes."

Okay. Now I was confused. "What?"

"The night you went undercover, you asked me if I liked you. The answer is yes." He laughed for a second, letting out shaky breaths. "I'm sorry I can't help you anymore. I would if I could, but at least you have your friends and family—something I don't have anymore. Keep them close. Dimitri too. He's good for you, Rose. He'll always protect you. You should let him."

Once again, I didn't know how to respond. I was left feeling a little speechless. I always had a suspicion that Damian had feelings for me, but I never thought he'd actually say the words out loud. I wasn't sure how to feel. I cared about him, but I didn't feel _that _way about him.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but over time he moved his head around while his breathing increased. It was almost as if he was having a nightmare despite being awake. I tried to calm him down, but something was bothering him.

"Is Nevaeh okay?" he suddenly asked, his heart rate increasing.

"She's okay," I ensured him. He relaxed again and his pulse slowed.

"Y-you'll take care of her, right?"

"Of course I will. I promise you she's safe."

"I have to protect her," he said. There was impulsive edge to his voice that made me question whether he was actually in his right mind. "Where is she?"

"Relax. Damian, she's safe. She's going to go with me."

"No, I have to find her. I was supposed to find her. I was supposed to be there for her. I promised her mother I would." He tried to get up, but I pulled him back down, holding him tightly.

"You have. You did everything you could. She's safe and she's happy."

"Please help me find her," he begged. I knew he wasn't himself. He must have been hallucinating, because he didn't seem to remember the recent events. I was getting exhausted from the compulsion now, but I was still determined to take his pain away—so I kept going.

"She is fine. I promise you," I told him. The compulsion seemed to work as he calmed down and repeated my words to himself. His grip on my hand was getting weaker, and his breathing was becoming laboured.

"Will it hurt?" he asked. He sounded so vulnerable. It started to put me in tears.

"No," I promised. "Nothing will hurt. Don't worry about that."

"Okay," he said, closing his eyes again. "Thanks for being here...and for not letting me feel alone."

A tear of my own slipped as I kissed the top of his head. It was the least I could do to offer him more comfort and I knew he would be out soon. I stayed with him for the next half hour, softly stroking his hair and whispering things to comfort him. I even used my mind control tactics to make him imagine things—good things—to put him at ease. I refused to leave his side and did everything I could to make alleviate his pain and fear. It wasn't until his heart stopped beating and the cardiac monitor flatlined that I knew he was gone.

* * *

I barely spoke a word to anyone on the plane. I sat near the window, staring out into the clouds with my knees brought up to my chest. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I was beyond upset. I felt guilty too. I had dragged a human into my mess and gotten them killed in the process. I wasn't sure how I was going to forgive myself.

It had been about an hour in when someone sat in the empty seat next to me. The familiar smell of Dimitri's aftershave hit my nose. I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, taking me by surprise. "About Damian. I know that was hard on you."

"It's my fault," I murmured, trying to keep myself together. "I got him into this. I wanted to save him, and he didn't want me to...but I should have saved him anyways. It's too late now."

"Roza, look at me," Dimitri ordered, keeping his voice down to avoid alarming me too much. I did as he asked and turned to face him. "Do not blame yourself for this. I know you wanted to save him, but it was his choice. You made him comfortable and he probably appreciated that more than anything."

"I still feel like I could've done something else. He did something good. It's not fair."

"I know," Dimitri said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You took his pain away and you were there for him so that he wouldn't die alone. Don't ever take this out on yourself. I know he cared about you and he wouldn't want you to do that to yourself."

I looked away again as the tears started to come down. I couldn't hold them in anymore. My emotions hadn't really hit me that hard until now. It was like getting slapped in the face. The harsh reality was setting in and it was actually affecting me now.

"I don't understand why it's hurting me so much," I whispered. "Not just this, but...everything. Everything hurts."

Dimitri wrapped an arm around me, pulling me into his side. "I think you're overwhelmed. You've been through more than anyone should ever have to. Remember, a man you cared about just died in your arms. You have every right to be upset."

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time. I've witnessed my own friend dying in my arms. I've killed dozens of strigoi. Shouldn't I be numb to this kind of thing?"

"You think guardians are numb because of what they go through?" Dimitri asked.

I didn't answer him, so he filled the silence. "Roza, just because we don't show our emotions doesn't mean we don't feel anything. Unless you're a strigoi, it's impossible to be completely numb to pain. I think what you need is a really good cry."

"No. I shouldn't be crying," I muttered, shaking my head. "Crying makes me look weak. Maybe I am. Damian got hurt because I wasn't strong enough to save both of us."

"You are _not_ weak," Dimitri said, trying to emphasize his point by cupping my face and forcing me to look him in the eyes. "I don't think you realize how strong you are. You've accomplished more than most guardians I know and you're only eighteen. I'm so, so proud of you, Roza."

A part of me felt really flattered that he had so much faith in me, but it was hard for me to think the same way. He was right, but it was hard to think about accomplishments when people around me were dying. Unfortunately, this was what life was like for most guardians. I wasn't even a guardian but I was experiencing the same heartache they had to go through. And, as much as I tried to deny it, I had seen and been through so much trauma that it made me somewhat mentally unstable. Sometimes, it made me question whether I even wanted to be a guardian if I was given the choice again. Dimitri being my guardian could actually be my holy grail to having a life with him.

I came back to the present, replying to Dimitri's words. "I wouldn't have been able to take down so many strigoi without your training."

"I may have been the one to teach you how to fight, but it's your own bravery and drive that makes you so amazing. You may be impulsive and crazy at times, but you have a strong will to fight and survive. I mean, come on, when did you ever see a dhampir pull someone's heart out?"

Despite my tears, I allowed myself a brief moment to smile. "Actually, that's a strigoi thing. I don't think I could've done that before."

Dimitri shrugged. "Well, it's still pretty cool."

I smiled again before my expression faltered. There were still so many things on my mind and talking about it seemed to help me. "I still get nightmares. Sometimes, I wonder if they'll ever go away."

"Do you want to talk about them?" Dimitri suggested. "If it's not too much for you, it might actually help to talk about it."

"Well...there was this one dream I had a while ago, but sometimes I still think about it. Remember the night I was rescued from the house?"

Dimitri's eyes moved away as he replayed the memories before nodding his head.

"Yeah. When we were on the plane, I had a dream that I was back in the experimentation room. There was a little girl on the table and she was strapped down. She had the same features as me, but she was really young. She kept begging me to help her, and when I came closer, I realized it was me, just as a child. I stabbed her in the heart and I couldn't stop it from happening. It was like my body was being controlled and I was helpless. She kept begging me to stop, but I couldn't. It was awful." By the time I finished spilling out the little secret, there were new tears in my eyes.

"Maybe it was because of how powerless you were feeling at the time. Maybe, deep down you knew you needed help but you were afraid to ask for it."

I nodded. "I was thinking the same thing. Maybe the younger version of me was just the part of me that was so afraid and vulnerable. Stabbing her against my will could have been the part of me that had no control. All those other dreams were usually about getting abused or...raped again. It's terrifying to relive those memories. They all feel so real."

"And it's like this every night for you?" Dimitri asked, lightly stroking my head with his fingers.

"Almost every night," I admitted. "Lissa's seen it a few times. Sometimes she'll wake me up and hold me afterwards. I love her for being there, but it's kind of embarrassing. I don't like it when people see that part of me."

"I get that you don't want to show that vulnerable side of yours, but Lissa will never think you're weak. None of us do. Remember, we all love you."

I managed to smile again even though my lips didn't reach my eyes. I leaned closer and nuzzled my face into the crook of Dimitri's neck. It always felt so good to be next to him, and the fact that I could spill my feelings out to him and not feel judged or uncomfortable was a relief. Dimitri had spent months trying to get me to open up to him as much as I could without pushing me too much. There were still a lot of things I held inside that I hadn't told him, but it was progress. I rarely talked about what actually happened in the bloodwhore dens and my time getting sexually abused since it was so hard to talk about. Dimitri knew it was a lot for me, so he wasn't pushy about it, but he still wanted me to open up whenever I was ready. It wasn't that I wanted to keep things from him because I knew at this point that he wouldn't judge me or be disgusted with me. It was just difficult to share those memories without crying or breaking down completely. On the other hand, maybe Dimitri was right. Maybe it was best if I just let myself break down instead of constantly holding things in. I knew without a doubt that if I did come to it again, Dimitri would always be there to hold me in his arms.

"Mommy?"

Dimitri and I broke apart for a second and looked towards the aisle. Nevaeh stood there, still wearing her pink pajamas. "I was looking for you," she said.

"Do you want to sit here?" Dimitri asked her. She smiled and nodded, but before he could even get up, I grabbed his hand and pushed him back down.

"No, stay. She can sit on my lap," I suggested. Dimitri accepted my idea and instead picked Nevaeh up effortlessly and placed her on my lap. Her legs dangled off my thighs and she swung them a little bit, occasionally poking Dimitri's thigh with her toes.

"You look sad," she noticed. I realized I still had some tears left that I had forgotten to wipe off. She did the job for me as she tugged on her sleeve and patted the material on my cheeks. I couldn't help but smile and laugh a little bit. She was so sweet.

"You don't have to do that," I said.

"I want to. When you're sad, it makes me sad. Do you need a hug?" she asked. Somehow, her voice always sounded so adorable and innocent. I knew I wouldn't be able to hear a voice like that when she grew up, so I cherished it while I could. I let her hug me, and she threw her arms around my neck. I would never forget how comforting her hugs were. She was a bubble of love and warmth. I knew being kidnapped and put in harsh conditions would affect her badly, and I would do anything to make her happy.

"Why don't we go shopping when we get back?" I asked, pulling back. I glanced at Dimitri who seemed a little surprised to hear me suggest going shopping of all things considering what happened last time. I couldn't be afraid forever. I needed to get out and do things rather than let my fears control me.

"Shopping?" Nevaeh repeated, giving me a confused look.

"Yeah. Maybe in a few weeks, after I heal a little bit more. I'll buy you some new clothes."

"Really?" she gasped. The smile of excitement on her face couldn't have made me happier. Clothing wasn't something I expected her to be so optimistic about.

"Mhm. I'll get you some cozy sweaters and blankets for the winter," I told her, twisting a strand of her hair in my fingers.

"Speaking of blankets," Dimitri added, standing up from his seat. He opened up the overhead bin above our seats and pulled out the same warm blanket he had once covered us with the last time we were on the jet. He unravelled the material before covering both of us with it, tucking it around us so that we were warm and comfortable.

"Thank you," I said, smiling at him gratefully as he sat back down. Nevaeh leaned towards my right side, resting her head near my collar bone. I kept my arm around her, holding her securely.

"Mommy?" she whispered. She was getting tired, but there was curiosity in her voice too.

I tilted my head and continued to stroke her hair. "Yes?"

"What are those marks on your arms?"

I tensed, my fingers going still in her hair. Her question was totally unexpected. I didn't want her to know I had harmed myself—nor did I want her to even know what that meant—so I lied.

"They're just...um, battle scars." Well, that wasn't entirely a lie if battling with myself counted.

"Oh. A lot of girls back at the house had them. I saw some of them hurting themselves with sharp things. I don't know why," she said. I shot Dimitri a worried glance who had his eyes fixed on Nevaeh, but he noticed my worry. He was worried too and I caught him unconsciously looking down at my arms. The cuts that were once there were now scars, but they were visible on my pale skin.

"Don't try to understand it," I said firmly. Maybe she would understand it when she was older, but not now. "Whatever you saw those girls doing—it's not healthy and it's not okay. Don't ever do what they did, do you understand me?" What _I_ did, I thought shamefully. I hoped that she never, ever resorted to hurting herself. Not my baby.

"I understand," she said. I wrapped my arm around her again and squeezed tightly this time. I felt like I needed to be close to both of my loved ones, so I reached out with my other hand and slipped it into Dimitri's.

"Can you take her back to her seat before we land?" I whispered to him.

"Of course," he said. I smiled gratefully before resting my head on hers, staring out into the clouds through the small window.

I couldn't wait to get back home.

* * *

**Hello again. This chapter was really hard for me to write. I know Damian was a made up character, but I feel like he had a lot of character development and writing his death was sad for me especially writing about him in the story from the very beginning. **

**Also, this story is coming to an end soon and I've already written a few chapters for the sequel. Should I post it when this one is over? Would you all be interested in reading it? Let me know.**

**I hope you're all doing well and staying safe. Please let me know what you thought :)**


	37. Making Love

**Hey guys! Happy Easter to all who celebrate. I hope you're all staying safe. Also, thank you for the reviews! There will be one more chapter after this one before I start posting the sequel.**

***The second part of this chapter ****contains explicit sexual content. **

* * *

Not too long after we landed, I was sent to Kirova's office. I wasn't in trouble obviously, but there were things that needed to be discussed regarding the rest of the year at the academy. I wasn't sure if I was going to only stay for this year or if I was going to stay for longer. Lissa was considering another year, and if she stayed, I was going to stay too. I may not have been her guardian anymore, but I still wanted us to stay close and it also gave me more time with Nevaeh since she was probably going to stay here until she graduated.

I was still exhausted from my nap on the plane and so was Nevaeh. I was grateful that Kirova had allowed us to sit on her couch rather than the seats across her desk. Dimitri stood by me with his guardian mask on, but he wasn't as uptight as he usually was when he was guarding. It could have been Nevaeh's presence that made him loosen up a little. She seemed to have that effect on everyone.

Kirova sat on the opposite couch while my parents sat beside her. She had been drinking her cup of tea which had a good amount of blood inside, but it didn't bother me too much.

"I must say Rose, I'm actually glad to have you back. I take it you'll be staying here for the next year or two?" Kirova asked.

"Yes. Well, this year for sure, but the year after that depends on where Lissa goes. I'm pretty sure she's going to be living at the royal court and I still want to stay close to her even if I'm not her guardian." I'd have to figure out a way to stay close to Nevaeh too. Dimitri and I had talked about wanting to keep her close, but it wasn't going to be easy if she was going to grow up here.

"I guess we'll just have to see where things go. Oh, speaking of guardian duties, I'm assuming Dimitri has told you about your new arrangements?"

I nodded, glancing up at him for a brief second. "He has. I just don't really understand how that's going to work without others finding out. Dhampirs rarely have guardians of their own. If anyone finds out he's guarding me, it might raise suspicions. People will know I'm different."

The thought of everyone in the school finding out my secret was a little terrifying. Not only would I be infested with rumours again, but some crazy students might indulge in the idea of having 'powers' and start using me. Or maybe they'd use my secret against me. The only people who knew were the ones closest to me—Queen Tatiana and some guardians as well—and I intended to keep it that way.

"Dimitri is your guardian, but he isn't the only one watching you," Kirova continued. "As long as you're within the wards of the academy, you don't need surveillance 24/7. However, your friend Eddie Castile has volunteered to keep an eye on you as well."

"The two most over protective men in my life are going to guard me. Lovely."

Eddie hadn't told me this, but he probably knew I'd protest. He was just as protective over me as Dimitri was, but for him it was in a brotherly way. He spent a lot of years sticking by my side and treating me like a little sister, so it made sense that he'd be watching me. If he was going to be with me whenever Dimitri wasn't, people would never suspect he was protecting me.

Abe shrugged. "Why not? Dimitri's already known for his outstanding reputation and based on Eddie's skills at such a young age, he's another good fit as long as you two are at the academy. You're both dhampirs and you share the same classes."

"Well, they're going to be spending a lot of time with this little one too. I'll be visiting her everyday," I said, tucking a strand of hair behind Nevaeh's ear.

"All the more protection for her too," Abe pointed out.

"Excellent. Before you go back to your dorm, I want to let you know that a lot of those girls you saved will be staying at the academy in guest housing for the time being," Kirova explained. "They've been asking to see you and Dr. Olendzki has arranged for them to go into individual counselling and group therapy. You should consider joining."

I was about to object, but Abe cut me off. "I agree. I know the idea of going through therapy might not be appealing to you, but there are people who can help you. If you really don't want to go through group therapy, you should at least consider individual sessions. Dr. Olendzki highly recommends it and I think it would be good for you."

"I don't know," I sighed. "I'll...think about it."

"Please give it some thought. We're all here to support you," my mother told me. "You can talk to any of us too. You're not alone, Rose."

"I know, and don't get me wrong, I appreciate it," I told her. "Like I said, I'll think about it."

Kirova stood up, brushing the wrinkles on her clothing. "Very well. With your injury, Rose, you'll be out of any physical training for the next month, depending on how well you heal. If Dr. Olendzki thinks you're okay, we can sign you up for physical therapy. We'll give you some time to relax until you feel ready to return to classes and finish up the semester. Before you go, I wanted to let you know that we've arranged a feeder for you. She'll stay with you for the year so that you're both comfortable. You'll need a guardian to go with you and for the sake of protecting your secret, you'll also need a moroi so that it doesn't look suspicious—someone you're close to that is aware of your situation."

I nodded. "I know a few. Thank you for this, headmistress. It helps me a lot."

"I'm glad it does," she said. Before we left the room, Kirova called out to me again. "If you need anything, Rose, my office is open."

* * *

I had stayed in my dorm for another week after we got back. It was even more boring than I had imagined, but I was healing fairly well and Lissa was there to keep me company. We had separate bedrooms, but most our time together was spent on the couch in the main room.

Well, except for today. She wanted to spend the day sleeping with Christian and I had encouraged her to do so. She had been hesitant to leave me alone at first, but I ensured her I was fine and that I could take care of myself. I always felt a little paranoid when I was on my own now, but it was nothing serious and I figured it was just my mind playing tricks on me.

I stayed up for a few hours, constantly wondering when sleep would finally come—but it didn't. I wasn't sure what it was, but something was bothering me. It wasn't my senses and it wasn't paranoia. It wasn't my chest wound either. I thought it was my hormones or maybe that my period was starting soon. Or maybe I just needed fresh air.

I wasn't really supposed to leave my room at this time, but it was the best time to get out and take a walk. Everyone else was in bed at this point, so I left my room, wearing only a pair of black sweatpants and a burgundy t-shirt.

It was getting colder out, but it actually felt a little refreshing at the moment. The campus was empty for the most part and I managed to avoid the guardians that roamed the building during their day shifts. I found an empty space—surprisingly free of guardians—and let my back hit the wall behind me. I slid down, letting my butt rest on the cold pavement below. I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, leaning my head back against the wall with my eyes closed.

I wasn't sure how long I was there for, but the time I spent trying to clear my head was interrupted when a Russian accent broke the silence. "What are you doing?"

My eyes fluttered open and I abruptly turned my head to face Dimitri. He wore a black wool coat that had buttons going down the middle, and its length stopped at his mid-thigh. I was used to seeing him in his duster, but with the weather changing, he probably opted for something warmer now that it was getting colder out. It looked quite nice on him. Actually, everything did.

"I thought I'd get a breath of fresh of air," I replied.

"It's way past curfew," he informed me, holding his hand out. I gladly took it and let him pull me up before brushing the tiny specs of dirt off my sweatpants. Dimitri unbuttoned his coat before taking it off completely to drape it over my shoulders.

"Dimitri, you don't need to do that. You'll get cold."

"Hey, don't fight me on this one. You already broke curfew rules."

I sighed, accepting the warmth of his coat that my body seemed to love at this moment. "Are you going to report me so that I get punished for breaking academy rules?" I asked, tugging the side of my mouth into a light grin.

Dimitri patted my arm, giving me a mischievous smile. His accent was a little thicker when his next words came out. "I have my own ways of punishing you, Roza."

I shivered when the double meaning behind his words set in. I always got oddly turned on when he spoke to me like that, but I never really shared that with him. I didn't have time to think about it before he spoke again, this time a little more serious.

"Really, though. Why are you here? You should be in bed."

"I can't sleep," I said reluctantly. "Believe me, I'm trying, but something is keeping me up."

"Bad dreams?" he guessed, frowning. It wasn't unusual for me to have nightmares at this point, but he was still concerned for me every time.

"No, not this time. Shouldn't you be in bed too?"

Dimitri seemed to notice my change in subject. "I'm on duty but my shift just ended. I was heading back to my apartment but I saw you here." He paused, studying me as if he was trying to read my mind. Even though he didn't have the power to do that, he knew me too well—and he somehow knew exactly how to help. "Would you like to join me?"

"Are you sure?" I asked, a little stunned that he was willing to risk such a thing. Everyone was asleep, but I hadn't expected that.

Dimitri nodded and moved closer, pressing his hand against my lower back to guide me. We started walking towards guardian housing. "Why don't you tell me what's bothering you?"

"I don't know what it is...I'm just frustrated, I guess." That wasn't a lie. I did feel some kind of frustration, but I couldn't particularly describe what it was coming from. Maybe it was from the lack of physical contact we had from the past week.

_Maybe you're sexually frustrated. _The darker part of my mind was starting to creep out and I immediately tried to push it away. I hadn't had sex with Dimitri since the cabin. That was so long ago. Perhaps my body really did crave sex with him again, but I didn't want him to think I was desperate. Since the brothel situation, my sex drive had been laying low. I used to be afraid at the very thought of being intimate. I still felt that way, but when I thought about being intimate Dimitri, I wasn't afraid at all.

"Frustrated how?" Dimitri asked, glancing over at me as we continued to walk. I was getting a little embarrassed now. I was open with him, but I couldn't just flat out tell him I was sexually frustrated.

"I probably just need some sleep. My sleep is always better with you," I admitted. Again, I wasn't lying. I did in fact get much better sleep when Dimitri was sleeping with me.

He stayed silent for the next few minutes. We were in the building at this point and I could tell he was still thinking about me on our way up to his dorm. As soon as we got inside, I removed his coat from my body and hung it up nicely on his coat hanger.

"I'm going to take a shower. Make yourself comfortable," he said. I nodded appreciatively, watching him take his shirt off and catching a glimpse of his muscles. A greedy part of me wanted to see more, but I didn't have time as he walked into his washroom and closed the door. I could hear him taking his clothes off and my mind was already starting to cloud with thoughts of his naked body taking a shower.

What the hell was wrong with me? I felt like a horny teenage boy. The more I stared at Dimitri's bed, the more powerful my thoughts became. This was where the love of my life slept everyday. These blankets, these sheets...they enveloped him everyday, and now I could bask myself in them.

I didn't waste any time and quickly changed out of my clothes. I slipped one of his large t-shirts on before crawling into the bed, burying myself under his covers. They smelled like him. The whole bed did. I loved it.

There was definitely some kind of pent up sexual frustration that had been building up inside me. It might have been screwed up after my stupid past, but I couldn't pretend my physical needs didn't exist. I couldn't force those feelings to go away.

Dimitri was still in the shower, so it wasn't like he would be able to see or hear what I was doing. I felt like such a devil doing it in his bed of all places, but I couldn't help it. I propped his pillow up against the headboard, leaning against it for support. The duvet was no longer covering me as I sat up and spread my legs slightly apart. I had already taken my panties off and was now only wearing Dimitri's shirt, but I didn't want to take it off. I wanted to feel him on me.

I slid my hand down to my lower regions, gently caressing my skin to get a feel of myself. My fingers slid through my wet folds, rubbing in a back and forth motion before my middle finger found my clit. My breath caught in my throat as I circled the little bundle of nerves, and I closed my eyes, leaning back against the headboard. My other hand snuck underneath my shirt to grope my breast and give it a tight squeeze. All the while, I was imagining Dimitri doing this to me. I imagined his talented hands exploring my body the way he had so long ago, taking care of me the way he so desperately loved to—and the way I needed.

I was so caught up in the moment that I didn't even realize Dimitri had finished his shower. My moans were quiet, but not quiet enough to hide what I was doing. I heard the bathroom door unlock and opened my eyes just in time to see Dimitri staring at me in the doorway. He only wore a pair of fresh boxers now, giving me a good view of his defined muscles.

I blinked, realizing what had just happened. Dimitri had just caught me masturbating in his bed. Immediately, I felt a very embarrassed blush creep up on my cheeks and I closed my legs, pulling the bottom of his shirt down to cover myself.

"Roza." Dimitri's voice was low, but there was a certain tone to it that made me quiver.

"I-I'm sorry," I stuttered, standing up. "I didn't mean for you to see that. I thought your shower would be longer. I was just...uh, trying to relieve some stress—"

_"Roza,"_ Dimitri repeated, walking towards me. He cocked his head towards the bed. "Sit back down." His tone was calm, but it left no room for arguments, so I obeyed and took my place on the bed again. Dimitri was still looking at me as he sat down next to me on the edge of the bed and caressed my cheek.

"You were touching yourself," he said. Now, I was feeling more vulnerable than I ever had. It wasn't in a bad way considering I felt comfortable with Dimitri, but I couldn't help but feel a little self-conscious.

"Yes," I answered. Dimitri moved closer, watching me to see if I'd react badly. I didn't.

"Is this what you meant when you said you were frustrated?" he asked, running a hand up my leg.

After a few moments, I bit my lip and nodded. "I was, um...imagining that it was you."

Dimitri placed his thumb on my lip, pulling it out of my teeth's grasp. "Do you need help?"

"W-what?"

"Finishing," he clarified. "Well, only if you're comfortable enough."

"I _am_ comfortable with you. I'm just not sure if I'm comfortable with myself," I admitted, wrapping my arms around myself to somehow cover my insecurities. Dimitri tipped my chin up, forcing me to look him in the eyes.

"You're beautiful, Roza. Every part of you, inside and out. Even those little flaws you worry about so much—they're all beautiful and I love every single one of them."

I didn't know how to respond other than a shy smile. Dimitri always managed to make me feel better about myself. I had developed a lot of insecurities over the past few months, but I seemed to notice them a lot more than he did.

"I'll ask you again," he said, leaning closer. "Are you comfortable to go further?"

"Yes." I didn't think twice. I would always let him in—and only him. I desperately wanted and needed to feel his hands on me.

Dimitri's eyes wandered all the way down to my hips, and he placed his hands on top of my knees. "Spread your legs," he ordered. I did as he asked, opening myself up to him for the first time in months. Shyness started to take over again and I instinctively tried to close my legs, but Dimitri's hands only pushed them back. I didn't resist this time.

"Don't do that," he said. "I'll only stop if you tell me to stop. Otherwise, I want you to relax and know with a surety that I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know you won't. I'm just nervous," I confessed, still feeling a little self-conscious.

"I know. That's okay," he said. His hands slid under my thighs and he moved my body down until I was lying completely on my back. "Remember, you can stop me at any time if it's too much."

I nodded to show him I understood, and the next thing I knew, he lowered himself until his mouth was right above my clit. A nearly inaudible moan escaped my throat when he kissed the sensitive nub. He continued with his soft kisses, looking up to watch my reaction carefully.

Without warning, his tongue darted out, catching me by surprise. This was his first time going down on me and it felt amazing. I threw my head back, pressing my hips up against Dimitri's mouth. He pulled away for a second to give access to his fingers. The tip of his middle finger poked around my opening, teasing me for a few minutes before he finally inserted his finger inside me.

"Oh god," I gasped, rolling my hips in anticipation. Dimitri inserted a second finger, moving them around until he found the front wall where my g-spot was. He curled his fingers, making a 'come here' motion with them slowly enough that it didn't yet bring me to an orgasm. I knew he was doing that on purpose and it was driving me crazy.

"How badly do you want to come, Roza?" Dimitri asked me. Now, he wanted to hear me say it out loud. I didn't want to let my shyness take over again, so I answered him.

"I want to come for you, Dimitri. Please let me come," I begged. I was so close. I wanted to come so badly. I wanted to let myself go on him.

Dimitri moved up until his face was just above mine, and he kissed me softly, keeping his fingers inside me. He curled them again, this time moving them in a much faster rhythm that had me moaning again in no time. His palm was rubbing fiercely against my clit, and it wasn't long before my walls tightened as I came all over his fingers. I was breathing heavily now as Dimitri pulled his fingers out. He massaged me, giving me a few minutes to relax before bringing his fingers up to my mouth. I already knew what he was implying and parted my lips, sucking greedily on his fingers to taste myself. He climbed on top of me a moment later, propping himself up on one arm while caressing my cheek with the other.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm better than okay. That was amazing. Thank you," I said breathlessly. I was well aware of the bulge in his boxers as it poked the bottom of my stomach.

"You know," he started, "I'm so thankful that you trust me so much. I was afraid it would have been too much for you to be touched like this."

"With anyone else, maybe...but not with you," I admitted. My voice was becoming more needy. "Take me, Dimitri. Please. I can't wait any longer."

"Are you sure?" he asked. He sounded so sincere...no matter what my needs or his needs were, he always wanted to make sure I was okay. I loved him for it.

"I'm sure," I told him. "Make love to me, Dimitri."

He was staring down at me, now gripping my hair tightly. He brought his lips down to mine, pressing them together in a blazing kiss. I melted into his touch again, running my hands through his hair and pressing myself closer to him. I heard him groan, and before I knew it, he had me pinned against the bed. He hovered over me, keeping my hands together in a tight grip above my head and causing heat to develop in between my legs. His mouth trailed down to my neck, smothering the skin with hot kisses. He removed his grip from my hands to pull his shirt off my body, and just like that, I was fully naked and exposed to him. My insecure ass had the urge to cover my breasts, but Dimitri's hands were on my wrists again, pinning them above me.

"Keep your hands there," he commanded, moving his mouth down to my chest. I squealed as he took my left nipple into his mouth and I arched my back in anticipation. He used his hands to pinch my other nipple, and I was once again going crazy as his mouth switched between the two.

"Fuck. I need you now," he muttered, getting up to take his boxers off. It didn't actually take long considering how needy we both were for each other. As soon as he sprang free, I grabbed his hard length and started to move my hand. Dimitri sucked in a breath, letting me stroke him in a firm grip. He pushed me back down on the bed and spread my legs, positioning himself at my entrance. He looked at me first, almost as if he was asking for permission one last time. I nodded, not giving it another thought. I needed him to be inside me, and I knew he did too.

Dimitri kissed me again before he finally thrusted his hips, burying himself inside me. I bit my lip, closing my eyes as he filled me, going all the way in until hips touched mine. It almost felt being a virgin all over again. It had been a while and it hurt a bit, but I figured I just needed to let myself get used to his large size again. Dimitri seemed to notice my slight discomfort and kissed any exposed skin he possibly could.

"I'm right here with you, Roza. I love you so much," he said, placing a small kiss on my lips.

"I love you too," I responded, wrapping my arms and legs around him to keep us closer to each other. He began to move his hips, starting with slow thrusts to let me adjust. As soon as my breathing increased, he picked up the pace. He hit the same spot in me over and over again, bringing me closer to yet another orgasm.

"Fuck," Dimitri muttered, his breathing becoming ragged. His mouth moved down to my neck and he sucked hard on the area that connected to my shoulder, purposely leaving a mark there. I dug my nails into his back, and together we moved in sync, letting ourselves go.

"Dimitri—" My abs started to contract. "I'm going to come again." I couldn't hold it in. Tears sprang to my eyes and I clamped down on him, squeezing him hard as my orgasm washed over my whole body. His orgasm followed soon after that as he shot his load into me, shouting out my name. He collapsed on top of me seconds later, dropping all of his weight in exhaustion.

I felt happy, but I was completely overwhelmed with my emotions and couldn't hold back my tears. Dimitri noticed it almost immediately and propped himself up, clearly concerned. "Roza? Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

I chuckled through my tears. "Nothing's wrong, Comrade."

"Then why are you crying?" he whispered, wiping some tears away.

"I'm just really happy," I said, mixing my cries with my laughs. Damn my stupid emotions. "I haven't felt this way in a long time, so thank you."

Dimitri kissed me again. "You had me so worried for a second. I thought I hurt you."

"You didn't." I gently pushed Dimitri's head back down, encouraging him to lie on my chest. He bent down to kiss the forming scar in between my breasts before resting his head right below my chin. I kissed the top of his head, gently stroking his hair as we both took the time to calm down.

"Dimitri?" I said quietly.

"Hmm?"

"Can we go shopping tomorrow?" I asked. "With Nevaeh, I mean. I promised her I'd go. She doesn't have clothes for the winter and I want to get her some things."

I could feel Dimitri smiling against me as soon as I said Nevaeh's name. "Of course," he said. "But we'll have to go when the sun comes up."

I nodded, murmuring my last few words before we fell asleep. "Sounds like a plan."


	38. Here and Now

**Last chapter! Just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who shared their thoughts. I would also like to thank you all for taking the time to read my story. I can't tell you enough how appreciative I am for all the love and support!**

**This chapter is mostly just lightheartedness and fluff. I hope you all enjoy.**

* * *

The next night was my first night of going back to class. Eddie was in most of them, and I hadn't missed out on talking to him about the whole 'guarding-but-not-actually-guarding' thing. He was optimistic about protecting me, but I made it clear that he wouldn't just be my shadow. I told Dimitri the same thing—that I wouldn't allow him to be my shadow even if he was guarding me.

After classes were over, Dimitri and I headed to the elementary campus to spend some time with Nevaeh before we took her shopping. We had about half an hour until the sun came up, but until then, we couldn't leave the academy.

After picking her up from class, Dimitri and I sat on one of the benches outside while Nevaeh pranced around. After a few minutes, she set her backpack down and opened up the big zipper. I laughed as I watched her reach inside, her tiny form nearly getting engulfed by her bag. She pulled out a few papers which had a variety of colours and some scribbles.

"I drew this all by myself," she said, handing me one of the pages. "It's for you."

"For me?" I gasped, taking the paper. Taking a closer look, I could now see that they weren't just scribbles. These had been drawn and coloured in crayon. The top of the page had a thick line of blue along with a yellow sun in the corner—with a smiley face on it—while the bottom was green. In the middle were two stick figures, both wearing dresses. One small, one big. Their outlines were black, but the little one had yellow hair while the bigger one had brown hair. I realized it was supposed to be a sketch of me and her holding hands. It looked like the kind of thing I used to draw when I was her age, right before my mother sent me here.

"This is beautiful," I told her. It might have looked like the typical four-year-old drawing, but to me, it meant so much more than that. This was special and I wanted to keep it forever.

Nevaeh reached back into her bag to grab something else. She pulled out another sketch that looked almost identical to mine, but this time, the bigger stick figure wasn't wearing a dress.

"This one is for you," she said, handing it to Dimitri. He was caught off guard for a second as he took a look at the drawing. He hadn't expected her to make one for him at all, but he was grateful.

"Thank you, sweetie," he said, smiling at Nevaeh. "You're very talented."

"Really?" she squealed excitedly. "You really like it?"

"I don't like it, I _love_ it," Dimitri said, unable to hide his smile when Nevaeh hugged him. She was a little more hyper than usual today as she went back to prancing around, telling us both about her day.

It warmed my heart to see Dimitri so laid back and happy with her. He even played those stupid hand games you'd play as a kid. He...looked like a dad. It made me a little sad when I thought about not being able to give him children. Dhampirs couldn't reproduce. He would never have a child of own because of me.

I tried not to think about it as we headed back to Nevaeh's room shortly after. Her floors were a total mess—a result of not picking her clothes up. Her pink bed had a few stuffed animals just like it did last time which I thought was cute. Lissa and I both had a toy on our bed too, but we didn't have what we used to when we were kids.

I started picking up Nevaeh's clothes and threw them into the laundry basket. I checked her bathroom, and boy was it tiny. This was definitely suited for kids.

"You have homework?" I heard Dimitri ask behind me.

"Yeah," Nevaeh answered. On her desk was a sheet of the alphabet—the ones where you had to trace the letters first and then practice writing on your own. Every line was empty.

"Nev," I said, tapping my finger on the sheet. She sat down on her chair, her feet dangling as her legs were too short to reach the ground.

"You need to do your homework," Dimitri said, kneeling down to her level. "Do you need help?"

"Mm…kind of," she mumbled. Dimitri looked over his shoulder to where I was now sitting on her bed before turning his attention back onto her work. I flopped onto my stomach and watched them with curiosity.

"We'll do this together, okay?" he offered. Nevaeh was quiet as usual but nodded. She never had parents to teach her these things, so it was understandable that she needed help. Dimitri spent the next few minutes helping her fill out the sheet, and even put his hand around her tiny one to help her trace the letters. Afterward, he made her do the last few lines by herself. Unsurprisingly, her writing was sloppy, but she picked up pretty well. Dimitri gave her a high-five when she was done. "Good job. Are you ready to go shopping?"

"Yes!" Her voice was getting more high-pitched now.

"Before we go," I started, handing her a thick pink sweater, "you need to dress warmly."

"Okay," she agreed, grabbing the pink material in her hands. She changed out of her uniform and slipped on the pink sweater along with a matching pair of pants. This girl really liked pink.

"No jacket?" Dimitri asked, looking around in her closet.

I nodded, sighing reluctantly. "That's what we're getting today."

We headed to the academy's parking garage where Dimitri pulled out a set of keys from his pocket and pressed a button, making one of the SUV's lights flash as it unlocked.

"She'll need a booster," Dimitri informed me, opening the trunk. He reached inside and grabbed the backless booster seat before placing it on one of the backseats. He patted the seat and motioned for Nevaeh to get on. "Up you go."

"I have to sit on _that_ thing?" she asked.

"Safety first, Nev. Come on," he prompted. Nevaeh was never one to be difficult, so she crawled inside and squirmed into the booster. Dimitri buckled her seatbelt in, making sure everything was safe and secure before closing the door.

"Can I just drive for once?" I asked.

"N—"

"_Please_, comrade?" I gave Dimitri my best pout, clasping my hands together. Dimitri was trying to hard not to give in, but the bigger my eyes got, the harder it became for him to resist.

"Fine. One time, but that's it. I'm driving back," he said, handing me the keys. I smiled and kissed his cheek before excitedly getting in and turning the key into the ignition.

"Wait, you _do _have a license, right?" Dimitri asked as he got into the passenger seat.

"Of course! It's just been a long time since I've driven. Trust me, I've got this." I switched the gear and pressed my foot on the gas, slowly pulling out of the parking spot.

"Rose." Dimitri's voice made me stop.

"Yeah?"

"You forgot your seatbelt."

"Huh? Oh." I tried to laugh off my embarrassment as buckled my seatbelt before releasing my foot from the brakes.

"Slowly," Dimitri said as I pulled out of the garage. I drove to the front gates, and as soon as we were cleared, I started driving through the forest.

"See? This isn't so bad," I said, dropping my hands to the bottom of the wheel.

"We haven't reached major roads yet, and you're already speeding," Dimitri muttered.

"So? It's not like there's anyone here to pull me over."

Dimitri looked over at me and shook his head. When the trees cleared and opened up into a major road, he started giving me directions. He told me to turn right, so I waited for a few cars to go by until I could turn and accidentally hit the gas too hard, causing the car to jerk forward.

"Oops!" I squealed. Dimitri let out a breath to try to keep himself calm and I could tell he was on the verge of losing it.

"What have I gotten myself into?" he murmured under his breath.

"It's just a powerful car. I'm fine now, see?" I pointed out, keeping a steady speed.

"You're speeding again."

"Well, it's more fun that way. Plus, you speed all the time."

Dimitri chuckled. "I've been driving for a lot more years than you, Roza."

I scoffed, focussing on the road when Dimitri told me to keep going straight. At the next intersection, the traffic light turned yellow.

_Ah, shit. Do I go? Do I stop? There's enough space, right? Or am I too far away? No, there's enough space. I can make it. _

I was taking too long to decide when I only really had a few seconds. As usual, I did things without thinking. I pressed my foot further down on the gas and sped through the intersection, seeing it turn red halfway. We nearly got hit by another car trying to turn left and they honked loudly.

_"Blyat!"_ Dimitri shouted, fanning his arms out to stabilize himself. I recognized the Russian swear word and started laughing. I had never seen Dimitri of all people look scared, but right now, he looked terrified.

"I'm going to vomit," he gasped out.

"Hey, it wasn't that bad. We're still alive, aren't we?" I asked. Dimitri looked at me incredulously, still startled from my recklessness.

At the next intersection, I had to turn left. As I drove into the intersection, I could hear Dimitri whispering something to himself in Russian, almost like a prayer. I rolled my eyes and watched the traffic ahead of me until a truck approached the left turning lane from the opposite side, ready to turn left as well. The truck was huge and blocked my view from oncoming traffic.

"Damn it. I can't see," I muttered.

"If you can't see, don't go," Dimitri warned.

"What about the people behind me? I can't sit here forever." I started to turn the wheel slightly, releasing my foot from the brakes.

"Rose, don't you dare—"

Too late. I turned fast, getting honked on yet again and causing the next person going straight in the oncoming traffic to slam on their breaks.

_"Der'mo!" _Dimitri blurted out. "Have you lost your mind?"

"Okay, that one was a little overboard. But hey, we got through without a single scratch!"

"I'm never letting you drive again after this!"

Dimitri relaxed after a few minutes, but he was still left completely on edge. He let out a sigh of relief when we finally pulled into the mall parking lot. I looked around for a spot and found an empty one, deciding to back in.

"Do you even know how to park?" Dimitri asked, looking around to check the surroundings.

"Um...yeah." Actually, parking was probably my worst skill. I realized I should have just headed in. As soon as I backed up, the back of our car hit another, resulting in a loud bang. Dimitri froze, eyes going wide. Luckily there wasn't anyone around to see it happen, so I sped away from the area and chose a different entrance.

"Choose a less crowded area and head in," Dimitri said. I found another lot that was farther away but mostly empty, so I parked there and turned off the car. Dimitri snatched the keys out of my hands.

"How," he started, "did you get your license?"

"Well, you see, when Lissa and I were on the run we always needed to be on the move. Lissa...might have given my driving instructor a little bit of encouragement." To be specific, Lissa had compelled the instructor. Lissa passed her test by herself, but we both knew I needed a license too. I had hit a curb during my road test and almost hit a pedestrian which caused an automatic fail, but Lissa had compelled the instructor to forget that it happened and made them believe my driving was great.

"Please don't tell me Lissa used compulsion," Dimitri said dreadfully. My silence already answered his question and he shook his head before getting out of the car. We took Nevaeh out and inspected my parking job. The car was completely crooked and I hadn't even parked within the lines.

"Here's a lesson for you, Nevaeh," Dimitri said, locking the car. "Never drive like your mother."

* * *

So far, Nevaeh was having a pretty good time. She stayed close to us and never broke away from my hand until she started trying some winter jackets on. She seemed to only like light pastel colours, so Dimitri and I handpicked a variety of light pink, purple, and white. They were thick and most of them had furry hoods, so I knew they'd keep her warm for the winter.

"I like this one," she said, looking at herself in front of the full-length mirror. She was wearing the white one I had picked out for her. It was a bomber-jacket style that stopped at her hips and had a fur hood. It came with a matching pair of snow pants that fit her perfectly. I thought she looked adorable.

Dimitri and I stood behind her in the mirror, watching her move her arms around to test out the size. "I think I'll get her this one," I whispered.

"I'll pay for it," he offered.

"No you won't," I objected.

"Yes I will. I feel wrong about being paid to guard you. The least I could do is pay for some of her expenses," he reasoned.

"Dimitri, this kind of stuff isn't cheap. I don't want you to spend so much. You're already sending money to your family."

"I have more than enough for myself," he ensured me. "Trust me. I want to provide and take care of her too."

I felt bad about letting Dimitri pay, but if we were going to take care of this girl, we had to work together. Despite sending half of his income to his family, Dimitri had a lot more money than me from his years of being a guardian.

After paying, we continued our shopping spree, checking different places and clothing stores for children. We ended up buying her a hat, scarf, gloves, and boots. Those were basic needs to keep her warm for the winter, but we also ended up getting some warmer clothes and thick blankets that she could keep in her room. Before we left, I caught her staring at one of the toy stores on the way out. I expected her to beg us to go in as most kids would, but she didn't. She just stared at it, looking around at all the toys displayed at the front.

"Dimitri, wait," I said, stopping us altogether. I lowered myself so that I could hear her and asked, "Do you want to go check out that store?"

After a moment, she nodded, almost looking shy. I smiled and took her hand, leading us all into the store. She let go of my hand and wandered around, curiously looking at the stuffed animals on the shelves. Dimitri and I stayed behind her, keeping a close distance.

"You don't think we're like...spoiling her too much, right?" I asked, keeping my voice down. Dimitri shook his head.

"Not really. She lives at the academy. How often will she actually get to go shopping?"

"I know," I sighed. "I just wish I could give her everything. I don't know if I can be enough for her."

Dimitri furrowed his brows together. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not her real mom," I said sadly. "I didn't carry her in my stomach. I didn't raise her since she was a baby. I haven't adopted her or anything and it's not like I have a legal say in what she can or can't have. I don't even think I can really be a good mother figure. I love her, but I don't know the first thing about being a parent."

Dimitri seemed to understand where I was coming from. He was a lot more ready to be a parent than I was, but this was his first time actually taking on that role. Both of us weren't Nevaeh's real parents—or legally adoptive parents either—but we loved her the same way. I couldn't give Dimitri his own biological children, and that still saddened me, but having Nevaeh seemed to make him happy.

"Nobody expects you to know how to be a parent at eighteen. And you're right—you're not related to her, but you give her what you can. You give her love and security and you want what's best. That's more than enough."

"I want to give her what I didn't have." Growing up, I barely had my mom around since she decided to take on guardian duties. Abe was absent until this year, and although I appreciated my parents for wanting to be in my life now, I wished I could have had them there as a kid too. Parents would always pick their kids up from the academy during the summer or visit during holidays, but I was always alone. It hurt me as a child and I didn't want Nevaeh to experience the same things.

"I'm planning to stay at the academy for the rest of the year, but what about afterwards?" I asked. "I can't live there forever. And...well, I wanted us to live together too—I mean, unless you don't want to."

Dimitri chuckled. "Don't be silly, Roza. Of course I want to live with you. Unless you ask me to leave you alone, I'm not going anywhere. When I spoke to Queen Tatiana, she mentioned wanting to have you live at the royal court, or at least in the area since the wards there are so strong. She wants to keep your race protected and since Lissa is most likely going to live there too, you can still be close to her and your friends. As for Nevaeh, she'll still have to live at the academy during the school year, but we can visit her during the holidays and stay in guest housing. I was also thinking that we could have her live with us at the court during the summer when she's off school. And, if you want, we could teach her some fighting skills—in a fun way since she's young now."

Dimitri had really thought this through. His plan was perfect. She could stay with us during her two months of summer vacation every year, and we could visit her during the holidays and her birthday. It gave her the chance to go to school and still see us.

"What do you think?" Dimitri asked, pulling me out of my train of thought.

"I think it's perfect," I said, smiling happily. Dimitri and I could be together. We could have a family. Lissa would be close to us too. It was over half a year away, maybe more depending on how things turned out, but I was happy with the plan.

Nevaeh had been playing with the same toy for the past five minutes now and something told me she wanted it. I walked over, placing a hand on her hair to get her attention. "What do you have there?"

She held the white teddy bear plush, hugging it against her chest. "It's a teddy," she said sweetly.

"Do you want it?" I asked her. Her face lit up right away, but there seemed to be something else on her mind.

"But you and daddy already got so much stuff," she reminded me. Dimitri raised his eyebrows and I realized it was her first time addressing him as a dad.

"We don't mind. You deserve it, Nev. If you want it, it's yours," I said reassuringly.

Her face lit up again. "Really? For me?" she asked. I nodded and she smiled brightly before hugging me tightly. "Thank you!"

I ruffled my hand in her hair for a second before she broke away and ran to Dimitri to hug him too. "And thank you, daddy!"

Dimitri smiled again and hugged her back. He was only ever this relaxed when he was with me or Nevaeh. With all the problems we had to deal with in our world, I wished we could have more precious moments like this.

I bought her the teddy bear before we left. Nevaeh was more than happy about it and held it in her arms on the way back to the academy. I held Dimitri's hand the entire time until he parked into the garage again. I yawned, stretching out a little bit in my seat.

"Tired?" Dimitri asked, taking the key out of the ignition.

"A little," I admitted. I got out of the car and took the shopping bags out while Dimitri helped Nevaeh out. The bags weren't heavy and they were easy to carry. Meanwhile, Nevaeh held her arms up with her toy still in one hand, indicating that she wanted Dimitri to carry her. He picked her up and perched her on his arm by his waist.

"Why do you always want to be carried?" he asked her lightheartedly. Her only response was a shy giggle before she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Nevaeh loved being carried, but the smile on Dimitri's face was well worth it.

We headed to her room and by the time I was inside, I slipped my shoes off, dropped the shopping bags, and plopped down on her mattress. Kids were usually given the small twin-sized beds, but given her special situation, the academy granted her a double bed instead.

I hardly had any time to relax before Nevaeh jumped in next to me, smothering my face with her new teddy. I laughed and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her in for a hug. Dimitri had taken his shoes off as well as his jacket and approached us, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Can you both read me a bedtime story?" Nevaeh asked.

"Go wash up first," I told her, yawning again. She scrambled out of bed to go to her washroom, leaving me alone with Dimitri. She left the door open, but she couldn't hear us from there.

"She's such a sweetheart," I murmured.

"She is," Dimitri agreed. "She might not be such a sweetheart in ten years though."

In ten years, Nevaeh would be a teenager. I really hoped she'd be a respectful person and not turn out the way I did with my mom. Unlike Dimitri, I had a huge lack of discipline—which, of course, was why he gave that to me when I needed it. If we raised her properly, it might not be an issue at all.

I propped myself up on my elbow, watching her brush her teeth from here. "I think that just depends on how she grows up. I'm still young myself, and I don't think I'd do a very good job at teaching her right from wrong, but I think you can."

Dimitri nodded. "I think so too. Don't worry too much. You're doing an amazing job, Roza. She'll be okay."

I smiled up at him just as Nevaeh finished her little routine. She went back to the washroom to change into her pajamas before walking back and jumping on the bed again. "Storytime!" she said.

Dimitri chose one of the books from the little bookshelf beside her bed and made himself comfortable. She squeezed herself in between us, bringing the covers up while holding her new teddy bear as Dimitri and I held the book up and took turns reading. We were all tired since we had spent hours shopping during our sleeping period, and I eventually stopped reading when I realized Nevaeh and Dimitri had both fallen asleep. We definitely hadn't planned on sleeping in her room of all places, but it was clear that it didn't matter when exhaustion hit you that hard.

I put the book down and rested my head on one of her pillows, taking one of Nevaeh's small hands in mine. She looked so peaceful in her sleep and it made me want to protect her from all the dangers in the world. I wanted her to have a full, happy life with Dimitri and me by her side as she grew. I wanted to live with Dimitri in a little house where we could both grow together as a whole. I could imagine us designing our place together and having Nevaeh help us decorate her future room while she lived with us during her summer vacation.

I wanted it all. I wanted to forget all the horrors of my past, but it wasn't something that went away overnight—or ever, really. It followed me around and haunted my dreams. There were still people out there who knew about me that hadn't been caught. With word about me spreading, I wondered if it would ever truly end. All I could do was live in the present. There was no guarantee of what was going to happen in the future, but for now, I could settle.

I sensed some movement and saw that Dimitri had shifted a little, unconsciously throwing his arm across Nevaeh's body. I couldn't help but smile and brought the comforter up to my chin, snuggling closer to Nevaeh's head. My eyes started to close and I thought I could feel myself drifting off until I heard her soft voice.

"Mama," she whispered, keeping her eyes closed. "Are we going to be okay now?"

Although she was probably half asleep, I could hear hope in her voice too.

"Yeah. We'll be okay." I squeezed her hand, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "For now, at least."

* * *

**Once again, thank you all so much for reading. I hope everyone is doing w****ell during these stressful times. **

***Note:**** the sequel will be posted soon - probably on Sunday. It will deal with Rose's recovery/therapy and her relationship with Dimitri. Some new characters (already from the books) and conflicts will be introduced. ****If you choose not to read it, that's totally okay too. Regardless, I'm so grateful that you have stuck around to read this one :)**

**Love you all, stay safe~**

**\- Catherine**


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